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Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 12:18:17 AM
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CarlaJames
Posts: 36
Joined: 5/30/2005
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I really don't know where to put this, but here goes.....
We all know the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, so I am struggling with a friend's son.
I've know him all his life, he is 15 now. Since he was little he has been on the feminine side. He's not "came out" in so many words, but it's obvious. He's been raised in church and his mom tells him it's wrong and he says he knows that.
What do you say to a kid? We all know it's wrong, but I can't help but wonder if some people are really born that way and it's just a struggle they will have to overcome? We all knew from the time he was small that he was probably gay. At that age he didn't know what gay was or what it means to like other boys. But now he understands and I don't want him hating himself or feeling like if he came out his mom would be disappointed in him. Not to mention the step-dad that is already mean to him.
When he was in elementary school some kids made fun of him calling him gay. His mom told him she'd love him even if he was, but that it is wrong and against God. WOW That is some powerful stuff to throw on an 11 year old, even if it is true. I'm sure he struggles with "I know it's wrong, but I can't help who I like"
I'm just so confused. He has grown up with my son and I feel like he is one of mine, ya know. He talks to me about things sometimes, but he's not brought this up with me before. Do you think it's possible to be born that way? And how would you deal with this if it were your child?
To the MODS....Please don't move this to the Homosexual one stop thread. It's about more than just homosexuality.
< Message edited by CarlaJames -- 7/14/2008 12:42:30 AM >
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 12:30:04 AM
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tenfour
Posts: 85
Joined: 8/4/2005
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I've heard of this before, which is evidence to me that it is possible. Not everyone has a "fair" life. Some of us are born in poverty, some blind, some children are sold into prostitution. Compared to any of these, I would prefer to choose a life of celibacy. If someone simply cannot be attracted to the opposite gender, then they can choose celibacy and be right with God. I know it's not impossible. It would be a harder life than most, but not one of the hardest lives to live.
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 12:45:43 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2396
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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I believe that a person can be born and be "mismatched." Sometimes there's a biological problem; sometimes not. (There are biological problems that do cause this.) I've seen other children like that (even before they knew what "gay" was, they basically were that way.) I'd say, yes, IMO one can be born mismatched that way.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 1:01:58 AM
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Jet_A_Jockey
Posts: 47
Joined: 4/9/2008
From: pensacola florid
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Its not about who you are, or what you were born with, its all about what you do with what you were given.
We are all given different struggles, its up to us whether we place our faith in our Lord to overcome.
_____________________________
And I don't care what they say, if what you need is your faith, then take a look in my face and know...
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 1:35:38 AM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 4517
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: online
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We all know the Bible says homosexuality is a sin
Either you believe the above or you don't...
John
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 2:13:15 AM
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SinnerSaved
Posts: 306
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: Belfast, N. Ireland
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Having 'gay' (I dislike that word!) tendencies and committing homosexual acts are two entirely different things. He has a choice, as we all have to obey the word of God or not. A heterosexual adolescent will struggle with lust and sexual urges. They also have a choice to ignore the word and fornicate or to trust in the Lord.
1 Thessalonians 2:4
But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts.
_____________________________
"No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
John Donne
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 3:03:32 AM
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McFatty
Posts: 1084
Joined: 12/8/2007
From: Augusta, GA
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I don't know a single person who hasn't struggled with a particular sin as sort of their arch enemy, at least before they were born again. Temptation to commit homosexual acts may be a particular temptation some people struggle with in this way. It's no different than temptation to steal or temptation to lie. There are people who claim compulsion in these two sins as well. Some of them were saved from those ways. They still might feel the temptation, but they have the strength through Christ to overcome it. Sin is sin, no matter how political the issue might be.
_____________________________
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” – Philippians 4:8
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 4:59:03 AM
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SonInMe1
Posts: 3518
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: my mom by God
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A couple things...
nothing in your post says anything about his dad.
why do you presume someone is gay because they act "effeminate"?
everyone has sin in their lives they have to overcome. Thing is, why do we give up on homosexuals and tell them they should be celebate? We don't give up on liars and tell them don't say anything with facts you can twist, or thiefs never to go to a store.
has this young man said he likes boys...or is it just a presumption? I can't imagine if my mom came up to me and said I would love you anyways if you were gay...and I was not gay.
_____________________________
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
James 4:4
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 5:26:53 AM
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zamdad
Posts: 1313
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Based on what the OP describes, it seems that the poor kid has bene labled gay from the get go. Statements made by the OP indicate he/she has observed traits/behaviors and assigned a label too. If there's any truth to the labeling theory, he'll meet the expectations of others.
_____________________________
Change is not necessarily reform anymore than noise is music.
-Unknown-
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 6:38:48 AM
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Doghouse
Posts: 910
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From: The Buckle of the Bible Belt
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I have this analogy that I whip out for discussions like these.
I am left handed. I write left handed, I eat left handed. When I was little, people would try to make me use my right hand, but all attempts failed. So - apparently it is in my nature to be left-handed.
Thankfully for me, the Bible is moot on the subject of handed-ness.
I don't know why I am left handed. I didn't ask to be created right handed, and certainly, it is inconvenient at times (I think back to college in those classrooms where you have a class with 300 people in an auditorium, and the little "desklet" that was always on the right side of the chair...)
The problem with homosexuality has everything to do with using sex as recreation and not procreation. If you believe this, you should question birth control as well, lest you not act like a hypocrite.
There's a reason that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, just like there's a reason that infidelity and promiscuity are sins. These have a lot more in common than they are different, and have to do more with fidelity to a relationship than anything else.
I feel bad for people with those tendencies as I equate this tendency with my analogy to my left handedness above.
_____________________________
When someone virtuous turns away from virtue to commit iniquity...it is because of the iniquity he committed that he must die. But if he turns from the wickedness he has committed, he does what is right and just, he shall preserve his life" - Ez 18:25-28
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 11:16:16 AM
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CarlaJames
Posts: 36
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You want to know about his dad.....his dad isn't in his life. He lives in the next town over and he only sees him about 2 times a year. PLEASE don't tell me he's gay cuz he doesn't see his dad!
About this....A heterosexual adolescent will struggle with lust and sexual urges. They also have a choice to ignore the word and fornicate or to trust in the Lord.
The difference is....a hetrosexual will eventually have sex after marriage. You can teach them to save it for marriage. But a homosexual will have to deny themselves all their lives. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it has got to be so much harder. I would not compare the two.
AND...I knew some people would jump on me and say "how do you know" and I knew I'd have to tell this story. I shoulda done it in the original post.
Okay...his mother and I have a mutual friend (female) that dated the same sex for a few years. That is another story all together, but I tell you this, because I believe this is why her son went to this person. The mutual friend told me the boy came to her once and told her how he gets picked on at school. She told him "I don't care what you mom tells you, you will not go to hell for being gay. You can't help who you are" All he said to her was "thank you" and gave her a hug. Was that good advice? Probably not, but that's what he was told.
Put yourself in the mom's situation. How would you deal with this, knowing your son is gay, but knowing he's afraid to tell you?
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 11:51:12 AM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2396
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From: I'm a Southern girl
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Carla, has the young man been tested for anything regarding this?
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 1:49:40 PM
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VJDTropical
Posts: 39
Joined: 2/4/2008
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No , he was not born gay and it is not possible ... it may be a choice and other times people develop these feelings unconciously but people are never born gay ... I've seen studies by gay physits ( is that how you spell it ? ) and other resources whom deny this notion and by the Valley ( is that his name ? sorry but my first language is not english so forgive me and I'm having a short memory right now ) denying this and the 10 % data that the population is gay ( that instead this data only applies to teenagers as myself and that in the adult or elderly data only 2 to 3 % is gay --- because when you're growing up and changing you're confused --- per country and roughly 2 % or 3 % as well worldwide ) ... I've had both Christian friends and some gay colleagues ( not mine but my father's ) telling me that this is absurd and that gays don't have genetic influences ( at least in making oneself gay ) ... personally I've seen many studies and my preposition in making oneself gay is a combination of sorts ... there's the environment that one lives in , the underlined " homosexuality is not wrong " attitude that exists in secular society that pushes these feelings and the experimentation process or preposition ( " talk of gays " and " suggestions of gay sex " ) ... but to me most likely homosexuality is caused because oneself feels empty ... that person may not have abuse ( abuse doesn't always result in homosexuality ) or may have someone whom is a good rolemodel ( male model or female model ) but there is this void and nothingness that exists andf is not explainable ... that person may not feel to act like to opposite sex ( and may avoid this manner sometimes though depends on the person ) but he or she doesn't feel complete as a male or a female ... a man or a woman ... a male whom is only half a man may think or feel or has this on the back of his mind doesn't seek to have a woman because he is not fully a man and what he needs is something ( or someone ) to complete this missing part ( the part that seeks to be fully a man ) and the same goes with a woman whom has this ... I've had some same sex attractions and they were somewhat like this ... I wanted to feel like a woman and when I looked at somebody else whom had this I wanted that ... I admired her personality , her beauty and ladylikeness ... I was looking at the world and though looking at God I was not giving him my full attention ... I wanted to be and fit in ... be part of a group ... but at the very same time being an individual of my own caliber ... so one persons needs both community and individuality ... I don't believe in the whole " loving the sinner , hating the sin " ... I believe in having a professional and civil relationship ( good but professional ) with these sort of people because sin is sin and emotions or attachements may get in one's way and you start thinking against God's Word and actually start endorsing this unatural behaviour ... I pray that God may use me but that God himself will help and sustain this person ... he or she will be or is in God's hands because I cannot do much ... I may give some advice , information and studies ( intelectually ) but only God himself can change the heart ( and on the other hand if the person is willing or is not too hardened but at the same time God will touch somewhat I believe ) ... anyways last but not least I'm not too accustomated about talking of homosexuality , abortion , etc ... Am I against these practices ? Yes but in my country ( Angola ) I'm dwelling more on God , the Bible ( and it's issues such as suffering , relativism and absolutism , ethics , theology , creation vs evolution --- I believed in Evolution until now when I am 16 since I went to and am still going to a secular school --- the salvation of ancestors , connection between the OT and the NT , world religions such as Judaism , Hinduism , Islam , Buddhism and the various ancient religions , the forming together of the Bible , etc ) and Salvation ... sorry if I sounded as a loudmouth but I'm a teenager afterall ( and I know that you guys also do these things but I just wanted to clarify that I'm not so accustomed to these issues such as homosexuality , abortion , etc ) ... Have a nice day
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 2:27:03 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1313
Joined: 4/8/2005
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quote:
The difference is....a hetrosexual will eventually have sex after marriage. You can teach them to save it for marriage. But a homosexual will have to deny themselves all their lives. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it has got to be so much harder. I would not compare the two.
You seem to be answering your own question, Carla. This statement indicates that your worldview accepts that some people are born gay.
_____________________________
Change is not necessarily reform anymore than noise is music.
-Unknown-
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RE: Friend's son...born gay? - 7/14/2008 2:39:53 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 11173
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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quote:
To the MODS....Please don't move this to the Homosexual one stop thread. It's about more than just homosexuality.
If it is, then please take that part of the discussion to a new thread and leave the homosexuality out of it. The rest must go to the one-stop.
In an attempt to consolidate for the purpose of effective moderation we have created a couple One Stop threads for the topic of homosexuality. Therefore, this thread on the topic is being closed.
Please continue your discussion in one of the following One Stop Threads.
Click on one of the following links:
Homosexuality
Homosexuality in the News
Thank you!
Tricia
Forums Moderator
Please do not reply to this message within the forums or chat.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
< Message edited by zoebob -- 7/16/2008 12:40:11 PM >
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