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RE: Teton Rambler - 7/28/2007 4:30:59 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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A Couple of Prayer Requests, Please
GOD IS SO GOOD!!! 
I've been walking around for a few weeks, trying to sort out all the logistics of my upcoming move.
ONE
I need to figure out WHERE this illustrious relocation experience is going to take place.
I'm still doing research, but I'm also narrowing the field of possibilities . . . which means that I will soon be able to know where it is that I'm moving. 
TWO
Additionally, I need to decide WHEN such move will actually happen. My condo lease is up at the end of September, and my office lease is up at the end of January.
My landlady (condo) has told me I can extend the lease on a month-by-month basis through the end of November. This is good news! 
My landlord (office) has told me that I can break my lease and would only need to pay the advertising fees necessary for them to advertise the office being available . . . and also any months during the remainder of my leae that the office is not rented. This is also good news!
THREE
I need to also arrive at HOW I am going to do all this.
Moving my stuff will not be that big of a deal; I'm going to hire interstate movers to accomplish that.
Moving me will be even easier; I'll just board a plane and fly out to wherever my new home is.
It's the logistics of the interim that I've been trying to unravel. I really do need to go visit a few places so I can get of feel of them, etc. I also will want to see my abode before I plunk down money and claim it as, well, my abode.
Flying can get pretty monotonous when one does it frequently.
Man! How do business travelers do it as often as they do without absolutely going bonkers?! 
Flying can also get pretty expensive. ESPECIALLY flying out of and into Jackson. Good Night in Heaven! 
But there are no Greyhounds serving the Jackson area; and it doesn't make sense to me to go west to catch a bus so that I can then go east.
Needs must. And while I wasn't looking forward to racking up all those air miles in order to decide upon where I will live, I was willing to do it . . . because well, again, needs must.
(continued in next post)
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RE: Teton Rambler - 7/28/2007 4:32:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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A Couple of Prayer Requests, Please
(continued from previous post)
Nope . . . this isn't the prayer request part yet. 
Have I mentioned how VERY GOOD Our Lord is?!!!
In the midst of all this, I'm also making plans to go see some friends in a couple different states.
. . . Which makes it even a bit more of a puzzle in sorting everything out.
When I came in from galavanting around town today, there was a voicemail waiting for me from one such friend; and so I returned the call. During our conversation discussing when I'm going out there, she brings up the topic of "the move" and then casually says, "BTW, I think you should just plan on staying here for a couple of months or however long it will take you to decide where you're moving to. That way you won't have to keep flying back and forth to Jackson; you can use our house as home-base; and if you need to go check out any places within a couple-hours drive from here, I'll take you."
Good night in Heaven!  What an incredible offer; and unsolicited at that! BTW y'all, this is the SAME friend who thought nothing of getting on a plane and flying out here to be with me during the first week after CS's death. Her name is Lori, and if you would please give Our Lord some Praises for her, I would really appreciate it. 
(continued in next post)
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/18/2007 8:51:51 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Updates to My Prayer Requests (and My Life)
Seems like longer than 3 weeks since I last posted!
The ball has definitely started rolling . . . in a little under 6 weeks, I will be leaving Jackson. I've got my departing flight booked and the movers scheduled to come get my stuff. I've also got my reservations made for my first stop of where I will stay for a few days before going to spend some time with one of my friends. I'll start packing up the condo and office this coming Tuesday.
My lease arrangements have worked out very well. I imagine that my landlady will start showing the condo sometime mid September. And here is a PRAISE, y'all . . . It looks like not only will I not have to pay office rent for the remainder of my lease; but that most likely I won't even have to pay the advertising fees to advertise the office being available . . . someone called me up a couple weeks ago and expressed a very strong interest in taking over my office space when I leave, and requested the contact information to my landlord. In fact, last I heard a few days ago, she had received rough-draft lease papers to preview. God is very good!
So WHERE exactly is it that I will be replanting myself? Honestly, I don't truly know at this point. Although, I will say that I feel very strongly that it most likely will be in the Smokey Mountain, TN area. Some of my friends are having a bit of a challenge wrapping their minds around the fact that I don't have any of "those particular details" finalized. But that's ok. 
I personally have a very deep and overall Peace about this. No matter where I go, I know that Our Lord will be with me. What more could I ask?
Thank y'all for y'all's prayers. I will ask that you continue to cover me in prayer and lift me up to Our Lord.
Many Blessings, y'all!
Sharon-Marie
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 8/19/2007 8:48:24 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/18/2007 10:20:07 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Looking Forward to Anonymity . . .
I may have mentioned this before, here in this blog; I know I've certainly mentioned it to a few specific people. Speaking strictly from the viewpoint of how well-known CS was, it certainly was fascinating being his wife. No matter where we went, people would stop to talk to us; and such conversations could last for quite a while. Everybody loved him. And with great reason, I might add. 
Again, speaking strictly from the aspect of CS's notoriety, being his widow has also been interesting. I imagine that would be true of any spouse who was pre-deceased by the more "readily recognizable" spouse.
However, in the context of "public life" and regarding CS's death being by his own hands, sometimes being his widow has also been beyond odd. Often, it has been another source of pain through work through. However, please allow me to repeat myself . . . Our Lord has been so Good and so Gracious in helping me through all the ick and yuck.
There are people in Jackson who know that CS and I were married. There are also those who knew who CS was and who know me; but was not aware that we were married to each other . . . but that at some point they have learned of such, retrospectively. Some individuals in both groups have, through their words to me, given me mini-challenges to overcome throughout the past 2 years; everything from gossip to incredibly bizarre (and even rude) questions and/or opinions. Not all people have been like this, however. There also have been some very kind and loving people who have respected my privacy and/or have stepped in to help me out of some pretty awkward situations.
But none of this is what this particular post is about.
What this blog entry is about is that I truly am looking forward to blissful anonymity of who I am as it relates to CS. I'm looking forward to the autonomy of simply being Sharon-Marie (versus Sharon-Marie, CS's widow).
I imagine how wonderful it will be to write a check, or hand out my business card or reveal my last name in any conceivable way without then realizing the drastic change in countenace of the person in front of me and then readying myself for the inevitable questions.
It happened again today. I was meandering around the fairgrounds today, enjoying the goings-on of the Scottish Festival that was taking place there yesterday and today. I saw a woman I met a couple of months ago and I stopped by her booth to chat with her for a few minutes. Everything was going well until she asked me to sign her email address book so that she could keep me updated on her music career and any new CDs she releases. Her mood changed immediately when she saw my last name.
Are you . . . ?
Did you . . .?
Were you related to CS?
(Inwardly cringing), but outwardly smiling, I said, "Yes, I was his wife."
Oh.
She was very kind and did not ask any intrusive questions or offer any unsolicited opinions. However, she did ask me how I was doing (in that regard being silently implied and physically evident from her facial expression).
As much as I appreciate people's concern, it is exhausting sometimes to repeatedly hear this upon someone finding out "who I am." But, they don't know that; how could they? So I smile and tell them how I am doing; thankfully, lately I've been doing pretty well when asked this question; Being able to truthfully say I'm doing well in this regard helps me, in that I don't have to find a sweet way of saying that I may be having a hard time at that moment . . . and it helps them because they get to hear something positive.
Today, the question must have hit a nerve. I replied to her, "This past year has been ok; certainly better than the first year. The first year was hell. A literal hell." And then I found myself fighting back the tears.
Fortunately, she became distracted with some customers; so I decided to make a graceful exit.
Yes . . . I truly am very much looking forward to no longer publicly being CS's widow. It certainly doesn't have anything to do with my love for him; in this particular instance, it truly is all about me.
And I'm ok with that.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 8/19/2007 9:00:34 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/18/2007 11:48:51 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Be Not Afraid
My next planned destination after the Scottish Festival was the Art Fair . . . but as I left the Fairgrounds, I suddenly decided to go someplace else; a place that I truly did not think I would ever visit to again.
It was about this time last year that I went galavanting and also when I began my relocation research. After about 6 weeks of flitting around various parts of the U.S., I realized that it truly wasn't time for me to leave Jackson then, so I came back home. BUT!!! Everything's in Our Lord's Timing!
After returning to Jackson last year, I remember wanting to see the house . . . the house where CS and I had lived; and so I went and spent some time there, wandering around the yard and such. The emotional impact of doing such a thing sent me into a bit of a depression for a couple of weeks. I decided that perhaps, I didn't need to do that again.
And I didn't . . . until today.
About 2 months ago, I was out and about doing some errands; and I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while. His first words to me (after exchanging pleasantries) was, Wow! They totally demolished it, didn't they?
"Demolished what?" I asked; truly having no idea to what he was referring.
The house. You know; the house where you and CS lived.
I remember standing there, in front of him, literally trying to focus on being able to breathe; the impact of what I had just heard hit me worse than any physical blow could have done. Rationally, I knew that whoever would end up purchasing the property would most likely tear the house down and rebuild for commercial development. But the news came so out-of-the blue for me; I simply was not prepared to hear it.
Since then, more people have approached me about this. A few people have asked me if I was going to go see it. Until today, I truly had no desire to do such a thing.
But that's exactly where I headed to after I left the Scottish Festival earlier today.
While walking to the property, I wondered what it was I thought I might see. I also wondered what my reaction would be. I even wondered if doing "this" was really smart or necessary. But I continued walking, and eventually reached the property.
It was a bit of a shock; the only thing recognizable was the gravel driveway and a portion of the backyard's privacy fence. Everything else was dirt, rock, pieces of broken wood and shards of broken glass; all admist a bunch of weeds overgrowing in various places. In the middle of the property is a very deep and large hole; where the basement used to be. The backyard that used to be such a beautiful sanctuary with crab apple, cherry blossom and various other trees now only has 3 lone birch trees next to the portion of the privacy fence that still remains.
I walked around the property for a few minutes, contemplating what used to be. The porch swing that used to be "here"; the basement apartment-turned-darkroom was "there"; "this" is where the tipi used to be; "this" is the spot where the gate was, etc., etc.
It felt surreal. Did I really share my life with a man here? So long ago; and yet in the space of time, not really.
After about 30 minutes, I decided it was time to leave.
And as I was leaving, I felt the tears coming.
AND just as instantly, I was reminded of that precious song, "Be Not Afraid.
continued in next post
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 8/19/2007 9:10:15 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/18/2007 11:49:52 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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continued from previous post
Be Not Afraid
(Part Two)
Y'all may remember that this very song was sung to me by Our Lord's Holy Spirit on the very morning of CS's death; even before I knew he had died.
You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.
Barren is a very good word to describe my heart that first year. Abyss is another very apt word. That first year was a dark, barren abysss. There were times when I truly wondered if I would survive. That's not an exaggeration. But Our Lord was right there with me; carrying me through all the ick and yuck. And HE still is right here with me. HE's right there with YOU also. No matter what your desert might be, Our Lord will bring you through and HE will refresh you with HIS Living Water.
I find it very humorous that as I was contemplating this very truth this afternoon, after leaving the property and walking back to town . . . it started to rain. Not a downpour; just a gentle sprinkling . . . a refreshing, if you will.
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.
Again, a very timely encouragement. As I mentioned earlier today in this blog, I really, at the moment, do not know where it is I'm going to land. I have an idea; but nothing as been settled in that regard. I truly do not know the way (the where) . . . but Our Lord does; and HE always does. Nothing is ever a surprise to Our Lord. He knows absolutely everything; the past, the present AND the future. There is no one better to place my faith in than HIM. Faith is choosing to trust my entire life to Our Lord; My entire life.
Blest are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh.
THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!!! (taken from Nehemiah 8:10) 'Nuff said.
Be strong and of good courage,
Do not be afraid or dismayed,
for GOD is with you, wherever you go.
- - Joshua 1:9
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord.
Thank You.
Click Here for complete lyrics to "Be Not Afraid" by John Michael Talbot
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 8/19/2007 9:21:53 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/29/2007 12:45:36 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Here's to you, Lily!
I just love Lily Tomlin! Comic genius personified is what she is. 
Today and yesterday, I've seen newspaper ads stating that she's going to be performing here, on September 1st.
My first thought upon seeing the ad yesterday was, "Oooh, I should go see her."
Out of 500 seats, there's only 31 still available.
And then I read this morning that it's being billed as a fund-raiser for the new Art Center; of which is brand new - within the last couple of years.
But, at $500 per ticket, I think I will forego the pleasure of going to see Lily.
No personal offense meant at all, Ms. Tomlin; I'm sure you understand.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 8/30/2007 8:58:29 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Appearances do TOO Matter!
Of all days to decide to walk up to Town rather than ride my trike. 
I had told Jack that I would babysit the coffee shop this morning; and so I did.
Everything went well until about 2 minutes before I closed up. As I was taking the coffee tank to the sink to drain any remaining coffee, I suddenly felt a very strange sensation on my leg.
Apparently, when I picked up the tank, what I didn't realize was that there was a tiny reserve of coffee remaining in the spigot . . . which, at that point in time and for whatever unknown bizarre reason, was now running down the right leg of my jeans..
I was headed home for a shower anyway because I had to go get clean up for a client appointment this afternoon. So initially, I just kinda shrugged and rolled my eyes at what happened.
Until I realized that I wasn't riding my trike home; I was, instead, walking.
Of all days. 
Well, worse things have certainly happened, so I locked up and took off for home, walking through town . . .
. . . Uhm, with a quite very noticeable vertical stain strategically located on the front of the right side of my jeans, going all the way down to right above my knee.
I walked through town boldy and proudly, smiling at everyone with whom I came in contact. 
Did y'all know that if someone sees you smiling at them and also sees a strategically located vertical stain going down the front of your pants that they first look at you a bit weird and THEN they kinda get out of your way so you can pass them as quickly as possible?
What? They've never seen a happy grown person walking through town with wet pants before?
I'm just glad I didn't run into anyone I actually knew.
Can y'all say the epitome of sophistication?
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RE: Teton Rambler - 9/9/2007 11:27:58 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Please DON'T Feed the Bears!
They had to euthanize another bear this past week, here in the Beautiful Wild Wild West. 
The bear had become acclimated to human food; and subsequently had lost its fear of humans. For a wild animal to loose its fear of humans is a dangerous thing to humans; and so, when such occurs, the bear will ultimately loose its life; it will be intentionally killed. This is what happened to this beautiful animal last week.
How does any wild animal get acclimated to human food in the first place?
By humans. People visiting this vast, majestic area out here are often bringing with them serious misconceptions about wild animals.
Wild animals are WILD; they are not domesticated; nor should they be. They are not pets. Except for very specific feeding programs (i.e., the Elk Refuge in the winter time), wild animals should not be fed; they are foragers and they are very adept at finding their own food.
The next time you are visiting the Grand Teton National Park area, please, PLEASE pay attention to and follow all the instructions on signs that you will find in camp areas and such. These signs will teach you how to keep your food properly protected from wild animals; bears especially. In fact, some of those instructions are printed in the article that I will post at the end of this blog entry.
And please, clean up your camp area; dispose of any food waste in a responsible manner . . . again, the article will tell you how to do this.
And please also clean up your camp area of any litter and garbage; the person or group who will camp after you will appreciate having an undefiled beautiful area of nature to enjoy just as much as you appreciated it when you arrived.
Enjoy your visit, have fun, breathe clean air, soak in glorious views . . . and remember, Grand Teton National Park is wild.
Very wild, man. 
"Park Kills Another Bear"; Jackson Hole News and Guide
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 9/9/2007 12:07:08 PM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 9/9/2007 9:27:54 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Leaving Jackson . . . The Countdown Begins
In less than 3 weeks, I will be boarding a plane and flying out of The Tetons, heading east . . . final destination, at the moment, not fully known.
It is truly time; both in Our Lord's Time and in my time, as well.
I've been doing a lot of comparisions lately . . . to now versus this time, last year.
What I didn't know last year was that I was, more than anything else, wanting to run away; that was really the catalyst spurning my relocation resesarch.
Actually, I'm not one to run away from anything; especially since I've started walking with Jesus. I believe such tenacity to be an inborn Gift from Our Lord . . . He certainly knew I would need it!
But whether I was conscious of it or not at the time, running away was definitely on my agenda last year; and I set out to do just that.
Our Lord has the most unique ways of getting our attention sometimes! After galavanting around for 6 weeks, and after having not been sick for the previous 18 years, I found myself in a hotel room in Virginia with a fever that kept me in bed during the entire time I was visiting such a wonderful state.
There's not a lot of running away one can do while they're sick in bed with a high temperature; in a motel room; in a state (much less, a city) they've never even before visited.
In between vast amounts of sleeping, I prayed and sought Our Lord. I finally realized that it was not yet time for me to leave Jackson. Godincidentally, as soon as I decided to go back to Jackson, the bulk of the fever left me and I was able to get a flight the very next morning.
I arrived back in Jackson and began setting up house and, again, living my life.
What I didn't know then was that Our Lord had work to do in me . . . and in order for Him to do such work, I had to be in Jackson. The past year has really been a year of healing, refreshing and growing. It's been an amazing gift; and I will be forever grateful!
(continued in next post)
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RE: Teton Rambler - 9/9/2007 9:29:18 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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(continued from previous post)
I'm not running away from anything now. That's the difference between last year and this year; this year, it's truly time to go.
Truthfully, I'm quite very excited. It's an adventure I'm embarking on; and as long as Our Lord is with me, it doesn't matter where I go; I know I'll be ok.
And quite very honestly, I'm also experiencing a range of pretty intense emotions in leaving the only place I've ever truly considered home. So much of who I am is here in Jackson. I have learned more about life in these past 7 years than I ever have in all the years prior to my moving out here. And more importantly, my walk with Jesus has grown deeper than it ever had been prior to moving here.
Truly, I hope I never stop learning.
And I earnestly pray that I never stop delving deeper into my relationship with My Lord and My Savior.
It's getting a bit tough, in regards to my local friendships. People have started contacting me, wanting to get together with me before I leave. Of course, I always want to see my friends; but each time I'm with someone lately, it gets a bit solemn as we realize that the clock is ticking and time is winding down. Goodbyes can be excruciating . . . even when one is looking to the future with much joy and anticipation.
BUT! Our Lord has something waiting for me out there. I feel it. I KNOW it. AND! I eagerly embrace it.
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord!
Thank You for my life!
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RE: Teton Rambler - 9/9/2007 9:32:42 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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White Rose Petals
From this blog; August 18, 2005 (writing about the day of CS's memorial service):quote:
I had planned to go to the church the night before to set out some of CS's "signature things" . . . But, instead, Lori and I found ourselves getting up the morning of the service and going out to the church early to set up before the people started coming.
The florists had already started arriving. Lori and I walked into the sanctuary and Lori immediately went into "work" mode. I on the other hand was frozen where I stood. I started crying and Lori came rushing over to me to see what was wrong.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm looking at the white roses."
"Who sent them?", she asked while the both of walked up to the flowers, specifically the white roses.
"I don't know . . . but whoever did, loves me very much."
I read the card that was attached to these beautiful flowers. It says,
"Love and Prayers,
(from) Sharon-Marie's and CS's C.W. Family."
(that's y'all, by the way).
After I explained who my C.W. family was, Lori and I both just stared at each other. It was almost beyond comprehension for me at that particular moment. Here, in front of me were beautiful, precious, fragrant living white roses sent to comfort me from all of y'all - none of whom I have yet met in-person . . . but the roses were definitely there. I was touching them and smelling them and reading the card . . . with tears streaming down my face.
Coming back to current time, last Monday, I took my last annual chair lift ride up Snow King Mountain. I took with me a very special bag . . . such bag containing all of the rose petals from the roses mentioned above. Sitting cross-legged on my bed earlier that morning, it took me about an hour to lovingly and carefully separate each petal from its stem; it was very important to me that all the petals remain as intact as possible.
When I got to the top of Snow King, I wandered around for about 15 minutes, looking for just the perfect spot. Months before, when I had decided that I was going to do this, I envisioned a clearing behind the woods near an overclift where the mountain's peaks would continue to roll and spread farther down. That's exactly what I found!
I was hoping for a slightly windy day so that as I would scatter the petals, they would drift. Last Monday was such a day.
Except . . . the wind was mainly blowing towards me and not away from me. Within the first couple of handfuls of rose petals that I tossed, I soon realized that they were drifting back towards me! I had to laugh at the irony. And actually, it was pretty cool; by the time I had finished scattering the petals, I was surrounded (and covered) in many of them.
Y'all may be surprised to learn that while CS did play a factor in what I did this last Monday, he was not the main reason (nor even the initial reason) for my wanting to scatter the rose petals. Y'all were.
These past 2+ years, those beautiful white roses have been such an amazing testimony of y'all's love for me. It still is almost beyond my comprehension that a group of people whom I had never met face-to-face would want to comfort me in such a deep and tangible way as to have white roses sent to me at my husband's memorial service. Many times over the past 26 months, I have just stared at those roses and contemplated y'all.
Those roses have also been an incredible witnessing tool; both to Christians and not-yet Christians, alike. I love to tell the story of them and of y'all . . . and I've told it many times; in fact, I've had requests for retellings of it.
So . . . while I was up on Snow King last Monday, being gently covered in rose petals, I was saying prayers of blessings for y'all. Y'all who actually participated in the roses and even y'all whom I have met since then, but who also have become such a deep part of my heart. I thanked Our Lord for this website, Faith Community Network. No matter which portal you come through, if you're reading this blog, you are part of FCN. I also thanked Him, by name, for so many of y'all.
THAT, my dear friends was my original intent as to why I wanted to scatter the rose petals.
And just think . . . no matter where any of y'all live, y'all are now a part of Jackson Hole, Wyoming . . . the Beautiful Wild Wild West.
Abundant Blessings, y'all!
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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/14/2007 7:39:55 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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A Scriptural Promise
I've been thinking a lot about Shirley lately. Some of y'all may remember from a previous blog post that Shirley was both my adoptive mother and my maternal grandmother.
I don't think of her in any type of familial way, though. When I think of her, it's simply "Shirley". Truth-be-known, I usually intentionally do not think about her very often; my memories of her are not at all pleasant. However, lately, I find myself thinking of her before I even fully realize it.
Had she lived, tomorrow would be her birthday. In actuality, she's been deceased for over 34 years.
I know absolutely nothing about Shirley's own mother; not even her name. And while I never met her father and also do not know his name, what I do know of him is too horrific to even write about. That's the extent of what I know about her family; I don't even know if she had any siblings or cousins, etc.
Yesterday as I was sitting down to eat lunch, I had bowed my head to give Our Lord thanks; and I suddenly remembered something I hadn't thought of in years:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We thank You for the friends we have, the food we eat, and all our many Blessings.
Amen.
A rote prayer, yes; but still a prayer. It was what we said every night before we had dinner. I honestly don't know if Dad (Walt) or Shirley was the one who initiated our saying this prayer, but say it we did.
In the midst of all the violence and rampant alcoholism, we prayed.
I also remember a "Children's Bible" that I used to "sneak" off the bookshelf to look through; and then later read. I kept that Bible for years after I became an adult.
As I was pondering the prayer during my lunch yesterday, Our Lord's Holy Spirit reminded me of Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in The Way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (New International Version)
Right here and now, I will tell you that I was not raised in a Christian home. While we went to Mass each Sunday, there was no Christian upbringing in my childhood home.***
So it was a bit baffling yesterday trying to figure out the timing of my remembering this particular Scripture.
Before I began my personal relationship with Jesus, I used to say that I was raised by wolves . . . implying that no one really raised me; which is "technically" correct. After I became Saved, however, I stopped saying that; and if the subject ever came up, I would tell people that Jesus raised me; which is definitely correct.
I am convinced that there was generational abuse and alcoholism in my family. I am also very firmly 100% convinced that Jesus protected me through all that ick and yuck and had His Hand on my life even back then when I was such a young little girl.
SO!!! If I believe that (which I definitely do) and if I believe that Jesus raised me (which I definitely do), then Proverbs 22:6 makes perfect sense in how it applies to my life!
Thank You, Lord for the Most Wonderful Gift of YOU in my life!
Thank You for plucking me out of the mire.
I Love You, Jesus!
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord.
AMEN!
***I am in no way implying that Catholics are not Christians. I personally know some Catholics with very awesome, sincere and wonderful personal relationships with Our Lord and Savior. I'm simply saying that I was not raised in a Christian home (regardless of what denomination was "practiced.")
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RE: Teton Rambler - 11/26/2007 4:37:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Christopher
November 26, 1984
I had just turned 21 when Christopher was born.
He was the most wonderful human being I had ever seen. He had a headful of wavy dark hair and perfectly-formed pink rosebud lips. His eyes. His beautiful mesmerizing eyes. Deep olive green. I had never seen eyes like his; before nor since.
I had the immense pleasure of spending 3 days with Christopher while we were both in the hospital; me recovering from some minor complications from the C-Section and he recovering from the effects of being delivered at 10.5 months.
Because I was placing him for adoption, the nurses compassionately put me at the end of the hallway so that the goings-on of the delivery ward would not be upsetting to me. It was a pretty long hallway, but I walked it several times over those 3 days so that I could be near him. I just absolutely had to hold him; that was the plain and simple fact.
I spent that time marveling at this tiny little person; his fingers and toes, the softness of his skin, the way he would hold onto my finger and look at me. I spent an inordinate amount of time rocking him and staring into those amazing eyes.
I also spent a lot of time saying prayers over his life and thanking Abba that he was healthy.
I told Christopher how much I loved him and I asked for his forgiveness; both verbally and also in a letter I wrote to him (which his parents promised me that they would give to him when he became an adult).
The last time I saw him was 3 days after his birth. The lady from the adoption agency came to the hospital to take him to his parents. Watching her walk away from me with Christopher in her arms was one of the two hardest things I've ever had to do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've always considered it ironic that November is not only Christopher's birth month, but also National Adoption Month.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Throughout the years, I've been amazed at how many times, I've heard, "I would never give up my baby; I would love my baby too much to do that."
Please hear me on this: I have always loved Christopher. And I have never forgotten him. During these past 23 years, I have thought of him at least 3-4 times during any given week. I regularly pray for him, and with everything that is in me, I hope he has had a good life, that he is healthy and that he is doing well. I pray that he was raised in a loving, Christian home. I pray that his sorrows have been few and that his joys have been innumerable. I pray that He intimately knows Jesus and trusts Him with every aspect of his life.
I placed Christopher for adoption because of my love for him. At that time in my life, there was no way that I would have been a good mother to him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Happy Birthday, Christopher.
May Our Lord always bless you and hold you in the Palm of His Hand.
I love you.
Sharon-Marie
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RE: Teton Rambler - 12/3/2007 8:04:33 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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A Treasured Gift
As I was leaving church yesterday, I found myself face-to-face with a man whom I have never met. We made eye contact, smiled, said hello to each other and went on our respective ways.
My very first thought was that he was an attractive man.
My next thought was that he looked familiar.
THEN I immediately realized that the reason why he looked familiar and attractive to me was that he looked a lot like CS (except the man yesterday had a sandy-brown hair coloring).
I think those couple of seconds yesterday were a gift from Abba.
During all my unpacking of my recent move, I came across some of CS's things . . . his accoustic guitar, a portrait of the two of us, his everyday working camera, some of his display cameras, etc.
Originally, I placed these objects out and about in the house. But seeing tangible reminders of CS proved to be a bit overwhelming for me . . . so much so that after about a week, I decided to put them back into storage boxes.
Most of the time, I feel I am healing from CS no longer being alive. I still miss him. Deeply. But that part of the grief isn't totally unmanageable.
The harder part of his death is that it was by his own hands. THAT is what has been, at times, almost completely unbearable.
However, our Lord is bringing me through this and will continue to do so. I know this to be truth.
That's why yesterday was so special. Those fleeting couple of seconds yesterday didn't produce heartbreaking tears in me; instead, I found myself smiling about it.
Thank You, Lord, for Your Comfort.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 1/28/2008 11:09:06 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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White Rose Blessings
Someone recently asked me what my handle means.
Well, lemme tell ya.
I personally think it's a pretty awesome God-story, and I'll be glad to share it with you.
The short, precise answer is that I absolutely love white roses.
That probably comes as a shock to many of y'all.
However, there's much more to the story than that.
That also probably comes as a shock to many of y'all.
Back in 1994, I had joined a local singles matchmaking service.
I didn't want to just put up a vanilla-type profile in which I would blandly report that I was a white girl, yada yada yada.
I wanted to create a unique attention-grabbing blurb aptly defining my essence; and so, decided upon, "I am a rare white rose."
Y'all like the self-esteem? 
That impromptu phrase led to a couple of pretty intense personal journaling sessions revealing goals and aspirations I held deeply within my heart (not necessarily regarding my singleness).
Now, HERE's the God-part.
A couple of weeks later, I went to get something out of my car.
That was, of course, back when I drove.
As I was heading back into my apartment, something was on the top of my car and it caught my attention.
It was a single, long-stemmed beautiful, precious white rose; just barely beginning to bloom. I was completely enchanted. I tried to lift the rose off of the hood of my car, but it was actually frozen in a thin layer of ice.
I really wanted that rose, though. But I didn't want to pry it off and risk damaging it; so I decided to start my car to melt the ice. As I was, again, heading back into my apartment (this time with rose happily in hand), I was just absolutely fascinated with my newly found gift.
It was at that point that I remarked, out loud to myself, "white roses are so rare!"
It was then at THAT point that I remembered my writings from a few weeks previous.
Back then I truly felt that beautiful glorious long-stem white rose was a confirmation from Abba as to what I had shared with Him in my journal. Even now, 13+ years later, I still feel the same way.
Another God-aspect of that wonderful day back in '94 . . . remember the sheet of ice that I mentioned that was on my car, holding my rose to the car's hood? I've since forgotten the exact temperature that day in Birmingham, but I do remember that it was in the 40's. As you know, water freezes at 32*(F). Additionally, I looked around and there was not even the slightest hint of frost on any of the nearby cars. I even walked up and down the "aisle" of cars; not a one even had any moisture on them at all; just my car . . . that was holding a long-stem white rose to it's hood via a layer of ice.
White roses are very beautiful tangible reminders of Abba's promises, assurances AND blessings to me regarding my life.
When I joined these forums back in 2001, it just seemed such a natural to me as to what my handle should be.
May Our Lord abundantly bless y'all.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 2/1/2008 10:19:40 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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An Observation, Please . . .
I've seen this many times in these wonderful forums that so many of us call "home." Lately, I've seen it A LOT; in fact, very much more than usual. Today, alone, I saw it in 4 separate threads; each in a different folder. BTW, I wasn't a participant in any of these threads; just a casual, silent lurker.
Lately, there seems to be almost a growing trend forums-wide where if someone states their opinion and then someone else states a differing opinion (often, even in a calm and friendly manner), the first person will basically decide to become offended (either mildy or extremely so) and will then accuse the other person(s) of being argumentative.
There are definitely times when opinions do override and heated tempers take over.
But that's not always the case when differing opinions are presented; nor, I imagine, is it even the intent of the majority of posters who come here. From the 4 threads I mentioned above, I truly did not see where people were being argumentative towards the person accusing them of such; they were simply stating their opinion on the topic.
A difference of opinion or a different viewpoint is just that: different. It isn't necessarily an automatic challenge to a duel.
Please, y'all . . . let's not be so defensive all the time. Let's keep the gloves on our hands and not be so ready to slap each other's faces with them. Not everyone who expresses diverging viewpoints is looking for a fight.
Now . . . y'all have fun out there, ya hear?
May Our Lord abundantly bless each of y'all.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
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RE: Teton Rambler - 2/4/2008 5:16:33 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18172
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Paradoxically Speaking . . .
It's been rough for me, these past few months . . . and if I'm completely truthful, it still is.
I've wanted to tell y'all about it, but I haven't been able to find the words. Usually when I am rendered speechless, it's a good probability that while I may want to share the essence of whatever, I'm not ready to disclose the actual details. Many times in these instances, I will unintentionally run across a song that so aptly describes my heart at that moment.
And so it happened again this morning.
For some bizarre reason (explainable, yes; but not the point on this particular blog entry),
I have a collection of Rich Mullins and Bob Dylan songs on my computer that are unnamed and only identified by various track numbers. Even more interestingly . . . the artists alternate each other in this particular listing (i.e., RM, BD, RM, etc.) I had forgotten all about this (such spontaneous arrangement happening when I was still in Jackson).
I wanted something different to listen to this morning, and the anonymous list I found piqued my interest. After listening to a few songs, I realized that Rich and Bob could tell y'all about me right now so much better than, at the moment, I am able to do.
In the time of my confession, in the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet flood every newborn seed
There's a dyin' voice within me reaching out somewhere,
Toiling in the danger and in the morals of despair . . .
. . . In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's Hand
In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand. "Every Grain of Sand," by Bob Dylan
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach . . .
. . . Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days "Step by Step," by Rich Mullins (this link is a pretty awesome video)
I covet and appreciate y'all's prayers more than I will ever be able to convey.
"Thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it . . . but it's a start.
Always,
For Your Honor
and
Your Glory, Lord.
Amen.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 2/6/2008 2:26:05 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18172
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Yesterday . . . Today . . . Tomorrow
Back in early November, and without even the tiniest semblance of warning, some extremely painful memories suddenly surfaced; and they did so full-force.
Such unexpected recollections knocked me completely off my feet . . . and then, basically, just left me there.
It was as if I had been transported back 18 years ago and was reliving the events of what had happened.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably already know that I do not find any good in reliving things that are better left alone.
Our Lord promises to take what was meant for evil and to use it for His Good.
So why would I ever want to undo or ignore His Good and instead focus on the harm?
I believe that's exactly what happens when we get stuck in the past. Or when we start fearing our future . . . and fearing the future is so often intertwined with rehashing the past.
There's a HUGE difference between acknowledging the past versus getting bogged down into it all over again.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Touched By an Angel
It's a TV show that I must admit to enjoying.
I also realize that it's definitely more "feel-good entertainment" than Scripturally accurate.
But every now and then, the show does get somewhat close.
This morning was one of those times:
Turn the past over to God
He's strong enough to take it.
And give Him your future too
He'll make you strong enough to face it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I don't ever want to forget where I've come from. To do so would also mean my forgetting how Our Lord brought me through all that ick and yuck and how He healed me from it. To forget such wonderful blessings would definitely mean a very sad, empty and lonely existence.
The past has absolutely no power over me. It cannot hurt me ever again, unless I choose to allow it to do so. I definitely do not choose such a life.
Instead, I choose to allow Our Lord to take care of me and to protect me. I choose to allow my past to be used for His Glory. His Honor. In any way He sees fit.
Additionally I eagerly await my future, for I know that Abba will always be right there with me. Leading me.
Be blessed y'all.
Walk in HIS Peace and HIS Joy.
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Me and my shadow . . . 