|
|
|
|
Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone that you're only interested in dating Christians?
View related threads:
(in this forum
| in all forums)
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
 All Forums >> [Life] >> Relationships >> Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone that you're only interested in dating Christians? | Page: [1] |
| Login | |
|
Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone that y... - 7/7/2008 3:54:37 PM
|
|
|
StephenJ
Posts: 157
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline
|
Like if someone who wasn't a believer asked you out? I ask this because I think I may be going through a situation where someone is interested in me (and when I'm completly honest I might be interested in them too), but they aren't a Christian. Is there a way to go about this that doesn't involve
A. Telling them that you just want to be friends (which having been there I think is cruel.)
B. Suddenly distancing yourself from them.
C. Treating them badly so that they'll pull away.
Truth be told, lately I've suspected that it's been easier for me to talk with non-Christian women than my fellow believers. My experience has been that most of the Christian women I've been interested in have been very walled off emotionally, and most of the non-Christian women that have shown an interest in me have been very open emotionally. I don't know if that's a problem with me or not (the fact that I tend to pursue emotionally closed off people), but I've noticed it.
Anyway just wondering, thank you in advance everyone.
_____________________________
Rock on!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/7/2008 3:57:06 PM
|
|
|
JimboFletch
Posts: 6497
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
D. Simply tell the truth. I know that's a novel approach, but it is, I think, the best and the honest one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/7/2008 4:08:27 PM
|
|
|
preserved
Posts: 920
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
|
I have to agree with JimboFletch..Honesty is the best policy...
Typically with most christians..(not all) tend to attract those who are not...This is where the christians has to make a stand...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/7/2008 5:31:10 PM
|
|
|
deedeeowens
Posts: 41
Joined: 6/10/2008
Status: offline
|
I agree with the first two posts. Just flat out tell her that you are a Christian and it is important to you to only date women of like faith. It may even open up some doors for you to withness to her.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/7/2008 9:32:28 PM
|
|
|
hjemerson
Posts: 213
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: online
|
I agree invite, her to church not as a date then she will see what you means and you can go from their!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/8/2008 11:06:38 AM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 5604
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
D. Simply tell the truth. I know that's a novel approach, but it is, I think, the best and the honest one.
I agree.
If you are friends with this person, you may also want to point out why you like them as a friend.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/8/2008 4:05:53 PM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 802
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: online
|
I've been there and done that!
Be honest -
I never hid the fact that I'm a christian even when I went out on dates with
guys who weren't.
Usually after one or two dates they moved on!
Some guys who asked me out of a date would say "never mind" after I told them I'm a Christian.
*I didn't find Christian guys I knew to be much different than non-Christian guys - they wanted to party/have sex. It took me a long time to meet a Christian man who was interested in me and wasn't just after sex.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/8/2008 4:17:06 PM
|
|
|
preserved
Posts: 920
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
I've been there and done that!
Be honest -
I never hid the fact that I'm a christian even when I went out on dates with
guys who weren't.
Usually after one or two dates they moved on!
Some guys who asked me out of a date would say "never mind" after I told them I'm a Christian.
*I didn't find Christian guys I knew to be much different than non-Christian guys - they wanted to party/have sex. It took me a long time to meet a Christian man who was interested in me and wasn't just after sex.
So true on the * comment about not too much difference in the christian guys and the non-christian...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/8/2008 10:14:48 PM
|
|
|
coinpurse
Posts: 97
Joined: 5/10/2008
Status: offline
|
Maybe invite her to church...especially a small group if you go to one...let her know that you arent interested in a dating situation, but would love to have her visit your church or something...introduce her to other females...
yeah, you can let her know why you like her as a friend...I dont think its necessary to go into a whole speech that you only date believers thats why you arent interested( Unless u already did that!)...she'll understand the reasoning if she continues on with church/small group!
whatever you do, please dont treat them badly, ignore them hoping they'll go away...ive been treated like that by Christians, it hurt real bad! and I was a Christian (a new one)...if you have to be blunt, do it with as much love as possible....as much love as possible... for as long as possible...
I once dealt with someone who wasnt straight with me and I just didnt get it...because I can be so straightforward, I often dont understand passivity...that person got impatient and his ignoring me hurt a lot! people arent perfect, but do the best you can for as long as you can...
All the best!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/9/2008 10:45:01 AM
|
|
|
bucsfan0713
Posts: 4
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
|
I agree with everyone who said "invite her to church" my now husband invited me to church when we first met, after a few weeks I was saved and he proposed a few months after that. That was 26 years ago.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/12/2008 5:23:14 AM
|
|
|
StephenJ
Posts: 157
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
If you are friends with this person, you may also want to point out why you like them as a friend.
That's a cruel horrible thing to do to someone. I've been on the other side conversations like that.
_____________________________
Rock on!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/13/2008 4:07:05 PM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 5604
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
Perhaps you are misunderstanding my meaning.
Jimbo said to be honest about why you don't want to get involved with them, and I said that I agreed with this.
You may also want to tell them why you do like to spend time with them ~ because they have a good sense of humour, they're honest, they're open, whatever.
I don't understand why this is cruel, when it's being honest. If you start telling women that you'd be interested in dating them if they were Christians, then yes, that's cruel, but I'm not suggesting you say that.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/13/2008 4:38:47 PM
|
|
|
StephenJ
Posts: 157
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
Perhaps you are misunderstanding my meaning.
Jimbo said to be honest about why you don't want to get involved with them, and I said that I agreed with this.
You may also want to tell them why you do like to spend time with them ~ because they have a good sense of humour, they're honest, they're open, whatever.
I don't understand why this is cruel, when it's being honest. If you start telling women that you'd be interested in dating them if they were Christians, then yes, that's cruel, but I'm not suggesting you say that.
Well it's just that I and other guys have felt the sting of "you're a good friend" rejections. It's not the kind of thing I'd like to say to another person.
< Message edited by StephenJ -- 7/14/2008 4:05:59 AM >
_____________________________
Rock on!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/13/2008 4:46:48 PM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 5604
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
I can understand the 'sting'. But... you say that you find it easier to spend time with women who aren't Christians because of their openess. Chances are you know from experience the courage required to ask someone out. Rejection can hurt. But you need to be honest with them. If you don't want to date tell them that. If you want to remain friends with them, tell them that too ~ and tell them why (as has been said before, by telling them that you are only interested in dating Christians but you enjoy being friends with them for whatever reason).
It will still sting, all rejection stings to a degree. Some people consider the sting to be lessened when they know why someone does like their company.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/13/2008 5:55:36 PM
|
|
|
lbray
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/13/2008
Status: offline
|
I really think the nicest thing to do is to be very clear and blunt. Why do you think it is cruel to tell someone you only want to be friends? I think it is more cruel to passively lead the person on by NOT being very clear. It can sting when you hear that someone you are interested in only wants to be your friend. But if you are not very clear, you run the risk of the person being hopeful or reading mixed signals. Then later, after time has passed, when they realize you aren't interested, it will hurt more since they've spent time getting their hopes up.
I recently told someone that I am not interested in more than a friendship. When I told him this, he said something along the lines of,"Yes, I understand. I'm not looking for a relationship right now either." Now, I had not said anything about "right now" and I did not tell him that I was not ready for a relationship. I told him that I only wanted to be his friend and he interepreted it as,"she doesn't want a relationship right now." Clearly there was a disconnect. Well, given that and some other things he had said, I could see that there was a risk of him getting mixed messages from me, so I said something along these lines,"Just to be clear, I am only interested in being your friend now and later. I want to be clear, since you said you only wanted friendship right now. I don't want you to think that you and I might be in a relationship later - because that is not how I see you. And you and I will never be in a relationship with each other. So please understand that you and I will only be friends - now and in the future - and that's it."
He told me he appreciated me being clear. Maybe it stung him a little, but that was about a month ago. And you know what, I bet he's fine now. And he's not hoping for something that will never be. I don't think I was being cruel. I should also note that he asked me out a few months ago, and I "gently" tried to let him know that I wasn't interested. I thought that I had been clear then. However, when he asked me out again later, I realized that I had not been clear. And during those months after he initially asked me out, he was searching for signs, and hoping that we would go out on a date. So I thought it was important that I be blunt, so that he would not continue to hope for something that would not happen.
Warm Regards :)
LB
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/16/2008 10:12:18 PM
|
|
|
CT23
Posts: 61
Joined: 8/16/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
*I didn't find Christian guys I knew to be much different than non-Christian guys - they wanted to party/have sex. It took me a long time to meet a Christian man who was interested in me and wasn't just after sex.
On the other side of the coin, I've ran into Christian girls who were not much different than non-Christian women.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/18/2008 5:55:06 PM
|
|
|
preserved
Posts: 920
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: lbray
I really think the nicest thing to do is to be very clear and blunt. Why do you think it is cruel to tell someone you only want to be friends? I think it is more cruel to passively lead the person on by NOT being very clear. It can sting when you hear that someone you are interested in only wants to be your friend. But if you are not very clear, you run the risk of the person being hopeful or reading mixed signals. Then later, after time has passed, when they realize you aren't interested, it will hurt more since they've spent time getting their hopes up.
I recently told someone that I am not interested in more than a friendship. When I told him this, he said something along the lines of,"Yes, I understand. I'm not looking for a relationship right now either." Now, I had not said anything about "right now" and I did not tell him that I was not ready for a relationship. I told him that I only wanted to be his friend and he interepreted it as,"she doesn't want a relationship right now." Clearly there was a disconnect. Well, given that and some other things he had said, I could see that there was a risk of him getting mixed messages from me, so I said something along these lines,"Just to be clear, I am only interested in being your friend now and later. I want to be clear, since you said you only wanted friendship right now. I don't want you to think that you and I might be in a relationship later - because that is not how I see you. And you and I will never be in a relationship with each other. So please understand that you and I will only be friends - now and in the future - and that's it."
He told me he appreciated me being clear. Maybe it stung him a little, but that was about a month ago. And you know what, I bet he's fine now. And he's not hoping for something that will never be. I don't think I was being cruel. I should also note that he asked me out a few months ago, and I "gently" tried to let him know that I wasn't interested. I thought that I had been clear then. However, when he asked me out again later, I realized that I had not been clear. And during those months after he initially asked me out, he was searching for signs, and hoping that we would go out on a date. So I thought it was important that I be blunt, so that he would not continue to hope for something that would not happen.
Warm Regards :)
LB
I have to agree with lbray...it is best to be honest and to the point...
stephenj...the only way it would sting....is if the person had more interests than just being a friend....there is nothing cruel about telling someone that you only want to be friends. Like lbray...in trying to be nice and not being honest would hurt a lot more down the road...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone th... - 7/21/2008 11:55:45 AM
|
|
|
slushie
Posts: 2065
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline
|
I think it's much better to tell the truth even though it hurts.... it's better than letting her wonder. Honesty is the best thing to do.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
|
|
|
|
| All Forums >> [Life] >> Relationships >> Is there a polite and gentle way to tell someone that you're only interested in dating Christians? | Page: [1] |
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
. In other words, be sure that she is expressing an interest in you. 
