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Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/6/2009 9:07:39 PM
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REPENTEDSOUL
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a pastor said that his wife wanted to go to one of those naughty gifts party and she asked him what did he think about her going? He told her that as a christian woman it may not cost you your salvation, but as a pastor's wife it may be something you might regret.
What do you guys think?
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/6/2009 9:28:51 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I think that pastor had no business telling about their private conversation in public.
I also think that either something is appropriate or it isn't. Being a pastor's wife has nothing to do with it.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/6/2009 11:15:30 PM
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Dr.JuliaChicken
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I think that pastor had no business telling about their private conversation in public.
I also think that either something is appropriate or it isn't. Being a pastor's wife has nothing to do with it.
Conversation OVER! LOL
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/6/2009 11:26:36 PM
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bolt.
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I think any man who would both manipulate his wife's personal choices in that particular way, then shame her by telling others about it... should repent of his sin against her, lest it be something he himself might regret.
If he personally wasn't comfortable with it, he should have said so, and she should have honoured him. It's a marriage issue. It has nothing to do with salvation or ministry position... and it's nobody's business.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 4:41:51 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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I am not a pastors wife, but I wouldnt go. I wouldnt want to go.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 4:43:12 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul
I am not a pastors wife, but I wouldnt go. I wouldnt want to go.
I thought his response to his wife was wise actually. Its better then him saying no outright.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 10:11:03 AM
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bolt.
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I wouldn't want to go either... But if I was considering it, I would give good weight to my husband' comfort level... the idea of needing to watch out for her soul and her reputation are not a part of what he gets a say over.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 10:21:04 AM
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42servehymn
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She did ask him his opinion and if a wife does that she can not be offended by the opinion that he gives (honestly we don't know from the op how the wife felt about his opinion). Being a Pastor's wife has lots to do with it. Women gossip. We know this is wrong but it is a reality. Perhaps she may not want to deal with that. I also don't think he breached any trust by sharing the conversation.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 10:46:39 AM
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Zhi
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How much do you think women are going to gossip by him apparently publicly sharing the conversation?
I feel for that poor woman.
I wouldn't want to go to my pastor in confidentiality to get advice for something, and then have him spread it all over.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 10:53:28 AM
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laura...
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The pastor's wife may have told her husband that it was okay to talk about that conversation and use it as a sermon point.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 10:55:45 AM
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laura...
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quote:
ORIGINAL: REPENTEDSOUL
a pastor said that his wife wanted to go to one of those naughty gifts party and she asked him what did he think about her going? He told her that as a christian woman it may not cost you your salvation, but as a pastor's wife it may be something you might regret.
What do you guys think?
The pastor was correct. Going would not cost her her salvation but it certainly could be something she'd regret.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 11:10:04 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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I agree that being a pastor's wife has nothing to do with whether or not she should go, but the added responsibility of being a role model might weigh heavier on her than if she wasn't a pastor' wife. She asked for his opinion and he gave it. It wasn't manipulative at all, as far as I an see.
As far as sharing that information, that is a person-by-person thing. As long as my husband was respectful of my feelings, I wouldn't mind him sharing something like that about me. I know that other woman would be horrified, in which case, it wouldn't be right.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 11:13:44 AM
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42servehymn
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Laura said exactly what I was thinking.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 11:17:36 AM
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BelleWeather
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I think any man who would both manipulate his wife's personal choices in that particular way, then shame her by telling others about it... should repent of his sin against her, lest it be something he himself might regret.
If he personally wasn't comfortable with it, he should have said so, and she should have honoured him. It's a marriage issue. It has nothing to do with salvation or ministry position... and it's nobody's business.
Absolutely!
The pastor in the OP has a stunning lack of boundaries and respect for his wife.
The tale was also told to manipulate the women of the pastor's church.
< Message edited by BelleWeather -- 11/7/2009 11:30:03 AM >
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 12:23:24 PM
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deermousie
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That pastor committed gossip. That's a sin.
What goes on behind closed doors in a marriage is private, and he just flung the doors open. I'm sure the ladies he talked to were disturbed by the unwelcome inappropriateness he put in their minds, and his wife surely felt betrayed. That marriage has bigger problems than he alludes to.
This pastor needs to be reported to the person above him in authority to deal with this. A pastor who sins against his wife and congregants and doesn't keep boundries is questionably suited for the pulpit.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 3:12:11 PM
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Grace71
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What he said caused just as much harm as if she did go.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/7/2009 4:17:49 PM
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bolt.
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She asked him his opinion about her going.
He didn't answer that question.
He told her what her opinion should be, giving her underhanded advice with unwarranted theological overtones, applying his positional authority in an inappropriate manner.
He could have said, "I believe it's a sin." (If that's his opinion)
He could have said, "I consider it ungodly." (If that's his opinion)
He could have said, "It makes me uncomfortable." (If...)
He could have said, "I don't know how it would effect your reputation, but it might be bad, and if so, it might reflect on me and effect my ministry."
He could have said, "I'd rather you didn't."
He should not have said anything about her salvation (which is between her and her saviour) nor anything like the non-specific pseudo-spiritual threat he used to manipulate her choice without providing any of the information she asked for. Being both her pastor and her husband he should have been double-respectful of her, not double-manipulative.
That sort of thing is so uncalled for, and deeply unhealthy.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/8/2009 12:06:12 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
A slight off-topic: are naughty gifts parties immoral or just personal? (I live in the sticks, and cows don't talk about these things). Someone please fill me in on the broad brushstrokes (I'm guessing I don't want details!  Thanks.
well Deermousie
I dont knwo about in the USA but here in the UK there are Ann Summers parties where they sell sex toys, sexy items of clothing etc and other various thinsg that I wont mention. If what this poster has mentioned is similar then I have no idea why she would want to go anyway.
Surely this sort of thing should be personal between a husband and wife, not be be shared at a party with lots of other women?.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/8/2009 8:25:48 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
I also think that either something is appropriate or it isn't. Being a pastor's wife has nothing to do with it.
I agree.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/8/2009 11:37:05 AM
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armywifey
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For all we know, the OP could be a pastors wife posing this question from another angle to get a Christians perspective 
Ok, seriously, we don't know where the pastor shared this, we don't know the context and or the background of the situarion, we don't know if the wife was present and brought the topic up herself. Since several variables are left out, i will not judge this pastor prematurely. I will agree w/ what he said though.
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/8/2009 8:46:56 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Your right we don't know.....but I got the impression it was said from the pulpit. Perhaps I was mistaken in my impression.
_____________________________
Wizard's rule #1 .People can be stupid and willfully deceived (that's from the book, not the show)..slightly edited for CW
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RE: Not for a Pastor's Wife - 11/9/2009 1:13:10 AM
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Rumely
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It's interesting to me all the details people inserted into the original post. While I greatly respect all those who responded I think a lot is being assumed with little or no evidence. I am hesitant to condemn the pastor as a gossip or manipulator just on the scant information presented without much, if any, context. Also, perhaps Repentedsoul could clarify what exactly he or she is asking. What do we think about the whole situation? What do we think about the pastor's statement? What do we think about the wife going to the party? ...about her WANTING to go to the party? ....about the relevance of her being a pastor's wife? Hopefully Repentedsoul can revisit this thresd soon and give us a little more to go on.
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