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He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 2:28:54 PM
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whatisforever
Posts: 3
Joined: 5/21/2008
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About 2 oclock this morning dh woke me and told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life and that he didn't think that marriage was going to be a part of his future. His main complaint was that I tell him who he is. His example was that I said that he doesn't drink (which he didn't AT ALL until maybe a month ago, now he drinks all the time) So he said that he thought that he wanted to leave and "be alone for awhile" to which I responded that I did not have the strength or desire to try to talk him into staying which I have done before. I am sick of trying to convince him to commit to his wife and daughter.
I guess my question is what should I so now? I know that he has been in constant communication with his ex which is part of the reason for his recent personality change. She is fresh out of high school (I think 19 or 20; he is 24) and "living the fast life" of drinking partying ect. Should I file for a legal separation since he has refused counseling of any type for the past year? My pastor has suggested a cooling off period of a month or so before doing anything legally to try to work things out, but I don't know how that will happen if he refuses to try to get help. I kinda feel relieved now that he is gone KWIM? No more arguing no more lies... it's like this could be my chance to be done and maybe my daughter and I can be happy again. I'm just tired...
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 2:34:24 PM
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laura...
Posts: 2778
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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File for legal separation as soon as possible in order to establish child support. Divorce can wait but your bills won't. You don't need to convince him to commit to you and his daughter...the court will remind him of his duty. Child support may also put a quick damper on his partying ways.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 2:50:35 PM
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fist.sensei
Posts: 126
Joined: 2/29/2008
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A legal separation does not necessarily lead to a divorce. It is a legal option that protects both of you while you are not living together. You really should consult a lawyer and talk with them about this.
I completely understand your relief for him to be gone having been in your place before. It might not even go away, however many other feelings will be added to it. Check into divorce counseling or some of the internet divorce support groups. Their are some secular ones out there, I just don't know them by name. Note that these groups don't encourage divorce, they are just their to try and help you work through separation or reconciliation, or divorce if it occurs.
I'm sorry you are so worn out, it is not a fun place to be. Please try and find a local support group, I'm sure it will make a huge difference.
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 4:32:10 PM
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evryknee
Posts: 276
Joined: 3/9/2008
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I'm sorry for your suffering. I agree with the pastor, wait a little before doing anything. But when you feel you have no choice but to file for separation (financially- and he has not been supporting his daughter and refuses to do so), then do it. Personally, I think we need to try other things before going the legal route.
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 5:41:41 PM
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whatisforever
Posts: 3
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline
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I have talked to others in my church today and they also recommended to file for legal separation mainly because I have not worked for the duration of our marriage and therefore all income stops now that he is gone. Does anyone know how long it takes to get something like that underway? I know that I will have to go to court and all of that, but is there an emergancy order or anything like that to ensure my daghter doesn't go without while we are waiting to go to court? I have also heard that legal separation can cause me to lose health insurance since I am covered through his job, anyone know about this or where to find out that kind of information?
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/12/2008 7:59:29 PM
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the_mom
Posts: 48
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: Seattle, WA
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Once you file your petition for legal separation, you can immediately make a motion to the court for temporary orders for child support and other financial support. The court can also order a visitation schedule so that your husband can visit your child. A legal separation will not terminate your health insurance because you will still be married.
The court where you live should have people to help you -- "facilitators" they call them here. If you have internet, you may be able to go to your county court's website and find the information you are looking for. Many, many people in family court cannot afford attorneys, and the courts have developed a lot of ways to help them.
Best wishes.
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/13/2008 12:45:32 AM
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lastblast
Posts: 1618
Joined: 9/20/2005
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Whatisforever,
I will be in prayer that you will be surrounded by truly Godly counsel and not counsel based upon the world's way of doing things. I pray also that the Lord would provide for all of your and your daughter's needs through this time------ and that your husband will come to his senses before he makes an even bigger mess that will be more difficult to disentangle himself from. It is the Lord's will for your family to be intact and healthy and I know that is what He wants to you stand in faith for and be diligent in prayer for. Right now, he is being led by his flesh and possibly the enemy of our souls, who would like nothing more than to see your family destroyed by sin. 
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Blessings as you seek Him, Cindy
What does the bible say on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage?
www.marriagedivorce.com
www.cadz.net/faq.html
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/15/2008 9:12:32 AM
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my quivers full
Posts: 106
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
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Have you sought the face of God?
Your word is a lamp to guide my feet
and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide us to the path of peace.”
Luke 1:79
No-one knows the heart of your situation better than your heavenly Father. He desires you seek Him about all matters in your life and He promises to guide you into all truth and righteousness. God is not slack concerning His promises.
Seek Him and He will guide you. Nowhere could you be in better hands.
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No trees were hurt in the making of this post, but a few electrons were terribly inconvienenced :)
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/16/2008 12:32:03 AM
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soundDRwife
Posts: 36
Joined: 3/31/2006
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I don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know I would be praying for you as you and your daughter go thru this difficult time.
_____________________________
Your Life Is In The Hands Of My Lord!
For JESUS is Always Near,When You Need,HE CARES!!
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/16/2008 1:25:09 PM
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APZR
Posts: 839
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
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Get an attorney... NOW!!!
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Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: He left... and I let him - 6/16/2008 4:12:30 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2883
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I would certainly agree with getting an attorney- and with getting into counseling if possible, and maybe a DivorceCare group. The DivorceCare is not just for those filing for Divorce, in fact they encourage reconciliation first if at all possible. However they give lots of good information on what steps to take, how and what will happen, and the emotional things you will be going through if seperated or do end up in divorce. They have a web site, I strongly encourage looking into it.
One of the things that happened when I filed for divorce was that both of us were restriced from changing our insurance (health and life) or any other policies we might have- so I don't think you would lose insurance, but it would be best to discuss that with a lawyer too.
You do not need to file for divorce, but filing for seperation will ensure you are financially taken care of and not dropped from any legal documents or other things... please at least consult with an attorney!
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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