Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (Full Version)

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cries-within -> Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 6:16:48 PM)

Hey..... its me and I know I'm new. This is just a forum, to post poetry lyrics or maybe even parts of stories. I have similar a similar forum going on another site. Anyways.... to get started. As usual this is just a brand new poem....

Hear me
How can I say the words
How can I speak what I long to say
you won't listen
you won't hear me

all you do is look the other way
if actions speak louder than words
why haven't you seen it before now
why haven't you done something

I'm too afraid to ask
I'm too afraid to do something my own
fearful of what might happen
when truth breaks free

you are too, you wish not to see it
can't believe your eyes or your ears
then who can I tell the secret that burdens me
who can I tell? Who will listen?

I'm a fool, not so hard to see it
its clear what you say about folks like that
but you don't know do you
you have no idea.....

your blind you can't see it
what am I going to do
who can I tell ....
who will see what's really going on here

someone....take me out of here
force me to look
force me to see
how can I get your attention

before its too late for me
before the time cuts it too close
what will you do
what will you say

when you realize
what's happened to me
what I've been doing
when .....

please someone listen
please someone hear
the cries from deepwithin
see the reality of my situation

LOL wow... its interesting what comes out when you just start writting. Thing is this one turned out to be a rather personal one. Either way. [sm=blush.gif][sm=worried.gif]

here's another one... I wrote about some of frustrations dealing with writting and its technical side. (Grammar and mechanics... and most recently essays)

Writter's Lament (Silienced)

Why am I such a foolish wretch
believe for a single instant
that I can achieve the imposible goal
my passion and joy is only to myself alone

my cries and words fall dead
to the ground in their ears
for what I do, useless, worthless in reality
my mind can't grasp complexities of their wishes
though I try to make it better it won't do

why should I
A selfish emotional addict long for more
that I am indeed addicted to these feelings
that well within me as words bubble to the surfaces
from the depths so deep inside

simple sweet euphoria that I so love
as words that tap into all emotion
appear before me on the page
is this, this not what every writer longs for

Is this my curse to be gifted with passion and fervor to write
only to fall short in any capability to make it presentable to the world
Is this my gift or my curse?
I don't know

Have I not been told how despicable it is?
How worthless it truly is?
that work isn't for any other human eye to behold
in my life time or after

am I such a foolish wretch
how could I believe such lies
that it could be of any such value
yet I desire it to be shared

who will read it
who will see it as I do
I am blinded by my own passion
I can't see it for its true nature

valueless trash garbage
not a human or an animal's ears
not worth for any ear to hear
in my life time or after

is it clear the extent of this horror
the agony and predicament I find myself
this, this has become my home
if only it wasn't so

is there some escape
for I at once see it as friend
when the educated eye or ear falls upon it
they scoff and throw it away

true waste of words
of meaning, of time itself
shameful to the human language
to humanity

is it clear to you
can you help me
I sacrifice myself to pain
only for that sweet moment

stop me
stop my mouth
smash my hand
silence me

so I may do this no more
and with feelings bottled up inside
slowly will i self destruct
and true relief will there I find

will you
will you do this
end suffering my own and the worlds
I will thank you the moment you do it

destroy it
take all of this
burn it with fire
drown it with water

till nothing remains
the world then and only then
will be safe from the wretchedness
which appears here now

I'd love to see your posts... if I didn't just scare everyone away with my first post. Anyways.... I'll be waiting [sm=worried.gif][sm=unsure.gif][;)]



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 6:41:40 PM)

I am new to this site. I am from Canada. Currently I am working on self publishing a book of poetry.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:13:20 PM)

Cool :) keep us updated on how thats going for you.



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:30:20 PM)

[:)]How long have you been writing poetry and is your work copyrighted before you put in on this site. I have been writing for many years and the poetry that God has given me has touched many people but I pray that the words that he gives me reaches many for his glory. I have been praying for a way to reach people that I may never meet.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:42:32 PM)

its not copyrighted.... how do you even get a copy right?



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:53:28 PM)

[:)]there are many ways to copyright the cheapest way that is legal is to send a copy of the poem and address it to you and do not open it keep it filed, that way if you ever do see a poem that you wrote under someone else's name you have the sealed envelope which would have the date of delivery stamped on it. Another way it to submit your work through poetry.com it is automatically copyrighted for you.



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:56:25 PM)

[sm=angel.gif][ you said that you had another site for poetry where do I go to see this.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/10/2007 7:59:34 PM)

ok.... yea that stuff isn't copy righted either *rolls eyes* anyways the site is

youthfire.com

under hotInk and there my nick is hearts-cry and its called songs and poems

that one has been going since about 2002 so I have five years of stuff on there. LOL have fun looking at it.



techne -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/11/2007 2:29:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cries-within
its not copyrighted.... how do you even get a copy right?

i'm also in canada - try http://strategis.gc.ca/sc_mrksv/cipo/welcome/welcom-e.html for canadian copyright information. as far as i know, as long as you've dated your work, you're good (see http://strategis.ic.gc.ca/sc_mrksv/cipo/cp/faq_cp-e.html). that's why it is always a good idea to develop an archive of your work, especially drafts and rewrites.

hope that helps...



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/11/2007 2:32:21 PM)

Hey.... well... tomarrows my birthday *shrugs*

Know anything about.... U.S. copy rights?

faced with new problems
around every turn
every corner
this new daily thing I find

I trudge onward
leaving years behind me
looking forward to chained years ahead
new experiences await

what will be
what new thing will happen
I know nothing of
only shadow nothing solid

I may be a fool
to write words that can be stolen
I may be a fool
to write words that have no protection

I was clueless
I was ignorant of what could happen
now I wonder at times has it already been taken
what things that I've given been swept away

my only hope is
what I meant for good
what I meant to help others hasn't come around to bite me
all I can do is try to break a habbit

learn from now on to write it some other place
some other way.... till some protection can be obtained
still as new fronteirs await
nothing I can do except hang on and hope to enjoy the ride

possibly last poem... I'll write here... lol u all....*glares* now I"m almost too afraid to do anything on here... lol afraid someone might steal it. *sighs* maybe I should be... even what I write isn't much LOL i just like to write and hope that stuff that is there is encouraging to someone else.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/11/2007 3:09:52 PM)

LOL... yea that was the last poem I'll post on the web... w/o a copy right. I did some looking around. Found a good site that seems reliable enough, about copy rights and all. I think even though there's work to be had with it. I'm going to try and go through with it all. From this day on... I won't post another work on the web unless I know its protected. (promise)

Well ttyl :) I may be back... with some stuff after its copy righted that is. [sm=laugh.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=hammerhead.gif] Feel stupid for going so long without doing anything... I was young didn't know any better I guess.



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/11/2007 7:20:46 PM)

I want to apologize if i offended you by asking if your work was copyrighted, and i do not believe that anyone will claim your poetry. I just asked that question out of concern, i started writing when I was a teenager and lost poems that i did not have protected by copyright, if you have a Writer's group in your area, it would be worth checking out. I have obtained a good amount of information on copyrighting my poetry.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/11/2007 8:24:36 PM)

Thing is.... I don't think anyone would really either but you never really know. Seriously though.... that old forum I had, early on... I allowed someone to use some the lyrics I had on there. I haven't seen her in years and years and years. Part of me wonders if she still is using that forum to use my "stuff" It was a mistake really, one I don't think I can correct now. Still I dunno. Anyways.... you didn't offend just scared me a little cuz it woke me up and realized that my stuff is in a place where someone could take it. Not that I think its exactly good enough.... for the most part some one still could take it and "make it better"



faithdove -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/12/2007 6:13:01 PM)

For myself my writing is the best way i can convey what I need to say and it has always been easy for me to put the words on paper, at first I thought that my poetry was no good and that I was wasting my time. I am glad that I kept writing for I have touched hearts made people think, made people feel that they are not alone, made people feel that there is so much more. If you writing has made an impact on someone then keep writing. For the greatest gift is to be able to reach people through poetry and songs. Do not doubt your ability



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/12/2007 9:28:25 PM)

Mostly its a way for me to express what's inside of me. I kinna became like addicted to writting after I discovered how easy it was for me to do that. Thing is... its one thing to have poems like these, and essays which are graded for all that technical stuff.

back when I wrote Writers Lament I was so frustrated with the technical side of writting. All the stuff that I turned in, got labled as no good in that class or too agnsty. The peer critiques we got in the class.... got to a point where I hated the times I took my turn to get swung at and beat down.
it was just a bad experience for me. I love writting, cuz it sort of saved me at one point... I remember I got a notebook... one day... and it'd been sitting in my room for like a week. Then after someone I knew passed away from cancer. I picked it up and began writting. I couldn't stop. I still write all the time, most of it I don't share with people... i do .. well I did online. I thought it would be the only way to share my stuff.

I don't know how much my stuff has helped other people... I hope it does.



Elena1030 -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/13/2007 5:44:57 PM)

There is writing for merely self-expression and getting out what you feel. And then there is another level... at which, writing is not only self-expression but also is art.

Any good artist hones his craft. A painter learns to mix paints better, learns to choose better brushes, learns to match paint to the colors he sees in the real world, learns to better control the brush, learns to better make brush strokes, and so forth.

When a peer gives you a critique, that critique isn't necessarily a criticism of the feelings which birthed the poem but a criticism of the art of it.

Anyone can string words together and slap a label on it and call it what he wants. But is it a great work of art?

Read some of the other threads in this forum about writing poetry. Be willing to stretch as a writer, to experiment with forms, phrasing, word choice, imagery, and more.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/13/2007 7:52:02 PM)

There's learning and good critism... and then there's what the people in that class took it too. The teacher and some of the other students... who had to tell everyone to "stop" being so harsh. It was to a point... that there was no way else to take it, but personally.

I do try... to stretch... some. Mostly though its just self expression, because... mostly all that I get in english class is essays. (Which I despise) So there isn't much instruction on poetry per say. Half the time.... I just share some of the stuff I write because maybe some one will be touched by it. I don't even necessarly consider my stuff good, or great. I just do it because I need too.



techne -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/13/2007 7:55:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cries-within
I just do it because I need too.


and do you need to do it well as well?








(not a criticism, just a question)



Elena1030 -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/13/2007 11:43:46 PM)

cries,

Belated birthday wishes, by the way!

Are you still in high school? If so, I can understand why you don't get much instruction in writing poetry---I don't think it's an emphasis in most high school English classrooms. You'd have to be taking a creative writing class to get something that specialized. Or are you in a creative writing class?

If you are not already in college and are planning to go, take heart---lots of colleges and universities offer classes like Creative Writing: Poetry (which was the title of the class I took). In addition to reading other poets' works and critiquing them, you'd get writing exercises to help you improve your poetry writing.


From what has been posted in Writers Roundtable, these are the types of questions and the type of feedback that have helped me hone my writing abilities:
* Think more about the image in your mind. Be more specific in describing what you see, hear, feel, touch, taste, and smell. See Dancre's advice here and here.
* Feedback from techne found here and here.

And techne also gave some great feedback to another writer in this post.

If you'd like to receive feedback on particular poems, it's a good idea to post each poem in its own thread...that way the discussion is about that poem, not about several different poems.

I'm also going to post some "stretching exercises" as new threads. You'll get an opportunity (or two or three or more) to practice honing your craft. [sm=gradsmile.gif]



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/13/2007 11:56:49 PM)

I just write... because... if I don't... I don't know... its like a soda bottle you shake up and it explodes. Sometimes its that way with my feelings, if I don't write and express them some how it'll blow up in my face.

As far as doing it well... well....at times I've given up on that. I'm not saying my poetry is great or perfect... to some it may not even be poetry. I find myself when I try and I'm stuck in that sort of it has to be "perfect" mode. I can't do anything. (I'm sure I sound incredibly stupid here) If it has to "ryhme" all the way through, and it crashes the meaning of the poem. Then I'll drop the rhyme. I've tried rhyming now and again. Usually poems and writting is a way for me to express myself. As the... poem in my first post states...

"So I may do this no more
and with feelings bottled up inside
slowly will I self destruct
and true relief will there I find"

doing it well... writting.... to whose perfection?

LOL most of my stuff probably has so many flaws you'd get sick of reading it, because it's so full of imperfections. My essays.... you might as well look the other way. This stuff... well... I've been published four times. Three times by a devotional magzine. and once by literary newspaper. Three times for poems. So I figure all my stuff can't be too horrible. Course they do the editing not me, still they consider it good enough to put it in there.

Mostly... with writting... I look to express my feelings... usually it comes out. I don't worry about grammar, rhyming, technical stuff. Then later... I may go back and worry about it. Usually it sits. there like it was when I first wrote it. Writting may never be anything more for me but a hobby, or more than outlet for me to express my feelings. If some how some way down the line, God can take something I've written... and use it to touch someone. Then I see that as my main purpose, I'm sure its great to learn the techniques of writting, which I'd be happy to learn if (A) Time (B) good Teacher... (C) little encouragement now and again even when my writting is nothing more than trash to at least make me remember why I like writting and why I'm putting myself through all that torture.

Sorry its just writting for me has always been personal... sure I've had teachers who say your writting is no good. One in particular, thing is she was probably correct. My writting for the most part is not really good at all, maybe emotional beginings but more than that? probably not. Yet I get three poems published? (I sound really arogant don't I... sorry...) still go figure.[sm=popsigh.gif][sm=worried.gif]

I'm rambling here... I don't mean to sound snappy at what you all are saying about writting. You're right... I don't know... besides... since I'm not posting my stuff online anymore, its mostly going to be in a notebook. Or on a thumb drive. Still every once in awhile its nice to have a little feed back.
[sm=hammerhead.gif]



Elena1030 -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/14/2007 12:13:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cries-within

I just write... because... if I don't... I don't know... its like a soda bottle you shake up and it explodes. Sometimes its that way with my feelings, if I don't write and express them some how it'll blow up in my face.


No, I get what you're saying. Been there, totally! It's taken me a long time to get to where I'm OK with the idea of jotting down my feelings and ideas and then letting the poem sit and coming back to it later to keep molding it.

I know... sometimes you just gotta write it down, no matter how good or polished it turns out to be in the end. That's fine.

Keeping a journal/notebook of your writings is a great idea. I've still got mine going all the way back to 1989 when I started writing in earnest.

It's taken me a long time to get where I am now. I too was published when I was in high school and then twice in college. I'm still learning and stretching.

Definitely, people are seeing that you have ability to express your thoughts and feelings well. (Yeah, typos can easily be fixed by editors. [:)]) You have an innate love for writing. Just keep fanning that flame.

What I was saying to you was meant in the spirit of Don't give up on the idea that you can become a better writer. We're not saying you're a horrible writer now. We're saying that there's always room for growth and improvement in ANY writer's writing.

Continue to read, read, read and develop your vocabulary. Expanding your vocabulary is like a painter exploring new paints. When you know more about the potential within the medium you use (a writer uses words; a painter uses paints), the more resources you have at hand--->you can do more, having more words that you understand how to use. It's like having more paints in your set.

So... writing is both the moment and the process, the inspiration and the perspiration. Hope you will continue to let us travel this journey of discovery with you! [:D]



Elena1030 -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/14/2007 12:41:28 AM)

this has become my home
if only it wasn't so

I like this idea that these feelings have become a place where you dwell but you don't really want to be there.

How would you describe that home? How big is it? Or is it small? What does it look like? Smell like?

As a reader, I want to "see" what you see. I want to be right there. Do more showing rather than just telling me. Lead me to experience the truth of what you're going through, rather than just telling me about what you're going through.

I'm not trying to get you to perfect the poem. This is not about making it perfect. This is about experimenting with different ways of expressing the truth that you're thinking and feeling and experiencing. To help the reader connect with you even more. Make sense?



techne -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/14/2007 6:28:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elena1030
I'm not trying to get you to perfect the poem. This is not about making it perfect.

yes. i've often heard it said that you never complete or perfect a poem (or artwork or whatever), you only choose to abandon it (at some point when it feels 'right'). i find that the creative act is like making an orbit - it's very difficult to figure out when it is complete, and if you overshoot the starting pint, you need to complete that next orbit (in other words, the work shifts into another stream or conversation or exploration of meaning). it's easier to explain with a drawing. i hope that makes sense.



cries-within -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/14/2007 10:58:20 PM)

the home I mentioned.... its gloomy, like a stormy day when the clouds are so dark... you know any second you'll see a flash of lighting or it'll rip open and rain will come gushing forth. Its cold... a bitter winter day, where no matter what you do it seems you can't ever really get warm. Its painful... because the echoes of things they said just ring in ears so loud that it hurts... you can't even think. When you to try to write again. Its useless... at least it feels that way, because it won't be good enough for them. Your dreams feel as if they were crushed and shattered to billion little pieces, a broken glass sculpture.

In some ways the poem described the feeling I had... that if the things I wrote were indeed so horrible then take everything I've written and burn it. First make it impossible for me to write anything ever again. No matter how hard I tried in that class after that first story I only got D's and C's. That and as I mentioned before...the peer critiques were brutal. One I remember in particular said... who ever wrote this should go hang themself. I had to deal with those comments.... and getting no where in that class as far as grades.

I guess with that bad past experience.... and the fact that everything I write is so personal. Its hard for me to deal with critism from others, even the good kind of critism about my works. I know nothing can ever be truly perfect or finished really, specially since we aren't.



Nocturnalux -> RE: Poetry/lyric corner... and other stuff-You can post too. (4/17/2007 2:33:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cries-within

No matter how hard I tried in that class after that first story I only got D's and C's. That and as I mentioned before...the peer critiques were brutal. One I remember in particular said... who ever wrote this should go hang themself. I had to deal with those comments.... and getting no where in that class as far as grades.



I am sorry if I am going to sound a tad harsh but: welcome to the real world. If you are serious about writing you should be prepared to face that and a lot more in terms of negativity. I have had at least one teacher writing a long comment on how my poems were too "intellectual" to ever hold any water. Going about whining about it won't solve anything although I understand your need to vent. Just keep in mind that great authors have suffered from dreary peer reviews and, in the end, got the upper hand. Ibsen and Joyce come to mind and I am quite sure there are many, many others.



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