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A man like my father - 6/11/2008 2:47:58 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 4440
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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This Sunday is a very special day for me. It is the day on which we are suppose to honor our fathers.
Last year my church honored my father by having all seven girls on stage sharing what and who our father was to us.
I will never forget how many people came up to me after the service and for the weeks following sharing how much the service touched them.
For a while I wondered why? Why did the pastors ask us to speak? Why were people moved so much by what we shared?
I have come to realize how rare my father was in his love for his daughters.
To us it was normal..........probably because that was how my daddy saw his life.......normal.
To him he was not an extraordinary man....he was just a father. He just did what fathers did.
But he was.........he was the most amazing father you could ever meet.....
His measure was not determined by what he had, did or thought........but by the love he offered........and the relationship he had with us girls.
Once dad was sharing with me old dreams and goals he had.........
I asked him, " daddy why did you give up on those dreams and goals?"
I will never forget the look he gave me.........one of surprise.
"Because I held M in my arms. And nothing else mattered."
That was my daddy.......once he became a father nothing else mattered.....
As we approach Father's day I have been thinking a lot about the person my father was to the world, to me and to the Lord.
This thread is to share the things about our father's which shaped us into who we are today and the role those things play in how we see the person we will marry.
I am looking for a man, like my father, who doesn't see laying down his life for his children as worthy of being honored in church. A man who can't understand why a father would not want to go to a swim meet or concert. A man who's greatest joys involved watching his daughter's grow. A man who values time spent with his children above all else.
What is there about your Father which shapes how you see men in your life?
I realize some did not have father's such as mine. Still those fathers played a role in shaping you into who you are today even if it is by showing you what you do not want in your life.
< Message edited by joy2give2u -- 6/11/2008 2:56:42 PM >
_____________________________
God's Majesty seen through my eyes
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RE: A man like my father - 6/11/2008 3:23:16 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2991
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
I realize some did not have father's such as mine. Still those fathers played a role in shaping you into who you are today even if it is by showing you what you do not want in your life.
thank you for sharing joy ... growing up my father was not involved in my daily life due to divorce, work, etc ... he might call daily for a few minutes and stop over for a visit during the week ... and i'd see him on the weekend ... but there were times when that didn't happen ... and if as a child my love language was quality time, then it wasn't being met ... sometimes we pick up negative behaviors from our environment and replicate them in or own lives, but to me the opposite occurred ... i determined that my daughter would have a father very active in her life ... maybe my genetics already gave me desire to be a very active father, but that experience growing up at the minimum reinforced that desire ...
< Message edited by iwillfearnoevil -- 6/11/2008 3:31:08 PM >
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[Low-Carb] Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheesecake
Photoblogging my life
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RE: A man like my father - 6/11/2008 4:15:16 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2649
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
thank you for sharing joy ... growing up my father was not involved in my daily life due to divorce, work, etc ... he might call daily for a few minutes and stop over for a visit during the week ... and i'd see him on the weekend ... but there were times when that didn't happen ... and if as a child my love language was quality time, then it wasn't being met ... sometimes we pick up negative behaviors from our environment and replicate them in or own lives, but to me the opposite occurred ... i determined that my daughter would have a father very active in her life ... maybe my genetics already gave me desire to be a very active father, but that experience growing up at the minimum reinforced that desire ...
An interesting thought Ed. I have often wondered why some people follow the destructive pattern of their parents and some people decide to do the opposite! What makes one kid of an alcoholic parent drink and another decide not to... or an "absent" parent's child do the same or decide to be very active in their kids life... I'm not sure we will ever know, but it's an interesting concept that it is genetic.
My Father/my (ex)husband. There were few similarities between the two. I'm not sure why I was so attracted to my husband when he was so unlike my Dad, and my Dad was a wonderful man! That sounds bad, but I do not mean that my Ex was not a good person- just very different than my Dad. My Dad was very loving, he too thought family was most important. There is nothing he would not have done for us, he layed down his life/dreams too, much like Joy's father. He (and my Mom) taught me to love, to give of myself, to honor God and my Country and family. He was a good Dad. If there is ever a "next time", I will look for someone much more like my Dad.
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: A man like my father - 6/12/2008 12:16:32 AM
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Anamchara
Posts: 77
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline
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As we approach Father's day I have been thinking a lot about the person my father was to the world, to me and to the Lord.
This thread is to share the things about our father's which shaped us into who we are today and the role those things play in how we see the person we will marry.
I am looking for a man, like my father, who doesn't see laying down his life for his children as worthy of being honored in church. A man who can't understand why a father would not want to go to a swim meet or concert. A man who's greatest joys involved watching his daughter's grow. A man who values time spent with his children above all else.
What is there about your Father which shapes how you see men in your life?
Wow! Excellent thread, I am almost overwhelmed by the thought! I see my father much the same as you have expressed. There are three girls in my family as well, I am 26, and I have two sisters 28 and 30. My dad was very involved in our lives as children and to this day still is. God blessed my mom when he gave her my father. My friend and I were talking about this the other day. Most of the standards that I look for in men were embedded in me from my father since I was a young child. I pray that someday I will meet someone who even remotely resembles my dads character.... I would be a blessed woman if I do. I can also think how I see my biological father greatly reflects on how I see my Heavenly father.
Thanks for sharing your story with us!
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RE: A man like my father - 6/12/2008 12:30:44 AM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3857
Joined: 3/30/2007
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God took my dad to be with him at the end of last August. I've thought about my dad every day since then. It's incredibly painful at times, but it helps tremendously knowing where he is now and that he's healed of his pain. I thank God for that.
I also thank God for my dad. At my dad's memorial service, my brother played a song that they wrote together and then I gave a tribute. The last section of my words focused on my dad's greatest achievement in his life--his family. Words about my dad's love for his family filled the majority of this section of my tribute.
I'd like to share the words I spoke concerning my dad's love for me. Thank you, Joy, for this opportunity.
****
My dad loved me. Deeply loved me. I never went even a second of my life without knowing this truth. Because of that, I've never had to search for love. I believe that's the greatest gift that a father can give to his daughter. I was also always able to talk to my dad about anything. No subject was off limits, and he was always available--listening, sharing, and giving advice. Since I knew that he loved me and since I could always communicate with him, I've never had difficulty comprehending that my heavenly father wants to have the same relationship with me.
****
Thank you, Dad, and thank you, God--my imperfect earthly father and my perfect heavenly father. I love you both!
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: A man like my father - 6/12/2008 8:47:05 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7128
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Anamchara makes a very important point. Usually a woman will seek out a man to marry who is like her father.
As a man I find this to be part of my ministry. I have to be the sort of man my daughter would like to marry. Change that. I need to be the kind of man I want my daughter to marry. NO. Still not right. I need to be the kind of man God wants my daughter to marry.
A father sets the sexual identity of his children. If he is attentive and loving to them, they don't need to seek those things elsewhere (most promiscuous girls and most boys who get trapped in homosexuality have poor relationships with their fathers)
So many have been blessed with good fathers and I praise God for that.
For most of my formative years my dad served as a wonderful example of how not to be a father. While he did a lot of things right he also did a whole ton of things way wrong. So much so that when my siblings and I get together and discuss this we are amazed that the family is not more messed up than it is.
However, I still honor (and love) my father. He was handicapped in that his dad was an even worse father than he was (dad enlisted at 17 just to get away). So at least he was showing improvement. Which was an incredible thing considering he had no positive role model on how to do it. I know he loves us. He just never really learned how to show that. And the rest, well time heals everything eventually.
My job is to be a far better father than my dad ever could imagine being. Fortunately I am blessed in having a perfect role model in my Heavenly Father. What I don't know how to do He teaches me.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: A man like my father - 6/12/2008 10:53:31 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12889
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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quote:
For most of my formative years my dad served as a wonderful example of how not to be a father. While he did a lot of things right he also did a whole ton of things way wrong. So much so that when my siblings and I get together and discuss this we are amazed that the family is not more messed up than it is.
However, I still honor (and love) my father. He was handicapped in that his dad was an even worse father than he was (dad enlisted at 17 just to get away). So at least he was showing improvement. Which was an incredible thing considering he had no positive role model on how to do it. I know he loves us. He just never really learned how to show that. And the rest, well time heals everything eventually.
Can I nearly ditto that without the "personal" things included, and leave it at that?
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: A man like my father - 6/12/2008 2:15:47 PM
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WalkingwithHim2
Posts: 2334
Joined: 12/13/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
quote:
For most of my formative years my dad served as a wonderful example of how not to be a father. While he did a lot of things right he also did a whole ton of things way wrong. So much so that when my siblings and I get together and discuss this we are amazed that the family is not more messed up than it is.
However, I still honor (and love) my father. He was handicapped in that his dad was an even worse father than he was (dad enlisted at 17 just to get away). So at least he was showing improvement. Which was an incredible thing considering he had no positive role model on how to do it. I know he loves us. He just never really learned how to show that. And the rest, well time heals everything eventually.
Can I nearly ditto that without the "personal" things included, and leave it at that?
And Tritto from me
_____________________________
Jesus saves the soul not necessarily the brain
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RE: A man like my father - 6/13/2008 2:29:30 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3352
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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I love my Dad and I always knew he loved me. My Dad was not around much growing up, so the times we did spend together were very special to me and are great memories to this day.
Most of the men I dated when I was young were very much like my Dad, However, the man I ended up marrying was not like my Dad at all. I would have to say that even though we had a wonderful marriage, the things we argued about were things that my Dad was strong in, but my husband was not.
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like everything good collided today" quote from my 9 yr old daughter
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RE: A man like my father - 6/14/2008 4:27:33 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2751
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
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quote:
I realize some did not have father's such as mine. Still those fathers played a role in shaping you into who you are today even if it is by showing you what you do not want in your life.
This is where my father fits. I made up my mind long ago that if I am ever blessed children that they would be treated 1000 times better than I ever was by my own father.
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Buy local, support local retailers.
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RE: A man like my father - 6/14/2008 9:01:16 PM
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RosieCotton
Posts: 1052
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The East and West Coast!
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My dad is a wonderful man. A wonderful father to us, his daughters and a great husband.
I pray to find a man who is very much like my dad.
_____________________________
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
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RE: A man like my father - 6/15/2008 12:17:26 AM
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okrox
Posts: 138
Joined: 4/28/2005
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My ex-h is a very unstable and unsafe person. I was not perfect, by any means, but our marriage never had a chance given the obstacles we started with.
People on the outside of such marriages often say, "Why on earth is she staying? Why won't she just leave?" and so on. That is a very complicated question, and it can sometimes be incredibly hard to leave. It's almost a better question to ask someone who did get out, "How did you do it?"
In my situation, it came down to one thing. Because my father is such a good, decent, kind, loving and gentle Christian man, I always knew
that the craziness and chaos in my marriage was not the way it had to be. I knew that marriages and families can be peaceful and loving and joyful. I knew that not all men are like my then-husband.
All those years of loving and caring for our mother and us kids, my dad didn't know he was saving my life. But he was.
< Message edited by okrox -- 6/15/2008 2:40:26 AM >
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: A man like my father - 6/15/2008 8:47:06 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 4440
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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Father means source.........that is what my pastor said today in church.
Fatherhood is not about having a child........any man can have a child.......fatherhood is about having the heart of a father......a willingness to take another by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master......
Over fifty years ago, my grandmother, who's husband had died when my father was young started a tradition in her family. Since her nine children had no father to spend time with on father's day they spent the day together.
For over fifty years my father's side of the family has had family reunion on father's day.
This year I did not want to go.
Apparently neither did my sisters since four of them did not show up.
I was angry at them for not showing up and leaving me to deal with all the questions.
The first hour of the family reunion was horrible. Person after person came up to me to ask how I and my sisters were doing. Comments were made which cut deep......
"Your father would have loved the weather today......He hated it when it was hot but he still came."
"The reunion is just not the same without your father"
"I almost didn't come it is not the same without your father"
"It seems so strange without your father"
It hurt.......I was done grieving........I didn't want to talk about him not being there.......
I went off alone to call a friend........
They couldn't talk........
I looked where I was sitting..........it was where my daddy always sat.
On a little hill where you could see the swimming area, the volleyball area and the softball area.
Year after year my father would sit there and tease everyone else who were actually playing the games.
His voice was full of fun and teasing.
This year no one played games........the volleyball area was empty......
"Your dad was not just your father Dawn. He had a father's heart for everyone here. They feel as lost without him as you do" whispered God.
My father was not just the glue which held us seven girls together but he was the glue who held his brother's and sisters together.
He was the source of comfort during the storms.
The source of wisdom during times of questioning.
The source of support when money was tight
The source of life when others felt dead
He was a father.
I saw my uncle approaching. Hesitant. Not sure if I wanted to be disturbed.
I smiled and teased him.
The rest of the afternoon I talked to everyone.........I was a source of laughter, smiles and hope.
Fatherhood is not about having a child but creating a family.
Family was the most important thing to my father. Us girls and his brothers and sisters.
Family was not just those who were related by blood. My father welcomed everyone into his family and if they accepted they were family........and he treated them as such.
My mom went to family reunion. I was surprised she went but why I don't know. My parents have been divorced for almost 30 years yet she has not missed a single family reunion.
She had a great time........you know why because she was with family.
That was my daddy. Even though divorced my mother was still family and he always treated her as such.......and his actions dictated how everyone else reacted to my mother.
A father's heart is family focused. My father's heart connected people together as family.
My father disliked traveling long distances but each year, no matter how hot, he went to family reunion because family was everything to him.
I was so self centered coming this year......thinking only my family had been effected.........wondering why we were still getting together.
As I talked to others I realized how many did not really have any family but the people in that room.......my daddy knew this and realized how important being a part of a family is to everyone. Family was everything to him.
A father is the source of a family........He is the glue which bonds people together into a family......
My father taught six grade. When he retired he was giving a book of over 150 letters from former students......graduates, high schoolers and middle schoolers took the time out of their busy lives to write cards and letters to my father......thanking him.
The common theme........how much like a father he was to each of them.
A father's heart is not limited to his immediate family........it reaches out to all who are fatherless.
I think of my heavenly Father.........I think of his heart.
His desire for intimacy. His heart for us to connect into a family. His heart for us to never be alone but know we are connected.......we are family.
A daughter of The Lord Most high.......A daugther of the King of kings.
Growing up all the neighbor kids hung out at our house.......they were drawn to my father......his heart was so huge he treated each as a son or daughter.........
A father's heart has love in reserve to give to others....sons and daughters receive from him.....freely he gives........he is the source of connection........the source of love........
A father heart is for his sons and daughters.
Not every man who has a child is a father but in every family, whether related or not, is a father.
A father is someone who is willing to take the time and effort to help another grow and his greatest love and passion is his family.
When I marry. I will marry a man with a father's heart. A man who values family and who's greatest joy comes from his family being a family.
I love you daddy......thank you for teaching me the value of family........thank you daddy for showing me the heart of a father.
< Message edited by joy2give2u -- 6/15/2008 8:59:23 PM >
_____________________________
God's Majesty seen through my eyes
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