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Forgiving Your Boss - 2/6/2008 2:18:06 PM
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SockFreak
Posts: 6
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline
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Hello all! I am new to Crosswalk. I just recently quit my job and am in a new job that allows me much more free time - thus my ability to join the forum. It's definately been a good move, but I am still struggling with some issues from my prior position.
To give a little background without going into too much detail... At my prior job my supervisor and I had several major disagreements. It wasn't only me that she had problems with either. Absolutely everyone within the company had the same issues I had with her, but everyone kept quiet because they knew she would make their lives miserable if we spoke against her. This woman claims to be a Christian, yet she has no problem lying. She lies about everything. She takes credit for everyone elses' work and this is just the beginning. I caught her in a lie that affected my job and went straight to her supervisor regarding that issue. Her supervisor believed me in that incident and this made my supervisor furious. A couple weeks later my supervisor flat out lied about a situation and this led to me being written up. I was so angry and so suprised when it happened I had no idea what to say. I just got up and walked out of the room and refused to speak to her about it (not the most mature thing - but what do you say when someone lies and twists around everything you say?). Up to that point I had already decided to quit and was looking for something better. That pretty much made me realize I had made the right decision and had to get out. My last day I submitted a letter regarding my boss and her actions to several influential people within the company higher up than she was. I do not know if this will do any good, but I hope it helps. During my time there I was able to get to know several of my co-workers very well. It just angers me that they are still being treated so badly by this boss are not able to quit like I was (they were there for the benefits and I am single so insurance is not a major deal for me at the moment). It was a huge relief to wake up that first day and realize I did NOT have to go to work there, but I still struggling with forgiving this lady. I think its partially because I know that people I care about are still being hurt by her and because she wants to act like this yet talk about God and church constantly. How do you get past it when someone who claims to be a Christian hurts your so badly? I think it would be easier if she did not claim to be one. I know she is saying negative things about me that are lies even though I am gone. It just really gets to me. I have asked my old co-workers to please not tell me what she says anymore, I'd rather not know. But just the thought that she is still spreading lies even after I am gone gets to me.
Oh, and it totally ruined my other co-workers opinion of churches and Christians. At least one co-worker told me that she had stopped attending church because of people like my supervisor and my supervisor only confirmed to her that she made the right decision. It just irks me that people act like this and one person's actions can affect the lives of so many!
Any advice from anyone? I don't think there is anymore I can do to stop her as I have already written the leader to her bosses, but I just can't get past this. Has anyone else struggled with a similar situation?
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 2/6/2008 2:48:41 PM
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rainbowtvp
Posts: 983
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: The Unted State of Confusion
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SockFreak
It's definately been a good move
Focus on that!
quote:
I have asked my old co-workers to please not tell me what she says anymore, I'd rather not know. But just the thought that she is still spreading lies even after I am gone gets to me.
This sounds like the best move! Her lies really don't affect you any more. People who know you will judge you by the way you present yourself... and will know (or discover) her to be a liar without you having to point it out to them. Eventually, she wil forget about you and terrorize someone else!
quote:
Oh, and it totally ruined my other co-workers opinion of churches and Christians.
Writing critical letters when you leave a job (especially if you are angry) is typically not a good idea. It may give someone there a bad impression adn you NEVER know when they will be on the other end of the table when you go in somewhere for an interview or are teamed up on a project or who knows where! However, if you were able to stick to facts and remain detached and professional, it may be helpful to your former co-workers. When you do such things it is always improtant to be sure you are truly trying to be helpful, and not vindictive.
I guess there is a lesson here that even Christians (though not all those who claim to be Christians are) make mistakes and sin. Hopefully your former co-workers will see you as a more positive example of a Christian... but I have a favorite quote:
"The greatest single cause of atheism today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and then walk out the door and deny Him with their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelieveable."
~Brennan Manning
We just have to trust that the Holy Spirit is strong enough to withstand such actions!
Be the best person you can, enjoy your new job, and let the past stay in the past!
Tara P
_____________________________
http://www.geocities.com/hallscola67/KyliesHomemadeShopIndex.htm
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 2/6/2008 2:54:38 PM
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SockFreak
Posts: 6
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline
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Wow, I like that quote! I'll have to write that down for myself!
Yeah, I really thought hard about that letter. They give you the opportunity at that job to let them know why you left and your opinons for making it better. I had some people I trust and who I knew would give me an honest opinion read it and let me know if they thought it sounded vindictive or spiteful - they made suggestions and in the end they said it sounded truthful. I hope for the sake of someone else that letter did some good. If not, I was able to vent at the very least.
It made me feel a lot better because I spoke to the head of the whole office and he read it, thanked me, and said if I had any doubts to list him as a reference and he would always back be up because he appreciated me and knew how hard I worked. That made me feel good to know someone in that position appreciate me. I'm really not the horrible person she painted me to be.
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 2/6/2008 2:57:41 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 2941
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Concord, CA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SockFreak
Oh, and it totally ruined my other co-workers opinion of churches and Christians. At least one co-worker told me that she had stopped attending church because of people like my supervisor and my supervisor only confirmed to her that she made the right decision. It just irks me that people act like this and one person's actions can affect the lives of so many!
I have a similar problem. My bosses (a married couple) claim to be Christians, yet they are doing some illegal things. They have about a dozen people working for them and only two of us are Christians. The other employees aren't thinking too highly about Christians based on how this couple runs their business.
_____________________________
Roberta
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 2/7/2008 7:32:33 AM
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Withani
Posts: 478
Joined: 10/20/2007
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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I've come to the conclusion after spending many years in a few different work situations, that this kind of thing is all too common. I have experienced it myself in more than one job. In fact, one job I had sounds like Abbie_girl's. I worked for a married couple that were Christians, yet some of the things the wife did were definitely un-Christian. However, when dealing with the public and with the customers, she was as sweet as could be. 
I'm currently in a job that I'd like to leave for various reasons, one being the disrespect I have for my supervisor and the way management handles this supervisor's lack of appropriate professional behavior.
Unfortunately, these situations cause SO MUCH turmoil and anxiety for employees, as you know. We spend so much of our lives in the workplace, and come to have some close relationships with co-workers, so when things go badly, it hurts very much.
The best advice I can give you, is to give the whole situation to God, pray about it, and give it time. Give yourself time to forgive this supervisor, and any others that are saying things about you. I agree with Rainbow - focus on your new job. Don't beat yourself up over the past. As time passes, you will probably find it a little less hurtful with each new day (maybe).  It's been 9 years since I worked for the mean lady and her husband, and I have forgiven her, but sure didn't feel like it 9 years ago!
I wish you success in your new job, and comfort from our Lord!
_____________________________
"TO GOD BE THE GLORY!"
Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/2/2008 11:10:41 PM
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inreality
Posts: 24
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline
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I don't know how old all of you are, but I have noticed that things are much different now from when I first started working. First, the people were a lot nicer and there didn't seem to be much fear of losing your job just because someone may not like you. I left the workforce and went back to school full-time for a couple of years in the 80's and when returned back into the work force I returned into the middle of a really bad nightmare. The petty arguements that was taking place that involved topics like who is smarter than who or a bachelor degree is better than a two year degree, etc ,etc are some examples. And I believe many have taken on the attitiude of doing a good job for God and feel justified when they treat another in disrepectul manner because they are doing a good job for God! I don't think God intended for us to behave like that regardless of what we are doing. Anyhow, I try to combine doing a good job and treating people well, because in my opinion, the new testement stresses that we love our neighbor regardless if our neighbors happen to live in the house accross the street or my neighnor who works in the cube accross from mine at the office. Nothing surprises me anymore, and I no longer hold the belief that because I am a christian and my boss or co-workers may be a christian, that they will be fair or treat others the way God commands us to, even if they are considered to be outcasts in or out of the office. I understand that there are rules at a place of employment and need to be enforced when they are broken, and it needs to be done in firm manner, including discharge at times, but the horrible behavior I have wittnessed in the workplace for the last 20 years cannot be under the direction of a loving God. Prayer and putiting expectations into God only and not on others is the focus I chose until the day I retire. Do forgive everyone as God commands us to. Good luck!
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/2/2008 11:31:01 PM
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yzzil83
Posts: 14
Joined: 3/2/2008
From: West Virginia
Status: offline
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Don't focus too much on whether or not ex boss is Christian -- she is the one who will have to answer for her own actions. As for the lies and rumors, you are out of that environment, they no longer affect your day-to-day--- good move asking your friends to keep that from you.
Since this woman had turned someone you care about away from the Lord, invite your friend to a fellowship event that you attend and change her opinion!! It truely is a sad day when one persons actions and words can ruin those of so many others.
_____________________________
Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/3/2008 12:00:34 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 2941
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Concord, CA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: inreality
I don't know how old all of you are,
43
_____________________________
Roberta
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/3/2008 1:22:27 PM
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eaglelady11
Posts: 461
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline
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hi sockfreak,
yes, I can totally relate. I was let go form a job right before Christmas because I stood up to an insutling, micromanaging boss. I did pray for her, I prayed for understanding and compassion, I prayed to be a good employee, God how I prayed.
I worked my "you know what off" to coordinated fundraising activities doing 100 things right and maybe one or two things wrong and all she focused on was the wrong. Poor woman for having such a poor outlook on life, and only seeing bad and not good. She must be in some sort of private hell.
she also would not take any responsibility for her mistakes, blaming the staff for "not looking out for her because we are a team." I told her straight out a team doesn't cover other people's mistakes, that is dysfunctional and enabling of dysfunctional behavior. A fact she didn't like being confronted with. to this day, even though I lost my job over it, I am glad I confronted her and didn't put up with her intimidation or dysfunction.
Your former boss is insecure and in fear. Pray for her security and that her faith would be renewed. Pray for her prosperity, pray for her career. Bless, do not curse. Try this for 21 days. Ask God to remove your bitter heart and to free you from resentment, dishonesty, judgementalism and fear so that you can be a channel of his spirit and a shining example of what a Christian is.
as far as other staying in the situation, that is their choice and pray that a good Christian will enter their path and show them that Jesus is the answer despite the behavior of some Christians. Keep the faith. and forgive, it will release you too.
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/3/2008 7:26:05 PM
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Dancre
Posts: 1329
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Hi Sock, I'm 43 years old and have been working since I was 16. One thing I've learned is that higher management DOES know what is happening with those within their departments. More than likely, they are creating a file based on this woman's behavior and the axe is slowly tipping her way. It is just a matter of time. They need a reason to fire her to avoid HR disputes. Let this go and enjoy your new job. And for future reference, the best way to deal with the 'liar boss' is to keep a record of EVERYTHING you do, thus trumping their lies. Also it helps to work for the Lord, not her. Jesus will cover everything you do and He will make sure you get the credit. Good luck and God's blessing on your new job!!
kim
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/3/2008 10:28:35 PM
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randers_one
Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline
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Glad to see you're out. Unfortunately it might take some time before you're able to see this for what it is - that a troubled person has spilled their troubles over into the lives of others. She may talk about church but it looks like she is starved for grace.
Reminds me of the quote from that DC talk CD:
"The single greatest cause of atheism today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." Not sure who's quote that is but it's a goody.
If the chance arises, you might reach out to her in due time.
Ryan
http://cubiclecongregation.wordpress.com
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RE: Forgiving Your Boss - 3/12/2008 5:44:43 PM
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walkndword
Posts: 1
Joined: 3/12/2008
Status: offline
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I most commend you stopping "dog bring a bone carries a bone" that alone ceased a lot of confussion that will allow the time for you to have peace as you seek forgiveness and healing. This hurtful experience is so known I copy/paste your experience to my childhood friend; her reaction "I guess almost everybody in the work place runs into these fake bible carrying Christian...I have one here who carry the bible everyday and she is just as evil as satin himself!!! But I will never let the devil make me stop going to church....Because I have to save myself...and I know eventually that evil person day is around the corner....EVERY EVIL PERSON HAS IT DAY!!!!!" this same friend could not believe this keep happening to me and her sister in turns, encouraged me to check myself. However, as she lived it began to rain in this area of her life and now we comfort one another as for her sister she is approching her retirement.
…. taking my friend advise I looked within and I found God's message you have to deny ourselves, pick up your cross and follow me that encouraged me to keep being me. It hurts, it’s embarrassing, and lot more but now I expect God to move on my behalf; as I grew in God's word I ntoiced when God moved me from a particular job-a good name was established among the people-I received great report from people that I would never thought they thought of me in that manner..... as my current job situation: my boss said I am too thorough in which normally set me on fire "broad" comments;"learn to hit and missed". I shared this with my husband "she's right, no one is prefect you cannot possible have or get all answer" his and her work ethic was questioned. As I explained to my husband thorough I relate to work-ethic relating to one taking pride in it work and name; integrity “being perfect” is a state of being therefore to me is a personal attack from a person with low self-esteem or their own work ethic is questioned by right doing of others and that what I feel is the center of most office conflicts crossing personal opinion with the nature of the other do business. Some cannot differ the two, so we need to forgive for they not know but inform them of their wrong in love before it turns to hate. Its a thin line.
We wil be surprise what people think and what we preceive that others "anit" thinking; go to your former boss; how much bigger are we than Jesus; when He was being Crucified asked our Father to forgive them; ask for her forgiveness and tell her you are sorry so you can enjoy the Grace of God on your new job. His Peace surpasses all understanding. As Christians we are call to give up the right for the wrong. Your blessing is linked to that job that why its still with you. I was told to Bless the person who do you wrong; that is how the devil bless us for what the devil means for evil he call God to react for the those who love the Lord. The devil do not know the difference because he banks on us to be in the same mind-set but as we grow closer to God;our mind be in Christ.
quote:
-03/11/08 revival In short:“TV is scripted for the hero to get beat but the hero will win in the end as in our lives we are champion by God decision and were called by God and it got to go down like that”!!!! (In ref Math 27….when Jesus asked that the cup be removed-one of Jesus men struck the high priest Jesus cutting off the ear Jesus replacing the ear…..because it got to go down like this) ---Reverend Carl Solomon; United Baptist Church; Baltimore, MD. Macedonia's Spring Revival
Some things are just life, God is not going to heal all the blind, save all marriages, correct all children....as Paul prayed three times for his healing and God said My Grace IS SUFFIENT!!!! His Grace get us to the next level....TD Jakes
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The nutshell of this is: I don't care how much CHRISTIAN someone claims to be; I look at people's actions coz I believe actions speak louder than words and appearance can be deceptive. 
