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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 1:56:59 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 869
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Mark and I have been very lax in finding a church home here, but to be honest we have struggled all our married life with finding Christian friends to spend time with. The first church we joined after we were married was very small and we would literally go to church on Sunday to find out we were the only couple left out of a get together the night before. Kind of depressing. Our current social group is a made up of a Jewish couple, and a few others on the road between agnostic and atheist. We hang out, play games, including the occasional RPG and generally have a good time. We are part of the group and not just an after thought to fill out numbers. Hopefully when we get our backsides in gear and find a church home we will find a group of Christian friends to also join, but we like these people and plan on sticking around them too.
Kris
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 2:18:16 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1569
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wherever I am
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quote:
I guess my life is still a mess. But, the good news is, it's a mess that God knows all about and one that we're trusting Him to guide us through. I think life is messy in general. I need to meet people who understand that, and who don't spend all their time trying to put up a front because they think it helps.
I think there's an unfortunate trend towards expecting all Christians (and their families, for that matter) to be "fixed" once they encounter God. It just doesn't happen. Battle wounds always leave scars even when the healing is transformational; and then kids don't always turn out like angels, no matter how devout or loving the parents. I still get angry  when I think of the judgment my mother was under at church when my sister started getting into trouble and straying from the faith.
Re Christian friends, it took us a long, long time to start making friends at my church--I've been there for ten years and DH's roots go further back. We've found that by slowly inviting people in, we are invited into their lives in return. We try to invite people over for dinner at least once a month (usually becomes every two or three months). Not all of those people become close friends, esp not the kind I feel like I can just pick up the phone and call if I need to, but a few of them have. Even then, the rest are people we do see socially on occasion. For us the m/c was actually a way to draw closer to people with similar experiences; it also showed us which of our friends would be the most constant moral/prayer support in our lives. One of those couples invited us to become godparents to their child (who was born two months before ours was due); they have become the rare sort of friends we can call in need.
I sometimes feel guilty when I realize I don't have as much time to give socially to friends as I would like; we both work and are so involved in ministries that we have little extra time. The advantage there is that people in the same ministries sometimes become close friends over time.
I'm actually at the point now where I feel we should be making a bit of an effort to make non-Christian friends. I have two non-Christian female friends that I haven't kept up with properly since getting married; challenging as DH and I don't spend much time apart. We're now feeling that our neighbors are the next logical step when it comes to trying to live out our witness.
My latest social challenge: remembering, when I am not at work, to stop talking like a francophone. I work in a bilingual office; part of the french culture involves a lot of spirited conversation with everybody interrupting each other (in either language)! In an english-only culture, that just becomes rude and dominating. I sit on my hands a lot these days. 
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 2:24:04 PM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1682
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
Status: offline
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I don't have much trouble making friends....BUT, we're military and you learn right quick how to make friends fast...or you don't have any.
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 2:46:30 PM
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Mollymouser
Posts: 4955
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california, land of the happy cows
Status: online
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The few close friends we have are all christians. But we're not very outgoing or social, actually. We both prefer staying in to going out, and we both prefer spending time alone (with each other) than with anyone else. And we'd rather watch birds and take photos than go to a movie, play, concert, bar, club, sporting event, or gathering of people. I think my wonderful DH gets all the social interaction with people he wants at work (and he doesn't really work with christians) ... and I'm happiest when safe in my house/yard with no one else around.
If it weren't for the married part (and the Catholic part), I'd make a darn-good cloistered nun. 
_____________________________
  MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT  PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 4:00:49 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 1121
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
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quote:
I think there's an unfortunate trend towards expecting all Christians (and their families, for that matter) to be "fixed" once they encounter God. It just doesn't happen. Battle wounds always leave scars even when the healing is transformational; and then kids don't always turn out like angels, no matter how devout or loving the parents. I still get angry when I think of the judgment my mother was under at church when my sister started getting into trouble and straying from the faith.
I have, unfortunately, run into this "trend" in it's real-life application far too many times in the past 4 years. People always wonder, sometimes out loud and to our faces, what we're doing wrong if we have a rebellious, gay son. Didn't we teach him right from wrong? Is it because we aren't telling him the truth? Are we enabling it and that's why it's continuing? The questions are almost as rude as the constant "train him up in the way we'd have him to go" scripture references.
The truth is, we've done the best we can to love him and tell him the truth. He absolutely knows right from wrong, better than most. We are scarred as a family from years spent fighting my illnesses, as even the youngest remembers things I wish he didn't. I am tired, frankly, of people trying to "understand" why we are such a mess because they think we shouldn't be since God healed me. I even wondered these things myself, after being told that we must have some kind of terrible sin in our lives that God was still punishing us for.
Now, I think it's a matter of life being incredibly messy. We're not perfect, just because God bestowed this wonderful, beautiful gift of healing to us. We're a mess because there are natural consequences to living 15 years in the shadow of sickness. And, because God is not finished with us yet! I really hate it when people give up on us so soon.
We are blessed beyond measure, and we are so thankful for it. I never want to take it for granted or think that God owes me more. We are reconciled as a family and as long as we are here together not giving up on each other, then that means God is not finished.
So yeah, finding friends who "get that" is hard.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 4:11:45 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4118
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
"train him up in the way we'd have him to go"
I've often wondered about the definition of "old."
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 4:11:59 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1569
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wherever I am
Status: offline
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quote:
I have, unfortunately, run into this "trend" in it's real-life application far too many times in the past 4 years. People always wonder, sometimes out loud and to our faces, what we're doing wrong if we have a rebellious, gay son. Didn't we teach him right from wrong? Is it because we aren't telling him the truth? Are we enabling it and that's why it's continuing? The questions are almost as rude as the constant "train him up in the way we'd have him to go" scripture references.
Then there's the Scripture a friend's church quoted them, about deacons' families being followers, when asking them to step down from ministry when their daughter fell from the faith.  I am so sorry you've had to deal with that.
There is only one thing anybody (other than God) can know for certain that you did "wrong" to have a son in that particular situation: you brought him into a sinful world when you gave birth. It is the same risk every parent takes. Some kids make their parents look good because they turn out to be good kids (regardless of their parents); some kids make great parents look bad.
I wish more Christians were like one of my priests, who used to joke that she has a ministry of catharsis by having the worst-behaved kids in the church. They're basically good kids, with your garden-variety rascally and disruptive tendencies, but her attitude is better than those who wonder "what went wrong"...
After all, I wonder if God looks at many of His children in rebellion and asks Himself the same question--where did I go wrong as a parent? If I didn't believe He was infallible, I'd suspect He does. 
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 4:37:42 PM
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myka
Posts: 989
Status: offline
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quote:
I even wondered these things myself, after being told that we must have some kind of terrible sin in our lives that God was still punishing us for.
You know, Job's friends told him stuff like this, too. God was pretty angry with the friends for lying to Job about Him.
God is not a self-help program, nor does he fix everything once we believe in Him. Those struggles are part of His plan for redemption and healing. -- I could rant here, but will restrain myself...
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/6/2009 5:27:30 PM
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ThursdaysChild
Posts: 472
Joined: 1/18/2006
From: Up the mountain from the Mediterranean
Status: offline
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In Q8 most of my friends were either Muslim or agnostics. Even among people at church there were people who were so liberal that the term Christian seemed to apply a bit loosely and others who were very devout. If I'd only chosen to be friends with Christians I'd have been very lonely. Here in Lebanon I'm surrounded by people who have 'Christian' stamped on their IDs but it's still a chore to figure out if they believe or not. Again I'd be very lonely if I were that picky. I have friends at church that I'm looking forward to getting to know better and online friends who are Christian that I can go to with prayer requests and questions. That's good enough for me for right now.
_____________________________
“Preach the gospel; if necessary use words” is like saying “Tell me your phone number; if necessary use digits.”
Thursday's Musings
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/7/2009 11:27:06 PM
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Lianna
Posts: 207
Joined: 5/28/2005
From: Edmonton, Canada
Status: offline
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About 5 years ago I would say that 90% of my friends were strong mature Christian, and the 10% non-christian friends I had were raised Christian but just don't go to church anymore. Then I went to school to study holistic medicine and thats when my friendships started to shift. I started to gain friends from other spiritual paths. I enjoyed how they pushed me to step out in my faith and dialouge with them on faith, most were very open to Christianity though none are currently ready to commit. Then about 2 years ago I started to work for a Christian organization that works with inner city addicts. As I gained friends from work ( most former addicts who believe in a God, but not nessiarily Jesus) my previous Christian Friends drifted away. Most feel that it too dangerous for me to work there, or that associating myself with addicts is wrong. So now I would say that 70% of my close friends are Non-Christian and 20% are newbie Christians and 10% are mature Christians. I wish I had more mature Christians in my life, I am currently longing for them, but I am where God has called me, if my now former friends can't understand that then it time I look for new ones.
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/8/2009 4:11:33 AM
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Kath
Posts: 17396
Joined: 2/28/2005
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quote:
My goal from that conversation is to not be a green envelope friend in another person's life.
Amen!
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/8/2009 6:05:43 AM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1682
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
Status: offline
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all of my IRL friends are Christians right now. I don't know my neighbors well enough to consider them friends. When I get out and about it's to church or pwoc . Online I have tons of friends that are varied.
I'm just glad to have friends. We move so much that making friends IRL is such a constant effort.
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/8/2009 9:46:54 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1178
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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To add to the friend discussion: Facebook has done more to connect me with old Christian friends then just about anything else. Its really been a blessing. Probably 98% of my friends on Facebook are strong Christians of various denominations (most I met in college) who are willing to support me through prayer, etc.
< Message edited by Auben -- 11/8/2009 9:52:58 AM >
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Kicka #6 - 11/8/2009 2:51:57 PM
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ThursdaysChild
Posts: 472
Joined: 1/18/2006
From: Up the mountain from the Mediterranean
Status: offline
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If I didn't have online friends I'd be very lonely spiritually. I love the fellowship I've found here and other forums. I've also gotten in touch with my "forgotten Lutheran" by joining the Wittenberg Trail. I love that place! It's led me to a couple of podcasts that have catechized me so well.
_____________________________
“Preach the gospel; if necessary use words” is like saying “Tell me your phone number; if necessary use digits.”
Thursday's Musings
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