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DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:39:51 PM
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spotnapp
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My dd is showing early signs of possibly starting her menstruation. I've always been undecided on whether to share this info. with my DH, whenever she does start. I just feel like most dads, including my DH, would rather not know about this part of their daughters maturing. Part of me says I should just discuss it with him but then the other part still tells me that he just don't even want to think this matter concerning his daughter.
What have other moms done in this situation, and I'd really love to hear from dads on their feelings on this matter?
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:43:04 PM
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W.O.F.
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I privately informed my husband...not in front of my daughter.
He needs to know...simply because if you are ever not home, and she has some problems....he needs to know. Most dads would rather not know...but it is a have to know kind of thing....what if something happens to you ...who is going to have to help her? He is.
It is foolish to keep the dad ignorant...and dangerous as far as any health issues a daughter might have with her cycle.....I have a friend whose daughter had severe cysts....one burst during her cycle...if her dad had not realized what time of month it was....the daughter would have been in dire straights cause mom was in the hospital at the time.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:43:23 PM
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bondserv65
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From: Chicago
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quote:
ORIGINAL: spotnapp
My dd is showing early signs of possibly starting her menstruation. I've always been undecided on whether to share this info. with my DH, whenever she does start. I just feel like most dads, including my DH, would rather not know about this part of their daughters maturing. Part of me says I should just discuss it with him but then the other part still tells me that he just don't even want to think this matter concerning his daughter.
What have other moms done in this situation, and I'd really love to hear from dads on their feelings on this matter?
Have you asked her if she wants it discussed with him? As a mom that would be my first step. If she doesn't there are certain things he will probably notice anyway. If she does, then would be when i started worrying what he wanted.
What i actually did, though, was to raise my daughter in an atmosphere that was open enough that "Dad, can i have $5 for sanitary products" was enough when she was at his house
Could be just me
< Message edited by bondserv65 -- 10/6/2009 9:49:29 PM >
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:46:17 PM
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manda59
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Of course I talked with my husband about my daughter starting her periods. It is an "of course" to me, because he needed to know (a) so that he'd know what was going on with his daughter, (b) so that she knew he knew and cared about what was going on with her, (c) that he could make allowances during that time of the month and just before it.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:53:05 PM
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bolt.
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I can't imagine keeping that sort of thing an unknown in a family environment. What kind of a dad is so ignorant that he thinks he's got a pre-pubesecnent 15 year old? It's not disgusting. It's not intensely private. It's perfectly average.
It doesn't have to be a big deal. "How was your day honey? DD and I had to go out to get some pads for her now that she's going to be needing them." -- "Oh, so she's there now, eh?" -- "Yeah."
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 9:55:52 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I can't imagine keeping that sort of thing an unknown in a family environment. What kind of a dad is so ignorant that he thinks he's got a pre-pubesecnent 15 year old? It's not disgusting. It's not intensely private. It's perfectly average.
It doesn't have to be a big deal. "How was your day honey? DD and I had to go out to get some pads for her now that she's going to be needing them." -- "Oh, so she's there now, eh?" -- "Yeah."
that is pretty much our our conversation went! LOL...
It was actually more like "honey..she started today." "oh okay...does she know you are telling me..." " She know we talk about everything..." "okay...poor kid...does she need anything special to make her feel better...is she doing okay?"
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 10:10:45 PM
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manda59
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I still remember the day our dd started. She was in a lot of pain, felt weak and very unwell.
So we didn't go out that afternoon - she curled up on the couch with a quilt, and we all watched a DVD together - it was "I Robot". So, not only did her dad know, but her brother (4 yrs older) knew as well.
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"It is a serious stellar day when I agree with both Ruth and Manda." Surpassing Peace, November 2009
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 10:31:47 PM
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spotnapp
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Thank you for all the honest & open replies. They all pretty much confirmed my true belief and feelings that Dad "should" know, he'll just have to man up and get over his reservations on the matter.  Thank you for those that posted about the health reasons, I never really considered those, but that really drilled it home that he needs to know.
My poor baby, I've already had the girl talk with her in the past but we went over it again tonight in a bit more detail and I told her "when you finally do start it will be a bitter-sweet part of your life, it will be a curse that visits you once a month for most of your life but without it you wouldn't be able to enjoy the biggest blessing God gave to women in experiencing carrying and birthing a baby later in your life after you get married"
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 10:34:43 PM
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bolt.
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But don't "discuss" it with him. Just mention it, as a plain fact, and move on. That's respectful towards his squeamishness.
_____________________________
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Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/6/2009 10:45:57 PM
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mmartiandt
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I was glad when my mom told my dad. It meant I didn't have to have that conversation, and that he could buy "stuff" for me. That was our code word. Especially when my mom was in the hospital while having my baby sister, I knew I could say to my dad "I need stuff" and he'd know exactly what I was talking about, and would buy it for me. I hated buying it when I was a teenager, because inevitably I'd run into a boy I thought was cute when buying it. 
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Sheltered from the storms of life, Free from pain and suffering,
Wrapped in the arms of Jesus, Forever in our hearts
January 31, 2009
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 12:07:03 AM
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garsyt
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The plans here are to let her father know that day. I will speak to him privately, just to give him a heads up. He's her father - he needs to know. I will talk to her and tell her that dad needs to know these sorts of things so she will know that he knows and that it okay.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 7:36:51 AM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
But don't "discuss" it with him. Just mention it, as a plain fact, and move on. That's respectful towards his squeamishness.
exactly...no man (and most women to be honest) are not comfortable knowing all the details!
We keep it at information level....if she is having a difficult time...I simply tell him "she's having a hard time with girl stuff". He knows what that means...and cuts her a little slack...and buys her chocolate!
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 11:00:57 AM
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W.O.F.
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YES...my hubby has been glad he has known...for the most part my daughter is pretty level headed and okay...but there have been a couple of times that she just burst into tears over something he or someone else said (and it wasn't something that seemed to warrent that type of reaction) but because he knew that she was a "fully functional female"...he would ask in soft whisper to me "girl stuff?" I'd nod...and he'd know how to proceed from there.
Dads don't want to know all the details, but they do need to know those facts...it makes for better relationships with their daughters...and even their wives...cause mom doesn't have to keep running interference!
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 11:14:38 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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I also believe it is important for the Dad to know. He may need to pick up stuff on his way home, or know what is bothering her if we suddenly need to find another rest stop when we just had one. I used to have such bad pain that a couple of times I was doubled over on the floor. Imagine how scary that would be if you didn't know that she was menstruating until the doctor told you that your daughter did not have appendicitis!
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 12:12:13 PM
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SurpassingPeace
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It was just a matter of fact part of life in my home growing up. We will do the same when it happens to my dd. I don't want her to think it is gross or icky. I don't like how that could make her feel about all of it including herself. In my house, my dad did the grocery shopping and when he was making the list called through the house, "Anyone need pads this week?" It just wasn't a big deal. I was glad it wasn't.
Karen
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 2:05:49 PM
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garsyt
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
It was just a matter of fact part of life in my home growing up. We will do the same when it happens to my dd. I don't want her to think it is gross or icky. I don't like how that could make her feel about all of it including herself. In my house, my dad did the grocery shopping and when he was making the list called through the house, "Anyone need pads this week?" It just wasn't a big deal. I was glad it wasn't.
Karen
Now I don't remember if my mom ever told my dad that any of his 3 daughters had begun their cycles, but I'm sure he knew - he had to! We had three of us including my mom all having their periods within a couple weeks of each other as my sister and I were just three years apart in age and she started earlier than I had. And we only had one bathroom shared by a household of 8! My husband picks up stuff for me all the time and he'll likely do the same for our daughters
My husband just stated that if a dad is any kind of involved father than he's going to want to know.
In addition to telling my husband, I'll likely let my sons in on it as well - just so they know to cut her a little slack if she's cramping or just not feeling herself.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 2:27:58 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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My brother was the first to know and after I had started his girl friends taught him how to know when I was starting, or what was going on.
My mother told my dad because I remember him embarrassing me in the store when I had to buy supplies. 
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When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 2:43:31 PM
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whoz-it
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A daddy needs to know for one reason and one reason only...he's her daddy.
One can go on with the need to know for: health reasons, hormone reasons, purchasing products reason. To me that's just extra.
It is a normal, natural, *healthy* part of life, and because it is apart of my daughter's life...of course her daddy knows about it.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/7/2009 3:06:03 PM
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FunBetty
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When I started, I had an accident at school, and my brother (who was in high school) had to bring me a change of clothes...so he was the first to know. LOL.
I think it's important for the dad to know. I think when it comes time for DSD (who is almost 9), I'd tell DH about it privately. He needs to know, but she'll likely be embarrassed about it.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 9:09:15 AM
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Memaw.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: whoz-it
A daddy needs to know for one reason and one reason only...he's her daddy.
One can go on with the need to know for: health reasons, hormone reasons, purchasing products reason. To me that's just extra.
It is a normal, natural, *healthy* part of life, and because it is apart of my daughter's life...of course her daddy knows about it.
Exactly!
It never occurred to me to not tell my husband.
I have never understood the separating parents thing. I wanted to know everything about my son and my husband wanted to know everything about our daughters.
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If you don't believe King Jesus and his saints will be riding white horses when he returns to the earth, then you can just walk and I will ride.
John G. Hall
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 11:11:13 AM
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coolfamily6
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I did privately discuss this with my hubby. Then one day a couple of mos. later when dd was on her cycle and could not swim, ds asked why. She said because I am on my cycle. DS said ok and said is Samantha, too? (DD's best friend) They cracked up laughing and said no. He said can she swim with me? So, dd's friend swam with him and dd sat in the sun with a book. So, now dd does not feel uncomfortable about her cycle even with her little brother even though he is only 19 mos younger. He just accepts that sometimes she will say no I cannot swim or I do not feel well, etc and he doesn't ask why anymore he just accepts that she is a young lady now.
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If your bible is a mess; your life won't be.
~Encouragement a mom gave to our children at our First Grader's Bible Ceremony!
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