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You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 8:51:28 PM
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Valpo
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/23/2007
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I'm sorry if I'm woman bashing on my first day but I had to come here because the previous christian forum that I used my ex is there and she just dumped me about a half hour ago so I came here to vent.
One month ago she loved me so much she wanted to get married right away. She even wanted to run away and elope with me, of course I'm less of a free-spirit so i calmed her down and reminded her that we wanted a wedding our family could attend. And that was ok. . .
Just a month is apparently all it takes to go from "I love you" to "I was infatuated with you." I'll tell you truthfully that you can tell a woman is lying if their mouth is moving. Yeah there are exceptions, but thats the general rule. The only woman that never lied to me was my ballroom dance partner in college. But we where friends, not lovers and I liked it like that.
They can't ever stick to a decision no matter if its in a man or if its something else. Keri just today decided that she wanted to move to Austrellia for no apparent reason. I'd have gone that far to be with her, I was already planning on moving across the country away from all my family and friends to be with her. Well I guess she spared me that pain, only to give me the embarrassment of telling everyone I know about this. Someone that I talked to my whole family about and I was so sure about . . . of course stupid me now I look like a fool.
I was even more an idoit for dating her in the first place. I knew about her past, she could never stick to a decision in her life, but for some reason I thought she moved past that. Some people just never change.
What was even more ridiculous is that I slept with her. God that was stupid, it was probably more lust then love at that point. God told me not to do it but stupid me did it anyways. Afterwards I felt bad and told her we shouldn't do that again. She still wanted to even though she was a Christian but respected my decision. I was in too much of a hurry, didn't like being a 24 year old virgin. Made a silly decision out of ridiculous fears, emotions, and lust. Its true any decision made out fear is always a bad one. And I lacked the character to trust God and trusted myself. I feel forgiven but sometimes it doesn't really hit you how stupid it is ignore God until some time later.
I don't even know how I feel right now. Angry that she couldn't make up her mind? Yeah, Sad - definatly. But I'm also afraid, there is of course the normal fear that no one will want to be with you. I'm 25 and not married with no prospects which by Christian standards I might as well go Catholic and become a priest. Economically I'm a total loser as well, a bunch of college debt for a Finance degree I havn't gotten the chance to use. And maybe never will
More or less I feel lost, I feel like she got my life back on track, I'd find work and I'd move accross the country and get married and live happy. Now I don't know what to do, I need a new job but I don't know where I want to go. Its going to have to be some distance from here I'm sure, but where eludes me. At this point the other side of the world sounds nice, just so i don't have to face the people to tell them that thing I was so sure about didn't come to fruitition.
Its funny because for a long time she was the one who wanted me more then I wanted her. I was unsure but then after spending more time with her I became sure, and she became unsure not too long after. We moved too quickly. It was all stupid. . .
I don't even know what to do now.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 9:19:57 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Joined: 3/30/2007
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I'm sure that everyone here offers their sympathies and love. What you're dealing with is not easy. You did mention, though, that you ignored God, and you're wondering what you should do. Pray. Confess and repent. Turn to him. He will bring you through the pain and uncertainty, and you will grow from this experience. I promise you that I have been through worse and have survived, especially because of God's provision and guidance.
As for feeling embarassed about the situation, that's your pride smarting--another thing to pray about. It's also highly probable that your family and friends have been through similar experiences and can relate. If anyone gives you a hard time, then thank God that they're showing their true colors.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 9:25:58 PM
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Valpo
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/23/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
I'm sure that everyone here offers their sympathies and love. What you're dealing with is not easy. You did mention, though, that you ignored God, and you're wondering what you should do. Pray. Confess and repent. Turn to him. He will bring you through the pain and uncertainty, and you will grow from this experience. I promise you that I have been through worse and have survived, especially because of God's provision and guidance.
As for feeling embarassed about the situation, that's your pride smarting--another thing to pray about. It's also highly probable that your family and friends have been through similar experiences and can relate. If anyone gives you a hard time, then thank God that they're showing their true colors.
Thanks, I already repented for it a while ago and have since refocused on God.
The thing with not knowing what to do is that I need a plan for the future. I have no plans now, all my plans involved her. I no longer have a plan for the future and I can't stay in my current situation.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 9:41:27 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3854
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
I'm sorry if I'm woman bashing on my first day
Did you plan to wait a few days before beginning?! 
I'm very tired, so I'm not sure why you can't remain in your current situation. Painful memories? Potential embarassment?
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 9:56:48 PM
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Valpo
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/23/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shemaromans
quote:
I'm sorry if I'm woman bashing on my first day
Did you plan to wait a few days before beginning?!
I'm very tired, so I'm not sure why you can't remain in your current situation. Painful memories? Potential embarassment?
Don't worry I musing not really explaining anything.
I have a college degree in Finance and I make poverty level wages because of where I live. There just isn't an ecnomy for it here. So I have to find a job someplace and move there. Before I was planning on just finding a job in Cali and moving there.
Now I just don't know where I want to go, but I'm going to have to move someplace.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/23/2007 11:22:06 PM
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saraimay75
Posts: 7088
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
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You had a bad experience with a woman so now you are judging all women by that one experience. That's not right.
If I were to judge all men by your one post that wouldn't be right either. So I won't do that.
_____________________________
Then Jesus said, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. Luke 23:34
http://360.yahoo.com/saraimay75
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 12:39:12 AM
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saycheeeeeeese
Posts: 62
Joined: 8/11/2007
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the situation you described really sucks. i think it's a good idea to move ... cuz no matter where you go if you remain wherever you are, you'll be reminded of her. California is a great place. i say, go for it. i lived there for 14 years, in both northern and southern california, so if you need any info about cali, lemme know. you can forgive/forget easier if you're in a new place. you need time to just chill and make some plans that don't revolve around another person ... and hopefully you'll again find that you really can trust a woman.
oh, and australia is a nice place too ...
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 11:43:36 AM
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Elena1030
Posts: 826
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
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Charlotte, NC, is a city high in banking industry jobs. It's a growing city with lots to do. Plus it's got Southern hospitality and charm. Check it out!
(I'd recommend my city, but I'm not sure what the demand here is for jobs in finance.)
Put the Googles to work and see what you can come up with.
May your healing from this relationship be exactly what God has for you!
_____________________________
"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 12:40:28 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2452
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Send out resume's to any larger city or area you have even thought you might want to visit or live. Talk to a job counselor through your college or workforce center. Take some time to think things through, sort through any offers you might get back from the resume's you send out - and of course pray about where God would want you to be.
At 25, you are not exactly over the hill. I wouldn't worry about not being married or attached at this point!! I always used to tell my sons not to even think about getting married until they were at least 30... now I'm glad they didn't listen to me on that one, because I have 2 super great DIL's, but the reasoning was still valid imho- the reasoning was that by 30 they would be settled in a career and be more mature and ready for marriage. So this ol' GMA says, don't be in a hurry you have plenty of time! By the way, you made a comment about you felt "she" had got your life back on track- no woman can do that for you. You are not a loser, you have had a set back. Dust yourself off and start planning the rest of your life.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 12:48:22 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2452
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By the way, Valpo, thanks for clarifying that you wanted to vent in your first post- I'm sure we all hope you don't really think you can't trust any women, but venting is understandable! And I've found the folks here at CW great at letting me vent from time to time and understanding when I have felt the need to let off steam!
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 12:56:29 PM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4018
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
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Seize the day, Valpo. Take that degree and go for it!
Oh, and welcome to FaithCommunityNetwork!
_____________________________
Pam
<< my mother
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/24/2007 1:33:46 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 1183
Joined: 4/10/2007
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quote:
I have a college degree in Finance and I make poverty level wages because of where I live. There just isn't an ecnomy for it here. So I have to find a job someplace and move there. Before I was planning on just finding a job in Cali and moving there.
Now I just don't know where I want to go, but I'm going to have to move someplace.
There is a really cool web site you may want to check out....
Find Your Spot
It might help you narrow down some areas to look at.
It might help the healing if you look at this like a new adventure. It's a big world out there....explore it and have fun.
_____________________________
my blog......I guess it is time for an update.......
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/25/2007 1:48:09 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 5256
Joined: 5/19/2007
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Valpo - I can definitely understand the trust issue. Just remember, while you cannot trust *her* there are lots of women you can trust. 
Oftentimes God takes us through some tough trials. He loves us. He loves you. He wants you to dust yourself off, stand up tall, take stock of your life, depend on Him, and move forward. We all go through periods of trial. This is a good place to come and vent, and I'm glad you did. Sorry I didn't see your post yesterday. I hope you come back!!
I'm praying for you.
_____________________________
Sam
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/25/2007 4:42:40 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 595
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
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If you are looking to move because career opportunities will be more abundant somewhere else, I say, "Pick a spot and do it." Find an older man in your church you can confide in to help you clear your head and make your plans. Keep praying for Gods guidance and for wisdom and discernment, then impliment your plans.
But if you are wanting to move because you believe it will help you forget about "her", then forget it. You can't run away from your own memories. A wit once said, "Wherever you go, there you are."
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/26/2007 7:31:36 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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Valpo,
I'm going to be frank with you, because I think you need this right now in your life. I'd like to let you know also that I'm sorry for all that has happened. But, I think you've laid the blame a little too far from your own front door.
Could it be that you both torpedoed the relationship when you became intimate? This happens ALL OF THE TIME. In fact, this scenario is so rehearesed throughout the annals of time that your story could have been that of a dozen others who lived many centuries before you.
What I do see valpo, is that you derive your self-esteem from this woman/relationship. This is ALWAYS bad. You saw her as getting you on track, making a way for yourself, and being a part of something positive. This was a wrong assumption. If you are not drawing your strength, guidance, and purpose from God, then you are only minutes away from the next woman (or the next big thing) to sweep you off of your feet and then leave you high and dry again.
Important questions you must ask yourself is, "Why don't I do something with my Finance Degree? It's my job to do it. God only blesses the works of our hands. Why haven't I done anything?"
"Why do I feel like my life is over at 25?"
"Why do I need someone to make me OK?"
And then you said in your post that if a "woman's mouth is moving then she's lying???" (LOL, personally, I thought that was kind of funny, even if it was untrue and a little bitter). So, my question is, were you lying to God when you told Him you would be faithful to Him--and then you violated his word by sleeping with this woman? In God's eyes, you ran off with this girl on Him. Can God trust you to not do this again?
You say He's forgiven you. That's awefully big of Him to do that . . . have you forgiven her? If you want God to forgive you, you have to forgive other men their wrongs against you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. --Matt 6:15
The church teaches us that if we repent and turn from a sin we've committed then God will forgive us. But, while Jesus Christ taught that, He also said if you didn't forgive others of their sins against you, He wouldn't forgive you of your sins.
We are all imperfect and struggling to work out our own soul's salvation through Christ. You, me, your girlfriend too. Every Christian. So pointing the finger at women is shifting our responsiblitity from following what we KNOW to do right before Christ in our hearts manifested in our lives.
Just be glad you did not marry her and then she ran away. That would be even more devastating and hurtful. Who knows your Xgf may be confused.
I'd suggest you take some time to get back in fellowship with the Lord through Christ Jesus. Get back to being faithful with Him, and then you will be able to use godly discernment and wisdom to choose a faithful young lady. Ask yourself some hard questions.
It's true, your xgf did some pretty bad things . . . but so did you. God can forgive, so focus on getting back to basics. Right now, you're pretty far away from that when you blame the female sex of causing your problems.
Blessings!
_____________________________
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.--Romans 8v28
BEST CHRISTIAN BAND EVER: www.myspace.com/downhere
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/26/2007 7:38:59 PM
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losgan
Posts: 328
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Valpo
The thing with not knowing what to do is that I need a plan for the future. I have no plans now, all my plans involved her. I no longer have a plan for the future and I can't stay in my current situation.
Coming from someone who had her life all planned out - and those plans centered on a man ... I know it hurts now, but try to look at your new freedom as just that - freedom. Something whole nations fight for.
You can do ANYTHING, ANYWHERE you want. Once you have a mate and a family - you'll never have that kind of freedom again. Try to think of what things might become "what ifs" later in your life ...
"What if I'd moved to ....."
"What if I'd learned to ....."
Look at this as an opportunity to knock out some of those what ifs, and to get to know yourself better.
It is also a good time to remember that each day is a new day. Don't get mired down in the past, and don't look so far in the future that you are tripping over yourself. This can be a great opportunity to recenter your focus on God and renew your trust in the plans He has for you.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/27/2007 9:01:09 AM
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AdrianaS
Posts: 1121
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline
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Valpo!
I'm so sorry that you are going this heart break and disappointment...unfortunatly but many of us went through this situation at least once in our life times. But try to learn and grow in this process as you must be young as she is too...younger women are very much inconstant and do break hearts. Try not picture all women as a clone of her as not all men are clones of one another too...as try to forgive and let God and let go...your life still in the hands of God and not another human being.
I know that you are really hurt and it maybe hard to see the light in the end of the tunnel etc but you do will recuperate from that, believe us! t may ake time as you will guard more protective your heart..but hey you are very much precious to God as you identity had not change even though you may feel rejected you are much loved and your future is bright! I encourage you to keep growing and take a day and step at time, trust in your Lord!
We are all survivours, overcomers of life disapointments. Choose not to be bitter as you forgive and learn in the process. To grow with this lesson of affliction because in this world we will have them. Focus your eyes in The Lord as you do read your Bible precious promisses that reminds you who you trully are as your standings and your positionings, are all in Him! You are unconditionaly loved by Him, as safe and security is in Him alone. Do not fear but be courageous warrior as He will give you strenght for each new day! Clothe yourself in the Lord for life is the best situation to live our lives. Each day is a brand new day the Lord had made! 
Praying for you.
quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
quote:
ORIGINAL: Valpo
The thing with not knowing what to do is that I need a plan for the future. I have no plans now, all my plans involved her. I no longer have a plan for the future and I can't stay in my current situation.
Coming from someone who had her life all planned out - and those plans centered on a man ... I know it hurts now, but try to look at your new freedom as just that - freedom. Something whole nations fight for.
You can do ANYTHING, ANYWHERE you want. Once you have a mate and a family - you'll never have that kind of freedom again. Try to think of what things might become "what ifs" later in your life ...
"What if I'd moved to ....."
"What if I'd learned to ....."
Look at this as an opportunity to knock out some of those what ifs, and to get to know yourself better.
It is also a good time to remember that each day is a new day. Don't get mired down in the past, and don't look so far in the future that you are tripping over yourself. This can be a great opportunity to recenter your focus on God and renew your trust in the plans He has for you.
Amem, Logan!
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/28/2007 12:01:30 AM
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nappy
Posts: 14
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline
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Valpo, I'm really sorry for all that has happened to you! Your story struck a cord in my heart. While our stories are not exactly the same, they certainly are very similar. It hurts very deeply, when you've had someone that you planned on centering your life around, and then they are gone. Just know that in this; you are not alone! God is always with you, and he will never leave you nor forsake you. The only way I can think of my recent experience, is as a lesson from God. The Lord wants us to grow from our past experiences be it good, or bad. And he also wants us to use our heartaches as a way of growing closer to him. In this hard time, I encourage you to draw closer to God. He has a plan for your life! And it's a great plan!!! You just have to allow him to move! I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/28/2007 2:18:37 PM
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michiganav8tor
Posts: 53
Status: offline
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Sorry to hear about your situation brother. It sounds to me like this was a test on your overall character. Don't beat yourself up over this, but then again; don't make the same mistake in the future.
The number one concern you should have before pursuing another relationship is to grow closer in your walk with Christ. You cannot expect to head a family without a strong relationship with Him. A couple of things in your post struck me to suggest this to you... 1- you sound like you knew she wasn't for you. 2- you took her into your bed. 3- it sounded like you never had a definitive outlook on your career propects.
I encountered a similar situation recently... I met a wonderfull Christian woman, all the chemistry was there; and we got along famously. I quit my job as a corporate pilot (although I flew only 2X a week, so it wasn't all that great.) And pursued a few job offers across the country that were within a days driving distance from her. On my way, I decided to stop and visit her. She was everything I ever dreamed of, and I let my emotions controll my actions... I dismissed the best jobs offered to me (middle class income, insurance, and free apartment as a retainer,) and I pursued avenues that would allow me to be there for her everyday.
I deviated from the blessing God gave me and tried to what I thought was right... It didn't take long to realize that I was wrong; and the day that I confessed to God and found recourse for my actions, it was too late and the woman I was courting decided to ex-communicate me from her life for reasons that seemed to reflect only my personal struggle with trying to be there for her.
I was devastated emotionaly because I felt that I sacrificed so much for this one person. Much like what you're describing yourself. It may seem unfair, and you might feel cheated; but there is one person you can rely on 100% who will never abandone you, Jesus Christ. He gave himself as a sacrifice so that we may be saved from the penalty of sin.
Since my situation, God has comforted my heart and spirit. And as it turns out, the whole situation guided the selection of the best job from many offers. I'm moving from Michigan to Arizona for a salaried job that is under contract (which is a huge blessing in the aviation profession.) In addition, I've been offered senior position as a Check Airmen, in addition to my regular duties; which has increased the contract length and monetary compensation (another blessing.)
I don't hold anything against the woman I courted... You can trust a woman, there all different. Just find one who knows the Word, and has a strong walk with Christ. She will know your heart, you will know hers; and with Christ as the foundation in your lives - you will live good and fruitfull lives.
Live strong in God. And let Him handle the details.
Hope this helps brother. And when you get a chance, take a look at my post-breakup post in the relationships forum titled "captivated by a princess."
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/29/2007 10:04:05 AM
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wang
Posts: 8
Status: offline
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Your oasis became a mirage overnight?? I don't mean to make light but maybe your imaging something that wasn't real to begin with. If this woman is as grounded in the word and as great as you say she was and loves the Lord with all her heart and follows Him like you say, then maybe she had sound reasons to break it off with you. You said you were 5 years her senior and yet it sounds like you made some very poor choices concerning jobs. The fact that you were only flying 2x a week to begin with may have concerned her. And as you admit yourself you were out of the will of God about all these other job offers. That may have made her leery concerning other decisions you would make in the future. She may have felt you should have been better established at your age. The bible does talk about testing the spirits. You again admit she was a strong Christian women many times and mature Christians do watch and test spiritual things. I do. I read Influenced and Captivated by a Princess like you suggested and you bring up some really good points. From a man's prospective you seem to be on the right track. She sounded like a really great woman but meant for someone else. There's someone out there for you too. I just don't think you were in this relationship long enough to make it affect your whole life. Move on.
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RE: You can't trust a woman - 8/29/2007 10:45:51 AM
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wang
Posts: 8
Status: offline
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Sorry I think I posted to the wrong person. I meant it for michiganv8tor
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