|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 11:40:28 AM
|
|
|
rainrain
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline
|
I am in leadership at my church. Recently I have felt God was leading me to a different church in a different role. I have agonized over this decision, prayed about sought God and feel this is move is in the will of God. My wife has a peace about it and really is excited. The one aspect of this is that my current pastor is going to be really mad. I am at a small church, and very involved in this ministry. It has been a very difficult time for us but we have been very faithful and have work every hard and what ever we have put our hands to do we have done at 110%. Leaving is going to be difficult, not because we are so good or that no one can do what we do...there are plenty of people who can pick up where we leave off. The difficulty in all of this is that I know the pastor is going to do nothing less than assinate us. That is the way he handles people that leave. He will tell every person in the congregation what we did wrong, he will cite our thithing history, and tell everyone our shortcomings and make sure our charecter is shredded. At present I am just sick on the inside from plotting how I am going to face him. The move is a near latieral move as far as money (we are not paid), but it will be in a different role. Same size church, located on different sides of the county. It would take you 30-45 mins to drive from one location to the other and there is no way I would try and take people with me. In fact I plan on keeping the church quite and want to leave on a very quite note. I do not want a dinner or people crying over us or a big deal made.
Any advice or stories of a time when you left a church for a new position and what you went through? Thanks for your help.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 11:47:23 AM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1758
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
I can't imagine why you would want to leave people that you care about under the 'leadership' of such a person. Seriously, what good is this 'pastor' doing them? Is he builing them up in godliness? I would think not, since he is showing a distinct lack of the fruit of the Spirit in his own conduct. I find it hard to believe this would be a healthy environment for anyone.
I think to 'leave quietly' (as a leader) would be a betrayal of trust. They need to learn the lessons of an honest kaffuffle.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 12:11:03 PM
|
|
|
rainrain
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
kaffuffle
Oh no, that is why I want to leave quitely. This is not going to be a good thing. There will be no calling us to the front and blessing us like real churches do. There will be no cards of thanks. It isn't going to be pretty.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 12:25:06 PM
|
|
|
MsLadieb
Posts: 301
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline
|
Rainrain, my husband and I prayed and followed the unction of the Holy Spirit to leave my home church years ago. (He joined the church when we got married)
There were no problems between us and the pastor, no issues whatsoever. It was just time for us to leave. We were growing spiritually and we needed more. We went to our Pastor one Sunday after church as a unit. We asked to set up a meeting with him, he wanted to meet right then. We proceeded to tell him of our decision to leave the church. He got extremely angry with us, especially my husband. He threatened to take away my husband's license to preach. He'd been licensed about 6 mos at that time. We were cool with that. God called him, not man. The Pastor then looked at me and asked me what was my calling? Did I really need to go with my husband? I was floored! To make a long story short, it got kind of ugly in his office, but that only solified the point that our decision was the right one. We left the church, never had one bad word to say about the Pastor or the church. But our names got slandered from the pulpit. You wouldn't believe the phone calls that we've gotten pertainting to that. But we never badmouthed the Pastor or the church. It was just our season to move. That was our response and still is.
My entire family still attends that church and we occasionally visit for special occasions. He speaks to us like we are strangers. But the bottom line is to follow what God tells you to do....not man. Don't miss out on your blessings by being disobedient. Remember delayed obediance is still disobediance. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct you!
~MLB~
_____________________________
"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 2:09:35 PM
|
|
|
kernsfamily
Posts: 797
Joined: 4/26/2006
From: Dallas (originally Detroit)
Status: offline
|
quote:
The one aspect of this is that my current pastor is going to be really mad. I am at a small church, and very involved in this ministry.
if you explain that you've prayed about it...and that God is leading you in this "new direction", then there is no reason for your current pastor to be mad at YOU....or retaliate against you (if he does, then that just solidifies your case for leaving...as there is no reason for being such a bully)
if he is, then, what are you to do? Disobey God's guidance in this matter? If that's what this Pastor insists you do, then HE is the one with "the problem"...not you.
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 2:14:12 PM
|
|
|
hjemerson
Posts: 172
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
|
Pretty much agree with crankiusI But I do pray and hope if all the neg thing happen that you state some day some body will stand up to the man that calls him self the Pastor and AHe learn that not the way to deal with people moving on because of GOD way! I also hope some of the people opu say is in your church will take a stand and at least send you a card/note for you past work. Been in you shoes took 20 yr for us to retrun home for any thing ! Pastor and his family is still bitter !,
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 2:25:19 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1758
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
By a "good kafuffle" I was thinking in terms of, if a brother sins against you... (such as bearing false witness, breaking his word, violating privacy, slandering you) Well, I think we all know what the Bible says to do, and it's not to quitely take up a new position and ignore what this 'pastor' is doing against you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 2:37:55 PM
|
|
|
laura...
Posts: 3278
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rainrain
quote:
kaffuffle
Oh no, that is why I want to leave quitely. This is not going to be a good thing. There will be no calling us to the front and blessing us like real churches do. There will be no cards of thanks. It isn't going to be pretty.
I think leaving quietly would be your first and biggest mistake. I think you should get up at the end of a Sunday morning service and declare to the congregation that you have an announcement. Then tell them all how much you and your wife love them all, how much you have loved ministering there, how much you respect and love the pastor. Then proceed to explain how God is leading you and your wife to minister somewhere else. Explain how you both have been praying and seeking God's perfect will for months. How it breaks your heart to leave them but you must follow God's leading. Ask them to pray for you as you follow God and promise to pray for their ministry there. Promise to keep in touch.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 2:55:56 PM
|
|
|
crankius
Posts: 3755
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
By a "good kafuffle" I was thinking in terms of, if a brother sins against you... (such as bearing false witness, breaking his word, violating privacy, slandering you) Well, I think we all know what the Bible says to do, and it's not to quitely take up a new position and ignore what this 'pastor' is doing against you.
The pastor hasn't done anything yet. If he does, it will be after the OP has left the church. At that point, he could follow Matthew 18:15-17, if he believes it would be edifying and worthy.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
Church Covenants
wepanicinapew 
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 3:09:07 PM
|
|
|
rcjames
Posts: 6724
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rainrain
I am in leadership at my church. Recently I have felt God was leading me to a different church in a different role. I have agonized over this decision, prayed about sought God and feel this is move is in the will of God. My wife has a peace about it and really is excited. The one aspect of this is that my current pastor is going to be really mad. I am at a small church, and very involved in this ministry. It has been a very difficult time for us but we have been very faithful and have work every hard and what ever we have put our hands to do we have done at 110%. Leaving is going to be difficult, not because we are so good or that no one can do what we do...there are plenty of people who can pick up where we leave off. The difficulty in all of this is that I know the pastor is going to do nothing less than assinate us. That is the way he handles people that leave. He will tell every person in the congregation what we did wrong, he will cite our thithing history, and tell everyone our shortcomings and make sure our charecter is shredded. At present I am just sick on the inside from plotting how I am going to face him. The move is a near latieral move as far as money (we are not paid), but it will be in a different role. Same size church, located on different sides of the county. It would take you 30-45 mins to drive from one location to the other and there is no way I would try and take people with me. In fact I plan on keeping the church quite and want to leave on a very quite note. I do not want a dinner or people crying over us or a big deal made.
Any advice or stories of a time when you left a church for a new position and what you went through? Thanks for your help.
Though you may be correct; you are sure taking some hard shots at the Pastor over "What" might happen when you inform him.
When someone I am mentoring has the opportunity to minister somewhere else, my Church rejoices, I take up an offering for them, we lay hands on them and pray for the Holy Spirit to be their guide in all that they do.
Unless you belong to a "Shepherding Church", I just cannot imagine the reactions that you descriobe. And if you do belong to a Shepherding Church; then shame on you for exposing yourself and your family to such.
Thanks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 3:23:49 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1744
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
OK- The first thing I can say is "been there- done that- writing a book"..but the most important thing is two-fold:
1. How on earth could you live and put your family in an environment you know is wrong? Why would you spend 1 hour of 1 day with a pastor who behaves like that?
2. How can you possibly be ready to minister to other's if you have not taken care of your own soul any better than the above? You will NEVER be able to lead people past the point you are yourself, spiritually and otherwise. What are you going to teach them about honesty, accountability, truth, right relationships with God and with God's people, accountability in leadership? I mean literally I have a list of at LEAST 100 factors you need to be an example of before you think about leading someone else, esp. in THE NAME OF OUR LORD.
I am not condemning you , but why ignore reality? More than any other need in this world men and women of INTEGRITY are needed in ministry. Doesn't that start with being true to who God created YOU to be first?
I'm sorry but based on what you said you are lying to yourself and denying who Christ wants to be in your life.
My response is LEAVE THAT SITUATION ONLY AFTER MAKING IT CLEAR WHAT YOUR CONCERNS ARE AND WHY. Leave with dignity and integrity not as a thief in the night
I have lots more to share if you want it- but you can't reach point B without handling things correctly at point A. God has a way of having us wander in a wilderness forty yrs if need be until we are finally ready to accept His way only. His way is never shame, lies, or pretending things are acceptable when they are not according to His Word.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 5:38:20 PM
|
|
|
still4gvn
Posts: 2656
Joined: 12/28/2005
From: just north of Seattle, WA
Status: offline
|
I vote with Laura. Say your piece nicely at a public service. People you've ministered to need to know you still care about them and are following the Lord's leading. Don't slink off like a criminal - what will that do to their faith? If the pastor gets nasty, you can always confront him and the elders later.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 10:58:07 PM
|
|
|
rainrain
Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
1. How on earth could you live and put your family in an environment you know is wrong? Why would you spend 1 hour of 1 day with a pastor who behaves like that?
Well things started out good. When I first went there it seemed very good Church. Over the past couple years it has completely evolved into a differnt place including seemly a different doctrine. It was not until I got into leadership did true colors of the whole situation start showing itself. The first time i started to see issues, I thought it was just that instance and with each new issue I have started to realize that there are many things wrong. Despite it all you can be surrounded with solid good poeple, poeple I have ministered to and have seen grow through some very difficult times have attached themselves to my heart and I love them, it is almost abandoning a family member if it were just leaving a pastor that would be easy. Leaving a body of Friends that is the hard part.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/27/2009 11:06:24 PM
|
|
|
still4gvn
Posts: 2656
Joined: 12/28/2005
From: just north of Seattle, WA
Status: offline
|
I know a couple of people who joined what seemed (or was) a good church but over time became a cult they had to leave. Sad and scary. If the pastor does attack you publicly, perhaps that will show the truth to some more people. God bless.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/28/2009 9:20:18 AM
|
|
|
rcjames
Posts: 6724
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rainrain
At present I am just sick on the inside from plotting how I am going to face him.
(edited TOS 9)
Just go tell him, and what comes is what comes; then you deal with what comes. Were you appointed in private or in a public forum; if it was a private siuation or just with the leadership, then that would be the avenue in which to resign. To stand up in a general meeting and or a Church service to do this would come across as confrontational, and that is not a good thing for a Minister to do.
We are promised in the Word that we will go through trial, tribulations, and difficult times; maybe this will just be a good training ground for you.
Thanks
RC
< Message edited by Kath -- 6/3/2009 4:52:26 PM >
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/28/2009 9:26:44 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1744
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
Ok, I can understand that things may have been different before or else they were always like this and you didn't discern it in the beginning.
However, now you know, and I believe we are held accountable for that we do know is wrong.
Until you face the present I don't believe you are ready to face new challenges in the future. I think that is true of us all, not just you.
Running away in the night is not God's way. You must work through this and then leave. Otherwise the same situations keep coming up in our lives. We are made to be OVERCOMERS.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 5/28/2009 9:29:29 AM
|
|
|
SteelCurtain
Posts: 94
Joined: 3/20/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rcjames
quote:
ORIGINAL: rainrain
At present I am just sick on the inside from plotting how I am going to face him.
If this is true, and not hyperbole, then I would suggest that you search yourself as to whether you have the Spiritual maturity to minister.
Just go tell him, and what comes is what comes; then you deal with what comes. Were you appointed in private or in a public forum; if it was a private siuation or just with the leadership, then that would be the avenue in which to resign. To stand up in a general meeting and or a Church service to do this would come across as confrontational, and that is not a good thing for a Minister to do.
We are promised in the Word that we will go through trial, tribulations, and difficult times; maybe this will just be a good training ground for you.
Thanks
RC
RC, I don't feel that his stomach being in knots has anything to do with his spiritual maturity. What you didn't mention was the spiritual immaturity his pastor is showing by acting the way that he is (we are taking the OP at his word here).
I agree with RC in that you just go and tell him what you are doing. Let the chips fall where they may. I would even keep a record of the conversation (for your personal use). Have your wife be with you during this meeting as a witness. Protect yourself on that end but again just go to him and be honest. If you are walking in a heart of purity and humility then the Lord will take care of you.
Some pastors, let's be honest, can just be a jerk sometimes. But, in any case, be respectful!
_____________________________
Pray simply, wait sometimes, stick to the path.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 6/2/2009 12:50:34 PM
|
|
|
redeemedsaint
Posts: 225
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
|
I left my church very recently. It was because I was removed from the PT indefinately over a situation that was I thought settled and the way it was handled. When I tried to question it, I was beaten down etc. You get the idea. I finally decided that I was no longer going to play this game anymore. I did request a meeting with the 3 people in leadership that were involved and was going to let them know that I was leaving and why. They decided that due to their busy schedules, they decided to forgo the meeting and wished me the best.
As to you, after what you posted about your pastor. If he beats you down etc, it is his problem. I suggest that you pray for him.
_____________________________
Woody
"Either your Bible is falling apart and your life is OK; or your Bible looks OK and your life is falling apart."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 6/2/2009 2:08:41 PM
|
|
|
sharonjef2007
Posts: 2302
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
|
RC....the OP is making a determination based on the past actions of the same pastor in the same situation. I agree that the OP needs to just cut the chain. However, I can appreciate the apprehension in possibly having to deal with that kind of talk.
Many times, we dread doing something and that is actually much worse then actually what happens once we do it.
_____________________________
my blog......Picture This.......
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 6/2/2009 2:37:28 PM
|
|
|
sharonjef2007
Posts: 2302
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
|
Rain, did you talk to the pastor or church yet? How did it go?
_____________________________
my blog......Picture This.......
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice on leaving my church - 6/2/2009 3:16:18 PM
|
|
|
1mlasp
Posts: 158
Joined: 12/9/2005
Status: offline
|
I tried posting before, but got booted. Forgive any redundancies if my other post mysteriously reappears.
quote:
Really, and this guy wnats to be a minister of God's Word, and he is afraid to speak to a Pastor???? I know a few otherwise effective pastors who are afraid of their church secretaries, but having said that, I see RC's point. 
If the Holy Spirit is calling you away from that church and into another, then i would trust Him to handle all these details. Fear of God should trump fear of man every time. Trust Him. This pastor may surprise you and not be the difficult personality that you anticipate. Maybe other people who left had things going on that you or the rest of the congregation were not privy to. Or maybe this pastor is as abusive as you fear, in which case you should take that as a confirmation that you are doing the right thing here.
Some friends may stay friends through this, and some may not, which probably means they were not really your friends to begin with. You will make new friends where you are going. But the real blessing is drawing closer to the Lord through this act of obedience, and that is the relationship that really matters the most! Fear not. Don't be such a scaredy-cat.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
). 
