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Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Jesus Christ - Let's Share about Him! (5/12/2006 1:24:21 PM)
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We all know how we are taught in the psychological disciplines that parents are as gods to children, so parents, especially fathers, must recognize this and respond properly -- respond with emulatable actions, wise discipline, etc. They teach that in religious homes, the children will regularly connect their personal image of G-d with the father, the father's actions, etc. Growing up in an abusive home, in which Mother was the main abuser and the one who was at home, as a child, I connected G-d not with Father but with Mother.
To me, then, as a tiny child, G-d was a mean old man with pale blue eyes that flashed fire. In one hand, He held a scythe, and in the other, he held a lightning bolt. In my mind, He glared at me, watching for a change to just "get" me with either the scythe or the lightning. When I reached second grade and learned about chess, my image of Him was of Him playing chess with satan, and I was a pawn on the board, while Mother was the almighty queen. I saw G-d as loosing and throwing the chessboard over in a fit of rage, sending me, the pawn, into the abyss.
As a tiny child, I hated him with a blinding rage and did everything I could to insure that I would not have to spend an eternity with Him and Mother. The thought was so totally overwhelming that I could not stand it. This attitude continued until I was 14, at which time I began to open up to Him. Still not seeing Him as He is, I held Him at arm's length until I was 22, when an understanding of His love overwhelmed me one day. Feeling loved for the first time, I wanted nothing other than to give myself to Him.
As a woman, I was confused re where G-d began and ended with regard to the church i was in. I was very confused toward the church and, because of bad teaching, connected it too closely with G-d. Through many traumas during my last decade plus in that church, I learned how to separate Him from the deceit in that church.
Since then, I have learned more and more about Him, experiencing His love and guidance more intimately than ever before. He is SO GOOD! He is the ULTIMATE FATHER. He is LOVE, He is EVERYTHING GOOD and HOLY. He is my personal KING of kings, my PRINCE of PEACE, the HOLY ONE of ISRAEL, the EVERLASTING FATHER, my personal KING of my life. I love Him. Oh, how I do.
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