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Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or squashing their creativity?
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Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or squas... - 9/27/2009 6:42:32 PM
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stampinlady
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After watching a family last night at dinner and over the last few months I get the impression that some parents feel it's not good to teach their kids to sit still nor is it worthwhile. Is this common amungst todays parents?
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 7:59:14 PM
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Sideways
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We do teach boundaries based on the situation. We wouldn't take our child to a really nice place, and if it's a family restaurant we have them stay in their seats unless the littlest ones get really antsy, then an adult may take them out for a walk until the food arrives.
Now, the other night we went to an ice cream place. My 2 year old and his 4 and 2 year old cousin were playing in one corner of the place, silly games like ring around the rosey. They weren't making a ton of noise, nor were they interfering with anyone, but someone might have thought that we were lazy parents. (MY BIL and SIL weren't happy with it, so they ended up putting a stop to it.)
I don't expect a 2 year old to be perfectly still and quiet, and I don't expect them to stay through a full adult-length meal all the time, so we adjust where we go and how long we are there. We are working on the training process, and will continue to do so as the children grow.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 8:05:09 PM
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stampinlady
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I know there are always exceptions to the rules, but it seems like parents are afraid of asserting their parental skills or maybe they don't have any? Our new church doesn't have children's church, but it does have a nursery. I'm so impressed at how well the little ones do. Oh, you here them shuffling around papers or the occasional giggle, but for the most part these little kids do well. The kids last night weren't bad they were just very active and the parents kept taking them out of our room and walking them around. If this works then I guess that's great, but how is this teaching them to sit still? We didn't take our kids out very much when they were little and if we did it was always a child friendly place. We didn't have the money back then.
Sideways, my kids use to make up silly games when in situations like that. I loved it. I would make sure that they weren't bothering anyone though.
< Message edited by stampinlady -- 9/27/2009 8:13:54 PM >
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Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 8:15:41 PM
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NotDoneYet
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I think it's teaching good behavior. There are times and places where running around like a bunch of undisciplined hoodlums is NOT a good idea...parking lots, big stores, amusement parks, etc.
I've taught ALL my kids that there are times to sit still and be quiet...including "quiet time" at home (the hour or so before bedtime). I've also taught them the difference between indoor and outdoor behavior and voices.
I don't think it's "squashing their creativity" at all...it's teaching manners. But, I've heard the same argument about squashing creativity and/or individuality regarding other things like school uniforms.
In the "big bad world", certain behaviors will be expected, in school, in sports, in social situations, in the workplace. Teaching the children now makes their adjustment easier when they are older. I see kids in their early 20's who still have NO clue how to behave or dress in a professional environment. I attribute that to not being taught when very young, and by parents.
Just my opinion as an "experienced" mom of many...
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 8:41:26 PM
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Sideways
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How old were the kids, Deb?
My BIL and SIL used to do that a lot, walking the kids around, but that was mostly because they were so concerned about the kids bothering anyone, they'd rather take them out to walk around. I can tell you that my nieces are most certainly disciplined. Their mom and dad have no trouble squashing their creativity (a little to much in my opinion), but if you saw them in public, you might not always know how much work their parents put into them.
Sometimes parents just want to not bother anyone, or it's a particularly bad night, so they walk the kids around for a while. It's hard to know based on one experience at a restaurant.
My son goes into nursery for church. We'd have a screaming kid on our hands if we tried to make him sit perfectly still and quiet all through church, I don't care how much we beat him or how nifty a Sunday special bag we brought along.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 8:52:47 PM
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bolt.
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I think there is the teaching process, and a range of expectation levels.
For example, in family restaurants, before or after eating, I allow my 2 year old to circle the table, smile at each person (at our table) and ask to be picked up and put down at intervals. This leads to a long-ish peaceable dinners that are not quite so limited by a 2 year old's sitting-span. Sometimes, if we are enjoying conversation, I give my 5 year old permission to join her, which sometimes turns into a mild giggly around the table game. I consider this fine for a family restaurant.
However, I am teaching my young one to sit still for longer and longer stretches in what seems to me to be an age appropriate manner. My older girl can and does sit politely for as long as she needs to, so I'd say my methods are workable.
But just because they both can sit still does not mean that I want a dinner that is fun for most of us to be a challenging exercise, pushing them right to the edge of their developing self control, for them. I don't always make them do what they I know they are able to do -- I judge what situation calls for what standard.
Some parents, I think, are not that involved in teaching their children daily skills, because they have made a reasoned and reasonable choice that daycare is the right option for their family. This set-up has pro's and con's like other set-ups, but one of the con's is that the parent is not primarily involved in that end of things, and if the care provider is teaching it, the parent doesn't always know it, and hasn't had the trial-and-error time to develop their own method or to develop the rapport necessary to do it themself in the settings outside of care.
In that kind of instance, generally the child does have the skill, and is not being done a parenting disservice -- but the parent does not know how to call on the skill. Also many parents who have limited hours to be with their young children make the mistake of not wanting to 'waste' that relational time by setting and working towards behaviour goals. (If you only had 1.5 waking hours a day with your 3 year old, wouldn't you want to enjoy them too?) And they may not even be familiar enough with their child's development to know what would be an appropriate goal or how to go about tackling it. It's not easy to be a parent in those circumstances.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/27/2009 10:44:07 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
Some parents, I think, are not that involved in teaching their children daily skills, because they have made a reasoned and reasonable choice that daycare is the right option for their family.
I would agree with the first sentence but not the second. I know parents that do let daycare be their out of parenting themselves, however I don't know many like that. However, I know a lot of parents that do not care to interact with their kids (whether they go to day care or not) and thus do not teach them. The result is a generation of kids (not all, but a lot) that are selfish and have no control over themselves, and some very rude kids. Of course not all fit into this, but in my world that's what I see.
My piano teacher used to tell us this...practice isn't perfect, PERFECT practice makes perfect. If you aren't practicing with your kids and telling them what "perfect" behavior is in the different situations, and REQUIRING them to show you that they can do it at home, then just practicing isn't going to help when the rubber meets the road. We do not expose our kids to situations unless they are first ready for it and second they have been told exactly how they will be expected to act and what the punishments will be if they do not do so. Kids NEED boundaries, if they don't have them, they get lost.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 12:06:35 AM
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creationtalk
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I don't know about other parents, but I could have been the parent you were watching whose child would not sit still. It's NOT because I do not try to teach him to sit still and behave himself. However, in public, my discipline options are limited. And he was/is smart enough to know that. With time, he is getting better. He will continue to improve. However I cannot tell you the number of times I overheard people talking about what a terrible parent I was because of my son's behavior. People who knew us, knew that I was doing the best I could.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 2:23:38 PM
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betterisoneday
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quote:
I was just wondering how walking their kids around teaches them to be still?
Sure every family thinks differently on that but for my sons it really did help.
Taking them out for a quick walk put their minds on something else for a minute which made it easier for them to focus on what I was saying. As we walked to the vehicle or around the restaurant real quick I told them that they were being too bouncy/talking too loudly/whatever it was and that in there we need to sit still so food doesn't get spilled or talk quietly so other tables can hear their own conversations or so on.
And I'd have them tell me how they need to act on the way back inside. We already discussed behavior before we went out but the repetition really helped.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 2:50:36 PM
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caringnurse
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I am a mom who's children are grown up. Teaching children to sit still is a working progress. If you use different things to keep them occupied it will not stifle their creativity. By the time they get to school they need to be able to sit still long enough to learn. The teachers have enough to teach them besides to sit and listen.
In church there are quiet things they can do to keep them from getting restless. Things like drawing. Folding the paper into a boat. Finger games. They will keep their creativity.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 3:07:09 PM
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saraimay75
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quote:
Some parents, I think, are not that involved in teaching their children daily skills, because they have made a reasoned and reasonable choice that daycare is the right option for their family. This set-up has pro's and con's like other set-ups, but one of the con's is that the parent is not primarily involved in that end of things, and if the care provider is teaching it, the parent doesn't always know it, and hasn't had the trial-and-error time to develop their own method or to develop the rapport necessary to do it themself in the settings outside of care.
As some who has been called to become a preschool teacher it's true I have a responsibility to guide a direct young children. It is also my job to work with parents.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 3:08:16 PM
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Sideways
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Of course, one reason I hear people homeschool (amoungst many reasons) is that it's unrealistic to ask small boys to sit at their desks, and that it's stifling to the child.
Now, little ones don't sit at a desk for 6 hours, their day is broken up by various activities, but I do get where the homeschoolers are coming from. It's something I think about with a 2 year old boy.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 3:18:11 PM
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W.O.F.
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I am going to say...it depends.
If it is a situation (such as restaurant without a play place, church) that requires sitting still, and one come prepared to entertain the child while they sit quietly...then NO...it is not stifling them.
If one requires that they sit perfectly still, without anything else to do but look at the wall...then yes.
If one requires a child to never get dirty, to sit quietly while at a park, etc. that is not merely stifling them...that is plain cruel.
There is a time and place for everything.
Children can be taught to sit still at early ages, but you have to be prepared to keep them entertained. Children act up when they get bored. IF you are going to a restaurant that is a "sit-down" restaurant....go prepared with age appropriate activities..and with finger snacks. We were always more than willing to take our littles for walks around the restaurant and look at all the things....we let them point stuff out, and we'd talk about it. If they were really restless, one of us would take them outside and play with them on the sidewalk out of the way of others (simply so that no one got tripped)....by the time they were 4 and 5...they were able to sit quietly at the table and color for that amount of time between ordering and the food arriving. We were also very careful NOT to use a restaurant as the point of visiting with friends etc, unless we picked a place that had a place for the children to play....that way...we visit over food..but it is not a 2 hour dinner!
It is about having realistic expectations..and guiding your child.
As for church....we didn't put our children in nursery as a rule....but that was OUR choice...and our kids were pretty happy to play with little hand toys, etc....but if they got rowdy or were really restless..the nursery was a nice distraction to them on those occasions. By the time they were 2...we usually had them sit through the song service part of worship and then at offerring time (the time when the 3,4, and 5's at our church leave for children's church)...we would take them to the nursery IF they were restless/irritable. Our church also has coloring pages that correlate to the sermon that have activities in them for ages 2 to 10 in them. It teaches the children HOW to listen..what to listen for..as well as some things to keep them quietly entertained when they are no longer able to give their full attention.
It is all about perspective...and most parents (at least the ones on CW) have that perspective. There are times and places for sitting still, there are limits to HOW much sitting still one can expect from a child based on their age, etc......
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 4:07:44 PM
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doinkdom
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quote:
Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or squashing their creativity?
No...it is called self-control and is part of the fruit of the spirit...and something that parents should be willing to teach their children along with many other respectful behaviors.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/28/2009 4:26:21 PM
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Sideways
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Like I said, I think you guys have a very good point.
But when I speak to elementary school teachers, they don't have their kids sitting behind a desk all day, 5 days a week. There is story time, group time and other things. But still, a lot of sitting.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 12:03:33 AM
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relady
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quote:
I see kids in their early 20's who still have NO clue how to behave or dress in a professional environment. Being the parent of one such child (young adult), I think you can safely assume that most of them HAVE been taught but are choosing to not accept their parents' generational view of what is acceptable behavior and/or dress in certain situations. I guarantee most of the ones I know WERE taught. They are now making their choices and the choice to NOT dress up professionally (as we would consider it) is one of those choices. Depending on what line of work one is in, I'm noticing that it isn't all that important to a lot of employers these days. So their choices are being reinforced by the world they are living in. It is what it is.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 9:44:39 AM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
I was just wondering how walking their kids around teaches them to be still?
IMO it doesn't.
We teach our kids at home how to sit still, and when we do go to other places we prepare (with toys or coloring stuff) so that they will not be bored. We also don't try to go when it will be packed and we will have to wait 45 minutes just to get to the table. It's not worth it.
It is true that walking them around does not teach them how to sit still...but what it does do is, for very small children, does not push their limit of being able to be still beyond their capability. It is unfair to expect a child of 1 to 2 to sit for more than 45 minutes without breaking it up for them.
That does not mean you let them run wild...but that you do take them on controlled walks (even if just to the potty) and hold their hand.
My fil and my dad cannot sit for long periods of time due to health issues (clotting, etc). They have to get up and walk around while waiting for food...no one thinks anything of an adult going for a short stroll outside, etc while waiting for food......why, if it is done quietly, and with respect, should it be different for a child?
And I agree with Sarah...don't go when you KNOW you are going to be waiting for ages just to get to the table. It is asking for even the best behaved child of 10 to start having issues!
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 9:54:56 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
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quote:
Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or squashing their creativity?
I think creativity is an activity of the mind. Helping children to learn to use their brains independent of physical activity is an important thing to teach them. Some children never learn to concentrate because they've never been taught or allowed the opportunity to work their brains while keeping their bodies (relatively) still.
So, imo, it's more than just good behavior. It's an important brain training skill.
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LIke I said earlier we only took our kids to kid friendly resuraunts when they were little, manily because it was cheaper. I was just wondering how walking their kids around teaches them to be still?
