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College to Career transition - 6/17/2009 12:31:16 PM
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davelinde
Posts: 475
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: New Jersey
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first a little context. I finished college 25 years ago but last week I began leading a small group for college/career age in our church. The first week was mostly just me getting to know the people, and on reflection of what I heard I'm wondering making the college to career transition.
I heard the same thing from two people, both new graduates, single, one working, one looking, both from Christian colleges. They were both having trouble finding Christian friends now. They mentioned how many Christian friends they had in college and how they are now so much more lonely and seeking fellowship because they're in an environment with no Christian friends.
While this group will be some fellowship I hope..., there are only a few (eg 4) career age and more college age in the group and so far the two groups don't seem to have much in common.
Thinking back to my own experience, I got married immediately out of college and was working a job that completely consumed me. While I had no friends beyond my wife, I was so busy I didn't have time to be lonely. In retrospect that was not a great thing... so it's not a plan I'd advise.
Anyone else go through this? What did you do? What would you advise?
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RE: College to Career transition - 6/17/2009 12:44:59 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 435
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Yes, I had more problems finding Christian friends after I graduated from college, and while I kept my old college friends who were still in school, I did find I now had less in common with people still in school. I found I had more success joining church and community activities based on interest, rather than age. I'm still kind of in that situation, because I'm 40, and married but no kids. Most of my age cohort has little kids to middle schoolers, and our lives are just different. I find I tend to hang with empty nesters.
I know that doesn't offer much help to you as a college/career leader. I've always thought the old "College and Career" "Young Adult Marrieds" "Middle Adult Marrieds" "Senior Adult Marrieds" "Adult Singles" structure was a little inflexible and artificial anyway.
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RE: College to Career transition - 6/17/2009 1:22:36 PM
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davelinde
Posts: 475
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: New Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
I've always thought the old "College and Career" "Young Adult Marrieds" "Middle Adult Marrieds" "Senior Adult Marrieds" "Adult Singles" structure was .... artificial
I agree, this grouping exists for historical reasons and I'm not interested in changing how the church offers groups. I am however (with the encouragement of church leadership) moving to change the meeting to a "small group" from more of a combo study group/social function.
BTW - on reflection I guess I could say that when I led a small group of young parents they also lamented the lack of Christian friends... I guess the distinction here is that the recent grads of Christian colleges were recently surrounded by Christians and now they aren't...
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RE: College to Career transition - 6/18/2009 10:38:31 AM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 435
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Oh, I don't expect you to advocate for change. It just reminded me of the old traditional Southern Baptist church I grew up in, and it made me chuckle. I remember as a kid my parents being in the "Young Adult 2" class (basically married couples in their 30's). My parents were the oldest couple in the group, and when my mom (the younger spouse) turned 40, the church education minister insisted that my parents move up to the "Middle Adult 1" class, even though YAD2 was hardly overly full, and all my parents' closest friends were there. It was like being in elementary school again!
I like your idea of mixing in more socialization to the group. You might also look at hosting other groups. I think it would be great to invite the older adults class in for a dinner that your group cooks and serves. That way, you can keep the age group thing that your church seems to like, but expose the group's members to other people who could be friends. Also, it increases the visibility of the group in the church. Sometimes college and career groups get discounted by churches. It's like you're not the youth group that the parents make visible because they want to see their kids in church, and you're not a young married couple starting to contribute regularly and bring new babies into the congregation, so unfortunately in the eyes of some, this group is invisible.
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RE: College to Career transition - 7/1/2009 12:18:18 PM
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PixieSunBelle
Posts: 100
Joined: 4/12/2007
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I know when i went to church usually when my group moved up since most of us were the same age we moved up together so we never had that issue. however, now i don't attend church because I have no friends there... it sounds stupit but church lacks the whole experience when one no longer feels comfortable there anymore...
Anyways, what about your group working with the youth group in some activities such as i think its called mall detective, progressive dinner, and possibly all nighters?
or you could reach out to other churches and see if their college/career group would like to have an all nighter or monthly social activity.
_____________________________
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RE: College to Career transition - 7/21/2009 8:37:32 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1930
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PixieSunBelle
I know when i went to church usually when my group moved up since most of us were the same age we moved up together so we never had that issue. however, now i don't attend church because I have no friends there... it sounds stupit but church lacks the whole experience when one no longer feels comfortable there anymore...
Anyways, what about your group working with the youth group in some activities such as i think its called mall detective, progressive dinner, and possibly all nighters?
or you could reach out to other churches and see if their college/career group would like to have an all nighter or monthly social activity.
PixieSunBelle hit the nail right on the head. Fellowships are really important. When I graduated from college and was in church, I found that no one really took me seriously as a Christian. It was a very lonely because it seemed like all of the adults had families or wanted to sit around at a barbecue and talk about each other (that was my perception back then). I wanted to talk about Christ and I wanted a group of friends. I never really found it - I cobbled together unsatisfying friendships - for me, my 20s was very lonely. Mostly, I immersed myself in the bible and in teaching - and tried to fit into fellowships whenever I could. Thank God my 30s are different.
My suggestion would be to have regular fellowships - network with other churches - and experiment with the nights when you do these things. A saturday afternoon or even a friday night fellowship might work well for this group as well, since many of their peers are going to go out clubbing or drinking on those nights - and they might be looking for an alternative. You also might want to ask them what they want to do and have them make suggestions. Going to concerts together is another option. Or maybe having a Christian coffee house or meeting at a home periodically. You might want to give the career age people a chance to get together on their own - I'm not sure how you would do this - but perhaps some of them could help out with leading the group. That would form a natural connection, since they'd have to meet together to prepare. Just a suggestion - don't know if it will work for your group. There is a natural seperation between the college aged kids and the career aged adults. While they are together now, perhaps as the career aged group grows, you might want to consider a targetted ministry geared towards them. And don't forget young marrieds - there are some - particularly those without kids - that would benefit from a career aged group.
But don't stop there. Usually, if a person is a single Christian and in their early 20s, they are truly swimming upstream in society. Often, they are really looking for ways to make their faith tangible and practical. They'll take risks and make sacrifices that many adults won't make. Bible studies, but also hands on opportunities to serve, are really important. And real in-depth teaching - moving from the basics to things like - how to use your spiritual gifts, how to deal with real life issues - like what to do when you are the only Christian in your workplace - are important.
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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