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Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 12:48:26 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 7282
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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When I dropped Mr. Manly off at Cub Scouts today, I went shopping during his meeting.
I went to the fabric store and bought some sewing machine needles and some tracing paper at 50% off. That's a necessity.
I stopped by the music store and ordered a piano book for myself. It felt like a good splurge.
I stopped by J.C. Penny and bought two new bras for my about to turn 14yo daughter. They were on sale and she only has two bras. Three would be fine, but it was buy one, get the second at 50% off. I figured it was worth it to buy her another one, so she now has four bras.
I stopped at Talbots and checked out their sale. I bought a sweater for myself that was on sale. It's a really soft and pretty sweater. I paid $29 for it, plus tax. Just writing that, I feel guilty.
Now this thread is not to make me feel more guilty, so do not suggest that $29 was a lot to spend on a sweater or make any similar comments. I did not start this thread to increase my guilt.
I think it is sad that I feel guilty spending twenty nine bucks on a sweater for myself. We have the money. I don't really have many sweaters. It was a good buy, but I still feel the need to justify my purchase. My husband smiled when he saw it and had nothing negative to say. He was glad I bought it. My mother and my daughters responded the same way. So why is it so difficult to spend money on myself for clothing?! Do any of you feel this way too?
The reason I put this in Home Schooling was that. I have no problem spending money on school books and so forth. Well I do worry a bit, but I don't feel guilty for goodness sake. Why would I be able to plunk down hundred on dollars on school stuff, but feel like I'm being selfish when I buy a pretty sweater? Do you have this same problem?
_____________________________
"A tax supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state."
-- Isabel Patterson
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 6:39:22 AM
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Cawfee_Mod
Posts: 17
Joined: 2/28/2008
From: Fields of bluegrass
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I feel very guilty about buying myself clothes. My husband tells me I shouldn't, but that is just the way I am wired I guess.
_____________________________
-Christine
Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life. ~Jean Paul Richter
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 7:03:39 AM
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mathlady
Posts: 47
Joined: 2/26/2008
From: "cold" New England
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I'm right there with you. I had no problem buying things for the kids when they needed them, no problem with my husband buying clothes for himself, but it is still a battle to actually buy something for myself. And I never buy something for myself that's not on sale!
I don't know where this comes from. I grew up in a family where everything that was needed was easily provided, but my dh and I have always been on the edge financially. I have always felt that every purchase needs to be justified - almost nothing bought just because I wanted it, always because it is needed. And usually I wait for a while to see if whatever it is really is needed or if it is possible to do without it. Obviously clothing for myself falls into the last category since I am not walking around naked.
Is it possible that God has put into women a strong sense of caring for others (the mothering instinct) and that some of us take it to the extreme of denying ourselves in order that the rest of our family may have what they want/need?
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 7:50:05 AM
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Karaboo2
Posts: 566
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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Cynthia, I am SOOOOOO with you here!!! Only it's not just in buying clothes ... it's in buying ANYTHING for myself that isn't a major necessity. (Although I too just recently purchased a sweater, and have been wearing it constantly since it is so chilly around here! Probably would have walked right past it, but babe had just thrown up on my coat and it was snowing out! Helped that it was on clearance for 90% off too!)
I know the guilty feeling can be quite annoying and frustrating, but what frustrates me more are the people who don't seem to have ANY feelings of guilt over purchases, etc. I know one lady who has two children. I'm in Canada, so we get something called the Canada Child Tax Benefit (Baby Bonus) ... it's a monthly supplement from the gov't to help cover the costs of raising children (food, clothes, etc). This particular person plans a HUGE shopping day for the day it arrives every month. The amount she usually spends on her kids on this shopping day equates to around $10 apiece. The rest goes to Mom for: clothes, piercings, tattoos, etc ... and then te following day she is begging her mil for money and guilting her mil into giving her money for the kids "so they don't starve or freeze" MIL gets less per month from disability than this woman does from baby bonus alone ... never mind all of the $$ her hubby contributes to the household!
Anywho, I went off in a semi-other direction. Sorry about that. Now it's time for me to finish readying the kids for the day, putting on my comfy sweater, and heading to the park to let them run off a LOT of energy!!!
_____________________________
Kara
"I am not here. I am lost. I have gone to find myself. If I should get back before I return, please ask me to wait!"
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 8:50:34 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8683
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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I'm with you Cynthia. About the only time I buy clothes for myself is when someone sends me money for my birthday or Christmas. The only thing I buy without worrying about it is shoes and I only have "necessities"
One pair of casual sandals for summer
one pair of summer church shoes
One pair of winter church shoes
Sneakers.
The only ones I replace with any regularity is sneakers. I have been wearing the same sandals and church shoes for several years. The sandals are probably the newest. I found some Skechers sandals for half off a couple years ago. I think this will be 2nd summer wearing them. I also have a cheap pair I bougth at Walmart for about $10. I haven't bought new churh shoes in years.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 9:16:42 AM
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operalady
Posts: 175
Joined: 8/14/2007
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No, I don't. I deserve new clothes as much as the rest of the family! (Same goes for books, music, dvds, household items, ect.!)
During the earlier hs years, we would budget $ for each of us for clothes. I would save mine from month to month, and while I did look to stretch those dollars, I knew the money was there for me to spend. The children were taken care of, they had the clothes they needed, buying clothes for me was not taking away from $ for them.
Just yesterday, I went out to look for a new spring dress. I ended up with a new dress, new dress slacks, a lovely sweater to go with them, a new pair of jeans and 2 casual tops..... Plus I shopped where they give me $ to spend next month... so I'll get to go back next month and choose more slacks and tops - and it won't cost me much at all! I also went to look for shoes and found 2 that fit me, so I bought them both. No guilt.
And I didn't feel guilty telling dd2 that she couldn't have more shoes just because she thought they were cute!!! She already bought 3 pair this spring, and has more shoes than dresses! She has her own job and if she still wants them she can go back and get them herself! I just asked her if working a whole night was worth a pair of shoes! Puts things in perspective when they have to measure the cost of things!!!
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 10:14:46 AM
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JuliaHop
Posts: 634
Joined: 4/11/2005
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My answer...yes. After my years of being a sahm my wardrobe is in bad shape. I need more clothes for this spring/summer, I get a store discount, and I still feel bad if I buy something new.
Cynthia...enjoy the sweater.  My entire family would tell me to enjoy the sweater if I had done the same thing!
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 10:24:44 AM
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HSmom2
Posts: 100
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Maybe, sometimes I used to. The money will be spent one way or another. My kids have plenty of clothes, so does dh.
I do buy mostly "on sale" or "clearance". I don't go to malls hardly ever, but one day at Belk's I found on clearance 2 pairs of cotton elastic waist pants with pockets in tan for $ 3.00 They were marked somewhere between $23 - $30 original price. I wear them all the time.
I used to shop in Thrift shops but dh didn't really want me to. My sister told me that you can get new clothes on sale for almost what you pay there. In our city and state that is true. The thrift shops are large but usually dirty and the prices are too high for a thrift shop. If you hit the stores at the right times you can find really good prices. I have noticed that the prices do go up as your children age though, esp. for jeans for a boy.
I found some shirts on clearance at a really great price online. I bought five t-shirts to replace old stained ones. I want to look nice for my family.
They do notice too. If I put one of my new shirts on with jeans, they ask me where I'm going or say I look nice.
I buy the nicest clothes I can for my family at the best price I can find. No more guilt for me.
HSmom2
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 10:35:35 AM
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Homegrownkids
Posts: 1261
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I usually don't feel too guilty when I buy clothes for myself since I seldom do it. I usually buy something when I am down to two shirts in my drawer (or whatever it i might be). I guess I don't mind going without. I am finding myself feeling more guilty when my 13 yr DD wants something, or when the kids need something for sports or church etc... and we have to wait until we have the money. I wish we could just go out and buy it. Sometimes we buy our 'needs' for so long that when the kids actually have a 'want', I feel bad saying no. But, we live in America, our children are not lacking... but I still feel guilty.
_____________________________
www.caringbridge.org/visit/pray4noah
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 10:42:07 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4686
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Jesus Land
Status: online
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I rarely buy clothes for myself because I already have so many. Every now and then I'll buy something if I need it and we can afford it, and I don't feel guilty about that. I would only feel guilty if the money really should have been spent on something else.
_____________________________
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 11:19:48 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3993
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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Yes and no. I don't think that it is as much guilt most of the time as it is just more fun to buy kids clothes than my own. They are just so cute!
I do think that the $30 price tag may be a part of why you are feeling guilty... I know it would hang over me a bit, but not because the sweater wasn't worth it. I will often pick up a slew of clothes for the kids $2-3 for each shirt and $5 for each pair of pants. I even buy clothes for Russ for those prices. Do you know how often I find something nice for myself for those prices? almost never. Often I try to buy stuff for myself at those prices, but most of the time they don't look or fit right and I end up not wearing them... wasting money. I will try to be more careful with my purchases for myself and spend more to buy something that I really like (like your $30 sweater). Most of the time, THOSE are the best purchases because I actually buy something that I will wear for years... saving money in the long run. It is really hard to spend that much on me though, and I often don't feel comfortable with it until I am really enjoying it. Everyone else is happy for me, but I have to justify my purchase to myself.
Actually, this is why russ buys my hair dye. I feel awkward about spending money on such a vain thing for myself. Russ doesn't feel bad at all because he knows how much it lifts my spirits when my hair is pretty. It actually gives me energy and makes me happier and thus (I am guessing) more fun to live with.
_____________________________
Shar-Mar is my future SIL!
...As soon as my little brother gets older than her.
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 11:47:35 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 7282
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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I am going to wear my new sweater today. I am also going to spend the day sewing for the family and get their projects out of the way. Next, I am going to sew a new outfit for myself. I bought a pretty pattern for a skirt, top and jacket. Our anniversary is in April. I plan to have it done by then and dh and I will go out to dinner. He loves it when I wear a dress/skirt and heels, but I rarely do. Thing is, I am going to have to buy shoes to go with the outfit. I ought to start looking now, so I can find them for a good price.
I don't think that $29 is a lot for a sweater. It was on clearance. I do not like to buy any type of clothing if it's not on sale, unless it's inexpensive to begin with. I just figure there is no point in paying full price when I can get the same thing for 40-70% less. I can dress very nicely for way less money.
My problem is probably that we struggled financially for a long time. We are doing fine now, but still don't have a lot of extra money for clothes. The only one of my kids that I really even buy clothes for is TL, as she is about my size now and doesn't get hand me downs anymore. My other two kids get nice hand me downs from various sources. I made a decision a couple months ago that I would go shopping regularly and look for sale items to build a nice wardrobe. Now that I found something, I should not feel bad about it, but ought to be satisfied that my plan is working. I am going to enjoy wearing my pretty new sweater today. It makes my husband happy to see me wearing nice clothes and looking pretty.
_____________________________
"A tax supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state."
-- Isabel Patterson
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 11:47:37 AM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 5988
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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I know what you mean, Cynthia. I used to feel guilty spending money on myself. I've been over that for about a year now. When I bought the Dansko shoes, that was my moment of victory, I think. It is hard to take care of yourself when you feel your job is to take care of other people. Plus some of us have been frugal for so long, out of necessity, that it's difficult to spend money. I was at Fred Meyer on Thursday night determined to buy a pretty shirt to wear on my last day at work and they did not have any. But I remember looking at the prices and thinking, that's too high, I can't pay that, I won't pay that for one shirt for me!
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/22/2008 8:41:03 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3993
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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Cynthia, I don't think that $29 is terrible either if it something that you know that you are going to use and like. That wasn't what I was trying to say. I would rather buy stuff for the house than for clothes. It is so much easier to get stuff for the house that I like. There are SO many things that I would rather get... things that the whole family can enjoy.
So lets see...
I would rather get stuff that benefits the whole family,
and/or
get a lot more stuff for the same amount of money.
Last summer, I paid $5-10 for a really nice sweater (I can't remember if it was 5 or 10 dollars). It was originally a $50 sweater. I like it ok, but I would have been much better off to spend $30-$40 on a sweater instead and get one that I love to wear. I just can't bring myself to do it when I think of new shoes for the kids, jackets, paint for the bedrooms, sneakers for Russ, carpets, faucets, and all numerous things that $40 could get or go to instead. I don't think that anyone else wants me to feel that way, I am just feeling bad for no reason.
Funny thing is that I paid $5 for this beautiful musical snow globe for about the same price. It was a super good deal. I didn't feel "guilty" about buying that at all because I know the joy that it would (and did) bring to someone else. It was a frivilous item, but it was the sweater that I was sweatin' over... I guess because it was for me. I feel so much surer of myself when I am buying for others.
_____________________________
Shar-Mar is my future SIL!
...As soon as my little brother gets older than her.
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/23/2008 10:01:28 PM
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sen10tious
Posts: 330
Joined: 4/11/2005
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So, you want to get over your guilt?
Here is what works for me—
The closest I've found that scripture comes to addressing clothing purchases is to "walk in wisdom." And Proverbs has some verses that warn against a stingy heart. We should not be overly stingy with ourselves because it can lead to false pride. I don't know if many of you who are now home schooling kindergarteners will remember this, but 'back in the last century' half the moms at our annual state convention were wearing denim jumpers. I wore a business suit, earrings, and high heels the evening the keynote speaker addressed the conference and I was getting some of 'those looks' from other home schoolers. Sometimes I just have to smile about the testimony of "clothes making the man," or woman in my case. I think that abundance-of-frugal look stereotyped home schoolers back then. (I'm not putting anyone down if denim made you happy – long live school choice & clothes choice. It is just a comment on how it appeared to outsiders.)
But back on the topic of shedding the old guilt— Mostly I pray to be led by the Spirit; sometimes about clothing specifically; sometimes just generally led. God knows what I like, what I look good in, and what I feel comfortable paying. I never feel guilty anymore because almost all my clothes buying is an answer to prayer. How can I feel guilty over that!
And this also adds an extra element of excitement to shopping. Two examples:
* I have a very average size foot, so it often seems as if all the truly cute shoes in my size don't make it past the first-round discount sales. I was sort of lamenting that all the nice shoes left to go on deep-discount sale were either tiny size 5's or else way too big. There was a pair I really liked on the size fives rack so I picked it up just to admire it anyway. And as I looked closer, I saw that it was labeled 4.5 UK. Folks, that is 7½ USA. I'm convinced God arranged for that pair to be mis-shelved to save it for me!
* I stopped at one store last month to buy a birthday card and as I was walking through the parking lot, I felt impressed to go into the store next door. I certainly had not planned on going clothes shopping, since I had only about $8 on me. They had just that morning moved clothes over to a 75% off rack. Plus an additional 15 % off storewide one-day sale. I found a sweater that was a flattering color, the right size, my favorite neckline style, and the ever-practical ¾ length sleeve. And the best part- it makes me look thin!
There is no way I could feel guilty when shopping turns into adventures like these! All I can feel is blessed!
_____________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/24/2008 1:16:24 AM
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cynthia
Posts: 7282
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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Great post sen10tious. It confirms what I've been thinking about. I had already started praying about finding some new shoes for dd and myself. We both need shoes and have had troubling finding any. I am going to begin praying early and then start looking to see what the Lord has for us! I think that shopping more often will be fun and save me money. I haven't enjoyed shopping in years, but am going to bring the enjoyment back.
_____________________________
"A tax supported, compulsory educational system is the complete model of the totalitarian state."
-- Isabel Patterson
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/24/2008 8:26:55 AM
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amybreit
Posts: 1039
Joined: 2/10/2006
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OK - you've all convinced me! I have some money saved up from my MOPS jobs & I've been dreading going clothes shopping, but I'm going to start praying now! I know I NEED clothes, I guess my trepidation is finding anything that looks good on me. Frankly, most of the clothes I've gotten in the last few years have been things people have given me that didn't fit them (a lot of it from my mom & we have pretty different styles)! So, I'm not even sure what I like or what will look good on me, so I'm going to pray to find things that will look good on me, I'll feel good in & be a good value!! I'm hoping like Cynthia - I can bring the enjoyment back to shopping again!
_____________________________
<------ Staci & Stoli, our k9 kids!
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RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? - 3/24/2008 11:58:23 AM
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mathlady
Posts: 47
Joined: 2/26/2008
From: "cold" New England
Status: offline
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quote:
I'm not even sure what I like or what will look good on me, so I'm going to pray to find things that will look good on me
I'm in the same boat, since styles have changed so much in the many years since I actually cared how things look on me. I have found that the best thing for this is to take my daughters - 18 and 20 - with me. They have great fashion sense and are wonderful about being absolutely honest about how things look. And they have been trained (by me) to be frugal shoppers, too. If you don't have teens of your own, find someone who will "loan" you theirs. I'm sure you'll get some takers! Just say "shopping" where the teen girls can hear you 
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