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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/22/2008 8:40:04 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1816
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Oh yes...
Emptying nest describes me. I have several more years until it's really empty, but two birds have flown, and one is almost 16.
The two that have left both bonded with me and each other very strongly when my ddh died. They were old enough to be very comforting and helpful to me, and of course they understood like no one else did because they had just lost the same person--their dad.
My son moved out a couple years ago and is also in his third year of college. My daughter moved out temporarily this summer--but she moved 1300 miles away. She'll be back for the fall, but both of us know that it's not permanent...she'll be getting married soon. She's the oldest, and has been the best friend I've had since my ddh's death. So I have some loneliness and pain to work through there, though I am quite happy for her that she is marrying.
The oldest now at home has been the problem child, and though her problems are mild compared to some, it is quite challenging to deal with them alone.
My baby is only 11...but she's growing up fast, and I'm having to get busy getting my degree and making a living. She and I don't spend a lot of time together.
Some days I wake up and I wonder if any one will ever care again whether I smile, whether I'm pleased about something, or whether I'm hurting. They will all be off doing the things God led them away to do (I would have it no other way, though!), and no one will give a rip what is happening with me.
I know that that's kind of a silly thing to think, but it rips my heart out to think it.
No husband.
Parents aging: they will not be around much longer--10 years maybe?
Children grown and gone.
I'm trying to convince myself that God will help me like it...but so far it isn't happening.
For those of you who are already there...my heart goes out to you.
Yes, there's lots of freedom, and I personally will somewhat enjoy that. But going places alone has already started to pall for me, and I'm not even where you are, yet.
Ouch. Thiz hurts. I dun lahk it!
besiderself
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Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/22/2008 12:49:27 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2920
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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My kidlets are 18 and 16.5 years old.
The eldest graduated high school and is in his first year of college. He is still home, but expects to transfer to university in another year and a half.
The younger will be with me for the next three years.
I am looking forward to them visiting.
I love my boys, but raising them alone since the eldest was 18 months old lets me know that I will welcome a new season.
How do I know this?
I travel a bit with work, and they in recent years have begun extended vacations/stays with their father.
While I miss them, I'm not lonely.
But then again....... lonliness comes to visit me infrequently.
So, I guess I shall know when the time arrives.
Plans?
Finish my education.
Travel more.
Realistically look at marraige again.
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"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
Visit My Blog:
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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/22/2008 3:42:48 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
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I am not looking forward to an empty nest. I have two adult children that left and two that are still at home. My son, just graduated from high school he wants to move out and attend junior college in town. The youngest is eleven, so another seven years and I will move back to Hawaii.
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My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/22/2008 6:37:45 PM
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okrox
Posts: 134
Joined: 4/28/2005
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I've told my two oldest (17 and 15) "It will kill me when you move out. (pause) But I'll kill you if you don't."
That pretty well sums my feelings up. It will be bittersweet. However, since mine are spread out in age, (youngest is 7) I think I may be exhaused by the time little guy leaves, and might not take it quite as hard as I think I will. I don't know. That's a long time a way.
My dad was talking to my sister about her empty nest. He said, "Oh, it's really hard when your youngest finally leaves. The house is so empty. It's so quiet. You feel so alone. You really miss them for the first ten minutes or so."
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Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/22/2008 8:43:14 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 1063
Joined: 12/11/2007
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I'm not looking forward at all to an empty nest. In fact, I dread it. My daughter is now 11 and it's only a few more years and she'll be off somewhere. She's the main reason I hardly dated. However, I'm sure things will start changing in the next few years to prepare me for the time when she does actually leave. It would be nice when She's a bit older and can stay at home by herself. I can go out and do more socializing, even dating.
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RE: Single Parnets and .. - 7/23/2008 7:33:14 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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quote:
ORIGINAL: landabee
But then again....... lonliness comes to visit me infrequently.
I'm with Bee on this one. I'm not one to get lonely or to look to my kids to fill any emotional needs I have. That's not their job.
I love AND LIKE my kids but it's also very deeply satisfying to me when they are off on vacation with their grandparents or whatever.
The whole point of what I've been doing these last 15 1/2 yrs is to equip them to be able to go off on their own and live their own lives.
My plans? More, and further, travel!
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Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 7:49:32 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6159
Joined: 5/2/2005
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Let me just clarify that the loneliness when children leave the nest is not all-consuming. There are times the solitude is extremely satisfying and the freedom to go out and do your own thing is wonderful! But there are times you miss having all the kids piled in your car on the way to their activities, or fixing chocolate chip pancakes for a room full of hungry boys. You actually begin to miss those fights in front of the TV on whose movies are we going to watch tonight.
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 7:55:11 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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I understand temporary wistfulness. There are times when I wish for just one more day of my kids being babies, or toddlers, each stage of their development actually. As much as I tried to appreciate every moment, when you're in it, you're TOO in it to savor it. I want one more day to just soak up what they were like at each age.
Does that mean I miss my kids being little? A resounding NO. Good grief, I couldn't live through that again. 
So I see a difference between missing some of the good times which I call wistfulness and being lonely.
Did that make sense?
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 8:35:28 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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Balance!!!!! It's my middle name. 
Seriously, it is something that I very consciously strive for.
Shall I tell you a REALLY stupid secret about me? About 10 yrs ago I learned balance and time management from playing Sims. I am NOT kidding. Have you played? They have these little "health & well-being" bars and when one or more gets too low you have a very unhappy Sim on your hands. Me, being the OCD person that I am, kept trying to get one bar completely full and then go on to the next bar. I won't embarrass myself (further) by telling you how long it took me to understand that it wasn't going to happen. If I had them fully rested, something else would be empty. One day a beautiful, bright, shiny lightbulb came on in my thick head and I realized that Sims really are like us. You give them some sleep, some play, some social interaction, some work and keep all their bars about even and they're happy.
Well, DUH! That was the last time I played Sims but it really did teach me about balance in my own life. To not overdo in one area and let the others fall apart. I honestly had trouble with this before my great Sims epiphany.
Okay, stupidity confession is now over. 
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 9:18:10 AM
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landabee
Posts: 2920
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
So I see a difference between missing some of the good times which I call wistfulness and being lonely.
Did that make sense?
Yes!!! It makes perfect sense to me. In fact your last three posts, I could have written myself.
I have wistful moments. But I have more moments when I dream about the accomplishments and experiences that are yet to come in their lives. I'm so excited to see what they will DO. To see how high they will fly!!!
Our job as parents is to equip them, evangelize them, love them and teach them to do the same.
Now here is something funny my Daddy always told us kidlets growing up:
"When you graduate high school, you better have a plan. Military, college, a job.... SOMETHING! If not, on your 18th birthday, you're gonna head out the front door to run to the corner store. When you hear a great big crash inside.... That is your dinner plate being broken. Your bags will await your return on the front stoop."
Of course, he didn't mean it literally. But we knew that we needed to have a plan. He did not intend to train us to be dependent upon him.
LOL!
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
Visit My Blog:
Eclairs!
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 9:21:16 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6159
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Balance!!!!! It's my middle name.
Seriously, it is something that I very consciously strive for.
Shall I tell you a REALLY stupid secret about me? About 10 yrs ago I learned balance and time management from playing Sims. I am NOT kidding. Have you played? They have these little "health & well-being" bars and when one or more gets too low you have a very unhappy Sim on your hands. Me, being the OCD person that I am, kept trying to get one bar completely full and then go on to the next bar. I won't embarrass myself (further) by telling you how long it took me to understand that it wasn't going to happen. If I had them fully rested, something else would be empty. One day a beautiful, bright, shiny lightbulb came on in my thick head and I realized that Sims really are like us. You give them some sleep, some play, some social interaction, some work and keep all their bars about even and they're happy.
Well, DUH! That was the last time I played Sims but it really did teach me about balance in my own life. To not overdo in one area and let the others fall apart. I honestly had trouble with this before my great Sims epiphany.
Okay, stupidity confession is now over.
Your secret is safe with me. I haven't played Sims, but I've lived it! Seriously, when you do social work, you learn to either balance or burn-out. Guess which way I headed for a while?  I'm actually learning to work less today than I ever have. I don't feel guilty that I'm still at home right now working on school work.
Now, I learned a lesson last week. My work-life is full of trainings right now, giving me 3-4 days to get 5-days worth of work to do. I'm taking classes right now, so I'm not working overtime to make up the difference. Last weekend, I worked ALL weekend, forgoing several social opportunities. Um, I did NOT fare well that week. So last weekend, I did very little work just to catch up on rest... yet another mistake. But this week seems to be balanced so I'm a happy camper again.
Balanced moms make better moms.  So here's to balance! *insert smiley making toast*
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/23/2008 8:57:43 PM
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tlims
Posts: 476
Status: offline
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Have been reading w/ interest, my friends... will need much help w/ this in the future! Empty nest will be coming -- sometimes sooner than one thinks! I look forward too it and dread it all at the same time...
With twins going to college this fall, there will be so many things that I will miss!! Their giggles & stories -- they always jump on my bed and we talk for hours... we won't get to do that in just a very few short weeks! I'll probably have to come here and cry some.. 
I should still have one, maybe two at home... but still, things are always changing.
I keep telling myself that I will take up my quilting again, and my drawing, and .... oh! you know how it goes!! I make these lists and I think, maybe more time for me or for friends or extended family... but we'll see what I actually do!!
But, isn't it actually quite amazing to watch your children grow up and become young men & women. Sometimes I am so amazed at my children! wow! How in the world did they ever become such amazing people?
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/24/2008 7:26:15 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: landabee
I have wistful moments. But I have more moments when I dream about the accomplishments and experiences that are yet to come in their lives. I'm so excited to see what they will DO. To see how high they will fly!!!
I know!!! Sometimes I am just so awestruck that I get to share so intimately in these amazing people's lives. It is joyous and humbling, isn't it?
Writing that, a thought just occurred to me. I do see my kids as people in their own right. More so as they get older. I say "my kids" here to identify them but I think of them less and less as "mine" and much more as their own. I am amazed and delighted when I see a little bit of similarity to me in them. I am even more amazed and delighted when I see things that are nothing like me, that are totally unique to that one's personality.
Watching them begin to become their own people has certainly been indescribably wonderful.
quote:
ORIGINAL: tlims
But, isn't it actually quite amazing to watch your children grow up and become young men & women. Sometimes I am so amazed at my children! wow! How in the world did they ever become such amazing people?
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/25/2008 1:53:11 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2970
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
About 10 yrs ago I learned balance and time management from playing Sims. I am NOT kidding. Have you played? They have these little "health & well-being" bars and when one or more gets too low you have a very unhappy Sim on your hands.
i just read that after 9 years and many many versions, those motive bars are finally being removed/replaced in the next sims whenever it comes out. there are some useful applications of sims in real life. i read about one couple planning to build a house, built it in the game and then observed the sims living in the house. they actually discovered a couple potential problems and adjusted their plans accordingly
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RE: Single Parents and .. - 7/25/2008 1:55:25 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8171
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: online
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I wonder what life lessons I could learn from the new version?
I just saw what you added. That's a really smart idea! Plus, I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one.
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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I figure there's a plan, though...just some days I really want a peek at it, kwim?
