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I need prayer and help. - 7/2/2008 4:44:30 PM
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ACE_dad
Posts: 3
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline
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I really need help. I am so lost (not the spiritual way) and confused. My whole life I have had some type of identity issues. I always seem to draw my confidence in personal affairs from other people, I say personal because I have always been confident in and at work. Well it has always caused me problems and now it has almost caused me a bigger problem. I almost crossed a line today that I know woud kill me with guilt. I feel guilty now because I came so close. I almost cheated. I didn’t do anything, but I thought about it and now I feel horrible. I should know better. I really should. I know the pain this can cause because I have experienced it. My wife cheated on me in 2003. So why am I so stupid? The only thing I can think of is because of my need for acceptance. I don’t know of any other reason. It isn’t physical the other person isn’t really attractive. It isn’t that my marriage has problems. I love my wife and my kids and I couldn’t ever see myself without them. There is just something inside of me that is wired wrong. For some reason I just have an overactive desire for sex and that coupled with my need for acceptance seems to work together to tourture me. I hate it. I can physically tell when I haven’t been with my wife in 3 days or more. And that is when I am weak and my mind starts to wander. I need help. I need an accountablity partner or another male that I can talk to, but I am too embarrased to talk about such things with other men. Plus I don’t really know any other men well enough to trust them with such knowledge about myself. Please don’t tell me that is prideful, I hate hearing that. I am not proud I don’t think I can handle it, I know I cannot. I am just too scared to open up to anyone, to scared of their opinion of me, part of my acceptance issue I guess, I am to scared of what they would think about my family if they knew any thing that has happened to us. I am just such an idiot. I don’t understand why I am the way I am. If I tell people anything private then if I see them I wonder what they are thinking or what they think about me now that they know private information. I don’t know why I am this way, but I am. I need help, but all these hangups keep getting in the way. On top of these issues I am not very socially outgoing. I have a hard time meeting people. I have never had many relationships that were anything more than casual. I am rambling now. The reason I say all these things is because I want to understand myself and get past these issues. I know that God wants me to have friends; I know that God wants me to have someone that I can talk to and will hold me accountable. And I know how it would normally happen, I just cannot seem to make it happen. What can I do? I need help. I need direction. I need God to pick me up and shake me and tell me what to do.
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RE: I need prayer and help. - 7/2/2008 5:10:13 PM
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kyl
Posts: 1665
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline
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Reading your post I think the Lord did give you a good shake. You resisted the temptation and that says a lot about you. That shows that you are a strong individual who chose to do the right thing. You didnt say if you went to church or not. I would say you need to find a good church where you feel comfortable. A place where you can get to know the pastor and other men a make some new friends. Join a bible study group or something where you can get to know people. A place that will help strengthen your relationship with the Lord. I even think you could find someone here in the forums to talk to.
Lord I pray for Ace and his situation.
I ask you Lord to help him to make a few good friends that he could trust and talk with comfortable.
Lord I thank you for his honesty and thank you for helping to express himself.
Lord you know his every need and I pray that you will intervene in some way that will help him.
Provide for him Lord and keep him close to you.
Lord I pray that you will heal the insecurities and pain in his life.
Help him Lord to be the man you want him be be.
Draw him near to you Lord and give him the guidence and direction he needs
I pray Lord that you would strengthen him as he seeks your will for his life.
In Jesus name
Amen
_____________________________
Psalm19:14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
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RE: I need prayer and help. - 7/2/2008 5:43:49 PM
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ACE_dad
Posts: 3
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline
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Thanks, I know you’re trying to be nice, but I am not strong. If I were truly strong I wouldn’t have gotten in the place I was today. Only God kept me from doing something wrong and I still feel guilty for letting things go far enough that there was even a possibility.
I have been going to church regularly for 10 years. For the first eight years we went to a very large church, 10000 members. It was nice for all that it offered. We had the children involved in everything. I joined the technical ministry to try and meet people and it ended up working the opposite. I became a camera man, where I learned a lot and I really liked, but that meant that for 3 services every other week I had a head set on and looked at a 3 inch screen mounted on the camera. It really took me the other direction because I didn’t hear the sermon those days. We changed churches about 18-20 months ago, because the other one was too big and in eight years we really didn’t have any good relationships. I was very against the new church at first, for reasons steming from the infidelity, but after talking to my wife I said I would give it a chance. At first things went really well. Then around the first of the year I tried to join the sound team, to meet people, but it just didn’t work out. Now for some reason these past few months my feelings about the church have been more and more negative. I believe it is a combination of my lack of knowledge and understanding of the Christian faith, my self doubt, my inability to make friends, and the fact that God is directing many of the messages toward me. I know that this past week the message had to be written for me. I almost felt as if it were me and the preacher there alone. We have a home group, but I didn’t seem to connect with anyone in the group. There was one person that did a couple things that stood out to me, but when it comes to anything other than normal conversation I don’t know if I could tell him anything.
See I can talk about things better here, because no one knows me. I can be honest because I don’t have to see anyone here at church on Sunday. I hate being this untrusting. I’m not sure where it comes from. For years I have wondered what caused me to be who I am, but I can’t figure it out.
Maybe I can talk here until God brings someone into my life and gives me the strenght to talk to them. I also need the strength to talk to my wife more and better.
I also know that I need to pray and read the bible more. I am just so lazy when it comes to reading anything. Plus I read really slow, killed me all through college. Then my lack of understanding comes into play and I feel stupid. I purchased the bible on CD and put it on my IPod. I have listened to Matthew and Mark. It’s not the same, listening, as reading. I zone out too much while listening. I learn more if I read.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
I have to go now. I need to exercise; I’m overweight on top of all the other issues. I will check back later or tomorrow.
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RE: I need prayer and help. - 7/3/2008 1:56:38 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 769
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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ACE... I read your post, and I feel for you, man. Deeply. I can understand what you're going through, and kyl makes a good point in finding people of faith who you can turn to. May I also please suggest that you might want to think about finding a professional counciler (Christian counciler, psychiatrist, etc. That is up to you). I'm not saying that you're sick or anything. Far from it, in fact. But I would like to suggest that maybe you need to just talk to someone about the things you're going through and dealing with emotionally.
I'm not suggesting going on medications or stuff like that. I'm just saying that sometimes it helps to have someone who is impartial who you can vent your feelings out to and who can maybe help you make sense of some of them. Just a thought. And you have my prayers.
BTW: Congratulations on NOT cheeting on your wife. It shows what kind of a man you are. :)
Please Lord, look kindly upon ACE. Help him through this time in his life. Help ease the pain and confussion that he is experiencing right now. I feel that he might be full of both. Commend him for his strength in not cheating on his wife, and help him to make sense of how he's feeling. Give him the confidence and security he deserves without having to gather it from others around him, and bless him with knowing that he is a good person, and one of your children. And help him to know that he has friends to count on. If no where else, at least on this board and beside him in his wife. Help he and his wife to cling to one another and to love one another as they once promised to do before You. Bless this child of your's, God. I can't ask this enough of you. Please bless him and show him his worth to you and those around him. I humbly ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, your Son and our Savior. Amen.
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RE: I need prayer and help. - 7/3/2008 9:00:15 AM
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peaceofGod
Posts: 7300
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
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Father,
Thank you for convicting ACE_dad. Please give him the faith and the strength to go forward in you.
Forgive him of any sin that he has committed and help him to live with the calm, peaceful confidence that comes from a good, trusting relationship with you. Help him to value a relationship with you above all else, to study what you have to say in your Word...the Bible...and to live by it.
Thank you for being there for ACE_dad, for your forgiveness, for your mercy and for your amazing grace.
We praise you and pray for ACE_dadin the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
_____________________________
Jn 14:27;Php 4:6-8 Peace
Link: Jim's Reflections
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RE: I need prayer and help. - 7/3/2008 9:11:12 AM
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barbi
Posts: 2079
Joined: 5/22/2005
From: New York
Status: offline
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praying in agreement
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