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Relationship questions - 7/13/2008 10:16:09 PM
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Godsone
Posts: 32
Joined: 11/27/2007
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Just wondering if you guys could suggest some things/topics that couples going into or in a new relationship should discuss...thanks 
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 1:31:30 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 465
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
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Now is a good time just to get to know one another. Talk about hobbies, personal opinions about main issues in the news, upbringings, extended family, life goals, job, past relationships (in a positive way), preferences for types of movies , tv programs, or entertainment, places each would like to go (within reason) and such. I assume you are wanting to determine if this person is marriage material and some of the above will give you some idea of what this person is like.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 8:29:37 AM
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Sharealaf
Posts: 2
Joined: 7/12/2008
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I agree with ChoirDJ. Talk about anything and EVERYTHING!! My father once told me that when you are thinking seriously about finding a mate for life, make sure that he/she is a good conversationalist. When everything else is gone, it's the conversation that will keep you going. And, good conversation keeps the lines of communication open at all times, no matter what! Even when things are bad, or looking bad, being able to communicate will always be a plus!
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 2:35:01 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sharealaf
I agree with ChoirDJ. Talk about anything and EVERYTHING!! My father once told me that when you are thinking seriously about finding a mate for life, make sure that he/she is a good conversationalist. When everything else is gone, it's the conversation that will keep you going. And, good conversation keeps the lines of communication open at all times, no matter what! Even when things are bad, or looking bad, being able to communicate will always be a plus!
Definitely! Communication is a big key to EVERY relationship (even the one you have with God). It helps a lot for both parties as it builds support structures for one another during times of need, reinforcement of worth, comfortability, etc.
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
 You might not want my "Bazooka" approach, but for me, it's:
"So - how long have you been a Christian? How did you get saved? What church are you involved with, and what ministries are you a part of? What is God doing in your life right now?"
I suppose if you meet the other person in a church group setting, or a place such as that, these would be great questions. Or if the relationship is going to be based (initially or entirely) around the pair's religion/religious experiences.
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
If a person isn't saved and growing (notice I didn't say mature, but growing - all mature Christians started at the beginning) then they probably aren't candidates for good friends.
[???] Seriously?! I wouldn't necessarily agree with this part.
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 3:58:17 PM
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SusieQ567
Posts: 26
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: SouthEast
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Hey Godsone, Great question~! Well here's the deal, my precious hubby and I met online even though we were fifteen minutes apart, and actually could have met traditionally through christian schools etc. We dated 2 years and have been married 2 years. When we first talked, and then in person at first. We talked about all the awkward things it's hard to choke down later in a relationship. Like: EXACTLY what a married couple wants intimately, appropriate time apart, same sex friends, money habits, what constitutes a deal breaker..very important, philosophies on raising children (We have 4 teenagers), what each's understanding of the roles in marriage are..etc. Basically anything we wanted to know, but didnt want to get burned finding out. You may say that sounds funny since we just started dating...well maybe so...but since there are different ways to approach anything, if it's early for you guys, start it out as friends just supporting each other and defining what works for each person in the interest of future success for each. My hubby and I agreed when we met that we could be friends no matter what happened based on our character etc...that's your anchor anyway. Above all, tell the truth, trains wrecks are easier on everybody if they dont happen in the first place.:)
_____________________________
Susan
Jeremiah 29:11
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 4:13:11 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1444
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
You might not want my "Bazooka" approach, but for me, it's:
"So - how long have you been a Christian? How did you get saved? What church are you involved with, and what ministries are you a part of? What is God doing in your life right now?"
I suppose if you meet the other person in a church group setting, or a place such as that, these would be great questions. Or if the relationship is going to be based (initially or entirely) around the pair's religion/religious experiences.
If a relationship isn't based on people's faith, then faith isn't the most important thing in the life of either. That's an automatic deal-breaker for me. God is God, He created the universe and the laws on which it runs, and everything else is just details. That's my standard, anyway.
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
If a person isn't saved and growing (notice I didn't say mature, but growing - all mature Christians started at the beginning) then they probably aren't candidates for good friends.
[???] Seriously?! I wouldn't necessarily agree with this part.
Sure, seriously. Why wouldn't you?
Let me suggest something, and it's a little extreme (maybe not) but illustrates the point - look at the reason so many people divorce: Cheating, money disputes or lack of money for wife and kids, abandonment of wife for selfish pursuits, abuse, and irreconcilable differences, to name a few.
What's the fix for these? You guessed it - determination to do things God's way: faithfulness to spouse and avoiding adultery, provision to spouse and children, hard work ethic, living with a wife in an understanding way, a man loving his wife, a wife respecting her husband, accountability to mature Christians (pastors, elders, mentors) to point out little problems before they become big problems that violate Scripture.
So it takes knowledge of Scripture (which is a spiritual Book that is spiritually understood. NonChristians are spiritually dead and don't understand it) and desire to please God and live His way (which is the only way that works. He invented the universe and only He knows how it works. Everything else is just a fast trip over half a bridge).
So. The best friends and mates are serious Christians in relation with other serious Christians, living God's way and experiencing truth, love, other-centeredness, honor, etc. What's not to like?
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 4:37:19 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
If a relationship isn't based on people's faith, then faith isn't the most important thing in the life of either. That's an automatic deal-breaker for me. God is God, He created the universe and the laws on which it runs, and everything else is just details. That's my standard, anyway.
I disagree with this. While faith is an important thing to base a long-term relationship on that might result in marriage, I wouldn't say that its the first and only thing you should look at. Yes, it needs to be addressed, but so do other very important things (some of which should be looked at first, such as just breaking the ice to begin with). Maybe this is just because I view my faith/religion to be a more personal thing, and I don't address it until later in the relationship.
quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
Sure, seriously. Why wouldn't you?
Let me suggest something, and it's a little extreme (maybe not) but illustrates the point - look at the reason so many people divorce: Cheating, money disputes or lack of money for wife and kids, abandonment of wife for selfish pursuits, abuse, and irreconcilable differences, to name a few.
What's the fix for these? You guessed it - determination to do things God's way: faithfulness to spouse and avoiding adultery, provision to spouse and children, hard work ethic, living with a wife in an understanding way, a man loving his wife, a wife respecting her husband, accountability to mature Christians (pastors, elders, mentors) to point out little problems before they become big problems that violate Scripture.
So it takes knowledge of Scripture (which is a spiritual Book that is spiritually understood. NonChristians are spiritually dead and don't understand it) and desire to please God and live His way (which is the only way that works. He invented the universe and only He knows how it works. Everything else is just a fast trip over half a bridge).
So. The best friends and mates are serious Christians in relation with other serious Christians, living God's way and experiencing truth, love, other-centeredness, honor, etc. What's not to like?
Biggotry exhibbited by the same people who claim to be doing things God's way, and then turn their noses up at anyone who is even remotely different. I'm sorry to seem rude, but it is what I've seen and even personally experienced and been deeply hurt by. And that was by other Christians.
As Christians, I think we need to be more inclussive with our friendships, rather than exclussive. If you take everyone who comes to you and only choose the Christians to be friends with, what do your actions say about you? What kind of ministry is that? Christ accepted all who came to him. If you accept those who are different from you, you have a much better chance of letting your actions and words show them what being a Christian is all about, rather than excluding them and forcing them to find out from a distance.
And to be very honest with you, I wouldn't call non-Christians spiritually dead because they don't understand the Bible (which is NOT JUST a spiritual book). Their lack of faith in said text might be the reason for calling them spiritually dead, but sometimes they have a better grip on the understanding than some of us Christians. Just because a person isnt' a Christian doesn't mean that they don't have an equally strong set of morals.
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 7/14/2008 4:52:13 PM >
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/14/2008 7:52:18 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1444
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
I disagree with this. While faith is an important thing to base a long-term relationship on that might result in marriage, I wouldn't say that its the first and only thing you should look at.
Oh, I agree, Torchheart - faith isn't the only thing to look at, but you and I will have to agree to disagree about it's priority. That's fine.
quote:
Maybe this is just because I view my faith/religion to be a more personal thing, and I don't address it until later in the relationship.
Biggotry exhibbited by the same people who claim to be doing things God's way, and then turn their noses up at anyone who is even remotely different. I'm sorry to seem rude, but it is what I've seen and even personally experienced and been deeply hurt by. And that was by other Christians.
Bigotry is always nasty, because it assumes "I'm better than you because I ____." It's "me"-centered. Allow me to suggest that we Christians are (hopefully!) saying "I am a lowly sinner but God has forgiven me. I know my place - at His feet. This is what He has taught me." It leaves room that God will teach us more in the future (and maybe I'll have a different answer for you next year. That would be fine with me).
OK, notice that I do relationships different than you do: to me, faith is a priority, and with you it's not number one. Notice what I said above (and I didn't add this just now): "That's fine." I have not rejected you or your priorities, even though my priorities are different. I'm sorry Christians have done this to you in the past - it was wrong for them to treat you that way. They not only were wrong but they hurt a sister for nothing. Please forgive them. I am holding a hand out to you in fellowship. Come dance with me in the joy of our salvation! I will not reject you (And maybe *I* am wrong; it won't be the first time ). But this kind of a disagreement is not worth excommunicating a person over, one way or the other, and that's why those Christians who turned their noses up were so wrong: they separated what God put together, and for something minor. It's not like you denied that Jesus is God or said that His death and resurrection didn't happen. I hope those people got it straight now.
I was thinking in the original post mostly about potential marriage relationships (in response to "couples"); my friendships would be more relaxed, as you say. But I'm not going to be best friends with a non-Christian, and I'm sure it would be mutual.
quote:
As Christians, I think we need to be more inclussive with our friendships, rather than exclussive. If you take everyone who comes to you and only choose the Christians to be friends with, what do your actions say about you? What kind of ministry is that?
The Apostle Paul agrees with you. 1 Cor. 5: 9-11 But I separate friendship from ministry. With nonChristians I probably won't be tight friends with because we come from such radically different places (picture me as a raving Jesus freak. How many nonChristians would want to be my best friend? I'm not even rich). But in ministry, yeah, anyone. Paul says we keep company with unsaved sinners because not to, we'd have to go out of the world.
quote:
Christ accepted all who came to him. If you accept those who are different from you, you have a much better chance of letting your actions and words show them what being a Christian is all about, rather than excluding them and forcing them to find out from a distance.
Agreed.
quote:
And to be very honest with you, I wouldn't call non-Christians spiritually dead because they don't understand the Bible (which is NOT JUST a spiritual book).
The Bible calls nonChristians dead:
Romans 5:17
For if by the one man’s [Adam] offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)
Romans 6:16
Romans 8:6
Romans 8: 5,6
Also: Ephesians 2:1-5,
Ephesians 5:14,
Colossians 2:13
And for spiritually understanding the Bible:
1 Corinthians 2:14
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
Yeah, it's paper and ink, and made up of words that everyone knows the meanings of, but the things of God the nonChristian won't get.
quote:
Just because a person isnt' a Christian doesn't mean that they don't have an equally strong set of morals.
I have met nonChristians of good morals, but they seem to be the exception rather than the rule. A Christian has a reason for morals - God created a moral universe and we know He sees everything we do. And we know there are consequences - good actions bring good consequences, and the converse. A nonChristian doesn't know God, doesn't understand that it's a moral universe that only runs on God's tracks, and is selfish. Only God can cure selfishness; it's a spiritual battle.
And frankly, Torchheart, you've hit upon something sad - so many Christians are living like nonChristians and are blowing it big time. The people who rejected you rejected someone whom God has not rejected. That was not only not right, but stupid. Are they going to argue with God?
So here we are. We disagree on some stuff, agree on other stuff, and none of it is earth-shaking. I'm sorry about those people who hurt you. I will be good to you, and I offer you my friendship, as much as can be on the internet. When we meet at last in heaven, we'll hug and laugh and have a grand time. We're on the same side, and it's the winning side.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/15/2008 10:55:25 AM
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SusieQ567
Posts: 26
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: SouthEast
Status: offline
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I was thinking this thread was about questions about relationships, was I in the wrong thread?lol
_____________________________
Susan
Jeremiah 29:11
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/15/2008 10:59:32 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 700
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deermousie
They not only were wrong but they hurt a sister for nothing.
What sister? I'm not a woman if you mean me.
< Message edited by TorchHeart -- 7/15/2008 11:58:22 AM >
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/15/2008 12:06:36 PM
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SusieQ567
Posts: 26
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: SouthEast
Status: offline
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Now Im really confused....lol.
_____________________________
Susan
Jeremiah 29:11
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/15/2008 1:13:49 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1063
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
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If you are a couple and you are into a relationship...You should be able to talk about anything...that's callled communicating...You are not married...just seeing if there is any captability that can lead to marriage
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/16/2008 3:15:49 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1444
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TorchHeart
What sister? I'm not a woman if you mean me.
Oh, Torchheart, I beg your pardon! I didn't know, and just assumed. Please forgive me. My bad. TorchHeart is a man.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Relationship questions - 7/16/2008 3:18:31 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1444
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SusieQ567
Now Im really confused....lol.
No, you're fine - I'm really confused. <blush>
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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