Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness

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Cascsiany -> Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/3/2006 10:41:59 PM)
Ok so things have been crazy here and for those who don't know here is a little of what is going on in my life: well right now i am upset that my brother and i share a room because my grandfather is living with us in my room. my brother complains about having to do all the housework but he's home all day so why shouldn't he do it. my grandfather lives with us however he does not do anything around the house to help out. he complains about the fact that he never goes anywhere but he has a car and knows how to get to town. he hasn't paid for anything since he has been living with us for the last 2 months. he will be living with us for another 2 months so i will not get to have my own room since i will most likely be leaving for school before he leaves for kansas. my mom is working 60 hours a week so i hardly ever see her and when she is home she is working on her school work or sleeping. my dad works from before i get up and gets home maybe a couple of hours before i get home. i work from 7 am to usually 7 pm with only a little break when the 2 youngest are there. the kids i watch don't listen to me and whenever the mom is home she doesn't follow any of the boundaries i have set up with the kids. the 3 year old tells me about 10 times a day that i am mean because i won't let her run through the house or jump on the furniture or give her candy. my friends are really busy. two are getting ready for their wedding this august and another is working crazy shifts at the grocery store i worked at. I am thinking i may call up a camp that i worked at a couple of years ago to see if they need any help. i would be working with kids and being outdoors all at the same time. the woman i am watching the kids for would be in a real tight spot if i quit though because her mom is going out of town all month. plus i make really good money and when the kids want to be they can be super sweet. my grandfather just sits at home all day and does nothing. when he eats a meal he just puts the dirty dishes in the sink. he never helps out with the cleaning around the house, if he did that it would make it a lot easier on all of us. Today I weedeated and I then I went to get some fireworks. My dad replaced the dishwasher which was leaking something horrible. Our fridge was supposed to be the next thing to be replaced but I am not so sure our fridge is leaking but our dryer won't work anymore. So hopefully we will get everything replaced that needs it.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/9/2006 11:10:58 PM)
Tomorrow it is back to the daily grind for me. After a week off i should be ready but i am just not sure. It has been busy while I have been off. I bought a dryer, installed some stuff on my computer, and helped my brother with upgrading his computer. Not to mention all the yard work that I did. Luckily I don't have to be at work tomorrow until 9 which is 2 hours later than usual. Maybe things will ease back into place instead of go crazy at once. I do know one thing 1 week off from work broke the bank.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/15/2006 3:10:54 PM)
This past week was crazy. I started back at work and the first couple of days the mom was home because she was ill. The kids were better and listened pretty well. The mom went back to work on thursday so i was there with just the kids. The 9 year old broke her arm wednesday night and got hard cast put on friday. The 2 year old was teething thursday and friday and so he was fussy and his ear was also bothering him. The 3 year old was terrified of her sister's cast until friday evening. My brother got his driver's license yesterday so he can now drive anywhere by himself. Something has gotten into me lately. It seems like even more daily I can relate to the beginning of the song Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. I don't really have much planned today. I may go back to bed in a little bit. I just don't feel like doing anything.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/15/2006 6:29:47 PM)
i'm not having a good day at all. i'm really depressed today.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/16/2006 12:35:27 AM)
Why do I get on this site? I can think of a million other things that I could be doing and not have to worry about if I weren't on this site. 1. I would be doing house work like I am supposed to be doing. 2. Fewer worries during the day. 3. More playing of computer games. 4. No getting feelings hurt or hurting others feelings. That's four right off the top of my head I am sure if I thought about it more I could come up with a million reasons why I shouldn't be on this site.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/18/2006 12:41:54 AM)
Well I went to the dentist today and have two cavities to be filled on August 8th but that's not a big deal about getting the fillings done. When I got over to watch the kids they had already been down for their nap for an hour or so and got up soon after their dad left. The kids were spirited today to say the least. They had a mean streak today that included just about everything. Nathan the 2 year old decided he didn't want to wear his diaper a lot of today and continually took it off to the point where he pooped in his bed. Olivia and Nathan are both potty training at the same time and so they went into the bathroom and I thought they were going to go potty, well they didn't. They instead decided to turn the water on in the sink and then proceeded to put toilet paper in the water. So they flooded the bathroom and splashed water everywhere. It took forever to get the water cleaned up with them jumping all over. So needless to say my day was exciting with everything that has happened.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (7/19/2006 10:31:06 PM)
The kids were really crazy today. They decided they wanted to watch Monsters, Inc 4+ times today. I am super sick of the movie. Nathan decided to throw toys today and hit his sister and myself. He was fussy too. Luckily it is almost payday and next week I will be with family in Gatlinburg. I can't wait for my parents to actually have a minivacation for the first time in 4 or 5 years.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (8/19/2006 5:48:52 PM)
Well it has been a while since I last posted in here. It is time to head back to school. This week I will be getting all of my stuff together so that I can make sure everything will be brought down that I need. I have decided that I need to go back and re-evaluate my outlook on relationships. As far as my friendship with Jim goes I need to just encourage him throughout his training and pray for his safety and that he continues to grow in the Lord. If anything comes of our friendship then I pray that we will follow the Lord in all our endeavors.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (8/20/2006 12:04:43 AM)
I am still dealing with feelings of ostracization. Sometimes I wish that nothing had changed. That I was still a 3 year old living 2 doors down from my best friend. That I didn't have to perform CPR on a family member, I didn't have to make sure my brother took his medicine. That I could sit and watch tv with my mom and she wasn't exhausted from 70 hour work weeks and wasn't going back to school. That my dad was still in the military and could sit with me on the couch and watch wrestling on Saturday mornings.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (8/20/2006 12:47:11 AM)
Will I forever feel this way? Will I ever leave this twisted state of mind? Will I ever find true love? Will I ever have true friends? I feel like I am annoying everyone in the Women's thread and they won't post because I am bringing them down.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (8/24/2006 11:18:24 PM)
Well I am back at school and already I miss my kitty. I won't meet my roommate until saturday so right now i have the room to myself. i still have some more stuff that is coming tomorrow via my parents. I will hopefully have most of my stuff put away by then. Some of my friends are my neighbors so I don't have to go far to see friends. I have some time til school starts. It officially starts on wednesday instead of monday like i thought.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (9/5/2006 5:52:58 PM)
Well I had a good weekend except for the fact that my back has been bothering me since Sunday. I have taken stuff to help my back but none of it is working for longer than a couple of hours so I am not going to take anything unless the pain is to where I can�t walk. The pain in my back really just gets me down because I don�t want to do anything. I just want to lie in bed but I can�t since the mattresses don�t give any. I feel like I am always complaining about something. I am going to try to schedule an appointment to see the doctor on campus. Then maybe he will be able to recommend a course of treatment whether that may be physical or massage therapy only time will tell. My parent�s really don�t want me to go to a chiropractor and truth be told I don�t either. I just don�t understand why it has continued to bother me for over a year. It is usually one day a month but has become a couple of days a month and I don�t want it to last longer. I try to lift things properly using my legs to lift and not my back but it doesn�t do me any good. I spoke to an RA and they are going to speak to the Resident Hall Coordinator and see if housing will do anything to help because the new mattresses are so firm it just causes more pain. Hopefully I will find out something soon about that. The pain is usually at a 2 maybe 3 but it seems like it is more of a 5 now. I think I will lay down in the most comfortable position I can with my head raised as high as I can get it above my back.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (9/5/2006 7:18:08 PM)
For those of you wondering I suffer from a probable birth defect. Spondylolsthesis which is a where the vertebrae in the lower back don't quite match up and accidents or strenuous activities can aggravate.

Cascsiany -> Impending MRI (9/15/2006 12:37:50 PM)
Well I have just a few days to go until the impending MRI is over. I am praying that it is nothing serious and can be corrected with some exercises and physical therapy. I am spending the weekend at my grandparents helping them spackle.

Cascsiany -> RE: Forgotten Medicine (9/17/2006 1:19:31 AM)
I forgot to bring my medicine and have been off it for 3 days now. I really am not used to feeling like I am and it is throwing me off. I will be back at my room tomorrow so I can take my medicine tomorrow. The only reason I am going back tomorrow is for my MRI monday at 10:30 am CST.

Cascsiany -> Spondylolisthesis (9/22/2006 8:30:17 PM)
My appt didn't really tell me anything new. I was told to start doing back strengthening exercises. If in a couple of months the pain does not relieve itself and only having just a couple of odd periods of pain, then they will refer me to a Physical therapist. I have Spondylolisthesis and that is a subsidiary of Degenerative Disk which my mom has. I have had this since birth and approximately 10-15% of the population also does. The MRI just confirmed the xrays I had done last year. I have a minimum grade of 1 which means there is at the most 25% slipage of the L5 vertebra.

Cascsiany -> RE: Same old same old (9/25/2006 10:35:32 PM)
Well this week I don't have much going on. I think I will try to get a job at Subway. They need people for all shifts. I would really like to work the 11pm to 7am shift just because that would keep things simple. I started my exercises to strengthen my back today. I plan on doing the exercises Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and then either Saturday or Sunday. One of the exercises I could already feel working on my back and so I think that will be one exercise that I will keep doing. I had to run just a few minutes ago and get a replacement ink cartridge for my printer so I could print off my homework.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/2/2006 4:43:36 PM)
I haven�t really posted in a week or so. This past week I really didn�t do a whole lot just study and do homework. I received a check from the school for the rest of my scholarship money that I didn�t use. I also received a call that said we had paid too much money and asked what should be done with it so that was a huge blessing. My parents told me this past week that they are taking in one of my brother�s friends since he has nowhere else to go. The guy is a couple of years older than my brother but is really good for my brother and has a good influence on him. He is really nice and just has had some tough situations to deal with. I don�t know when I will go home next since I will end up sleeping on the couch. I applied for a job but haven�t heard anything from them so I don�t know if I will be working some more right now. I have had several tests assigned for last and this week so I shouldn�t be too busy studying for tests over the next few weeks. We went shooting this past week and that was a lot of fun. I have greatly improved just within that day. It stormed Sunday morning and messed up the cable so there is no television in our dorm except when playing movies. The water was also acting up. There was no hot water yesterday and today there was no cold water in the shower. I got to talk to Jim last week. That was the first time in a few weeks that I was able to talk to him. He�s doing fine although he does not want to do recon anymore. He said that he really isn�t sure what he wants anymore. I asked if he had the same goals in life as he did several months ago and he said he didn�t remember. I remembered and posted those goals and he said yes those are the same as they had been. Those goals were get married, work where he loved to, and have a happy life. I asked his philosophy on marriage and he said that he is able to find someone that loves him as much as he loves her and not someone that wants a divorce because they think it�s cool. He asked me and I said love your spouse with all your heart mind and soul and be willing to compromise. He agreed. I asked if he thought someone was perfect for him and he said yeah but it only lasted for 2 months. He turned around and asked me the same question. I said yes and would let him know how it turned out. I said I thought that he was the one for me and I had thought that for a couple of months. I continued to say I had been praying about this and questioning myself to know that my heart was not deceiving me, and this is where I am being led. He said he didn�t know where he stood right now but when he first saw me at his graduation he was like wow. I questioned on what he meant by wow and he said one that I came all the way out there to see him and next that I was very pretty. It was really late and so soon after that I got off. This is the first time that I have ever had a guy say that I was pretty. I am one of the few females that has never been kissed or even on a date. So that has been my last week or so. It has been an interesting week.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/4/2006 11:23:03 PM)
Lately I have been feeling like I don't belong anywhere on here. Why should I it's not like a lot of people really read my posts much less my blog. I did pretty well on my Stats test I took last week but I don't know about my Physics test or Intro to Law Enforcement.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/9/2006 10:14:42 PM)
Well my day was pretty boring. This past weekend I stayed at school. I got to talk to Jim again. He is moving some time this week to Texas. This means that he will at least be in the same time zone as me. He said he hopes to get some time off to come visit me. I also walked over to the quad and spent some time enjoying the nice weather. I have felt much better on the days I have made a conscious decision to walk around. I got my laundry done so over all it has been a very good day. I just hope tomorrow I don't get stressed out since it is one of my longest days going from 0730 to 1415.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/10/2006 8:26:13 PM)
My day wasn't too bad until... Around 4pm CST one of the instructors was leaving and he was driving over the curb. Then he ran a stop sign went over a curb and down a hill. At the bottom of the hill he hit a SUV where he came to a final stop. He couldn't move to get out of the smoking car so some guys lifted him out and we waited for the police and ambulance to get here. From the symptoms we think he had a stroke. I was out going to check my mail when I saw him hit the SUV. If you wouldn't mind please pray for this man as well as his family. Seeing the ambulance and everything just brought back all the memories of my cousin's death. Also I had just walked past the SUV that was hit not even a minute before. All I can think of is I could have been hit by one of the vehicles because I was walking past them.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/12/2006 6:23:21 PM)
Over the past couple of days some things have come to mind and so I wrote them down as they came to mind. What follows are the thoughts that came to mind: I am really kind of worried about Jim. I talked to him on Tuesday night; he really seemed worried about something. I just wish he would talk to me. Last night I would have loved to stay on and talk to him but I had class early this morning so I couldn�t talk. Instead I sent him an email but he hasn�t been able to answer it yet. There is a saying that �No news is good news� but I can�t help thinking otherwise. This has kind of bothered me for the past couple of day. Even some people that I have talked to on IM say that I seem distracted. I really wish he felt comfortable enough to tell me what�s up. I hope he gets on tonight so that we get to talk. I think I will tell him or rather remind him that I am there for him to talk. Last night while going to sleep I had this overwhelming urge to pray. I was unsure of whom I was supposed to pray for and so I prayed for each person that I could think of. The first name that popped into my head was Jessica followed by Jim. I continued to pray for everyone. I made a mental list of everyone and prayed for each. I prayed and was overwhelmed almost to the point of crying. I am not sure who needed prayer but I had them covered. Over the last few months since I have really started posting all the time on CW, I have grown so much in the Lord and have gained so many amazing friends. I can�t even imagine my life right now had I not met some of the people on CW.

Cascsiany -> RE: Cascsiany's Claim to Craziness (10/12/2006 10:20:14 PM)
Well I just got a call from my mom. She told me several things. I just got a call from my mom and she has been diagnosed with narcolepsy. She said that one of her friends is having trouble with her husband, he is disobeying the restraining order. He is not allowed to possess a weapon and yet he admitted just last week to the possession of a firearm. He has also been stalking her.

Cascsiany -> RE: Can it be? (10/13/2006 10:06:47 PM)
So I got to talk to Jim last night. He said nothing was really bothering him on Tuesday. I told him he could always tell me anything that was bothering him and he said I know and vice versa. He�s going to be at K Bay over the weekend. We talked about our fears, hopes, dreams and the like. I gave him my blog address and he was wondering why I hadn�t told him about it before. I am really tired. It�s been this way for as long as I can remember. I haven�t slept well because of all dreams I�ve had. My mind races through all of the things I�ve done earlier in the day. I wish I were able to just shut my mind off. Maybe things will slow down when the Zoloft gets out of my system. Well I have made an executive decision about my health. I haven't received my prescription in the mail and probably won't until Monday. So I have not taken any of my prescription meds in the past couple of days. Now I could have gone to the Student Health Center to get some samples until Monday, but I decided not to. So I will be going 4 days until I get back onto my medicine. This is a big step because most people have a fear to get off of the medicine. One of my biggest fears is that I will be unable to get off of the antidepressants when I get married and want to have kids. When I do eventually get off antidepressants I will slowly lower my meds. The point of this is to say that I no longer fear this; I will be able to come off these. I am having some tingling and just general odd feeling in because my body is looking for those drugs in my body. I am really hoping that I�m not coming down with something. For the past few days even though I am not feeling sick, I freeze despite the fact that it�s not even remotely cool in the room. My roommate likes it cool in the room and so she always sleeps with either the ac on all night or the window open. I have to have several blankets on my bed just so I don�t freeze.

Cascsiany -> RE: Could it be? (10/15/2006 7:32:19 PM)
Well this weekend has been pretty boring. I haven�t felt up to doing much. Yesterday I never left my room and today I took a walk over to the quad and spent some time reading and sorting through my thoughts. I also went and got some food for supper. I was so tired today even after getting up at 10, I took a 2 hour nap around 2:15. This weekend I have been asleep more than I have been awake. Even now I am ready for bed. I am wondering if my body is just getting used to not having my REM sleep suppressed. Last night I watched all three X-Men. Today I haven�t watched much TV at all. I found out today that Narcolepsy is often misdiagnosed at depression. Narcolepsy is also hereditary as well as being affected by environmental factors. There was a fairly large earthquake near the island of Hawaii this morning. It could be felt in Oahu. Apparently all of the power lines are down on all of the islands. I don�t know when I will get to hear from Jim next. He is supposed to get orders in the next day or two for him to go to Texas but that may be changed since the earthquake. I�m not sure what is going on and won�t until the power is restored there.

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