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Cleaning the house - 6/29/2008 9:05:02 PM
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FAWIHTT
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I have 2 kids both in 4th grade so they are old enough to clean and can. I have taught them well and they can clean circles around most adults. Now, I have been unable to get them to do their chores at all. I have tried everything it seems but no luck. I am sooooooo tired and ready to scream. Please give me your suggestions.
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God Has Blessed us to make us a blessing. Genesis 12:2
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RE: Cleaning the house - 6/29/2008 9:14:24 PM
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NotDoneYet
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Try taking things away from them...computer, TV, videogames, going outside, whatever it takes. Strip them down to a bare bedroom and if they CHOOSE not to do their chores, they can sit on their beds...
Chores can be a struggle...and kids often get to talking to their "friends" at school who swear up and down they don't have to do ANYTHING at home and that having chores is "child abuse".
Good Luck!
NDY
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RE: Cleaning the house - 6/29/2008 9:38:13 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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What do you mean by 'tried everything'? You post the list of chores and expect them to complete them at a certain time/day. They also have to do any task you assign them throughout the week. If they fail or give you guff, then they get an extra chore. If they still refuse, then they get to sit in their rooms with no entertaining devices until they have changed their minds. Stick with it and it will work (as is true of most systems).
If they used to do the jobs and do them well, what happened?
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RE: Cleaning the house - 6/29/2008 10:32:03 PM
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garsyt
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I agree with Jenny and notdoneyet.
Around here if chores don't get done computers get new passwords, Ipods disappear, video games get unplugged and the TV cabinet gets locked up. Chores get done without complaint or bickering that someone else had less chores or easier chores ( I have 4 kids from 7 to 14). I also don't take kindly to non-cooperation between siblings that are supposed to be working together to complete tasks.
I've also been known to pull children right out of a sound sleep in their bed so they can complete a task that didn't get done before bedtime. Just a few nights ago, I pulled my 14 year old out of bed to take the trash out. He'd been asked a few different time and he still hadn't done it after he'd gone to bed so I went up woke him up and made him do it.
These are 10 year old children. Stay consistent - insist that they do what is asked of them or remove privileges.
Period. End of story.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Cleaning the house - 6/29/2008 10:49:16 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
I've also been known to pull children right out of a sound sleep in their bed so they can complete a task that didn't get done before bedtime
I am glad I am not the only one! More than once I have pulled Brandon out of bed way early in the morning because I went to cook my breakfast and the dishes either had not been washed or were not actually clean.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 6/30/2008 4:52:25 AM
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FAWIHTT
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I have done that also. I have taken things from them but I am going to have to step it up a notch. thanks
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 8:34:46 AM
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MyMasquerade
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair
quote:
I've also been known to pull children right out of a sound sleep in their bed so they can complete a task that didn't get done before bedtime
I am glad I am not the only one! More than once I have pulled Brandon out of bed way early in the morning because I went to cook my breakfast and the dishes either had not been washed or were not actually clean.
Why would the dishes be his job? The entire family eats don't they?
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 8:59:07 AM
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AngieCat
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Fortunately, my son has not given me too much trouble. Our house rule is that he has to complete his daily chores before playing. The same goes for school work when school is in session. Although he gives me a hard time sometimes, he realizes the chore doesn't take much time and he will be outside playing in no time.
Garsy, your story of pulling your 14 year old out of bed reminds me of one time when I didn't fold/clean my dresser drawers and my mom pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night, dumped the drawers and told me to refold everything.
Fawihtt - What kind of chores are your 4th graders responsible for? My 9 year old is responsible for all trash responsibility including the emptying the small trash cans in the bathroom/bedroom, taking out the main trash in the kitchen when full and taking out/bringing back the trash to the curb weekly. He has to clean his room once a week, clean his hamster cage and set the table for dinner. He is also responsible for putting his dishes in the sink after dinner.
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Angela
Blessed Mother of one with Hannah Nicole on the way - due Nov. 30th
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 10:58:30 AM
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garsyt
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quote:
Garsy, your story of pulling your 14 year old out of bed reminds me of one time when I didn't fold/clean my dresser drawers and my mom pulled me out of bed in the middle of the night, dumped the drawers and told me to refold everything.
Now I don't do that. How things look in their own rooms as long as it is sanitary, doesn't bother me. If they want to wear wrinkled clothing that's their problem, but I'm NOT helping them find a special shirt or their swimsuit if it didn't get put away properly.
quote:
Why would the dishes be his job? The entire family eats don't they?
Because it's part of being a family. I don't wear all the clothing - but I don't fuss about washing the vast majority of it. My eldest dd doesn't track in all the dirt and grime on the floors but she still vacumms and sweeps. My hubby certainly doesn't spend all the money in this home - but he is the sole breadwinner. God makes the grass grow - but it still needs to be mowed - and so my eldest ds and I share that chore.
Part of being a family is working together toward a common goal. In many homes that goal includes raising children to be able to take care of themselves once they leave home. Kids need to be taught how to do something and then supplement that teaching with practice. Plus it's a lot easier to keep a household functioning when everyone works toward a common end. And sometimes that means cleaning up even though you were not solely responsible for the mess.
Blessings,
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:02:12 AM
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MyMasquerade
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I guess I am the only parent here who doesn't make her child do chores. It is just the two of us and it is just easier for me to take care of things.
She does have to take care of her dogs though, making sure they have food and water and puppy pads for when we aren't home.
There are times I will ask her if she will help me with something if I am not feeling well, but she doesn't have daily chores to do.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:07:16 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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Of course it is EASIER for you to do it all, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Kids need to contribute to the family, and they need to be trained over the years so that they will be able to take care of themselves when they are on their own.
I don't make my kids do chores so that I can be lazy. I make them do chores so that they can grow responsible, so they can see what it takes to run a home, so that they know they are truly part of this household in both the giving and receiving ends of things, so they will appreciate the work their wives and children do when they are married, so that they don't feel worthless, etc. And it wasn't easy in the beginning, but as time goes on (they are now 12 and 15) they have gotten better at things and even taken more responsibilities for themselves.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:16:16 AM
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MyMasquerade
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It isn't that she doesn't know how to do them, I just don't make her do them. My sister cleans houses for a living because my brother in law is terminally ill and she can't leave him so she had to do something she can bring him with her. Tay will go help her sometimes to make money for something she wants, so she knows how to clean - better than I do. She can cook to, I just don't like her doing it if I am not home and if I am home I am usually the one to cook, but there are several things she can make from scratch that are very good.
Then she has her lawn service where she is doing a couple lawns a week, then she is working at the sno-ball stand 1 - 2 days a week. Since she is "working" right now and I am not I am not going to ask her to do a certain list of things.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:19:14 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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Knowing how to do chores and knowing that you are an integral part of the family are two different things. I wouldn't want my kids feeling like the household was there to serve them. I want them to feel like they contribute to the household. I think it is very important for their development.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:24:27 AM
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MyMasquerade
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Since it is just the two of us we do things differently than we would if we were a large family. I realize though that what works for us doesn't work for everyone.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:27:43 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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Well, there is just me and the two kids, which isn't much different, but I think it's a philosophical difference, not a practical one. I don't want my kids thinking the world revolves around them. I don't think that's healthy. I want them to be part of the revolving world, part of the team, etc. We all make sacrifices for one another and all in all, things are pretty fair around here.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:36:37 AM
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MyMasquerade
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How old are they?
Tay knows the world doesn't revolve around her, but our world does, lol. I think as long as she is doing her job which is in my opinion is going to school and making no less than a b average she doesn't have to clean house. She is doing her job.
I am not working right now but will be going back in the next week or two when I get back and get things straight from not working I plan on paying someone once a week to come in and take care of the dusting, the floors, the bathrooms and what ever else I hate to do. That is my reward for her work, like her reward for good grades is not having to do house work.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 11:38:08 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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Nate is 12 and Brandon is 15.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
My Blog
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 12:09:39 PM
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W.O.F.
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FAWHITT,
You've gotten a lot of good ideas on how to deal with their not doing their chores....(and ones I have used as well)...
I imagine one thing you have heard lately is "I just didn't feel like it."
One thing I have had to "pull" at times is that I don't do my chores (like cook dinner, etc) for a day..when they ask "where's dinner" I say "I just didn't feel like it...."
Mainly, I sit my kids down when they go through this phase and simply tell them..."We are a family..and as a family we help each other out....now, I could do all the chores...but it would take me hours...or we can all work together for 30 minutes and get the same amount of work done.....HOW do YOU want to do it? for hours, or a few minutes...." and then I remind them of the consequences of NOT doing their chores.....
My Masquerade,
I am sorry..but your reasons for not requiring your daughter to do chores sound more like excuses than reasons. My sister was a single mom of one child (still is..but that child is grown)...and she did require her daughter to do chores that were age appropriate. It, in the long run, made my sister's life much easier, as well as my niece's...because she didn't have to wait on mom to do stuff for her, and she also learned the value of doing things for the value of doing things...not simply to get paid or rewarded.
I think that singleton children (only children) need to have chores as much if not more than children who have siblings...they need that core stability of being a PART of their world...not just having it revolve around them. I have had many friends who were singletons...and the ones who enjoyed being only children the most were those who did have chores and responsibilities to the house, without chances of reward or remuneration.
"Most experts agree that chores are good for children. For instance, parenting expert and author Jim Fay calls chores for children essential. Here's why: In addition to our needs for physical and emotional safety, love and affection, and healthy amounts of control, he says, we also all need to be needed. That's because we're pack animals by nature.
"If your child never has to raise a finger, that basic need has been stolen away," says Fay. "Children need to feel as though they're a cog in the wheel. But they can't feel that way if they don't have chores and make contributions to the family."
In her book, Raising Compassionate, Courageous Children in a Violent World, Janice Cohn, PhD, cites studies showing that helping others not only promotes higher self-esteem, but increases academic and social skills while decreasing the risk for depression and anxiety disorders"...from an article on WebMD.
Bradley Hospital has this to say about chores: "It is interesting that parents who would never think of relaxing the requirements of personal hygiene, homework and school attendance will frequently allow their children to avoid household chores.
It is difficult to say why many of today's parents have loosened their grip on such a readily available and effective teaching tool. Maybe they are unaware of the relationship of chores to the development of social responsibility. Maybe they don't see chores as a means of strengthening family ties. Maybe they are unaware of the critical role social responsibility will play in their child's teenage and adult life.
Do not pay your children for completing their chores. The purpose of chores is to teach children about their social responsibilities to their family and equip them in the best possible manner to meet the many social responsibilities that confront teenagers and adults.
The value of chores resides in the lessons learned from accomplishing them: a sense of pride, the development of self-respect and the experience of being connected to others who depend on and value the child's contribution. Payment defeats the purpose."
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 3:21:44 PM
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MyMasquerade
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I don't have to make excuses to anyone so they aren't excuses. I support myself and my daughter 100% so there is no need for me to make excuses to anyone!!!!!
How can I make her do chores when I would much rather pay someone to clean my house than do it myself? I can't make her do something that I don't do.
Like I have said she has her yards to cut and works at the snoball stand on days she works I am not going to ask her to come home and do anything, especially on grass days because it is so darn hot. If I were married and stayed at home, I wouldn't expect my husband to come home from work and work in the house, so I don't expect her to come home from work and do the house work.
It works for us, not everything that works for us would work for anyone else.
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/4/2008 8:34:13 PM
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garsyt
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I guess I see it this way.
There are 6 people who live in this house
Everyone contributes to the mess.
Everyone should be responsible enough to help clean up the mess.
Everyone is responsible for picking up after themselves.
Everyone can help in SOME age appropriate way and contribute to the up keep and care of our home.
My hubby, works full time (and has been unemployeed for 2 months - going back to work on Monday), my children all make very good grades and have an abundance of activities and sports, and I, while my title remains a SAHM, I do volunteer at least 20 hours a week either in my kid's schools or in our community. Even though I am a SAHM - I don't feel it's fair that I do everything either. I take care of the vast majority of the chores around here, especially during the school year - BUT it's only fair that everyone helps out. I don't make my kids do it all, but I do expect them to help when asked. It's not going to hurt my 9 year old to take the trash out to the big trash can as needed and to the curb once a week. It's only going to teach my eldest responsibility and life skills if I ask that he switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer or fold a load on occassion. My 7 year old is fully capable and luckily willing to fold towels, unload the dishwasher when it's her turn, and make sure the pets are feed and watered (we have fish, gerbils, a cat and a dog). My 10 year old helps with meals several times a week, sets and clears the table when it's her night.
We share the load so it's not so overwhelming. If I were to have to do it alone - well I would fold because it would be overwhelming - but many hands make light work!
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/6/2008 7:36:49 AM
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W.O.F.
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AMEN garsy!
I think too many people think that when you have your kids do chores, you are making them do ALL the work...when in reality..they may have one or two chores a week (or a day depending on how you break it up)...and that lessens the load on everyone.
We have 7 people in our house. When we all take one chore a day...we can CLEAN the whole house in 45 minutes or less.....whereas it would take me 3 to 4 hours to do the same work.
Everyone would rather do one or two 15 to 20 minute chores and have more time with me (and me not be so tired!) as having one person do it all.....
When it was just my mom and I when I was in High school and my dad worked out of town....chores saved us. If I hadn't had chores, my mom would have been exhausted. She worked full-time, plus taught classes at night....if she had had to do it all...she'd have dropped dead!
I played sports, worked part-time, was a straight A student and babysat regularly....I still had time to do 2 to 3 chores a day and thus save my mom a lot of work!
I think it comes down to people not being willing to set realistic limits on what they can do, as well as what they can expect from their children.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/6/2008 3:40:07 PM
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truthrevealed
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Garsy and Jennie...GOD BLESS YOU BOTH--- you've restored my confidence that there are parents who STILL teach responsiblity living and breathing in 2008...AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!
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RE: Cleaning the house - 7/6/2008 4:04:39 PM
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buckifn
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Our house rule always was the same... You do not leave the house until chores are done...period..end of story. It's amazing how motivated kids can become to do what has to be done when there is somewhere they are looking forward to going.
I remember well not even being able to go to baseball practice until my work at home was done first. I still get up extra early to do stuff at home before going to work.
Teach your kids good habits now and it often becomes a pattern for life.
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We are so evil! 
My mom and dad were here this week and tried to convince my ds that I was being "so mean." I only turned to my ds and said, "I learned from the best!" To which my dad had to agree! 
