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in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 11:06:32 AM
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christiangirl0920
Posts: 25
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: jacksonville , florida
Status: offline
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Okay, so I met a guy named Roger when I started working at McDonald's last year in April. We started talking and became friends. We started spending all of our breaks together and when he wasn't working and I was he'd come and see me on my break. Of course we began liking each other so we started dating. We fell in love. I don't know what it was but after only about a month or two I loved him. It wasn't lust or anything like that. I really truly loved him. It was a deep down gut feeling and being with him just felt so right. The kind of feeling where you know without a doubt you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Well in September of last year we had sex. We weren't purposely planning it. We both had talked about it and wanted to wait until we were married, if that was in God's plan. But we got caught in the moment one day when we were alone and gave in to temptation. My parents found out about it through a message I had on MySpace. My dad was truck driving in Texas so he really couldn't do anything. My mom was really upset. She had me when she was 16 and she didn't want me to make the same mistakes she did. She wants me to live a better life and have more opportunities. Before my parents found out about us having sex, we thought I was pregnant. I didn't expect Roger to stick around. I figured he would leave me and I would take care of the baby myself but he told me he was going to do the right thing. I asked him what he thought was the right thing and he said if I was pregnant he was going to take care of me and the baby and be a good father and provide for his family. I took a pregnancy test and it turned out I wasn't pregnant. I was relieved but at the same time a little disappointed. It would have been amazing to have been carrying a life. A miracle created by the Lord. Something Roger and I made together. But I knew it was for the best. I wouldn't have been able to provide for the baby like I want to. We wouldn't have had any money or a place of our own. So I thanked the Lord and told him I understood it wasn't the right time but maybe someday when I'm married that I will have a baby.
Anyway, so I moved in with my friend Jazmen. Roger never left my side. Through all of this we were still together and helped each other. My parents wanted us to get married but his parents didn't agree. Roger did want to marry me though. But he was only 17. So through everything with his parents and mine it definitely was hard but it strengthened our bond even more. We did repent and ask God for forgiveness and we set boundaries for ourselves. Like we decided that we shouldn't kiss anymore because that's where the temptation starts.
A month later my mom decided that I needed to come back home so we could work this out as a family. So she brought me back home and then took me out of public school. So I've been in homeschool since October and I never see Roger. It's hard on both of us. We talk on the computer but my parents don't want me to see him. He says it's hard talking to me sometimes because we can't be together 100%. He can't see me physically or hug me or be able to look into my eyes. He misses me a lot and still tells me he loves me. We've had our arguments and been through all of this stuff with our parents but we've always gotten through everything together. And I know we've made our mistakes but I thank God everyday that he brought Roger into my life. I love him so much. He's smart, very wise for his age, funny, hard working. He got promoted to shift manager a few months ago and he's been working at McDonald's since he was 16. He just turned 18.
Well, he got a scholarship to go to A&M University in Tallahassee. I'm happy for him but I'm really going to miss him. He's leaving at the end of the summer. I know I don't see him anyway but I feel more comfortable knowing he's only 15 minutes away versus 3 1/2 hrs. It sucks I'll be waiting another 1 1/2 yrs until I can see him again. I'm 16 right now. But I keep telling myself and him that we're going to make it. We'll get through this just like everything else. I mean, we'll have already been together for a year on the 27th of this month. I've never met a guy as determined as he is. Other guys I've dated would have given up within the first few months. But Roger has been there all the way. Through all the stuff that's happened he still wanted to be with me and he never stopped loving me.
I guess I just wanted someone's input. Some inspiration to let me know that it's not so bad and it will work out. Or if anyone who can relate to my situation in some way could share with me how they got through it. We've already made it through a year. Based on all of the things that have happened and how we've always stuck together, does it look like Roger and I are meant to be together? If it wasn't for all the drama it would be one of those romantic cliche high school sweethearts type of thing.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 12:15:14 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 135
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline
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christiangirl0920...you are posting on a christian forum so I'm going to be very blunt in my response to your situation. First and foremost, I'm not hearing anything from your post that suggest you are remotely concerned about seeking God's will in this relationship. You sound incredibly immature and naive about a lot of things and it does appear you are anywhere near being ready for a relationship. It concerns me deeply that you would be willing to bring a child into this world on such a rocky foundation. You're setting yourself up for a train wreck and you really need to rethink your perspective if you claim to be a christian.
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 5/9/2008 12:21:39 PM >
_____________________________
Live each day as thought it were your last for one day you will be right.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 12:51:25 PM
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christiangirl0920
Posts: 25
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: jacksonville , florida
Status: offline
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Firstly, I am concerned about seeking God's will in this relationship. I have made a lot of progress as far as getting my head back on right and focusing on things that are more important right now such as school and applying for colleges. And I know I didn't do it on my own. I asked the Lord for strength and wisdom and that he would help me through all of this. I pray to God everyday in that he helps me get stronger as a Christian. I've pretty much learned to let go of everything that has happened and just move on. It's in the past and God has forgiven me. I sincerely asked for forgiveness and God has answered many of my prayers as far as my family coming back together and all of that. I'm trying really hard to give everything to God and whatever happens happens. I know that it's not my will but His will. However, I still miss Roger and get down sometimes because we can't see each other or be together. So that is why I wanted someone's insight. I apologize if I wasn't clear. I didn't mean I need inspiration that things will work out between just Roger and I but that I need inspiration that God will work in our lives and make us both better Christians. That's what I meant by everything will work out.
About having the child, I never said I was willing to bring a child into this world especially with the way things were. I wasn't purposely trying to get myself pregnant. I had sinned. I know that. But if I was pregnant what was I going to do? Get an abortion? No, that's not an option in my book. I made a mistake and I admit it. But if I was pregnant I would have given birth to that child and taken responsibility for my actions and accepted my duties as a mother.
I just needed someone to help me. Give me advice on how to handle this and let me know that I'm doing better. Inspiration to motivate me to keep progressing. Some support would be nice.
I'm not trying to be rude, I can see where you are coming from but all you really did was point out my faults. It didn't really help.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 1:33:06 PM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 135
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline
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I went back and reread your post and I'd like to apologize for my rash response. I did get a different impression of the situation than I did the first time. Some coworkers walked into my office as I was reading your post so I didn't get a chance to read it as closely as I should have before responding. I should have waited until a better time to respond so I'll try again.
Something that's really going to be important for you to consider is that your parents has been where you are at but you've never been where your parents are at so there's a little of wisdom to be gained from their perspectives. I'm sure they only want the best for you. God will only be able to bless your relationship to the extent it is centered around Him so that's key. You are still very young and your views will change drastically over the next several years so I would advise you to give yourself plenty of time to enjoy the stage of life you're at and to mature. If this relationship works out, Great! If if doesn't, then God has something better in store for you down the line....Again, I'm very sorry for how I responded in my previous post.
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 5/9/2008 1:47:12 PM >
_____________________________
Live each day as thought it were your last for one day you will be right.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 1:55:50 PM
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bigfrank
Posts: 395
Joined: 12/2/2005
From: Battle Ground, WA
Status: offline
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quote:
We both had talked about it and wanted to wait until we were married, if that was in God's plan.
If that was God's plan? Can it not be God's plan?
How did you have sex? Did you start making out and it went downhill from there? I'm assuming that's how it happened, because that's how it normally happens. I just want to say that this is why I am against making out.
I find it admirable that you wouldn't get an abortion, and I also find it admirable that you are willing to admit when you are wrong and ask for help. That's a lot of the battle right there. Continue to seek God's will, and focus on finding yourself and what you believe. Learn, go, and sin no more.
Kevin
_____________________________
A man should never let a salad beat him.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 2:15:43 PM
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TaranWanderer
Posts: 2
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
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christiangirl0920....I appreciate your willingness to share openly about your situation. I am sure there are others who are going through something similar and hopefully will benefit from some of the thoughts posted here.
At my church, I've been a group leader for college aged people for about 12 years now and have spent a lot of time around youth. I just wanted to offer you a few thoughts that will hopefully help you plan for the future:
You will be in college soon (God-willing) and your friend Roger is about to be there. College is a time when you both may change dramatically as people. I think it's important to be very sensitive to these changes and really take an honest look at how your relationship will change along with that. Usually in college your circle of friends changes/grows as well and friendships become deeper and more intimate. At times this can be really confusing and emotionally frustrating, but also very rewarding. Hopefully these friends will be the ones who will help you in your walk with God....
...which leads to my second point, and that is the importance of having brothers and sisters in Christ who love you and can keep you and Roger accountable. Surrounding yourself with these people will help you avoid situations where you and Roger are tempted. That you both decided you shouldn't kiss anymore is a wise decision. I remember a couple of friends of mine who were dating said they made a commitment to God that they would never go on any type of trip where it was just the two of them alone together, but always bring at least one other person along (even thought that might not be fun for that "third wheel"  ). It's something you might want to consider.
I am one who believes ALL things are possible with God, so I definitely believe that things can work out well between you and Roger. If you both are faithful to God and do things His way, then you will avoid a lot of the emotional and physical consequences of going against His will. I think ABOVE ALL ELSE, continue reading the Scriptures for inspiration, especially Christ's teachings and Paul's letters. This will really help keep you grounded and you will be amazed at how much you will grow spiritually. That will really help you bring a lot to your relationship with Roger.
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 4:02:57 PM
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preserved
Posts: 1296
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: christiangirl0920
A month later my mom decided that I needed to come back home so we could work this out as a family. So she brought me back home and then took me out of public school. So I've been in homeschool since October
OK...You need to re-direct your relationship with God to know what is God's Plan... I think this is why God allowed your mother to have you return home and be homeschool. Apparently you were getting too caught up with being in love... Your friend will be attending college away from you...more than likely the relationship that the two of you shared will eventually fade because of the distance between you and you still being at home...He will gain new friend in a difference circle of life....
It is truly God's Will the two of you will re-unite...in the mean time get focus on you and allow God to work thru you
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RE: in need of some inspiration - 5/9/2008 7:58:47 PM
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bltormey7
Posts: 19
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline
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I've never been in this situation before, but we do have a Father that understand all things. Our Father in Heaven. Trust Him with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. He knows everything. He is everywhere...all at the same time. He loves you COMPLETELY. He knows all the PERFECT and WISE directions you should walk.
I ENCOURAGE YOU...Trust Him with everything...including your boyfriend and you will be amazed of how much direction He will give you...even if it's difficult hon, He knows what is best for you...
I couldn't give you better advice...
That's Proverbs 3:5-6...
Ever want to talk...just message me...
_____________________________
...perfect love casts our fear....
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