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The Atomic Plastic Fork - 3/9/2006 2:01:58 PM
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is5512
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I've been pondering miracles, and I'm wondering if you'll confirm my suspicion: Not once, Not Ever, did God's answer to a problem seem like it would be enough.
Sara did not look like she would be enough, the tree at Marah did not seem enough, five pebbles did not seem enough, a jar of oil did not seem enough, two fish and five loaves did not seem enough. Even the Messiah Himself didn't look like anything special.
The response in John 6:9 (loosely translated) is understandable: "You gotta be kidding me."
We look at our problems and tell God that nothing short of an a-bomb can fix them. He responds by giving us a plastic fork.
"My grace is sufficient" does not mean that God wants us to continue to be oppressed by a problem.
It means it's a real special plastic fork.
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If You Want To Get On...
I say this with all affection: My Hero was a wimp. If he were scheduled to go five rounds against his shadow, I'd bet on his shadow. As if either one of them would actually show up.
And yet even in dealing with the biggest wimp on earth, God had to go to great lengths to get the message across: "I don't want you to get a big head. This miracle is going to happen because of My strength, not yours." (Judges 7)
No matter how wimpy, a person will still try to make things happen on their own, and not want to yield.
Reminds me of the story of the cowboy whose horse bucked and kicked so badly that it got its hoof caught in the stirrup. The cowboy calmly suggested, "Look, if you want to get on that much, I'll just get off."
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The Three M's - 3/13/2006 12:47:35 PM
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is5512
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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A controversial preacher once remarked that he would not defend himself against his attackers' accusations even if they spread rumours he'd killed his own mother.
In 1988, another controversial preacher published the article, "Why I Don't Respond To Criticism." By 1992, with his influence growing -- and coincidentally, as his fledgling denomination began to gain converts as they began to lose their out-of-the-mainstream reputation -- he published the position paper, "Why I Respond To Criticism."
Todays most famous "Radio and Television Christians" are the ones who spend minimal time teaching Biblical concepts, preferring to spend their time giving counter-arguments to perceived attacks from those Demon Liberals.
More than once, I've run into the sentiment that there is something fundamentally wrong with someone who won't engage in pointless arguments on matters of faith. But, depending on how you answer the following question, the arguments aren't pointless.
Are you a part of a Movement, A Monument, or a Mausoleum?
Attacks against the latter two range from being in bad taste to outright sacriledge, and must be answered. (In the case of Preacher #2, he says God told him to reverse himself).
A member of a movement is too busy "doin' the stuff." Not too busy to explain the reason for his hope, but far too busy to stop so that he can explain where Mom is.
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Judging The Delivery Boy - 3/15/2006 9:56:39 PM
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is5512
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In 1 Kings 17, God sent Elijah into hiding, but promised Elijah he'd be provided for. And Elijah obeyed.
Have you noticed that God's delivery boy was, according to Leviticus 11, an abomination? I guess obedience is easier if you happen to be starving.
In Genesis 14, Abram refused to cut a deal with the king of Sodom, "...lest thou shouldest say I have made Abram rich." But in Exodus 12, Israel accepted from the Egyptians silver, gold and clothing. I guess accepting miracles is easier if you happen to be broke and on the verge of being homeless.
Jews and Samaritans enjoyed a relationship similar to that of Hank Hanegraaff and Kenneth Copeland...but without the warmth. But in Luke 10, a Jew allowed a Samaritan to care for his needs. I guess receiving a blessing is easier if you're naked, bleeding and half dead.
Maybe Mary gave us the easiest way of all in John 2:5. Just do whatever He says.
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The Cringe Reflex - 3/29/2006 9:52:24 PM
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is5512
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I once knew a person who, even as an adult, would cringe every time their parent walked into the room. They'd cringe expecting a slap or some other kind of blow.
I merely expect to be rejected and belittled, and that expectation is limited to two very specific situations: whenever someone says something to me, and whenever someone doesn't say anything to me. No reflex problem here at all; praise God I'm so healthy.
Here's a test of reflexes: How long do your apologies run? How long to you expect apologies to you to run?
There are a couple of remarkable examples. The father in Luke 15 didn't even let his kid get rolling good into his pre-prepared speech. He cut him off abruptly with a, "Yeah, fine. Let's party." The reflex to forgive.
How about the person who, in another life, had dragged people out of their homes and into prison, and then stated with a straight face, "Open your hearts to us. We've done nothing wrong to any man."
_____________________________
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The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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Guarding Against Error - 4/11/2006 6:29:02 PM
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is5512
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I just finished a fascinating and instructive conversation. I was told that the new Ten Commandments movie was full of error. The new movie failed to show Ramses giving Moses a staff and a royal robe before turning him out into the desert. Furthermore, far too many of the characters had dark skin, and there was excessive eye make-up. For these reasons, the movie was not to be considered Biblically accurate.
The same person is also upset about the Da Vinci Code.
There was a big fuss awhile back about the Ten Commandments being removed from a local courthouse square. Petitions were circulated to keep the monument in place. I suggested that the only ones allowed to sign were those who could recite all ten without a cheat sheet. The suggestion was not well received. I guess it's easier to write things on a monument than on a heart.
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The Time Bomb - 4/17/2006 12:50:11 PM
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is5512
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In 1989, I was a fuzzy cheeked lad of 32 about to move to a high profile job in a big city. And I was in tremendous pain. Breathing was painful, sneezing was a torture.
Doctor Lebamoff looked me over. "You're overweight." Yeah. "You smoke?" Yeah. "Like salt?" Love it. "Work out much?" No, not much. "You'll be dead of a heart attack before you reach 40. Tell your daughter you won't be at her high school graduation." Is that why I'm in pain? "No, you're in pain because you have pleurisy. Codeine will keep you from coughing."
Just guess what began to develope seven years later. I'd be driving to work, 55 would start to seem terrifyingly fast, and I'd have to pull off the road. I'd get short of breath with a rapid pulse and tightness in my chest. Finally once Saturday, an ambulance took me to the hospital, a tube up my nose and another in my left hand. My insurance company paid thousands while the doctors tried to find the problem. It took me years to deal with the problem.
The problem was a time bomb. It was planted by a guy who was highly educated. He may even have been well intentioned.
It's too late to tell me that words don't create realities.
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I Love Only Because - 4/18/2006 12:48:26 PM
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is5512
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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There's a thread here that poses a question something like, "Should I worry because my boyfriend's ex might be prettier than me?"
Yes. Absolutely. Go to bed each night quivering in terror...
...if he's only with you because you're prettier than anyone else.
Let's take that a step farther. Understand that the God I worship withholds no good thing from me, and He's not into games. But, which of my prayers has an "or else" attached to it? "Grant me this prayer, or else I'm not loving You anymore."
And note that, while every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord, not all will be able to say, "My Beloved is mine, and I am His."
Back to the o-p. You know it's forever when he says to you: I love you because of...
...Everything.
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Alive - 4/29/2006 12:51:24 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I think it was Richard Bach who related the story of a certain conversation with a stranger on an airliner. His seatmate regaled him with exciting wartime stories with every detail vividly recalled. He concluded his tale with, "And then I joined the company, and I've been with them ever since."
A few months filled up hours in the retelling. The twenty years following merited one sentence.
The other night, I did the same thing. During my nightly conversation with The Girl From Big Hair, I was able to relate in precise detail every stop I made and every thing that happened during my first week solo as a driver. (Well, almost everything. I just remembered the duck on I-380.)
Time expands when you're alive, don't it?
_____________________________
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Reasons To... - 5/8/2006 12:41:00 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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Honesty time: I think the Bible's wrong sometimes. Other times, I merely don't want it to be right.
I once got curious why homosexual Christians thought they were still Christians, so I looked up their websites and positions. They had some interesting points. But a number of times, I thought they had misapplied some verses and totally ignored others. And I realized I do the same thing. And I realized that in my whole life, I never met a Christian who didn't.
It seems we have come up with real good reasons to ignore the Bible. Some of the following are reasons I've used. Some are reasons given by people or groups I hold in contempt. Some by people I respect. I'm hoping that as you read, you can't tell the difference. As Tom Clancy puts it, "Honor is a man's gift to himself."
If you'd like to add to them or comment on them, I've placed a copy of these reasons in the Christian Doctrine area with the title, "Reasons To Ignore The Bible."
Note that I have not included as a reason, "The Bible is not the infallible Word of God." I hate to be inflexible, but if we can't agree that it is, we've got nothing to talk about.
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Reasons why a Bible verse doesn't mean what it says:
1) The translators of that particular version got it wrong.
2) That particular verse was not meant as a promise, but rather as a rule of thumb.
3) The promise was spoken to a specific person or group of people; it was never intended for everybody.
4) The person who spoke that verse was in disobedience at the time; the Bible is merely recording their folly, not establishing doctrine.
5) Times have changed, and that verse no longer fits our culture.
6) We have the printed Bible now, so there is no need of that verse.
7) It's illogical.
8) The Bible could not have anticipated every situation, so we shouldn't be bound by that verse.
9) If there are more verses on one side of an issue than there are on another side, we should ignore the position supported by fewer scriptures.
10) You can interpret any scripture to mean anything.
11) It seems too extremist.
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Bumpersticker 3:16 - 5/15/2006 12:06:44 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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On the back of my sister's new car is one of those metallic fish-thingies. She found another fish-thingie on sale at the dollar store, and asked me where on the car to place it. "If you want it to accurately depict modern Christianity, draw a mouthful of teeth on the larger fish, and put it right behind the smaller one."
"Attitude Determines Altitude." I first saw that on a sign a zealous boss had put up in the office hallway. I next saw it in a discipleship training manual out by a certain Pastor. Neither gentleman was a pilot. If they had been, and tried to put that doctrine into practice, the next sound they would have heard was the stall warning, followed by impact.
"The Good Lord giveth and the Good Lord taketh away." Yes, something like that is in the Bible. So is, "Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle." Both were spoken by men in the process of messing up royally. Odd that both men were saved because, "The gifts and calling of God are without repentance."
The Pentateuch notes that if you do bad, you get stones thrown at you. Numbers 14:10 notes that if you do good, people want to throw stones at you. This may be the basis of the theologian Zimmerman's point, "It must happen to everyone."
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The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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The Game - 5/31/2006 12:02:22 PM
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is5512
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I used to think that guys who quoted from people like Tozer did so only because they could find nothing interesting in the Bible to talk about. So the following is either an admission I was wrong, or an admission that I've outlived my usefulness.
"Most men play at religion as they play at games; religion itself being, of all games, the one most universally played. The game excites interest, it gives pleasure, it consumes time. It consists of solving artificial problems and attacking difficulties which have been deliberately created for the sake of the game. It has no moral roots, and it's not supposed to have them. No one is the better for this self-imposed toil.
"The church also has its rules and its fields and its equipment for playing the game. As an athlete uses a ball, so do many of us use words. We learn to handle them with dexterity and grace. We gain as our reward the applause of those who have enjoyed the game. The emptiness of it all is apparent from the fact that, after the pleasant religious game, no one is basically any different from what he had been before."
He was plainly more of a gentleman than I am. Years before a Baptist preacher rattled my cage with that heavily edited Tozer quote, I'd reached my own conclusion: That which excites the flesh, raises the blood pressure and heart rate, but ultimately produces no fruit has a name: Pornography.
_____________________________
Tales From The Dog House
The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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"Thy Will" Be A Cop-Out - 6/8/2006 7:16:41 PM
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is5512
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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The prayer Jesus taught His disciples included, "Thy will be done." In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, "Thy will be done." And so when I pray, it's always, "Thy will be done." So what's wrong with that?
What's wrong is that I'm accusing God of being a liar.
Consider: "You promised me You would never leave me nor forsake me. But if it's Thy will, You can. You said if I'd confess my sins, You'd be faithful to forgive them and cleanse me. But if it be Thy will, You can hold them against me. You said You so loved me that You gave Your only begotten son, that if I believed in Him, I would not perish...but only if it be Thy will."
Silly? Yes. Are there other promises that He put in the Bible that I'm not so sure about? Yes. And when I ask Him to deliver on them, I lay out that phony-religious hedge, "If it be Thy will."
I think if I were Him, it would be My will to slap me.
Lord, my life is Yours. You paid for it, I surrendered it, Thy will be done. As for those promises You made me: Instead of questioning them, I guess I should just say Thank You.
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Unrealistic Expectations - 6/9/2006 6:31:43 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I never really wanted you in my in-box. But, they have this rule here that if you want to blog, you have to subscribe to so many newsletters. Hey, their table, their rules.
I even read a few of them until it became clear that sometimes your columns weren't so much influenced by scripture as they were by an apparent overdose of pickled jalapenos. After five or six of those, I dream strange dreams, too.
Just for giggles, I actually read your item today. "Unrealistic expectations lead to depression"? Excuse me, Mister Deliverance From Demons, but exactly what part of (satan's home) did that come from?
Did you just tell me I'm on the way to the prozac palace because I believe the King of the Universe sacrificed His only Son so that I could live? That I'm in trouble because I believe He has in store for me exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or imagine?
Mister, I've been through some tough times I wouldn't wish on anybody, and what got me through was the wholly unrealistic expectation that He keeps count of the number of hairs on my head, that He has a plan for me, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, and that what's impossible for me wouldn't even cause Him to raise a sweat.
Well, if I'm depressed, I know two words that'll cure me. You're Fired.
Dadgum, I feel better already.
_____________________________
Tales From The Dog House
The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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Again Today - 6/16/2006 11:37:29 AM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I'm in the running for My Dream Job. Of course it's with My Dream Employer, and it goes without saying it's in My Dream Location.
The problem is apparently conflicting verses resulting in conflicting beliefs. I've been praying for My Dream Job for quite sometime, and I prayed for that specific job the minute I found out about it. Now what? I have been taught that Luke 18 says I should keep yapping at God until I become a total pain. No problem. I flow in that "gifting" quite naturally. But the implication of Mark 11:24 is that if I pray for something seven times, I am in doubt at least six of those times.
I suggest the answer might be in the words, "Again Today." Manna came one day at a time, and Jesus taught us to pray, "Give us our bread Again Today and forgive us Again Today."
Which of us in a relationship would say, "I told you last week that I loved you. Didn't you believe me?"
I didn't want my prayers this morning to end. "Thank You Lord that I am loved Again Today. That I am forgiven Again Today. That all my needs are met Again Today. That You have a plan for me Again Today. That You are God Again Today. I believed Your promises yesterday; I believe Again Today."
Yes, the parable in Luke deals with an unjust judge with no regard for God, and a widow's plea for vengeance. Not exactly my present circumstance. But the parable begins with the words, "And He spoke a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray and not faint." It ends with the words, "When the Son of man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?"
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Don't Tell Me - 6/25/2006 6:50:13 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
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From: stuck out here in paradise
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I'm finding that the phrase Don't Tell Me is often what a person uses just before they tell you their deepest hurt, and it's used in the expression of their greatest outrage.
Don't Tell Me you love me after what you did. Don't Tell Me God cares after what He allowed to happen. Don't Tell Me I don't have enough faith. Don't Tell Me I should forgive. Don't Tell Me I should have found a job by now. Don't Tell Me I haven't done all that I could.
I don't deny the hurt that's being expressed. But there's something about it that's nagging at me: Why those three particular words?
_____________________________
Tales From The Dog House
The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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The Fork, Revisited - 7/5/2006 9:55:44 PM
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is5512
Posts: 187
Joined: 4/15/2005
From: stuck out here in paradise
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I was presented with a fork. When I saw it coming, I knew I wouldn't like it, and I was right. I am not enjoying this. I am grumbling and probably not in the best of moods.
But I'm also glad.
I mean, here is a Golden opportunity for me to rejoin the mainstream of Christianity. I could go to church, sing the pretty songs in the appropriate way, throw a coupla bucks in the basket as a tip to the preacher. When I hear the holy gossip about So-And-So having a hard time, I could make the acceptable excuses: God works in mysterious ways. He giveth and He taketh away. Sometimes bad things are just His Will. Whatever will be will be.
Good heavens, even typing that makes me wanna take a shower.
God made very specific promises, and went to the trouble to make sure they were written down. He must have wanted me to take them seriously. So, I will live by those promises. I will give them precedence over what I see and over what I feel. I will not accuse God of having a shortened arm or a cold heart.
Nice try, satan. So long, mainstream. Hello, shower.
_____________________________
Tales From The Dog House
The Back Seat - A (W-o-F) Safe Place
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