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Bad moods in a woman? - 3/24/2009 10:32:04 AM
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willfs
Posts: 554
Joined: 12/28/2007
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Okay, without going into the reasons, I have some questions on bad moods and what behavior I should expect as normal in a relationship. Before I begin, I realize that guys have specific weaknesses that, in my mind, are just as bad if not worse than bad moods.
I have had relationships with woman who would be lovey dovey with me one minute. An hour later, she seemed to get mad over stuff I just didn't think I could control. It would leave me confused and sometimes deeply hurt.
For instance, she would be sweet and loving to me all morning. Then I would get off the phone with my parents setting up plans and trying to plan around doing stuff with her parents. As she went through the room she would make a real angry comment about how we didn't have to go see her parents. I had no idea and she seemed angry that I didn't know this. I really dont' think it was me not listening or picking up on certain cues (which did happen at other times) but things like this really shocked me. I am a pretty sensitive guy and when I tried to talk to her about stuff like this she would either ask me to leave or she would leave if she was at my place. I didn't come to her in a demanding, confrontational fashion but I was like: what you did really hurt me.
Is this abnormal? What should I expect? Is it different in different woman?
Maybe it is because all my relationships were with woman who aggressively sought after me and I just kinda let it happen because there weren't many big red flags. Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much. Why are you getting so angry for little things?" Maybe if I actually had the assertiveness to go after girls I really like then when she acts real rude I can handle it because I know it is just one of her weaknesses but there is the whole package that I like so I can put up with the bad moods.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 3/25/2009 12:06:30 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 497
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Hello willfs
Is it possible that she might have some serious issues with her parents? But in a general sense drastic mood swings indicate some underlying personality problems. Talk things through? By all means. Pray together? Needed. Study the word together? Necessary at all times.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 3/25/2009 1:12:39 PM
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willfs
Posts: 554
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No the whole parent story was only an example. Plenty of other situations where she became angry and I did not understand why she was as angry as she was or even angry at all. She hung out with her parents all the time.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/1/2009 1:53:37 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 497
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Hello willfs
Ok. No person can be comfortable with mood swings, especially if there's no reason for them. It seems as though your wife does need help. You might see if she would submit to Christian counseling. If she won't do that, you might see if she would listen to Joyce Meyer. She is on several Christian TV stations and has written several books that can be helpful.
Most of us react to what was put into us as children but God, in his love, is able to nullify the negative things and glorify the good things. He longs to purify us as a silversmith makes a polished product.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/6/2009 2:36:23 PM
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Simway
Posts: 174
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This most likely goes back to childhood. Alot of these type things do. What it is, only she knows, or maybe doesn't know. It could be more than one issue. The mood swing is the way she handles her issues. She sounds lilke my fifteen year old Grand Daughter. She is full of anger, resentment, bitterness, and I think all this has moved into an unforgiving spirit. She can be as loving and sweet as can be,..then the next thing she is really acting up, in everyway possible.
It sounds like help is needed, and I mean professional help. But for it to be effective, she has to want to receive the help. Other wise it will be a waist of time and money. She will go through the motions, but it will not make any difference in the long run.
Simway
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/17/2009 2:43:11 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 313
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I believe it is a problem with women in general for I once saw on "Married with children" a young married man ask Al if the sudden mood swings in his young wife was something that would pass, to which He responded sacastically yes sure. Women seem despite their saying otherwise are as incapable as men of expressing themselves clearly. One woman judge went so far as to say woman are as equally to blame for abusive relationships. You may forgive them as they forgive you, but the sin remains and if left unchecked is simply just abuse which like sin will eat away at you and your faith.
Personally, I believe it has something to do with a womans percieved lack of control over her situation or in equality. That is as the man is seen as the dominant one in society, women seek some control over them for ultimately they feel too dependant on them. I would say in comes from the woman not being valued for her abilities to organise herself and do those things that interest her rather than those things her husband and family are interested in. You could say she is being pulled in two directions at once. One is having to be committed to a relationship that will required her to give up her independance and dreams of career and other interests. She feels she can no longer be herself but conform to theimage of a faithful loving spouse and against this image many will feel stresses by feelings of hopelessness.
As I don't think she is your wife, I would take time to get to know each other by talking through how you both see life and whether your dreams and hopes are compatible. I would also want to spend some time trying to improve the communication between you for although we are not mind readers there is no excuse for the abuse. If as I suspect she is unwilling to talk, I would walk for an argry abusive girl friend/wife is heavier than a mill stone tied around your neck.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/25/2009 7:38:12 AM
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7arrows
Posts: 92
Joined: 4/2/2009
From: Georgia
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 First of all, I assume you seek Godly counsel. Well, here's what I believe God is saying to you;quote:
I have had relationships with woman who would be lovey dovey with me one minute. quote:
Maybe it is because all my relationships were with woman who aggressively sought after me and I just kinda let it happen because there weren't many big red flags. Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am, I apologize. It seems by these quotes that you're not married. If you're not, and are intimate, seeking God's help will only come through repentance of fornication. In reference to women and mood swings, my Bishop says it like this women have chambers in their hearts, and the love of God through their husbands love shown by them to their wives can only open those chambers. This is only possible through the covenant of marriage.
You see, when the Word says that the two shall become one flesh(Gen2:24)its not only talking about marriage. Whenever two people are intimate they become one. Whatever hurts, and pains a person has from past relarionships are carried into the new one. This includes even sexual behaivors. My wife still has chambers (past hurts, and pains) which have not been opened yet. I still have more love to show her. Unless the first issue that was addressed is taken care of, the devil has every right to bring destruction, and it will continue unless repentance comes first.
Now if you are married, I apologize, and the love of God shown by you will open those chambers in her heart.
_____________________________
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know nothow to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/25/2009 2:45:00 PM
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NiceGuy
Posts: 634
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Great State of Confusion
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***Incoming Message from the Big Giant Head ***
quote:
Proverbs 27:15-16 (NASB)
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain
And a contentious woman are alike;
He who would restrain her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand.
quote:
Proverbs 19:13 (NASB)
A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.
quote:
Proverbs 21:9 (NASB)
It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
The above principle is later repeated for good measure:
quote:
Proverbs 25:24 (NASB)
It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
If she grows irritable with you over what seem to be minor things in your eyes, there's likely some sort of underlying issue. It's entirely possible that you're being an insensitive clod in her eyes without even realizing it, so you need to find out if there is an underlying issue. Also, insecurity and unmet expectations tend to breed the sort of behavior that you have described. If that is the case, then when your behavior doesn't meet some unspoken expectation she has for you, she's going to act out in irritability and anger. It's not right for her to behave that way, but she may not realize she's even doing it because she's so focused on the fact that you're not meeting her expectations.
If she is unwilling to communicate with you at the time of the outburst and insists on asking you to leave or storms off on her own rather than explaining what it is that is bothering her, then bring up the issue when she appears to be in a relatively good mood and see if she'll discuss it then so you can try to determine what the problem is.
If she still refuses to communicate with you, then you would do well to move along and let her live a life of irritablity and contention with someone else.
No matter how wonderful a woman may seem 99% of the time, that 1% when she expects you to read her mind and goes ape when you don't (and, of course, you won't be able) will cause you to spend your entire life bracing for the 1% rather than enjoying the 99% of goodness.
NiceGuy 
_____________________________
Look, I brought a Sombrero! Now we can both be "cool"! - Hobbes, of Calvin and Hobbes
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 4/28/2009 10:58:56 PM
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graceaddict
Posts: 46
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
Okay, without going into the reasons, I have some questions on bad moods and what behavior I should expect as normal in a relationship. Before I begin, I realize that guys have specific weaknesses that, in my mind, are just as bad if not worse than bad moods.
Definitely, nobody's perfect....though bad moods are a symptom to a more underlying problem.
quote:
I have had relationships with woman who would be lovey dovey with me one minute. An hour later, she seemed to get mad over stuff I just didn't think I could control. It would leave me confused and sometimes deeply hurt.
For instance, she would be sweet and loving to me all morning. Then I would get off the phone with my parents setting up plans and trying to plan around doing stuff with her parents. As she went through the room she would make a real angry comment about how we didn't have to go see her parents. I had no idea and she seemed angry that I didn't know this. I really dont' think it was me not listening or picking up on certain cues (which did happen at other times) but things like this really shocked me. I am a pretty sensitive guy and when I tried to talk to her about stuff like this she would either ask me to leave or she would leave if she was at my place. I didn't come to her in a demanding, confrontational fashion but I was like: what you did really hurt me.
Is this abnormal? What should I expect? Is it different in different woman?
Maybe it is because all my relationships were with woman who aggressively sought after me and I just kinda let it happen because there weren't many big red flags. Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much. Why are you getting so angry for little things?" Maybe if I actually had the assertiveness to go after girls I really like then when she acts real rude I can handle it because I know it is just one of her weaknesses but there is the whole package that I like so I can put up with the bad moods.
It sounds like there's a lack of communication AND communication awareness. Let me define these,
communication by itself is body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and words spoken to someone and time spent with them. Theres a great book called "The Lost Art of Listening" by Michael P. Nichols, PhD. This book talks about the importance of listening to your partner and communicating in a way that will give the message you want and leave no room for her assuming something about you that isn't true. Also, you are going to have to take inventory of yourself and ask yourself how valuable is the relationship to you. If there is anything sexually going on it will only bring resentment, anger, distrust, and destruction in this relationship. She is probably insecure but that insecurity is fueled by (not caused...because you can't make her feel something) but fueled by perceptions she has about you. You need to address this right now. Don't let the seeds of mistrust or mis-perceptions go on any longer because it won't stop until something breaks. Talk to her, open up and tell her how you feel. Show respect and do it in a way that she feels you are trying to help the relationship and not judge her for her actions. Rebuke the devil out of her life and start sowing good seeds in your relationship.
Jason
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/3/2009 3:14:01 AM
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MowTin
Posts: 104
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
Okay, without going into the reasons, I have some questions on bad moods and what behavior I should expect as normal in a relationship. Before I begin, I realize that guys have specific weaknesses that, in my mind, are just as bad if not worse than bad moods.
I have had relationships with woman who would be lovey dovey with me one minute. An hour later, she seemed to get mad over stuff I just didn't think I could control. It would leave me confused and sometimes deeply hurt.
For instance, she would be sweet and loving to me all morning. Then I would get off the phone with my parents setting up plans and trying to plan around doing stuff with her parents. As she went through the room she would make a real angry comment about how we didn't have to go see her parents. I had no idea and she seemed angry that I didn't know this. I really dont' think it was me not listening or picking up on certain cues (which did happen at other times) but things like this really shocked me. I am a pretty sensitive guy and when I tried to talk to her about stuff like this she would either ask me to leave or she would leave if she was at my place. I didn't come to her in a demanding, confrontational fashion but I was like: what you did really hurt me.
Is this abnormal? What should I expect? Is it different in different woman?
Maybe it is because all my relationships were with woman who aggressively sought after me and I just kinda let it happen because there weren't many big red flags. Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much. Why are you getting so angry for little things?" Maybe if I actually had the assertiveness to go after girls I really like then when she acts real rude I can handle it because I know it is just one of her weaknesses but there is the whole package that I like so I can put up with the bad moods.
willfs,
I hope it's not too late for me to warn you but RUN! I'm in the process of divorcing a woman who is exactly as you describe.
My wife suffers from something known as Borderline Personality Disorder. People with this disorder are known to be EXTREMELY sensitive. Their feelings are easily hurt over the slightest thing and they become excessively angry. They have a great fear of being abandoned. They are extremely jealous of all your close relationships even family relationships.
Here is a link to BPD Family...it's a website for people living with people who have this disorder
http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message-board.htm
It's not an uncommon disorder in women. Unfortunately it's not easy to treat. I hope this is not the case with your woman but if you feel her reactions are not normal then you should trust your gut. I asked the same questions and people told me it was normal for a woman to be sensitive and moody. But you're the one there so you see her reactions in person and others here can't. If you feel it's not normal then ask her to seek help and LEAVE.
In the end my wife cheated on me...yes, that's another common behavior of people with BPD. I forgive her because I can accept she had a disorder but I had to divorce her because she's not able to handle the stress of an ordinary marriage muchless having and raising children.
Anyway, even if she's not BPD I say NEVER EVER EVER marry a bad tempered woman. Once you're married your life will be a hell.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/5/2009 10:48:51 AM
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graceaddict
Posts: 46
Joined: 4/17/2009
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MowTin, While I understand your concern for yourself, If you married your wife and pledged to love her in sickness and in health, better or worse, rich or poor, till death..... then you should do just that. Remain faithful. Separation is the answer here, not divorce. It's not like you don't have problems too. You will never be happy if you are trying to find someone without problems. The only reason those problems grow and make you and her crazy is because someone has not totally surrendered their life to the lordship of Jesus Christ. I'm dealing with that now with issues I'm going through so I do sympathize with you. This is not an easy thing. However, Love=commitment. The two are not separate, they are the same thing.
Willfs, I think you are realizing that love is not a feeling. It's about commitment to someone else more than yourself. Both of you should separate for a time and take inventory of yourselves and let Jesus do what only he can do.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/7/2009 1:32:38 PM
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MowTin
Posts: 104
Joined: 4/20/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: graceaddict
This is not an easy thing. However, Love=commitment. The two are not separate, they are the same thing.
I don't think they are the same thing. Commitment is an essential quality of love but for example you shouldn't commit yourself to an abusive person. If you have faith God can change you but
your faith cannot change someone else. They have to be willing. And while God loves all of us He will still cast
evildoers into eternal damnation if they do not repent.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/17/2009 10:18:02 PM
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willfs
Posts: 554
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
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Not married
I broke up with this girl a long time ago. I am single now.
Saving sex for marriage.
I would try to talk to her about these issues while it was occuring and later when things cooled down. Both times proved fruitless. At the beginning of the relationship she said that if we ever got married she didn't want us to go to bed angry. She wanted us to talk about things that bothered us. When she was rude and mean I would try to talk about it and I was treated ugly again.
I just don't know how common this behavior is in woman. My sister wasn't anything like this with me and my brother. Maybe if I found someone I love enough I will be able to put up with such things, as she will have to with my weaknesses. I just hate the idea of becoming the guy she treats like an idiot. I really put out a ton of energy, all the way to the end of the relationship, in trying to make her happy. If I ever get married, I hope I plan on doing the same.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/19/2009 6:01:47 PM
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mec
Posts: 174
Joined: 7/6/2005
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I have seen women change within hours. But sometimes I found it to be the type of woman, some Christian women I know (not all) seems to be cheerful more on a regular basis without the sudden mood swings, but Im not saying it cant happen. And yes men need to have patience when it comes to these things, Im sure there our things we do that can tick off the women as well, two way street here (just more their way).
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 5/30/2009 7:46:17 PM
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dnp200450
Posts: 398
Joined: 5/30/2009
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My best advice is RUN RUN RUN!!!
Seriously, one of the big reasons abusive moody behavior continues is because someone else allows it to happen. Modern men are to blame for much of this because they just "take it" and act like it is normal for adult woman to not be in control of their emotions. If a woman behaves poorly we hear the terms "disorder" and "syndrome" used a lot. Almost as if to say, she is not responsible for her behavior. That is an insult to the Sisters who do act saintly and respectful to all of those around them.
If a man behaves poorly it is called verbal/emotional abuse and he must "have the devil in him". Talk about a double standard! What is good for the goose is good for the gander. When I was growing up men and women were both required to behave themselves as adults. Church folks were expected to behave to a much higher standard. Where did we all go so horribly wrong?!
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 6/4/2009 12:15:42 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7802
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
Bad moods in a woman?
Women have good moods?
(I had to do it since no one else did)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 6/14/2009 10:20:16 AM
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YSM85
Posts: 3
Joined: 6/14/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
Okay, without going into the reasons, I have some questions on bad moods and what behavior I should expect as normal in a relationship. Before I begin, I realize that guys have specific weaknesses that, in my mind, are just as bad if not worse than bad moods.
I have had relationships with woman who would be lovey dovey with me one minute. An hour later, she seemed to get mad over stuff I just didn't think I could control. It would leave me confused and sometimes deeply hurt.
For instance, she would be sweet and loving to me all morning. Then I would get off the phone with my parents setting up plans and trying to plan around doing stuff with her parents. As she went through the room she would make a real angry comment about how we didn't have to go see her parents. I had no idea and she seemed angry that I didn't know this. I really dont' think it was me not listening or picking up on certain cues (which did happen at other times) but things like this really shocked me. I am a pretty sensitive guy and when I tried to talk to her about stuff like this she would either ask me to leave or she would leave if she was at my place. I didn't come to her in a demanding, confrontational fashion but I was like: what you did really hurt me.
Is this abnormal? What should I expect? Is it different in different woman?
Maybe it is because all my relationships were with woman who aggressively sought after me and I just kinda let it happen because there weren't many big red flags. Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much. Why are you getting so angry for little things?" Maybe if I actually had the assertiveness to go after girls I really like then when she acts real rude I can handle it because I know it is just one of her weaknesses but there is the whole package that I like so I can put up with the bad moods.
I have a girlfriend who gets angry over things that I find trivial... I've just learned to cope with it. I tell her how I feel and how I think she's being immature and leave it at that. The trick is to guide her and not allow her actions to upset you too much.
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RE: Bad moods in a woman? - 6/14/2009 10:38:12 AM
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benelchi
Posts: 4566
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
Then when she starts being rude and mean to me I am like, "You're the one who wants this relationship so much. Why are you getting so angry for little things?"
quote:
Maybe if I actually had the assertiveness to go after girls I really like
Statements like these demonstrate an attitude that SHOULD make any woman mad because it reflects very little value for them. If you are not dating the women "you really like" and do not "really want the relationship" yourself then you shouldn't be dating at all. Your not doing any woman a favor by dating her under these conditions, you are simply selfishly using her and she probably is getting mad, not a the little things you don't understand, but at the very BIG thing you seem to be completely ignoring.
_____________________________
אשת־חיל מי ימצא ורחק מפנינים מכרה
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