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Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 10:34:33 AM
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soukz8696
Posts: 139
Joined: 2/25/2007
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A question for you all. I have 4 kids 10,8,7,and 5. I feel guilty when I ask them to do chores. I was an only child growing up and my mom did everything for me. I didnt even have to do the dishes after supper until I was like 17. So how do I get over feeling guilty about asking them to help around the house. I'm not even sure what they can and can't do. This whole chore thing confuses me. I do know that I dont want them to be like me when I got married and did not know the first thing about how to really clean a house do the laundry all those things. Thanks in advance for the input and hope this makes sense.
_____________________________
Michelle
Living for HIS glory not my own
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 10:41:54 AM
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stellaluna
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You should never feel guilty for asking a member of the family to contribute to the well-being of the family. You are doing your kids no favors by not requiring them to be responsible for something.
At their ages, they should each be capable of cleaning their own room, making their beds, putting away their own clothes, etc. Other household chores can be doled out according to age and maturity and ability. I was able to load the dishwasher, clean the bathroom and do laundry by the time I was 7 or 8.
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 11:01:19 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2556
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Don't feel guilty. Think of it this way--teaching them to work now (and do a good job, and learn basic housekeeping skills) will give them a headstart in life. A good work ethic learned in childhood will serve them well in adulthood, as will the ability to pull their own weight in a project, and to do a thorough job.
They should all be able to make their beds by now. Even a five year old can straighten a blanket--it doesn't have to be perfect. The older ones can easily help with laundry, they can all help with picking up and tidying. My 5 yo helps me load the dishwasher, clears the table, puts his laundry away, and helps with general pickup. He is learning to sweep (he asked me to teach him!). My 3 yo will stand at the sink for ages "washing dishes".  I have to wash them again when he's done, but the point is that he's learning and understands that in a family, everybody has a job to do. 
_____________________________
"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 11:04:17 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1844
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From: an ignoble beginning
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First of all...never feel guilty for asking for help....Never. Second of all..don't feel guilty because chores are TRAINING opportunities...like you yourself said..you don't want them to grow up clueless on how to care for their own house when they are grown. You aren't making them slaves, you are training them how to care for themselves (which is a parent's job).
I suggest a book by Kevin Lehman that may help with the chore thing...It is called "how to make your children mind without losing yours". It is a book on child training..all aspects, including chores.
I also suggest checking out this website Managers of Their Homes. It has great organization tools for chores, etc. One thing women/parents tend to forget is that we are told in Titus chapter 2 to be the managers of our homes...managers don't do everything..they delegate so that EVERYONE gets more done in less time and ends up with more free time.
I have 5 kids...and yes...sometimes it would just be faster to do it myself than to teach them...but that would be wrong...and the two older ones are quite equipped to run household now (they are 17 and 14)...and have, on occasion when I have been ill, had to. What a blessing it was to me (and to them..they felt like they were really helping me) to have taken the time to have trained them.
_____________________________
"It is better to debate
an IMPORTANT matter without settling it
than to settle it without debating it"
~Anonymous~
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 11:31:54 AM
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VisitorinWaiting
Posts: 746
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I am glad that you started this thread because it makes me think of a thread that I've wanted to start, but always seem to forget. I was an only child also...and my mother did everything for us as well. I have three children now, and I want them to do some chores, but I'm not exactly sure what chores are appropriate for their ages... I have a 4 year old, who will be 5 in June, his brother who will be 4 in July...and a little girl who just turned 2. I think for the youngest one, just picking up her toys is a good thing...she LOVES to help though...and always helps me with laundry...I will give her things to put in the dryer, and she will...and she will pick up things on the floor and take them to the trash can...so with her, I think she's already on the right track...just watching me and doing what I do...but the boys are pushed to even pick up toys...so I'd like to get them in a routine of doing chores...and do you give rewards or is it just expected to be done?
_____________________________
Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 1:50:49 PM
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soukz8696
Posts: 139
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Thanks WOF I will be checking out that book. The website is intresting.
I don't think they should be given rewards for doing chores. Hehe like I should have a thought one way or another I can't even figure out how not to be guilty for them having chores. I would think that them not being rewarded for doing chores around the house would prepare them for life later I mean my husband didn't say if I sweep the kitchen I get xx amount for doing it he just expects me to do it. Just my 2 cents tho hopefully someone else will have more thoughts then me.
Thank you for telling me not to feel guilty for asking for help. Sometimes I think maybe that is what mothers need is that its ok thing. I do feel as tho I should be doing everything without asking for help from anyone.
_____________________________
Michelle
Living for HIS glory not my own
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 5:07:06 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2556
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quote:
and do you give rewards or is it just expected to be done?
We don't do special rewards for daily housework. Occasionally my older boy says 'Well, I don't *want* to do such and such' or complains about not liking it, and I use it as an opportunity to remind him that there are some things that must be done for the health and comfort of the family, whether we like it or not, and that through his whole life, there are going to be things that he must do, even if he doesn't feel like it.
The one thing that seems to keep him from complaining is if we are working on something together. So there are a few things that are theirs alone to do (picking up toys) but any time I can include them in my chores, and have them help, so we are all doing it together, I try to do that.
_____________________________
"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/15/2008 10:09:41 PM
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W.O.F.
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From: an ignoble beginning
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We don't do rewards for chores. They are just part of being part of a family...everyone pitches in to help everyone out....We have a couple of things we do when people complain about their chores.
One is called THE RULE. It is this: If you whine about your job...you get two jobs. If you whine about that, you get a third job. Makes you real grateful real fast that you only had one job to start with!
The other is...if someone is complaining about having to help someone pick up the living room etc, AGAIN...we let them do it alone. They quickly realize that 4 people putting in 10 minutes is a LOT better than 1 person having to do 40 minutes of work!
here is a list of what chores we give at what ages:
2 to 3--empty bathroom trash into kitchen trash container/empty bedroom trash into kitchen trash container. pick up own toys (with direction of course). Help put clean clothes away (socks and panties/underwear). Put own dirty clothes into hamper. Set spoons, and forks on table. Put spoons and forks into dishwasher...or put dishes (as long as plastic) in sink/counter.
4 to 6--the above (usually only their bedroom trash at that point because of younger siblings needing to take over that chore) Putting away clean clothes with help. Picking up toys. Picking up living room with direction (they might get books and movies or games). Setting table (but not with sharp knives and we get the plates/bowls down..they just set them around the table). Taking care of dirty clothes. Taking care of dirty dishes (teaching them how to scrape plates and put them in dishwasher or sink/counter). Start teaching them how to dust low furniture. at about 5...teach them how to clean bathroom sinks and bathroom mirrors (if they can reach), How to strip their beds...at age 6...toilets get added to the list
7 to 9--all the above...plus empty bottom rack of dishwasher (only because they can't reach to put glasses away from the top rack!) Sweep kitchen and bathrooms. Vacuum. Dust. Resposible for clothes and start teaching them how to fold clothes. learn to wash dishes by hand (except for sharp knives) learn to fold laundry. How to change sheets.....At about age 9...learn to scrub tub.
10 to 13--all the above, plus sharp knives. Learn to mop floors. Teach them how to iron pillowcases, and simple items...working up to more complicated items as they feel confident. Teach them how to sort laundry for washing. Wash windows. Learn to plan a meal. How to cook simple meals entirely on own (we do simple cooking before hand together....helping with cookies, etc). Simple mending.
14 and up-- all the above plus how to wash and dry laundry. How to plan a weekly menu. How to grocery shop (even though I take them with me all the time and they 'sort of know' by example anyway)...more complicated cooking. Sewing (both boys and girls).
We also teach them budgeting skills...they get an allowance starting at age 6 of 1.00 a month...they are to put 25 cents into savings, 25 cents aside for tithe and offering, and the remaing 50 cents is theirs to spend or save at will. When they reach age 10...it goes up to 5 dollars a month. It isn't because they are getting rewarded...but because they need to learn to budget money...and it is cheaper for me to give them this allowance than to cover all their 'want' expenses...they learn to save for things they want and to budget for birthday/Christmas gifts for their siblings. They can also pay their siblings to do their chores for them if they need to go somewhere (although if someone is sick...or it is their birthday...we just do the chore for them because) if they don't want to trade chores. They can also earn extra money by doing EXTRA chores that aren't on their list for the week.
They are also taught yard chores from an early age..by working with me in the flower and veggie garden. by raking leaves in the fall..and then about age 10, learning to mow the yard and trim weeds. My current 8 year old loves trimming hedges ...she has a bush that is "hers" to trim with little hand clippers...it is very relaxing for her..and her bush is always neatly trimmed (if only I could say the same for her dad's and my bushes!).
My oldest son had a job last summer mowing lawn for a couple in our church. They were impressed with what a hard worker he was...he was 13 at the time..they had hired older boys who didn't do as good a job, or who worked as hard without complianing about it. They paid him 100 dollars a month..which he budgeted well. They said they had never paid anyone else that much...but that he was worth it. My oldest daughter has also done some housework for them...and got the same compliments.
In fact...she has a job now working one day a week for a lady and getting paid 10 an hour to clean house....
On top of that...I now have to work part-time..and since we homeschool...my older two (who are 17 and 14 now) babysit and help teach the younger ones 4 hours every weekday...and I pay them for that since that is NOT a family chore per se....they take turns (dd take MW and ds take T TH and they trade off Fridays)...but I couldn't have done that if they hadn't been trained to work together.
_____________________________
"It is better to debate
an IMPORTANT matter without settling it
than to settle it without debating it"
~Anonymous~
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/16/2008 8:42:41 PM
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saraimay75
Posts: 6601
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From: Wherever God plants me.
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As an only child I had chores. My mother worked outside the home an often on Saturdays.
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Then Jesus said, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. Luke 23:34
http://360.yahoo.com/saraimay75
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/17/2008 12:21:54 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 1732
Joined: 5/16/2005
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I found as a child, that if I did things such as the dishes bad-enough enough times, my mother simply would stop asking me to do them.
The same did not work for my father. He just made me re-mow the entire yard until I got it right.
They are not too young, and you should not reward them for doing what they are told to you (with the exception of maybe once and while taking them out for ice cream or something after having a stretch of good obedience).
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-Ben-
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RE: Kids and Chores ?? - 3/17/2008 1:00:09 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1love1God1way
I found as a child, that if I did things such as the dishes bad-enough enough times, my mother simply would stop asking me to do them.
I have found Thing 2 did that for a while until I caught on to what he was doing. *grin* Now he does it right the first time because he knows he'll be doing it all night if need be.
My boys are 11 and 8 and they each have chores but nothing huge. They empty the clean dishes and put everything away, load the mini fridge with water bottles, take out the trash and recycling the night before pick up and if they miss they lose a privliege the next day. Both make their beds and put up their own laundry. They also clean out the car about once or twice a month. They are shocked and amazed at how much stuff they leave in there. 
They each pretty much have the same responsibilities and who does it is generally the one that I get a hold of first. *grin* I do keep it pretty even though or if I'm asking one to do something he'll holler at his brother to help. At first I vetoed this, but then I saw how much fun they had doing things together I let it go. Who cares as long as they get it done?
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Dangerous When Hyper
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