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Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 4:07:57 PM
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stillovinhim
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While we are teaching our children to have manners and be polite, would you teach them to respond to a quesiton with more than fine? Heres an example, we were in the line at the store, my son was buying his purchase, the cashier said, "hi, how are you"? He just said fine. Is that good enough or should he have been more polite and say fine, thank you how are you? or for anyone adult or child is it ok to just say fine thanks? I guess my question is it rude to not respond back and ask how they are? I didn't say anything to my son, he's a "preteen" so he's in that awkward stage so he just kind of said, fine in a low voice, I told him he needed to at least say fine thankyou and speak up alittle. Thanks any thoughts on how others teach there kids. Our daughter is just naturally more talkative and responds differently.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 4:11:20 PM
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manda59
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I don't know if there's a cultural difference thing going on here, but I, as a Brit, was totally confused by your post, and don't really get why "Fine" wouldn't have been ok/enough.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 4:29:46 PM
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stillovinhim
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sorry I didn't mean to make the post confusing. I guess just saying fine is answering the question but it isn't rude to not say fine how are you? someones not being short by just saying "fine" or coming across maybe being not friendly?
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 4:30:59 PM
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W.O.F.
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Fine is acceptable...but as an Pre-teen...you might mention to him that "fine, thank you" is a more appropriate response, and that to show concern for the other person is even better, but techinically....there was nothing wrong with the "fine."
When teaching manners..the thing to remember is that real manners are taking into account the feelings of others and showing concern for others......if you do those things...you can't ever really be rude.
However...there are times when it is appropriate to be rude for safety's sake as well.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 4:37:08 PM
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stillovinhim
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thank you, I also told him to speak up a little, he mumbled it and again everything is "embarrassing" right now at his age, but I could barely hear him and he didn't look at the person either. Usually I thought people would say out of politness, fine thank you, how are you? Maybe that's beyond his years and something you learn as you get older, I just know that how I usually respond.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 5:50:52 PM
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garsyt
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I've always been taught to never ask a question that you really don't want answered.
That goes for the "Hi, How are you?" questions.
I guess I'm of the mind that answering "fine" was okay - I mean do you seriously think the cashier really cared how your son was feeling anyway? She likely moved on and didn't really hear his answer to begin with. Now if it were someone he knew well, like a family member or someone from church or someone he was expected to carry on a conversation with, then yes more should be expected.
I've never really understood why people, especially cashiers ask that question. I've been tempted to respond on occasion - "I'm not sure if you really want to know how I am right now - I could have you here for at least the next 30 minutes."
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 5:55:25 PM
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stillovinhim
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You're right the cashier probablly could care less how he's feeling however it's not about what they care about it's about being polite and having manners, I'm not going to teach my kids oh they don't care so you don't need to answer. I know for myself when I go some where and the person doesn't say anything except a hi not even looking at you then $5.49 and that's it I think they are being rude.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 7:27:08 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stillovinhim
You're right the cashier probablly could care less how he's feeling however it's not about what they care about it's about being polite and having manners, I'm not going to teach my kids oh they don't care so you don't need to answer. I know for myself when I go some where and the person doesn't say anything except a hi not even looking at you then $5.49 and that's it I think they are being rude.
We must have a different concept of "rude". To me, "rude" would be totally ignoring the person, or telling them to go do the other thing, not simply replying "fine".
I said I was outa here, didn't I? lol Couldn't manage it.
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 7:40:07 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: stillovinhim
You're right the cashier probablly could care less how he's feeling however it's not about what they care about it's about being polite and having manners, I'm not going to teach my kids oh they don't care so you don't need to answer. I know for myself when I go some where and the person doesn't say anything except a hi not even looking at you then $5.49 and that's it I think they are being rude.
We must have a different concept of "rude". To me, "rude" would be totally ignoring the person, or telling them to go do the other thing, not simply replying "fine".
I said I was outa here, didn't I? lol Couldn't manage it.
mmm...I think she was saying the same thing you were..that to NOT answer at all is what would be rude.......
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 7:47:43 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
mmm...I think she was saying the same thing you were..that to NOT answer at all is what would be rude.......
WOF,
Sorry, I was referring back to the OP's OP when she said:
quote:
I guess my question is it rude to not respond back and ask how they are?
Because she really does seem to think it is ...
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 7:51:25 PM
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garsyt
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the cashiers where I shop are sweet and friendly - but very rarely am I asked "how are you?" unless I have developed a relationship with them. More often then not it's "Hello, did you find everything today?" I guess I don't mind the "have a nice day," But I don't feel obligated to reply and I don't think it's rude not to.
I'm saying that that I believe "fine" is acceptable. More should be expected if the child is expected to carry on a conversation with the person asking the question.
And yes, It's the attitude that counts far more than exactly what is said.
Blessings,
Garsy
< Message edited by garsyt -- 11/5/2009 8:03:17 PM >
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/5/2009 7:55:06 PM
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stillovinhim
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I don't necessarily think someone just saying hi is being rude, I think like that last poster said it depends on how they say it, actions, tones. I just want my kids to grow up with respect and manners.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/6/2009 7:38:02 AM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
mmm...I think she was saying the same thing you were..that to NOT answer at all is what would be rude.......
WOF,
Sorry, I was referring back to the OP's OP when she said:
quote:
I guess my question is it rude to not respond back and ask how they are?
Because she really does seem to think it is ...
Ah...understood.
It isn't RUDE to not ask in return. It is perfectly polite to simply answer them......it is perhaps more appropriate to ask them or at least thank them...but not absolutely necessary. And one must be sure one really wants to hear the answer given...you may be opening yourself up to a long list of physical, mental and financial ailments you simply do not want to hear or have the time to hear.
I usually, myself, say "Fine, and I hope you are too." That way it lets them know I hope they are doing fine, without necessarily opening the door for me to become their dumping ground.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/6/2009 7:44:50 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
I've never really understood why people, especially cashiers ask that question.
When I worked at Taco Bell, at one point we stopped greeting customers at the drive through with "Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, would you like to try our new bacon chedder quesadilla today?" and replaced it with a simple, "Hi, how are you?" It worked very well, although a few times people answered, "Fine" and then didn't realize we were ready to take their order.
Another way of answering the "how are you" question without asking them how they are doing in return is to answer, "I"m doing well, thank you." It's not as abrupt as "fine".
What I think is funny is when the cashier at a restaurant says, "Thank you, enjoy your meal" and the customer says, "Thanks, you too." 
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/6/2009 10:58:45 AM
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TXRedhead
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Perhaps we should just take note of local culture and strive to be polite and friendly according to that?
Here, not making eye-contact and not responding pleasantly is rude. When we go to Ethiopia someday, nobody would get the "Hi, how are you?" thing, because there's a different language and a different culture of greeting. It probably wouldn't go over too well if I started kissing the cheeks of every new person (female) I met in this area, but in Ethiopia, it would be rude not to. 
I've been reading this thread and agree totally with their being cultural differences in terms of what's rude or polite. We live in Texas and had friends here who came from outside the state; the wife had lived in New York. She was laughing one day telling me how her mother and grandmother [grandma was from Canada] would get so disgusted with how chatty the cashiers in the South were. She said people just bought their stuff and went through lines with no conversation where she'd lived previously. It bothered her mom to no end that cashiers would ask how they were and want to talk a bit. LOL
I think 'fine' sounds abrupt but not necessarily rude. Where I live, the question is usually an invitation to a bit more conversation, but it's just not in other areas of this country, let alone outside it.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/6/2009 3:48:58 PM
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bolt.
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I think "fine" is fine, as far as basic manners. Although, to ask in return is kind of warm and open. With a child, I think manners are mandated (don't ignore the question, speak so-as to be heard)... warm and open are kind of a personal choice. He clearly wasn't feeling very warm and open. He wanted to be done with the conversation, and he telegraphed that intent quite clearly, without being rude. That seems like a better social skill than teaching that a false front of warm openness is manditory in public interactions.
He could probably also tell that the cashier was not much interested in the content of her question, and so he responded in kind.
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RE: Being polite and manners - 11/6/2009 4:23:47 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I think "fine" is fine, as far as basic manners. Although, to ask in return is kind of warm and open. With a child, I think manners are mandated (don't ignore the question, speak so-as to be heard)... warm and open are kind of a personal choice. He clearly wasn't feeling very warm and open. He wanted to be done with the conversation, and he telegraphed that intent quite clearly, without being rude. That seems like a better social skill than teaching that a false front of warm openness is manditory in public interactions.
He could probably also tell that the cashier was not much interested in the content of her question, and so he responded in kind.
well said.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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- all the cashiers had to say it. I know most of the ladies on the tills and did a double-take when one of them first said it to me. I turned back and said "what did you say just then?" She grimaced and said "new rules", ie they'd been told to say it. We both agreed it wouldn't last long as most Brits wouldn't consider it anyone else's business what sort of day they were going to have. 
And it didn't last long at all, lol. Though watching people's faces as they had it said to them was quite fun while it lasted! 
