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Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/2/2009 10:54:59 AM
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Fritzpw_Admin
Posts: 8026
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: New Jersey
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quote:
Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field
Paul Coughlin
The National Association For The Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) used to hang a shocking banner from its offices in downtown Manhattan: "Another Black Man Was Lynched Today."
We need a similar reminder, banners today that announce another kind of lynching that reads: "Another Child Committed Bullycide Today."
They do so today by hanging themselves in their bedroom closet, sometimes using their father's tie or an extension cord stolen from another part of their home. They do so because they no longer believe in hope or justice.
Right now, the city of Atlanta is reeling from the bullycide of 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera, who hung himself in his room after he gave his mother a high-five in celebration of his good report card. Reports strongly suggest that Jaheem was the recipient of ongoing bullying that was both physical and verbal. Since Jaheem's suicide, other students' parents have come forward to describe even more alleged acts of violence at their school. Some parents said their children were also the victims of beatings with buckles and chokings. Some brave citizens have even protested outside of the school where Jaheem played, studied and was bullied.
<SNIP>
There are many relevant questions that encircle such desperate acts of despair, cruelty and rage gone inward. But one that is not being asked, one that is the missing piece to the epidemic of bullying, is: Where were the Christian children who went to church, who saw what was happening to Jaheem and so many others, and why is there no report that they did anything to help them?
< SNIP >
Abraham Lincoln wrote that unless a person's religion makes him treat an animal better, he wanted nothing to do with that man's religion. Likewise, unless our faith compels us to defend the dignity of a target of bullying, what good is our religion? Does the spirit of God really live within us? If so, where's the proof?
Read the rest of Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field
Do you encourage your child to defend others against bullying?
_____________________________
Fred "Fritz" Alberti
Director of Social Media
fritz@salemwebnetwork.com
Read today's Bible verse from my favorite online Bible
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/2/2009 12:54:57 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1738
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Hi Fritz!
Actually I do! AND more importantly, my kids have done so without my prompting.
There have been several occasions where my eldest ds has stepped in between the bully and the person being bullied. Some of those times the person being bullied was one of his siblings and it came quite naturally to protect family, other times it's been a complete stranger being bullied by another completely stranger on the playground.
Never has my kids stepping in and defending others against bullying resulted in them being bullied themselves, or physical altercations. It's been a quiet calm situation with my kids essentially saying "This isn't going to happen if I'm around." and them removing themselves and the person being bullied from the situation and/or getting an adult to help.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/2/2009 1:41:44 PM
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small_creation
Posts: 200
Joined: 10/30/2007
From: midwest
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The term "bully" seems to be changing.
I thought a bully was someone who taunted with words, mostly, and once in a while would maybe push or spit at another child.
It seems the only [loose] definition of bullying I could find in the article referred to Jaheem's terrible case...that the "bullies" used belts and also choked him. I say that any person who uses these tactics is not a bully. I would call this person a violent youth or juvenile delinquent, because their actions are especially unlawful and rise above the mere term "bully".
I think this is important, because using the simple term "bully" conjures up a huge array of behaviors, each deserving of a different level of seriousness and consequences.
For example, my daughter may come home with complaints of a bully in her class. This person uses words to manipulate people to be her friend. There is little physicality involved, just psychological games. Is this girl a bully?
In another case, my boy could come home from school one day, and tell me about the boy who taunts him on his walk home daily. But on this particular day, the boy pushed him down. Is this boy a bully or is he a criminal? I would ask several questions before answering the question.
Was this the first time the boy pushed another? Has he been known to do worse than this? How afraid of this person is my boy and other children?
There needs to be distinction between acts of bullying and acts of habitual criminality. Each case needs discernment. But grouping all antisocial behavior into a "bully" category really paints too broad a stroke for kids who need vastly different levels of intervention to get them out of their pattern of anger.
I really don't like the term "bully" used in a category of children showing extreme violent aggression.
j
_____________________________
Pay no mind to me. I'm just a small town hick in fly-over country.
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/2/2009 1:52:28 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2587
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From: Northern IL
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Good points Small. We've always taught our kids to stand up for others regardless of race, sexual orientation or religion. The schools aorund here do a good job at keeping a watch on "bullying." Dd went to a meeitng for this http://www.rachelschallenge.org/ with some friends and she said it was good.
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/2/2009 2:01:07 PM
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small_creation
Posts: 200
Joined: 10/30/2007
From: midwest
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So I'll answer your question about asking my child to defend against bullies.
Yes, I want my child to defend the weak. This is biblical and I would encourage it. Psalms 41:1 says, "Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble. "
That's just one verse where defense of the weak is exalted. Would I be so ouspoken to convince my 8-year old ahead of time to go ahead and step in front of a swinging belt in place of another, or to offer her neck be squeezed instead of another innocent? Probably not. But I would be proud of her if she did so.
j
_____________________________
Pay no mind to me. I'm just a small town hick in fly-over country.
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/6/2009 5:42:38 AM
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keithyhuntington
Posts: 814
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: Tulsa, Okla.
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i went to a VERY small country school, and i was into VERY alternative styles. i hit the punk scene HEAVY in jr high. i had a mohawk, wore combat buits, spiked dog collar, green hair, the whole nine. and the redneck kids i went to school with were just MERCILOUS. called me every name in the book, mostly other words for Homosexual Male. there were times i wanted to shoot em all and laugh (granted this was 12 years ago, so give me a break. i was 13). school was just torture. but i wasnt going to let a bunch of hicks ruin my day. by the time i was in upper highschool, they eventually all graduated out and it wasnt that big of a deal. but by that time i looked more like a 50s greaser, so i wasnt as extreme looking.
in the jr high days though, sometimes people would come to me defense... and as a result it usually made it EVEN WORSE. not only was i a derogatory name for a homosexual male... now i had to have other kids fight my battle... so now i got new nicknames that went along with derogatory names for 'wimp' but my mom raised me that jesus turned teh otehr cheek, so i just usually ignored them. i wouldnt fight back. some people thought i was a coward... but i just didnt want to go to the principals office and have my parents mad at me. but the lesson is... bully bad... kids taking up for me... even worse.
thats why its so hard for me to take up for others. i dont want to make situations worse for others, like how it was for me. but my wife realy gets on to me, cause her parents raised her to always defedn teh underdogs... but she was never really the underdog... so she didnt get the abuse of being a 'wimpy gay guy' (insert your own expletive versions of that). if i had kids... i have no idea how i would raise them in this aspect. i just dont know
i think bullys need to be tied up from a tree and just beat with a whip. with glass and metal engrained in it. theres just no sense... and bullys wont stop. ever. until we hang them all from teh highest tree... or shoot the bullys and not the innocent (which has been my biggest beef with school shootings.. it seems the kids never target the bullys who had it coming, they target the innocent people who had nothing to do with it) but whatever. i don't condone school shootings, or support them... just stating what i've seen and how i feel, coming from my own circumstances and being tortured in school because my school mates were closed minded idiots.
fyi, not trying to break a TOS with the last paragraph, i'm just speaking from my heart, in a very frank matter about my own experiences, how dark and disturbing they all may be. no offense intended. i'm just tired of bullies.
< Message edited by keithyhuntington -- 10/6/2009 7:24:12 AM >
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/6/2009 9:46:09 AM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
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I believe there are different aspects of behaiviour when it comes to school aged children and violence. You have the "Breakfast Club" personalities that everyone in the school administration thinks should get along. The problems come in when the relationships are forced or ignored. As grown-ups who have survived adolescents we all know what we went through and where we ranked in our schools. The only extreme school violence I remember from back in the day (late 70's early 80's) was put to music by the Boomtown Rats "I don't like Mondays". To me a bully is someone who steals your lunch money or pushes you down into a puddle. I sat in front of a boy in grade school who would flick my ears, he would call me names and he would try to get me to fight, I eventually fought him (you know in the school yard at recess) and I don't know if you could say there was a winner but at the end of the day we both realized that we were different and we left each other alone. I think in schools today you have all of the special clubs (GLBT, Ethnic clubs, Wiccan Clubs, etc.) that are sponsored by the schools and lines are truly drawn that cause kids to give more thought to how they are different. I think it is important to teach our kids to befriend those who are less fourtunate, under oppression or who are just having a bad day but some of the "Anti Bullying" campaigns run by the public schools are to get kids minds on accepting lifestyles that are possibly against the Christian way of thinking not to truly search out and address who the bullys are.
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/6/2009 11:06:37 AM
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DaveW
Posts: 3797
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: online
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Bully-cide? You gotta be kidding.
And no - the definition of 'bully' has not changed in the last 40+ years.
I was the focus of bullying in grade school, different schools actually. No matter where I went I seemed to attract those who wanted to pick on me. I usually got beaten up at least 2x a week, with resulting bruises and cuts. No broken bones or other serious injury. Name calling was not much a part of it at all. Just me being someone's (sometimes several someones) punching bag until they got tired of it or I collapsed. Then we would all get brought in and given detension for fighting. That was back in the early to mid 1960s.
My mom and stepdad kept trying to convince me to defend myself, which I saw as anti-christian. I did finally when I got to Jr. High a couple of times and all that stopped. I am still not sure I did the right thing. I am not anti-bully at all, which is probably strange due to my history, but I see the anti-bully programs as impingement on freedom of expression, a fundamental American principle.
I guess I do not understand how sensitive kids are these days. When Columbine happened and the history of the 2 shooters being bullied came out, I thought that what I went thru was much worse and lasted longer and I never had one thought blowing up the bullies, much less the whole school.
I really don't get it.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/6/2009 8:48:31 PM
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keithyhuntington
Posts: 814
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: Tulsa, Okla.
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quote:
Dave W:
I guess I do not understand how sensitive kids are these days. When Columbine happened and the history of the 2 shooters being bullied came out, I thought that what I went thru was much worse and lasted longer and I never had one thought blowing up the bullies, much less the whole school.
I really don't get it.
you know i never once had a girlfriend in school. you know why? because every single time we got a trasnfer in, the rednecks would tell her i was a queer before i even got a chance to know her. "don't talk to keith, hes a little gay-wad" man... to kick those guys in the gut. they ruined everything in school for me.
i would take the physical beating any day over emotional and verbal outright torment. i have never ever had a bully ever lay a hand on me though. they would eitehr call me names, or write homosexual slurs on my locker with sharpie, or write homosexual slurs on my clothes, or steal my things, or whatever. but i didnt have a name. to everyone except my 3 firend i was "hey little gay wad" (which is teh only g-rated one i can use for this forum) they just made life miserable. bruises fade... but i still hear those words today. as i said... i thought many times of sticking a gun barrel down those jerks mouths myself, when i was in jr. high (late 90s). it just seemed the only way out to me. it seemed the only way to fix it. parents dont care, teachers don't care, no-body cares. and you have kids who are constantly being just out-right tortured with absolutely no escape. EXCEPT SUICIDE! suicide makes it nice and neat. i can sympathise for these kids who kill themselves, and i can sympathise for all the school shooters. bully's today are mercilous, i think they deserve a few gunshots. death? no. then they don't learn from their mistakes. but a few gunshots in the leg or arm would teach em to keep their mouths shut.
i didnt do it (kill or suicide), cause i was christian and didnt have access to guns. but in my head there were pretty vendicating scenarios of me taking my dignity back and blood running through the streets, and for people to cower in fear of even being touched by my shadow.
and i wasnt even alowed to play videogames or watch anything over PG rated... so in another debate, that makes the whole" grand tehft auto makes kids violent" argument moot :P
(once again, not trying to violate TOS with violent imagery, but you guys really have to know what its like coming from a victim, cause aparantly you have no idea if you "really don't get it" i could have very well have been a school shooter, i was one "gay wad"" away from snapping and painting that school red. and i think it has to be told in a very literal and real way, so people can see just how bad it is in our (victims) heads. its not just getting beat up for milk money anymore... THANK GOD we didnt have myspace/facebook/twitter/texting then. i have no idea how kids even wake up now. those programs take emotional bullying to the worst degree imaginable.)
in closing, i agree with the mission field statement of teh OP. we do need to do something about this problem. bullying, cyber bullying, sexting scandals, youtube bullying (making annonomous videos bullying someone and spreading them to classmates) all this. we need to do something about it... but the parents/faculty just seem WAY to naive about the severity of the problems. and until the parents/faculty fully understand the scope of this whole bullying mess, nothing will change or be fixed.
< Message edited by keithyhuntington -- 10/7/2009 1:44:33 AM >
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/7/2009 6:53:37 AM
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DaveW
Posts: 3797
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: online
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quote:
you know i never once had a girlfriend in school. Neither did I.
quote:
"don't talk to keith, hes a little gay-wad" man... I got that too.
quote:
I would take the physical beating any day over emotional and verbal outright torment. I got both on a regular basis. It was the physical part that got me sent to the principle's office several times a week.
quote:
bruises fade... but i still hear those words today. Yeah - I can hear the words and I can still feel some of the blows too.
quote:
i thought many times of sticking a gun barrel down those jerks mouths myself, when i was in jr. high (late 90s). it just seemed the only way out to me. it seemed the only way to fix it. parents dont care, teachers don't care, no-body cares. Killing them was never considered by me. It stopped in jr high (late 60s). I was tall enough that most of the bullies were now smaller than I was and were afraid I would go out for revenge. I never did, nor did I ever consider it.
And suicide? A ticket straight to hell. Eternal torture that would have made the most violent abuse possible seem like heaven. That was not an option either.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/7/2009 7:05:50 AM
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keithyhuntington
Posts: 814
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: Tulsa, Okla.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DaveW
Killing them was never considered by me. It stopped in jr high (late 60s). I was tall enough that most of the bullies were now smaller than I was and were afraid I would go out for revenge. I never did, nor did I ever consider it.
THAT must have been nice! im 26, and i can still wear clothes i wore in jr high. im like 5'8" and 125 lbs. right now. so i never grew out of it... i just had to wait for the bullys to eitehr graduate, or drop out.
what was even WORSE was once i became a junior and senior... the kids in ELEMENTARY school started to call me 'derogatory names for a homosexul' I KID YOU NOT!! lol. its humerous to think of now... the absurdity of it
example: when i was a senior, my car had to go to the shop for a week, so i had to ride the bus. im 18... and i have 5th graders on the bus calling me a queer and a gay-wod, and all the otehr names that are too explicit to say on here, and nocking the books out of my hands. and we're not talking huge fat kid held back 5th graders. i'm talking mousy runts. im thinking "ok... your like... 4 foot nothing. i'm here in a leather harley jacket , i could lift you up and rip you inhalf above my head. literally. and go to jail for life first degree murder. do i not look the LEAST bit intimidating here?!?!"
back in my day, we wouldnt as much as BREATHE or blink around an upper classmen. but kids today are too mouthy. wheres the respect?
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/8/2009 2:52:27 PM
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Shrommer
Posts: 156
Joined: 5/4/2005
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I was bullied as a kid on occasions, especially in 5th-7th grades. I don't want to talk about it right now, but later okay.
"Bully-cide" would have to mean the killing of a bully, not the killing done by a bully. If someone is bullied to death, that should be called by a different name. "Bully-cide" would be something like "Another bully was lynched today." That could start being a problem one day if there is too much outrage directed against bullies.
I agree 100% that the meaning of bully in the past did not refer to criminal behavior. Sometimes a bully could push, which I guess could be simple assualt, or perhaps a fist could be swung, but generally we would say things like: He never hit anybody; he just bullied them. The bully was the one who acted selfishly and tried to control others gaining leverage from their strength in numbers or strength by virtue of muscle or size or certain skills. It was more the threat of harm than actually harming others.
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RE: Bullycide: Our Next Mission Field - 10/9/2009 9:50:46 AM
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DaveW
Posts: 3797
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Shrommer
I agree 100% that the meaning of bully in the past did not refer to criminal behavior. Sometimes a bully could push, which I guess could be simple assualt, or perhaps a fist could be swung, but generally we would say things like: He never hit anybody; he just bullied them. The bully was the one who acted selfishly and tried to control others gaining leverage from their strength in numbers or strength by virtue of muscle or size or certain skills. It was more the threat of harm than actually harming others. Back in the 60s there was nothing criminal about beating a kid to a pulp as long as you were under age yourself and you did not kill him. If he landed in the hospital you may be liable for civil damages but that was it.
The bullies all around here actually beat people up on a regular basis.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
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