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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/13/2008 8:56:28 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
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Woefully Undisciplined . . .
. . . Pretty much describes me lately. 
. . . And I don't particularly care for it; not in the least.
Additionally, whether such woeful lack of discipline came first or if it was preceded by a dangerously close simulation of addiction to these threads is hard to say; kinda like the eternal debate of the chicken or the egg.
Nonetheless, there definitely is an issue in these two areas that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.
I've tried to conquer this privately, but I have not been anywhere near successful in this endeavor. 
I've also noticed that I have gone from being a person who literally never watched t.v., to someone who started watching a few shows every now and then, to now having the t.v. on practically all day. I can't say I actually "watch" t.v. all day, but I'm convinced that the constant noise has contributed to the, uhm, situation that I now find myself in.
Interestingly, when I lived in Jackson . . . and without television shows . . . I listened to music all day long. I was also more productive with my time. I've been thinking about the vast difference between then and now, and I have a theory about music affecting the brain differently than t.v. shows. After all, they (whoever "they" are) do claim quite very soothing effects for those who allow the beauty of music to infiltrate their lives.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As I'm sure y'all know, muscles atrophy when they're not exercised.
The brain is a muscle.
Lately I've not been exercising the brain that Our Lord gave me.
However, I most certainly do not want my brain to atrophy.
The desire to prevent such from happening is actually one of the reasons why I found myself last week in the grocery store searching for reading material. I even bought a crossword puzzle book! 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've got some important projects to do within the next several months. They're never going to get done if I don't begin them.
How's that for great logic?! 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've decided that the t.v. shows absolutely have to go. Completely. I was once perfectly fine without television . . . in fact, I was probably much better, if the truth be fully known. I have my Netflix movies; and periodically watching one of them was sufficient . . . and can be, again.
I've also decided to drastically limit my time spent here in the threads. I'm not sure how this will all play out; but I'm envisioning not even logging on here during the workday until probably mid-afternoon, and even then, for no more than a couple of hours. I think I am also going to make Sundays a full day of rest from the threads. Saturdays I don't have a firm idea about yet; but I imagine they will be a bit more relaxed than the other days of the week in this regard.
I'm unsubbing to the vast majority of threads that I currently follow. This part is actually difficult for me to even contemplate  . . . especially regarding the wonderful PFY threads where the majority of my online friends hangout; but if I'm honest with myself, it really is a must-do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'm sure some or all of this probably seems a bit melodramatic to some of y'all . . . but that's really not my intent. I simply need to be honest; not only with myself, but with y'all as well.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
PMs are always welcomed (and if you have my email addy, emails are wonderful as well) . . . which is really another thing that I need to work on; responding to personal correspondences in a prompt manner. My goal with this is to reply within at least a week or so from receiving them; certainly not any longer than that.
And please, do most certainly continue to let me know about your prayer requests and praise reports via my PFY thread; or if it's private, drop me a PM.
Likewise, I will appreciate y'all's prayers for me. Life's been a bit astonishing for me these past 6 months. The first 4+ of them were, in fact, excruciatingly painful; for a few reasons. The past 6 weeks or so have been, well, interesting; one might even say abundantly illuminating.
It's ALL Good though; it's ALL covered under Our Lord's Providence and Protection. 
My specific prayers requests are:
(1) Always for Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance in all areas of my life;
(2) Strength from and Reliance upon Him regarding the various things I've written about in this post.
Thank you.
May Our Lord abundantly bless each one of y'all.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
BTW . . . y'all have my permission to hold me accountable for anything that I've written here in this post. 
Truly.
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/14/2008 7:01:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Ramblings . . . 4/14/08
I ordered the book today. 
Book Contest Entry #62
Timeless Passion, by Constance O'Day Flannery
ISBN: 10: 0821736833
ISBN: 13: 978-0821736838
submitted by belovedhandmaiden
Interestingly, the book only cost $4.89 (and $3.99 of that was for shipping).
I'm a little leery of buying used books online; but I ordered this from Amazon, and this particular seller had very high positive feedback. It should ship out on Wednesday, and the delivery estimate is April 22, 2008 - May 6, 2008.
I found such a wide delivery range to be a bit amusing.
For what it's worth, this is the first purchase I've ever made from Amazon.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I had an epiphany while I was walking home this morning. I was thinking about yesterday's blog; specifically the "eternal chicken-or-egg debate" analogy . . . and I realized that since God created every kind of creature and put them in the Garden of Eden, the answer to this ageless ongoing question is obvious: the chicken most definitely came before the egg.
There. Resolution has been established. I'm sure y'all are as relieved about it as I am.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's 7:06pm, and I haven't turned the t.v. on once today. AND!!! I've also been pretty productive since I woke up this morning.
Thank You Jesus for Your Strength!
Ironically, 3 Netflix movies came in the mail for me today. I found the timing of such to be both amusing and comforting. I don't know if I can explain it further, but it does underline how much Our Lord cares for us on even "seemingly" insignificant levels.
Actually, I'll be returning one of the movies unwatched, as I had neglected to remove it from my que before it shipped out (it was #5 in a series; and I never even got through #1 of the series, much less #2, #3 or #4).
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I was listening to the radio earlier today . . . actually, I don't have a radio of any type; I was specifically listening to a radio online (streaming?).
I listened to a song that I have neither thought of nor heard in many years, and it took me immediately back to when I would hear it all the time. I looked it up on Google and found a few YouTube links to it:
The Living Years, by Mike & The Mechanics, was released in 1988; however the first time that I really became aware of it was 2 years later in 1990; the year my dad died. It seemed like everytime I turned around back then, I was hearing the song.
During that time period, it was simultaneously haunting and yet healing for me.
Today, it was tinged with melancholy . . . I guess part of that is because I probably listened to it about 10 times in a row. 
BTW, the particular video I chose is my favorite of the ones I saw today.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since yesterday, I've received a few comments and even PMs about my current avatar. I confess to being very shocked and even mildly embarassed about all the attention it has garnered. And I very much appreciate all the nice things y'all have said about it. Thank you!
My vanity thanks y'all also.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Another thing that has taken me completely by surprise today was the PMs and posts about yesterday's blog. I was so unprepared for it when I logged in this afternoon, that it caught me totally off guard, and I found myself using up my valuable allotted "threads" time crying.
I woke up this morning and really wanted to just delete what I had written in here yesterday.
I'm glad I didn't, and I deeply appreciate y'all's support and encouragements. It means more that I can convey. Truly.
I know that I have never done anything close to be deserving of how y'all treat me, so the only thing I can come up with is that y'all are simply a most wonderful gift to me, from Our Lord. I am so very deeply blessed by y'all. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To end this very rambling blog post . . . strangely enough, the song, "Living Years" had (and still does have) special meaning for me, other than the obvious one of how it relates to Walt's death.
I say "strangely enough" because the following verse(s), completely in and of itself, specifically made an impact on me back in 1990; even apart from Walt's death. Today, the verse(s) continues to have much meaning for me..
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So dont yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you dont give up, and dont give in
You may just be o.k.
- - from, "The Living Years"; written by Mike Rutherford, for Mike & The Mechanics
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all!
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/14/2008 7:24:35 PM >
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/16/2008 2:52:47 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
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From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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Ramblings . . . 4/16/08
The big event happening in Pigeon Forge this weekend is the >> The Spring Grand Rod Run <<.
One of my online friends here in the threads who periodically, along with his wife, visits Pigeon Forge told me to expect people lining the sidewalks with portable chairs and such for the entire weekend. Man, he wasn't kidding at all. Already, people are beginning to do just that and it's becoming somewhat of a madhouse here.
The lady at the bank this morning told me that it takes her 2 hours to drive to work on Fridays and Saturdays during these Grand Rod Runs (there's one this weekend and then 2 more -back-to-back weekends- in September). I've been hearing for months now (well, excluding January and February when there was no bus service) from all the bus drivers that it takes 7 hours for a bus to complete just one route of the North Parkway loop; normally it takes about 90 minutes. In fact, during these car weekends, every couple of hours, the bus station will send a new driver out in a car (via back roads) to give the current driver his break. They switch right there on the Parkway in mid-route.
I'm going to go to the grocery store bright and early tomorrow morning, and then I plan to hibernate in my house till Monday morning. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I received a rather amusing PM yesterday. Seems apparently I picked a very good week to chuck my t.v. (or at least the viewing, thereof). Didjy'all know that next week is TV Turnoff Week?
Apparently this is an international annual event. If you go to Google and type in "tv turnoff week," you'll see everything you've always wanted to know about this idea.
Looks like I'm getting a headstart. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
These past couple of days I been making a list of potential blog posts and also of personal journaling assignments. The ideas and subjects are being released like a pent-up dam. Actually, if truth be known, some of these subjects have been swirling around in my head for months, upwards to even around a year or so.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Monday and Tuesday were quite very unexpectedly introspective.
After hearing The Living Years on Monday, I spent the majority of the rest of that day thinking about my dad.
Yesterday, I watched one of my Netflix movies, >> The Notebook << . . . and that proved to be a more than a bit heart-rendering regarding CS.
I either didn't read the blurb closely when I was adding the title to my que, or I didn't read it at all.
The movie very much reminded me of what CS went through with J during the last 2 years of her life. CS had shared with me about that time of his life. After he died, I found his journals that he had kept and read bits and pieces of them.. Watching the movie yesterday just brought it all home again, and I wept for both CS and J. It was intensely painful to, once again, realize how horrendous that time period was for both of them.
Now . . . having said all that, The Notebook was an excellent movie; and I highly recommend it. I also personally think that it was not a coincidence nor even a mistake that this movie somehow ending up in my que.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have not watched t.v. since turning it off Sunday evening.
By the way, I wonder if Hawkeye and his compatriots have missed me this week.
Monday was a good day for me, threads-wise, in that I think I probably only spent a little over an hour in here.
Yesterday could have been better in that regard, as I found myself aimlessly perusing threads. It's amazing how much time I can let pass while doing that. I'm guessing I probably spent about 3 hours in the threads yesterday. That's more than I really want for a workday (but still significantly less that what I had been doing recently).
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part of my Bible-reading took me to Romans 5 today.
I couldn't help but smile when I realized what I was about to read. I also knew that I wanted to share it with y'all. In my initial exuberance I wanted to type the entire chapter of Romans 5 here in this post; but have, instead, chosen to only share the very specific verses that stood out for me this morning:
Therefore, since we have been justified through Faith,
we have Peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom we have gained access by Faith into this Grace in which we now stand.
And we rejoice in the Hope of the Glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, Hope.
And Hope does not dissapoint us,
because God has poured out His Love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has give us.
Romans 5:1-5
But where sin increased, Grace increased all the more,
so that just as sin reigned in death,
so also Grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
Romans 5:20b-21
Y'all be blessed.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
edited: typo
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/16/2008 11:32:15 PM >
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/20/2008 10:55:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
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Accountability . . . 4/20/08
I have gone 1 week without watching any television . . . and other than the first couple of days, I haven't even really given much thought to even wanting to watch it. In fact, the absence of t.v. has actually been very enjoyable for me. 
The threads are a bit of a different story; I have struggled with that somewhat this past week. And although the amount of time I spent in here last week was nowhere near what it had been of recent weeks prior, I still need to pull the reigns in a bit more tighter though during the workweek.
I received a very encouraging PM from one of my dear friends earlier in the week. However, I've yet to respond to her. I could rationalize it with seemingly very good reasons as to why I haven't answered her yet, but the truth of the matter is that she hit a nerve.
A very sensitive nerve.
In the midst of her PM to me, she shared with me that she is afraid of failure, and that is why there are certain things she doesn't do.
OUCH!!!
If there's something that I'm familiar with, it is fearing to fail. I've battled it pretty much all my life. It's one of the reasons why I love Scriptures that encourage and even command us to Fear Not.
However, lately I've gotten myself tangled up in a knot of fear again; and in the back of my mind I knew it, but I didn't want to accept it. My precious friend's PM to me brought it immediately to front and center so that I had no other choice but to fully recognize and admit it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
About 3 hours have passed since I type the above sentence; and in the meantime, MUCH ramblings-on about the specific fears I'm trying to overcome at the moment.
I decided to put that jumbled plethora of words into my personal journal instead of posting them here.
No need to thank me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'll close this specific blog post with first a THANK YOU to my beautiful friend for her PM to me earlier this week.
Perhaps now, I'll be able to actually sit down soon and answer your PM, one-to-one.
Next, one of my favorite Scriptures, of which I very much needed the reminder.
Perhaps it will bless her . . . and y'all . . . as well.
"Be strong and of good courage.
Do not be afraid or dismayed, for God is with you wherever you go."
-- Joshua 1:9
edited: font size 
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/21/2008 1:14:52 PM >
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/23/2008 1:14:18 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
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Angry at God?
quote:
You need to get good and mad at God and then find out that he has a plan and "make up" with Him so that you can have a valid relationship.
I read this in a thread last night, and was going to respond there; but to do so would have seriously taken the thread off-topic.
However, I so completely disagree with what I've quoted that I really must comment on it.
During my prayer times, I have often expressed very deep emotion; including anger. However, such anger has never been directed towards Our Lord; rather towards the specific situation and/or person(s) during the time of such angst.
Abba knows my heart even better than I do; He can certainly handle my being honest with my emotions. I imagine He rather expects and wants such honesty as well. If we can't be honest with Our Creator, well then, with whom?
However, why be angry towards God?
To me, that seems to be arrogant, ungrateful and short-sighted.
It is analogous to a child throwing a temper tantrum because things weren't going their way. That's the arrogance of it.
The ungratefulness comes into play because such an attitude totally negates the Gift of Free Will that Our Father has given every single human being since He first breathed His Life into Adam. Furthermore, He gave us such a precious gift knowing full well that we, as individuals would time and time again abuse this beautiful privilege. It's called sin. Because of sin, we live in a very fallen and imperfect world. That is not God's fault.
God doesn't cause "bad" things to happen; nor does he cause "good" things to not to happen. As an example, God didn't cause CS to take his life; that was a decision that CS made; not Our Lord. As y'all know, I have certainly felt plenty of anger over what happened; towards myself, towards other people and even towards CS. I could expound quite a bit; but what CS did isn't the topic of this particular blog post.
Misdirected anger towards Our Lord is the topic.
God didn't cause CS to do what he did; but God certainly did allow it. Why? Because He gave CS the same free will that He has given to anyone.
Sometimes, a person is affected by someone else’s acting on their own free will. I certainly have been affected by CS's final choice that he made for his life. But again, I cannot (and will not) blame God for what CS chose to do. And if I can't (nor won't) blame God, then why in the world would I then be angry towards God because of what happened? One cannot be angry towards someone unless they are also blaming them for the source of their anger.
Our Lord promises to take what was meant for harm and to turn it to good. Time and time again, throughout my own life, I can see how He has done just that. To be angry towards God for something that happened that shouldn't have or for something that we desire but do not have is very short-sited and not at all trusting in Our Lord to take care of us.
Job railed against God. He had had enough and he was going to let Our Lord know very specifically and in no uncertain terms.
God's reply was, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand." (Job 38:2-4).
The entire chapter of Job 38 is God posing questions to Job, essentially asking him just who exactly was Lord of all. Was it God or was it Job?
For us to rail against God shows that we think we know better than God what should be going on in our life. How can such an attitude ever be of any benefit, to us, to others and most especially, in regards to our relationship with Our Lord?
quote:
You need to get good and mad at God and then find out that he has a plan and "make up" with Him so that you can have a valid relationship.
We, as individual Christians should already know that Our Lord has plans for each of us; it shouldn't be revelatory knowledge that only comes after expressing one's intense emotions. To not know this before (and especially during) any type of trial seems quite lonely and frightening.
There's a danger in not remembering that we should respectfully revere Our Lord. We don't have the privilege of "making up" with Him as we would with another human being. Additionally, "making up" is always a two-way street in which both parties have done something stupid, insensitive or otherwise wrong to the other. What has God done that would fit any of these descriptions? God is ALL-GOOD.
"A valid relationship."
I always try to look to Our Lord for everything. And when I'm out of line, I know it; as His Holy Spirit will definitely convict me of it. That's exactly as it should be. I love Our Lord and HE is the Source of my joy, my strength, my absolutely everything good in my life. That's pretty valid to me, and it's all come about without being angry towards God for anything.
Anger is a human emotion. Contrary to what some believe, feeling the emotion of anger is not a sin. It's what we do with such feelings that determines whether it's sinful or not.
Expressing to Our Lord how one feels about a situation is not wrong; in fact, I think it's rather spiritually and emotionally healthy to do.
However, misdirecting such anger towards Our Lord and holding Him accountable for whatever the source of our displeasure is, indeed, very grievous. It's also extremely spiritually and emotionally dangerous.
Faithful trust that God will never abandon me and that He will always lead me. That is how I personally strive to live.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y’all!
Abundant Blessings,
Sharon-Marie
edited: The captilization of "h" in "he" and "him" in reagards to Job was unintentional.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/23/2008 3:03:30 PM >
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/26/2008 10:50:37 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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REAL Apologies
So many times, both here in various threads and even offline, I'll hear someone say (not necessarily directed towards me),
"I'm sorry if you got your feelings hurt . . ."
"I'm sorry if you took offense . . ."
"I'm sorry if you misunderstood . . ."
What kind of an apology is that?!
To me, something like that has always appeared to be rather condescending and insincere.
It also seems to be a sideways insult to the one to whom the words are being spoken.
This past week, I have been very deeply blessed to read three very humble and sincere apologies from three different posters in three different threads.
All three of them were very contrite in their apologies, even explaining a bit as to why they were offering an apology (not minimizing the very reason for the apology; rather, giving background to it).
Two of the posters even told how Our Lord's Holy Spirit had convicted them of their words / attitudes. Very most amazingly about these two posters were that they were actually apologizing to each other . . . AND at the very same time; without either one of them yet knowing about the other's apology!
I was simply stunned. Those two posters showed a level of true humility that was beyond astonishing. In fact, that very incident was truly the highlight of my entire week here in the threads.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Not a one of the three posters of whom this blog salutes began their apology with, "I'm sorry if you . . ."
Instead, each apology clearly stated, "I am sorry that I . . ."
None of them shifted the focus of the apology to anyone else; each of them accepted full responsibility for themselves; all three of them stood up like real men and real women and offered real, humble and sincere apologies.
Thank You, Jesus, for such a wonderful gift that You have given to everyone who will read those thread posts; and Thank You for those three posters, their hearts and their very evident love for You and for your children.
What a wonderful example they have given; may we all strive to walk in that level of true and beautiful humility.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all!
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/26/2008 11:03:48 AM >
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/27/2008 7:15:05 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
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eBay Intimidation . . . and What Else?!
The year following CS's death was spent, for the most part, packing up the house. Items were assigned to one of five different categories: (1) keep, (2) gift, (3) donate, (4) auction, (5) set aside for future eBay projects.
"Future eBay projects" mostly encompassed the literally thousands of toys CS had collected over the years.
I'm not sure when, but long before we ever met, CS started collecting toy figurines. Actually his very first one dates back to the early / mid '50's, when he was a teenager; it's one of Charlie Brown and Snoopy. A couple / three decades later, one lonesome figurine turned into a very unique and prolific collection hobby. When I met him in 2002, an entire "bedroom" had already been converted into his toy room. In addition to his writing area and his reading / music area, this room also contained, from floor to ceiling, wall shelves spaced (for the most part) about a foot in height apart from each other. There truly was no wall space in that room that wasn't outwardly displaying his fascination towards these various animated friends.
It was an arduous task after he died . . . cleaning, tagging, inventorying, wrapping and packing all those toys. In fact, 3 months into this specific project, I ran out of time; and with the remaining figurines, I hurriedly put them into boxes straight from their shelves, saving the other aspects for later.
Two years later, they're still in their boxes.
Last year when I decided that it was time to relocate, I told myself that I would delay the eBay project until I had gotten moved and settled. On the surface that sounds like a reasonable idea . . . however, honesty compels: I knew in January of '07 that I would be moving and I also knew that such move wouldn't begin until October of '07. Additionally, here it is almost May, 2008; and I've been moved and settled since last November.
So . . . why haven't I tackled this project?
That's an excellent question!
The answer, however, isn't quite as wonderful.
Fear.
Of . . . falling flat on my face. Frankly, I find eBay to be a bit intimidating.
What if no one ever wants to buy anything I ever put up for bid?
Yeah, that's a bit overly dramatic; and my intellect can argue the slim possibility of that ever happening. Nonetheless, the intimidation, however silly, is still there.
Then too, I need to remember that I've certainly done other things that I've found to be intimidating . . . and I did so by relying on Our Lord's Wisdom, Guidance and Strength; and thusly, pushing through.
So . . . if I'm truly gut-level honest, there's something else going on here.
And, again, if I'm completely forthright with myself, I know what that something else is.
Fear.
Of . . . dealing with memories of CS so very up-close, personal and in my face.
With the exception of a few items which I may keep, the toys, themselves, do not hold any sentimental value to me. They do, however, represent one of CS's passions; and because of that, they also bring up a wide range of memories, along with a wide range of emotions.
A couple of months ago, I unpacked one of the myriad toy boxes. I was finally going to begin the renowned eBay project. The ensuing tears, however, were exhausting, and that one box completely drained me. Since that day, I've not done anything else regarding the toys.
I tell myself that the sooner I get started, the sooner this project will get done. But at the moment, that knowledge is simply not a comfort to me.
Fear unchecked can completely envelope a person and take over their life. My mind knows this. At the moment, my emotions do not care.
Y'all . . . please truly pray for me. I don't want to have come this far in my life only to have been undone by pieces of colorful plastic shaped into whimsical bits of memorabilia.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
My goal this week is to have 3 different ebay items (or groups of items) up for bid by the end of Friday's workday.
I'll let y'all know how it went.
Thank you so much.
Many Abundant Blessings,
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/28/2008 12:23:51 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
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My Wonderful Forum Friends
It's been a hard morning, here in the threads.
Some of my beloved friends here are going through some very real griefs and sadness.
Right now my heart is so heavy for these precious friends.
I lift them all up to Our Lord for His Covering and His Blessings.
Abba, I'm so thankful for You. My heart is weeping right now for what my friends are having to walk through. I rejoice, however, because I know that each of them have the ultimate Comforter in and through Your Holy Spirit. I pray for Your Wisdom, Your Protection and Your Guidance for each of these dear people. I pray that they cling to You and hold on to Your Son's Peace, even in the midst of any tribulation they are experiencing. Thank You so much for their friendships. Amen.
These threads are not just some innocuous place that I peruse for my entertainment. These threads are made up of very real people; many of whom have captured my heart and whom I love deeply. Please know that above anything else, it is my very great joy and honor to pray with and for y'all.
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Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/24/2008 12:36:08 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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Questions . . .
I KNOW that I am . . . Sharon-Marie, Daughter of Our Most High King.
When am I going to be able to reconcile that with being the survivor of my late husband's suicide?
I KNOW that Our Lord promises to bring Good out of what was meant for harm.
When am I going to be able to get out of His Way so that he can bring Good out of CS taking his life?
I KNOW that I wouldn't have been able to survive these past almost 3 years without Our Lord.
When I am going to be able to stop merely existing and start living again?
When am I going to be able to move past this?
When am I going to stop feeling guilty for not having prevented what CS did?
When am I going to stop wondering if I, in part, caused it?
When I am going to join the Human Race again?
When am I going to stop being so selfish and start really focusing on other peoples' needs?
When am I ever going to be able to make sense out of something that should have never happened?
What am I doing wrong?
I know it's not Our Lord that is goofing things up; I take full responsibility for that.
When does the pain lessen to a manageable, dull roar?
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Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/25/2008 10:22:25 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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The Dance
For a moment, all the world was right.
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
~ ~ ~
Holding you . . . I held everything.
For a moment, wasn't I the queen.
~ ~ ~
And I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance.
But My Awesome Cowboy Sweetie . . .
. . . THIS pain is almost unbearable.
I still would not have missed the dance; not for anything in the world.
But at the moment, the dance we shared only intensifies the pain.
"The Dance"
Words written by Tony Arata
Sung by Garth Brooks
Complete Lyrics HERE
Videoclip HERE
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Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/27/2008 2:29:53 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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Conflicts of Emotions
Mid-week, I'll be flying out to Jackson for a bit of a visit.
It will be the first time that I've been there since I moved last October.
I've wanted to go sooner (many times, in fact); but frankly, I didn't feel a release from Our Lord to do so until about 6 weeks ago. (I've had my tickets about a month now).
I've been eagerly anticipating seeing some very dear and cherished friends again.
I've also been happily contemplating the majestic natural beauty and peacefulness of Grand Teton National Park and it's shadow known as Jackson Hole.
But . . . for a little over a week now, I have also felt the very unwelcomed emotion of fear.
By going out there, am I looking for something?
Closure, perhaps?
Can closure from what happened ever really be attainable?
How will I deal with the memories?
Both the good ones and the painful ones?
Will the painful memories always and forevermore overshadow the good memories?
For many reasons, Jackson and Grand Teton National Park are forever seared into my heart.
CS played a part in that; in fact, quite a very big part.
How will I feel when I again see my beloved town (live and in-person; not via the webcam)?
And especially, how will I feel seeing all those places of beauty where CS and I shared so much of our lives together?
How will it feel to be walking around visiting all my old stops again?
(some places that were "ours" and some places that I claimed as my own after his death)
How am I going to handle seeing all his friends, our mutual friends and even "my" friends again?
How are they going to handle seeing me?
"They" say you can never really go home again.
What if they're right?
What about the place where CS took his life?
It used to be one of our most absolute very favorite spots.
After his death, every time I would get near it, my stomach would knot up and tears would automatically burn my eyes. I've never shared that with anyone till just now (btw, the irony of first-time revealing such a secret on the world wide web is not lost on me). Avoiding the place is not possible, neither.
I ask for y'all's prayers, please.
I don't want to live my life in fear (neither short-term in regards to a trip, nor long-term in regards to the rest of my life).
Without going into detail right now (but in all honesty), I have been doing that for several months now; slowly allowing fear to take control of me and my life.
Fear of emotional pain.
I've tried to hide that bit of truth from myself . . . but I don't want to live in any kind of delusion (and not facing reality is definitely delusional).
Since, I obviously cannot get a grip on it by myself, I need to come clean and admit it outloud (well, via wonderful electronic technology). BTW, I don't like having to do that.
Neither do I like admitting to y'all or to me how incredibly painful all of this already is . . . and continues to be.
But denying it would essentially be the same as lying . . . and I don't want to lie; not to y'all and especially not to me.
Your prayers are very much coveted and will be quite very much appreciated.
Thank you.
Our Lord's Blessings to each of y'all.
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Crazy Toy Lady | | | |
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