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another day in a marriage? - 10/13/2008 10:30:34 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
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Another day in our lives.
I thought it would be just one of those days. Our marriage was ending and I just needed to pick the day. It was this last Sunday and our typical conversation that morning was becoming quite familiar to the both of us.
Angie, “If you aren’t going to church; then I am not either”
Dave, “I am tired; I get very few Sundays off and why can’t we rest”
“We do the landscaping and our son does the power-point; surely God can give us a free pass”
“Anyway, we would have to take two vehicles since you have to go pick up your 22 year old daughter who can’t even get in her car and drive”
Angie, “Seems like the only time I get with my adult kids is when you are at work”
Dave, “well I am only home 1.5 days a week; seems like the only time I have with you and they are even in the picture then”.
Anyway that was pretty close to our morning. We missed church and we decided to at least spend the day together. We head to Tupelo and I am trying to read her mind. Does she really know it’s over? How much longer can we last? I continue to think to myself as I am driving; it really is her fault. She has depression she will not deal with. Her kids need to get a life. I work all the time and she doesn’t even care .I am a fireman, first responder and rescue and a full time nurse. She needs to let me have my time.
Angie wants to look at what movies are playing In Corinth and we drive through and look at the posters on the theatre wall. I don’t recognize anyone nor does any look like anything remotely that I would enjoy watching on a great Sunday afternoon. There is a golf course nearby and why lock me up in a movie theater for several hours.
We head on to Tupelo and figure this movie she wanted to view was on the screen in that city. What ever it takes to make her happy; At least the movie has something to do with firefighters. We visit the Barnes and Noble bookstore in the area and then we find out the movie she wants to see isn’t playing in that town so we return to Corinth. It is playing at 4:10 and we have barely enough time to get there. Those firefighter tags on the truck don’t guarantee a free pass for this kind of speeding.
We arrive at the theatre and the parking lot has several church buses plus lots of couples seem to be attending. I knew it right then. This is going to be a Christian Thing. I was mad to say the least. It isn’t going to work. My marriage is crashing and she wants to watch a film about firefighters. It seems Brother G whom I consider my best friend had told Angie all about the film during the week.
While getting tickets a man must have recognized me. He walked up to me and made a friendly gesture about my last name and then I got married. I smiled and I guess it was a joke but I let it go. He looked familiar but I couldn’t place him.
We took our seats and the movie started. I went through many emotions during the movie. I bit my finger twice to get from displaying emotions. I even went though a brief period of anger at my wife for getting me in here and then to be honest I figured God made me come watch this movie and used her.
When the movie was over I left with tears in my eyes. I had cried during some moments and I really needed some alone time with my wife.
The gentleman who had talked to me earlier walked by and told me, “Wow was this movie ever needed for you to watch”. I still have no clue the name of this guy.
The movie is familiar to some: Fireproof
I am not necessarily endorsing the movie however for me the movie was a vehicle of transport for Gods Message. Not everyone will watch the movie and get the same feelings.
I left the theater exhausted and in need of some revival. My marriage problems weren’t just about my marriage. This was also first about my relationship with God.
Those thoughts I shared about Angie; does it really matter who is right or wrong in our marriage or your marriage? I love her and want her as my wife forever.
It’s been 48 hours since I walked out the theatre and all our problems aren’t resolved and probably never will be but I love my wife. I meant those vows I said in front of the congregation on the day of our marriage and God reminded me of them Sunday
If you’re reading this and thinking how trivial my story is compared to your problems or maybe mine are awful compared to yours. Don’t look around; look upward
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/13/2008 10:54:50 PM
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cindybode
Posts: 916
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Northwest PA
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Awesome post.
You might want to check out the resources offered by Joel and Kathy Davisson. Their ministry lines up almost exactly with that movie. If you want to walk this walk, they will help you.
_____________________________
If you lock in any creature, from rats to chickens to pigs to people, 10 to 30 or more in a box and force feed them you'll create little monsters. Confinement Education School Operations (CESOs) just don't compare to naturally pastured free-ranged kids.
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/14/2008 1:22:24 AM
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Godsgirrl
Posts: 33
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I am having a difficult time with my marriage as well. My husband mentioned that this movie has become very popular and well received. I like Kirk Cameron's ministry. I am going to be sure that my husband and I go to see this movie soon. Thanks for the reminder.
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/14/2008 10:47:30 AM
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favoredmomof4
Posts: 18
Joined: 7/28/2008
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Our God is an amazing God! Thank you for your post - I cried as I read it - and, may God continue to bless, heal, renew, and revive your marriage! May He use you and your wife to encourage other couples who feel they are at the end. God Bless You both. 
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/14/2008 1:14:32 PM
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Aisha
Posts: 24
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Maryland
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I just wrote a whole lot and lost it. 
I am not married but I am engaged. I want to see this movie really bad but have not got around to it. I do have the book from the movie "The Love Dare" and I love it. It definitely teaches how to love as God intended.
I am glad that the movie touched your heart! Marriage is definitely hard work but a VERY humbling experience to make it til the end!
_____________________________
Engaged to my bestfriend Sept. 5, 2008!
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/14/2008 8:06:42 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 15
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From: Minnesota
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I do hope both of you will be able to keep the marriage together and work thru the problems. We will pray for you and your marriage.
My DH and I went to see it. We have a very strong/loving marriage; but some of the things at the beginning was reliving some of what we both went thru in previous marriages/family - especially the yelling at each other parts. It hurt to watch that.
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/14/2008 10:11:56 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
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Thanks for the encouragement we received from all and I am glad my post helped some others. It took me a few days to get back and write although I have read the responses every day.
I have been physically tired, emotionally exhausted yet I love the feel of a spiritual revival in both my wife and I. We both agree that the solution is a spiritual renewal in the each of us. We went to counseling this afternoon with a pastor and trust me we do have issues but they are fixable. We both are willing to give a little to keep the blessing of marriage that God gave us.
That sounds trivial. All we have to do is give a little. He gave it all. I feel selfish sometimes. I want my wife to do this and this and this and all He asks is that we knock and He will give freely.
Have a blessed day
me is so tired dave
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/15/2008 8:59:50 AM
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mkgrace_94
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Joined: 9/29/2008
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What an amazing story! I thought I saw on the movie's website (www.fireproofthemovie.com) an area to post testimonials...you and your wife's story would be awesome there. Thanks for sharing. May our gracious God bless you and your wife during your counseling and reconciliation.
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/19/2008 10:32:34 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
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I wanted to respond seven days later to relay any change. I had some very great comments and I appreciate your prayers.
There is no change in the marriage itself. The only change is in me. God is working in my life and I feel a greater peace. We don’t have adultery or physical or mental abuses so I guess I will have to just learn to accept.
My wife is bi polar and refuses to accept treatment and she has totally given up on finding a job. I had some hope this week but she seems to be trying to make things worse.
We have always had an excellent romantic life but it’s been since last Sunday and I was off this Friday and Saturday. It was supposed to be our time but she had gotten both grandkids and they will not sleep in their beds. Hence the kids were asleep in our bed and there went another two days. I think that was on purpose on her part.
I can’t change her. I can only change myself and pray for her. I love her and I believe when I said, “In sickness and in health” that means mental illness also.
I really hate being alone in the marriage but I lean more on Him and the kids. I am sure God is using this to hone me for a stronger walk in him but I am not Job.
Have a blessed day dave
_____________________________
if you want the mission accomlished overnight..dont call Fed-Ex call a Navy Seal Team
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/22/2008 12:32:00 AM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
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Thanks for everyone’s prayers. These will my last post in this thread.
I will make it simple…we don’t have any biblical grounds for divorce
I love and accept my wife just the way she is…I need to be a stronger husband for her and I am working on that.
When we really sit down without hurt feelings and discussed what is really wrong. The problems weren’t really all we thought; the problems were more about selfishness and “our time” and some personal ones I /we keep private.
Anyway we really can’t get divorced.
Who would keep the grandkids?
I can’t cook
We would still attend the same church and that would be hard sitting apart
Who would bring her an extra set of keys when she has locked herself out of the car?
How would I get dressed at 3 am for a fire callout and find my way to the door?
Who else lets their wife win at golf…Ooops she does know I post in here
Who else can let me come home from work stressed to the max and know just what to do?
I am not trying to make fun of what we have been through but humor is something neither of us has had in more than a month and it feels good. God has blessed us with this web site, our friends at church have prayed for us and many of you have shared things that have helped us. Many thanks to the Movie we watched. It started the ball rolling
The greatest help we have found is leaning on Christ. I am not sure way we had to wait till our house was on fire for 20 minutes before we called the fire department.
He is the first to know we have problems and He was the last we called on
Have a blessed day Dave
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/22/2008 11:11:19 AM
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deermousie
Posts: 2214
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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I am praying for you and your wife, dear brother. May God be merciful and healing to you.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/28/2008 12:13:45 AM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline
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I wanted to post in this thread because it’s a continuing saga of our marriage. Its part of things I have done and with Gods help become aware of. My wife and I do continue to struggle some still but with Gods help I am discovering some areas I can become a better husband in. I realize I can change no one but myself and the only change I can provide for others is prayer and hopefully changes on my part that will help them; in this case my wife.
Are we on the same wave length? I am not sure we are at all times and sometimes we are far apart.
Sunday evening after working 10 hours and after spending forty minutes driving home; I was tired. We had a structure fire the evening before and I guess I must have twisted my right knee and hip. I had also gotten up for a call out at 0400 am. It was a 52 y/o male with chest pain and not breathing. I was in need of “me” time desperately by the time I arrived home. I figured my wife would be doing other things and I could zone out on a football game or write some on the computer.
When I arrived home; there were no grandkids and our younger son was to be at the farm for 5 more hours. The house was ours. We talked for a few about church. She was on the new “praise team” and our son had really impressed some with a new web site. She talked about some members and things going on. I listened for a few then I went into the den to write and listen to some music. She followed me and kept talking. I finally blurted out, “I will log off forget it”. It was very obvious I had hurt her feelings. She had planned this evening to be ours and I was so into taking care of my personal needs and emotions I completely blocked her out.
I was writing a blog on a church website about couples and it occurred to me. I can’t take care of what I have at home. I got up and went into living room and talked with her. I asked her for forgiveness. I explained to her why I felt the way I did and I was sorry.
Sometimes I may think my work is more important than others. To any that read this; my job has no more significance than any other job descriptions. We all have stress and some enjoyment and I admit I do have jobs I enjoy. I felt really bad that I had hurt my wife’s feelings over something as insignificant as I need “my” time. Angie had planned this event all day.
We talked about our feelings and I told her I was wrong and I wanted to take a whirlpool for twenty minutes and let’s start over. Well there were no grandkids and we were alone so lets no lose everything that afternoon.
The entire ministry of Jesus was about us. His life on earth and the pain and humiliation He received on the cross should be an example of how we should act toward others. I am trying from now on to leave my job at work and come home to my wife. I doubt every afternoon will be like Sunday but I owe her a chance to have “our time” instead of “her time”. If it wasn’t for “our” time; “my” time would have much less meaning.
I got a pleasant surprise at work this afternoon. A young lady delivered me a single rose and a card. It was from my sexy wife.
A few co-workers of commented, “You must have been good last night” I smiled and said, “I am not sure if I was good or not but I have learned to apologize and that’s what the rose and card are for.
Have a blessed day….dave
_____________________________
if you want the mission accomlished overnight..dont call Fed-Ex call a Navy Seal Team
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/29/2008 3:21:07 PM
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MC4JC
Posts: 15
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
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Take it a day at a time and a step at a time. It seems you are trying to walk that narrow path and its hard. Continue to pray for you and your wife and keep asking for God's help and guidance and show you what you need to be doing to fix the marriage and make it stronger and better.
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 10/29/2008 3:35:55 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
Status: offline
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ty very much God is working on me and the marriage
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RE: another day in a marriage? - 7/9/2009 7:08:54 PM
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firefighter38310
Posts: 39
Joined: 10/13/2008
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well it isnt going to work out but i am ok and my son is ok also. we will reuild our lives together agin and God will be with us......i would write more but im too exhausted to at present.
have a blessed day
_____________________________
if you want the mission accomlished overnight..dont call Fed-Ex call a Navy Seal Team
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