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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/13/2008 8:56:28 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Woefully Undisciplined . . .
. . . Pretty much describes me lately. 
. . . And I don't particularly care for it; not in the least.
Additionally, whether such woeful lack of discipline came first or if it was preceded by a dangerously close simulation of addiction to these threads is hard to say; kinda like the eternal debate of the chicken or the egg.
Nonetheless, there definitely is an issue in these two areas that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.
I've tried to conquer this privately, but I have not been anywhere near successful in this endeavor. 
I've also noticed that I have gone from being a person who literally never watched t.v., to someone who started watching a few shows every now and then, to now having the t.v. on practically all day. I can't say I actually "watch" t.v. all day, but I'm convinced that the constant noise has contributed to the, uhm, situation that I now find myself in.
Interestingly, when I lived in Jackson . . . and without television shows . . . I listened to music all day long. I was also more productive with my time. I've been thinking about the vast difference between then and now, and I have a theory about music affecting the brain differently than t.v. shows. After all, they (whoever "they" are) do claim quite very soothing effects for those who allow the beauty of music to infiltrate their lives.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As I'm sure y'all know, muscles atrophy when they're not exercised.
The brain is a muscle.
Lately I've not been exercising the brain that Our Lord gave me.
However, I most certainly do not want my brain to atrophy.
The desire to prevent such from happening is actually one of the reasons why I found myself last week in the grocery store searching for reading material. I even bought a crossword puzzle book! 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've got some important projects to do within the next several months. They're never going to get done if I don't begin them.
How's that for great logic?! 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've decided that the t.v. shows absolutely have to go. Completely. I was once perfectly fine without television . . . in fact, I was probably much better, if the truth be fully known. I have my Netflix movies; and periodically watching one of them was sufficient . . . and can be, again.
I've also decided to drastically limit my time spent here in the threads. I'm not sure how this will all play out; but I'm envisioning not even logging on here during the workday until probably mid-afternoon, and even then, for no more than a couple of hours. I think I am also going to make Sundays a full day of rest from the threads. Saturdays I don't have a firm idea about yet; but I imagine they will be a bit more relaxed than the other days of the week in this regard.
I'm unsubbing to the vast majority of threads that I currently follow. This part is actually difficult for me to even contemplate  . . . especially regarding the wonderful PFY threads where the majority of my online friends hangout; but if I'm honest with myself, it really is a must-do.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'm sure some or all of this probably seems a bit melodramatic to some of y'all . . . but that's really not my intent. I simply need to be honest; not only with myself, but with y'all as well.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
PMs are always welcomed (and if you have my email addy, emails are wonderful as well) . . . which is really another thing that I need to work on; responding to personal correspondences in a prompt manner. My goal with this is to reply within at least a week or so from receiving them; certainly not any longer than that.
And please, do most certainly continue to let me know about your prayer requests and praise reports via my PFY thread; or if it's private, drop me a PM.
Likewise, I will appreciate y'all's prayers for me. Life's been a bit astonishing for me these past 6 months. The first 4+ of them were, in fact, excruciatingly painful; for a few reasons. The past 6 weeks or so have been, well, interesting; one might even say abundantly illuminating.
It's ALL Good though; it's ALL covered under Our Lord's Providence and Protection. 
My specific prayers requests are:
(1) Always for Our Lord's Wisdom and Guidance in all areas of my life;
(2) Strength from and Reliance upon Him regarding the various things I've written about in this post.
Thank you.
May Our Lord abundantly bless each one of y'all.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
BTW . . . y'all have my permission to hold me accountable for anything that I've written here in this post. 
Truly.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/14/2008 7:01:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Ramblings . . . 4/14/08
I ordered the book today. 
Book Contest Entry #62
Timeless Passion, by Constance O'Day Flannery
ISBN: 10: 0821736833
ISBN: 13: 978-0821736838
submitted by belovedhandmaiden
Interestingly, the book only cost $4.89 (and $3.99 of that was for shipping).
I'm a little leery of buying used books online; but I ordered this from Amazon, and this particular seller had very high positive feedback. It should ship out on Wednesday, and the delivery estimate is April 22, 2008 - May 6, 2008.
I found such a wide delivery range to be a bit amusing.
For what it's worth, this is the first purchase I've ever made from Amazon.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I had an epiphany while I was walking home this morning. I was thinking about yesterday's blog; specifically the "eternal chicken-or-egg debate" analogy . . . and I realized that since God created every kind of creature and put them in the Garden of Eden, the answer to this ageless ongoing question is obvious: the chicken most definitely came before the egg.
There. Resolution has been established. I'm sure y'all are as relieved about it as I am.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It's 7:06pm, and I haven't turned the t.v. on once today. AND!!! I've also been pretty productive since I woke up this morning.
Thank You Jesus for Your Strength!
Ironically, 3 Netflix movies came in the mail for me today. I found the timing of such to be both amusing and comforting. I don't know if I can explain it further, but it does underline how much Our Lord cares for us on even "seemingly" insignificant levels.
Actually, I'll be returning one of the movies unwatched, as I had neglected to remove it from my que before it shipped out (it was #5 in a series; and I never even got through #1 of the series, much less #2, #3 or #4).
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I was listening to the radio earlier today . . . actually, I don't have a radio of any type; I was specifically listening to a radio online (streaming?).
I listened to a song that I have neither thought of nor heard in many years, and it took me immediately back to when I would hear it all the time. I looked it up on Google and found a few YouTube links to it:
The Living Years, by Mike & The Mechanics, was released in 1988; however the first time that I really became aware of it was 2 years later in 1990; the year my dad died. It seemed like everytime I turned around back then, I was hearing the song.
During that time period, it was simultaneously haunting and yet healing for me.
Today, it was tinged with melancholy . . . I guess part of that is because I probably listened to it about 10 times in a row. 
BTW, the particular video I chose is my favorite of the ones I saw today.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since yesterday, I've received a few comments and even PMs about my current avatar. I confess to being very shocked and even mildly embarassed about all the attention it has garnered. And I very much appreciate all the nice things y'all have said about it. Thank you!
My vanity thanks y'all also.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Another thing that has taken me completely by surprise today was the PMs and posts about yesterday's blog. I was so unprepared for it when I logged in this afternoon, that it caught me totally off guard, and I found myself using up my valuable allotted "threads" time crying.
I woke up this morning and really wanted to just delete what I had written in here yesterday.
I'm glad I didn't, and I deeply appreciate y'all's support and encouragements. It means more that I can convey. Truly.
I know that I have never done anything close to be deserving of how y'all treat me, so the only thing I can come up with is that y'all are simply a most wonderful gift to me, from Our Lord. I am so very deeply blessed by y'all. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To end this very rambling blog post . . . strangely enough, the song, "Living Years" had (and still does have) special meaning for me, other than the obvious one of how it relates to Walt's death.
I say "strangely enough" because the following verse(s), completely in and of itself, specifically made an impact on me back in 1990; even apart from Walt's death. Today, the verse(s) continues to have much meaning for me..
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So dont yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you dont give up, and dont give in
You may just be o.k.
- - from, "The Living Years"; written by Mike Rutherford, for Mike & The Mechanics
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all!
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/14/2008 7:24:35 PM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/16/2008 2:52:47 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Ramblings . . . 4/16/08
The big event happening in Pigeon Forge this weekend is the >> The Spring Grand Rod Run <<.
One of my online friends here in the threads who periodically, along with his wife, visits Pigeon Forge told me to expect people lining the sidewalks with portable chairs and such for the entire weekend. Man, he wasn't kidding at all. Already, people are beginning to do just that and it's becoming somewhat of a madhouse here.
The lady at the bank this morning told me that it takes her 2 hours to drive to work on Fridays and Saturdays during these Grand Rod Runs (there's one this weekend and then 2 more -back-to-back weekends- in September). I've been hearing for months now (well, excluding January and February when there was no bus service) from all the bus drivers that it takes 7 hours for a bus to complete just one route of the North Parkway loop; normally it takes about 90 minutes. In fact, during these car weekends, every couple of hours, the bus station will send a new driver out in a car (via back roads) to give the current driver his break. They switch right there on the Parkway in mid-route.
I'm going to go to the grocery store bright and early tomorrow morning, and then I plan to hibernate in my house till Monday morning. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I received a rather amusing PM yesterday. Seems apparently I picked a very good week to chuck my t.v. (or at least the viewing, thereof). Didjy'all know that next week is TV Turnoff Week?
Apparently this is an international annual event. If you go to Google and type in "tv turnoff week," you'll see everything you've always wanted to know about this idea.
Looks like I'm getting a headstart. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
These past couple of days I been making a list of potential blog posts and also of personal journaling assignments. The ideas and subjects are being released like a pent-up dam. Actually, if truth be known, some of these subjects have been swirling around in my head for months, upwards to even around a year or so.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Monday and Tuesday were quite very unexpectedly introspective.
After hearing The Living Years on Monday, I spent the majority of the rest of that day thinking about my dad.
Yesterday, I watched one of my Netflix movies, >> The Notebook << . . . and that proved to be a more than a bit heart-rendering regarding CS.
I either didn't read the blurb closely when I was adding the title to my que, or I didn't read it at all.
The movie very much reminded me of what CS went through with J during the last 2 years of her life. CS had shared with me about that time of his life. After he died, I found his journals that he had kept and read bits and pieces of them.. Watching the movie yesterday just brought it all home again, and I wept for both CS and J. It was intensely painful to, once again, realize how horrendous that time period was for both of them.
Now . . . having said all that, The Notebook was an excellent movie; and I highly recommend it. I also personally think that it was not a coincidence nor even a mistake that this movie somehow ending up in my que.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have not watched t.v. since turning it off Sunday evening.
By the way, I wonder if Hawkeye and his compatriots have missed me this week.
Monday was a good day for me, threads-wise, in that I think I probably only spent a little over an hour in here.
Yesterday could have been better in that regard, as I found myself aimlessly perusing threads. It's amazing how much time I can let pass while doing that. I'm guessing I probably spent about 3 hours in the threads yesterday. That's more than I really want for a workday (but still significantly less that what I had been doing recently).
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Part of my Bible-reading took me to Romans 5 today.
I couldn't help but smile when I realized what I was about to read. I also knew that I wanted to share it with y'all. In my initial exuberance I wanted to type the entire chapter of Romans 5 here in this post; but have, instead, chosen to only share the very specific verses that stood out for me this morning:
Therefore, since we have been justified through Faith,
we have Peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom we have gained access by Faith into this Grace in which we now stand.
And we rejoice in the Hope of the Glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, Hope.
And Hope does not dissapoint us,
because God has poured out His Love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has give us.
Romans 5:1-5
But where sin increased, Grace increased all the more,
so that just as sin reigned in death,
so also Grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
Romans 5:20b-21
Y'all be blessed.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy!
edited: typo
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/16/2008 11:32:15 PM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/20/2008 10:55:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Accountability . . . 4/20/08
I have gone 1 week without watching any television . . . and other than the first couple of days, I haven't even really given much thought to even wanting to watch it. In fact, the absence of t.v. has actually been very enjoyable for me. 
The threads are a bit of a different story; I have struggled with that somewhat this past week. And although the amount of time I spent in here last week was nowhere near what it had been of recent weeks prior, I still need to pull the reigns in a bit more tighter though during the workweek.
I received a very encouraging PM from one of my dear friends earlier in the week. However, I've yet to respond to her. I could rationalize it with seemingly very good reasons as to why I haven't answered her yet, but the truth of the matter is that she hit a nerve.
A very sensitive nerve.
In the midst of her PM to me, she shared with me that she is afraid of failure, and that is why there are certain things she doesn't do.
OUCH!!!
If there's something that I'm familiar with, it is fearing to fail. I've battled it pretty much all my life. It's one of the reasons why I love Scriptures that encourage and even command us to Fear Not.
However, lately I've gotten myself tangled up in a knot of fear again; and in the back of my mind I knew it, but I didn't want to accept it. My precious friend's PM to me brought it immediately to front and center so that I had no other choice but to fully recognize and admit it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
About 3 hours have passed since I type the above sentence; and in the meantime, MUCH ramblings-on about the specific fears I'm trying to overcome at the moment.
I decided to put that jumbled plethora of words into my personal journal instead of posting them here.
No need to thank me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'll close this specific blog post with first a THANK YOU to my beautiful friend for her PM to me earlier this week.
Perhaps now, I'll be able to actually sit down soon and answer your PM, one-to-one.
Next, one of my favorite Scriptures, of which I very much needed the reminder.
Perhaps it will bless her . . . and y'all . . . as well.
"Be strong and of good courage.
Do not be afraid or dismayed, for God is with you wherever you go."
-- Joshua 1:9
edited: font size 
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/21/2008 1:14:52 PM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/23/2008 1:14:18 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Angry at God?
quote:
You need to get good and mad at God and then find out that he has a plan and "make up" with Him so that you can have a valid relationship.
I read this in a thread last night, and was going to respond there; but to do so would have seriously taken the thread off-topic.
However, I so completely disagree with what I've quoted that I really must comment on it.
During my prayer times, I have often expressed very deep emotion; including anger. However, such anger has never been directed towards Our Lord; rather towards the specific situation and/or person(s) during the time of such angst.
Abba knows my heart even better than I do; He can certainly handle my being honest with my emotions. I imagine He rather expects and wants such honesty as well. If we can't be honest with Our Creator, well then, with whom?
However, why be angry towards God?
To me, that seems to be arrogant, ungrateful and short-sighted.
It is analogous to a child throwing a temper tantrum because things weren't going their way. That's the arrogance of it.
The ungratefulness comes into play because such an attitude totally negates the Gift of Free Will that Our Father has given every single human being since He first breathed His Life into Adam. Furthermore, He gave us such a precious gift knowing full well that we, as individuals would time and time again abuse this beautiful privilege. It's called sin. Because of sin, we live in a very fallen and imperfect world. That is not God's fault.
God doesn't cause "bad" things to happen; nor does he cause "good" things to not to happen. As an example, God didn't cause CS to take his life; that was a decision that CS made; not Our Lord. As y'all know, I have certainly felt plenty of anger over what happened; towards myself, towards other people and even towards CS. I could expound quite a bit; but what CS did isn't the topic of this particular blog post.
Misdirected anger towards Our Lord is the topic.
God didn't cause CS to do what he did; but God certainly did allow it. Why? Because He gave CS the same free will that He has given to anyone.
Sometimes, a person is affected by someone else’s acting on their own free will. I certainly have been affected by CS's final choice that he made for his life. But again, I cannot (and will not) blame God for what CS chose to do. And if I can't (nor won't) blame God, then why in the world would I then be angry towards God because of what happened? One cannot be angry towards someone unless they are also blaming them for the source of their anger.
Our Lord promises to take what was meant for harm and to turn it to good. Time and time again, throughout my own life, I can see how He has done just that. To be angry towards God for something that happened that shouldn't have or for something that we desire but do not have is very short-sited and not at all trusting in Our Lord to take care of us.
Job railed against God. He had had enough and he was going to let Our Lord know very specifically and in no uncertain terms.
God's reply was, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand." (Job 38:2-4).
The entire chapter of Job 38 is God posing questions to Job, essentially asking him just who exactly was Lord of all. Was it God or was it Job?
For us to rail against God shows that we think we know better than God what should be going on in our life. How can such an attitude ever be of any benefit, to us, to others and most especially, in regards to our relationship with Our Lord?
quote:
You need to get good and mad at God and then find out that he has a plan and "make up" with Him so that you can have a valid relationship.
We, as individual Christians should already know that Our Lord has plans for each of us; it shouldn't be revelatory knowledge that only comes after expressing one's intense emotions. To not know this before (and especially during) any type of trial seems quite lonely and frightening.
There's a danger in not remembering that we should respectfully revere Our Lord. We don't have the privilege of "making up" with Him as we would with another human being. Additionally, "making up" is always a two-way street in which both parties have done something stupid, insensitive or otherwise wrong to the other. What has God done that would fit any of these descriptions? God is ALL-GOOD.
"A valid relationship."
I always try to look to Our Lord for everything. And when I'm out of line, I know it; as His Holy Spirit will definitely convict me of it. That's exactly as it should be. I love Our Lord and HE is the Source of my joy, my strength, my absolutely everything good in my life. That's pretty valid to me, and it's all come about without being angry towards God for anything.
Anger is a human emotion. Contrary to what some believe, feeling the emotion of anger is not a sin. It's what we do with such feelings that determines whether it's sinful or not.
Expressing to Our Lord how one feels about a situation is not wrong; in fact, I think it's rather spiritually and emotionally healthy to do.
However, misdirecting such anger towards Our Lord and holding Him accountable for whatever the source of our displeasure is, indeed, very grievous. It's also extremely spiritually and emotionally dangerous.
Faithful trust that God will never abandon me and that He will always lead me. That is how I personally strive to live.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y’all!
Abundant Blessings,
Sharon-Marie
edited: The captilization of "h" in "he" and "him" in reagards to Job was unintentional.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/23/2008 3:03:30 PM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/26/2008 10:50:37 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18169
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REAL Apologies
So many times, both here in various threads and even offline, I'll hear someone say (not necessarily directed towards me),
"I'm sorry if you got your feelings hurt . . ."
"I'm sorry if you took offense . . ."
"I'm sorry if you misunderstood . . ."
What kind of an apology is that?!
To me, something like that has always appeared to be rather condescending and insincere.
It also seems to be a sideways insult to the one to whom the words are being spoken.
This past week, I have been very deeply blessed to read three very humble and sincere apologies from three different posters in three different threads.
All three of them were very contrite in their apologies, even explaining a bit as to why they were offering an apology (not minimizing the very reason for the apology; rather, giving background to it).
Two of the posters even told how Our Lord's Holy Spirit had convicted them of their words / attitudes. Very most amazingly about these two posters were that they were actually apologizing to each other . . . AND at the very same time; without either one of them yet knowing about the other's apology!
I was simply stunned. Those two posters showed a level of true humility that was beyond astonishing. In fact, that very incident was truly the highlight of my entire week here in the threads.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Not a one of the three posters of whom this blog salutes began their apology with, "I'm sorry if you . . ."
Instead, each apology clearly stated, "I am sorry that I . . ."
None of them shifted the focus of the apology to anyone else; each of them accepted full responsibility for themselves; all three of them stood up like real men and real women and offered real, humble and sincere apologies.
Thank You, Jesus, for such a wonderful gift that You have given to everyone who will read those thread posts; and Thank You for those three posters, their hearts and their very evident love for You and for your children.
What a wonderful example they have given; may we all strive to walk in that level of true and beautiful humility.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all!
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 4/26/2008 11:03:48 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/27/2008 7:15:05 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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eBay Intimidation . . . and What Else?!
The year following CS's death was spent, for the most part, packing up the house. Items were assigned to one of five different categories: (1) keep, (2) gift, (3) donate, (4) auction, (5) set aside for future eBay projects.
"Future eBay projects" mostly encompassed the literally thousands of toys CS had collected over the years.
I'm not sure when, but long before we ever met, CS started collecting toy figurines. Actually his very first one dates back to the early / mid '50's, when he was a teenager; it's one of Charlie Brown and Snoopy. A couple / three decades later, one lonesome figurine turned into a very unique and prolific collection hobby. When I met him in 2002, an entire "bedroom" had already been converted into his toy room. In addition to his writing area and his reading / music area, this room also contained, from floor to ceiling, wall shelves spaced (for the most part) about a foot in height apart from each other. There truly was no wall space in that room that wasn't outwardly displaying his fascination towards these various animated friends.
It was an arduous task after he died . . . cleaning, tagging, inventorying, wrapping and packing all those toys. In fact, 3 months into this specific project, I ran out of time; and with the remaining figurines, I hurriedly put them into boxes straight from their shelves, saving the other aspects for later.
Two years later, they're still in their boxes.
Last year when I decided that it was time to relocate, I told myself that I would delay the eBay project until I had gotten moved and settled. On the surface that sounds like a reasonable idea . . . however, honesty compels: I knew in January of '07 that I would be moving and I also knew that such move wouldn't begin until October of '07. Additionally, here it is almost May, 2008; and I've been moved and settled since last November.
So . . . why haven't I tackled this project?
That's an excellent question!
The answer, however, isn't quite as wonderful.
Fear.
Of . . . falling flat on my face. Frankly, I find eBay to be a bit intimidating.
What if no one ever wants to buy anything I ever put up for bid?
Yeah, that's a bit overly dramatic; and my intellect can argue the slim possibility of that ever happening. Nonetheless, the intimidation, however silly, is still there.
Then too, I need to remember that I've certainly done other things that I've found to be intimidating . . . and I did so by relying on Our Lord's Wisdom, Guidance and Strength; and thusly, pushing through.
So . . . if I'm truly gut-level honest, there's something else going on here.
And, again, if I'm completely forthright with myself, I know what that something else is.
Fear.
Of . . . dealing with memories of CS so very up-close, personal and in my face.
With the exception of a few items which I may keep, the toys, themselves, do not hold any sentimental value to me. They do, however, represent one of CS's passions; and because of that, they also bring up a wide range of memories, along with a wide range of emotions.
A couple of months ago, I unpacked one of the myriad toy boxes. I was finally going to begin the renowned eBay project. The ensuing tears, however, were exhausting, and that one box completely drained me. Since that day, I've not done anything else regarding the toys.
I tell myself that the sooner I get started, the sooner this project will get done. But at the moment, that knowledge is simply not a comfort to me.
Fear unchecked can completely envelope a person and take over their life. My mind knows this. At the moment, my emotions do not care.
Y'all . . . please truly pray for me. I don't want to have come this far in my life only to have been undone by pieces of colorful plastic shaped into whimsical bits of memorabilia.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
My goal this week is to have 3 different ebay items (or groups of items) up for bid by the end of Friday's workday.
I'll let y'all know how it went.
Thank you so much.
Many Abundant Blessings,
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RE: Teton Rambler - 4/28/2008 12:23:51 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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My Wonderful Forum Friends
It's been a hard morning, here in the threads.
Some of my beloved friends here are going through some very real griefs and sadness.
Right now my heart is so heavy for these precious friends.
I lift them all up to Our Lord for His Covering and His Blessings.
Abba, I'm so thankful for You. My heart is weeping right now for what my friends are having to walk through. I rejoice, however, because I know that each of them have the ultimate Comforter in and through Your Holy Spirit. I pray for Your Wisdom, Your Protection and Your Guidance for each of these dear people. I pray that they cling to You and hold on to Your Son's Peace, even in the midst of any tribulation they are experiencing. Thank You so much for their friendships. Amen.
These threads are not just some innocuous place that I peruse for my entertainment. These threads are made up of very real people; many of whom have captured my heart and whom I love deeply. Please know that above anything else, it is my very great joy and honor to pray with and for y'all.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/18/2008 12:13:58 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Are You Saved?
>>> This is a pretty amazing video. <<<
(It's almost 50 minutes in length, so please make sure you have time to watch it in it's entirety.)
Many Blessings y'all.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/24/2008 12:36:08 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Questions . . .
I KNOW that I am . . . Sharon-Marie, Daughter of Our Most High King.
When am I going to be able to reconcile that with being the survivor of my late husband's suicide?
I KNOW that Our Lord promises to bring Good out of what was meant for harm.
When am I going to be able to get out of His Way so that he can bring Good out of CS taking his life?
I KNOW that I wouldn't have been able to survive these past almost 3 years without Our Lord.
When I am going to be able to stop merely existing and start living again?
When am I going to be able to move past this?
When am I going to stop feeling guilty for not having prevented what CS did?
When am I going to stop wondering if I, in part, caused it?
When I am going to join the Human Race again?
When am I going to stop being so selfish and start really focusing on other peoples' needs?
When am I ever going to be able to make sense out of something that should have never happened?
What am I doing wrong?
I know it's not Our Lord that is goofing things up; I take full responsibility for that.
When does the pain lessen to a manageable, dull roar?
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/25/2008 10:22:25 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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The Dance
For a moment, all the world was right.
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
~ ~ ~
Holding you . . . I held everything.
For a moment, wasn't I the queen.
~ ~ ~
And I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance.
But My Awesome Cowboy Sweetie . . .
. . . THIS pain is almost unbearable.
I still would not have missed the dance; not for anything in the world.
But at the moment, the dance we shared only intensifies the pain.
"The Dance"
Words written by Tony Arata
Sung by Garth Brooks
Complete Lyrics HERE
Videoclip HERE
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/27/2008 2:29:53 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Conflicts of Emotions
Mid-week, I'll be flying out to Jackson for a bit of a visit.
It will be the first time that I've been there since I moved last October.
I've wanted to go sooner (many times, in fact); but frankly, I didn't feel a release from Our Lord to do so until about 6 weeks ago. (I've had my tickets about a month now).
I've been eagerly anticipating seeing some very dear and cherished friends again.
I've also been happily contemplating the majestic natural beauty and peacefulness of Grand Teton National Park and it's shadow known as Jackson Hole.
But . . . for a little over a week now, I have also felt the very unwelcomed emotion of fear.
By going out there, am I looking for something?
Closure, perhaps?
Can closure from what happened ever really be attainable?
How will I deal with the memories?
Both the good ones and the painful ones?
Will the painful memories always and forevermore overshadow the good memories?
For many reasons, Jackson and Grand Teton National Park are forever seared into my heart.
CS played a part in that; in fact, quite a very big part.
How will I feel when I again see my beloved town (live and in-person; not via the webcam)?
And especially, how will I feel seeing all those places of beauty where CS and I shared so much of our lives together?
How will it feel to be walking around visiting all my old stops again?
(some places that were "ours" and some places that I claimed as my own after his death)
How am I going to handle seeing all his friends, our mutual friends and even "my" friends again?
How are they going to handle seeing me?
"They" say you can never really go home again.
What if they're right?
What about the place where CS took his life?
It used to be one of our most absolute very favorite spots.
After his death, every time I would get near it, my stomach would knot up and tears would automatically burn my eyes. I've never shared that with anyone till just now (btw, the irony of first-time revealing such a secret on the world wide web is not lost on me). Avoiding the place is not possible, neither.
I ask for y'all's prayers, please.
I don't want to live my life in fear (neither short-term in regards to a trip, nor long-term in regards to the rest of my life).
Without going into detail right now (but in all honesty), I have been doing that for several months now; slowly allowing fear to take control of me and my life.
Fear of emotional pain.
I've tried to hide that bit of truth from myself . . . but I don't want to live in any kind of delusion (and not facing reality is definitely delusional).
Since, I obviously cannot get a grip on it by myself, I need to come clean and admit it outloud (well, via wonderful electronic technology). BTW, I don't like having to do that.
Neither do I like admitting to y'all or to me how incredibly painful all of this already is . . . and continues to be.
But denying it would essentially be the same as lying . . . and I don't want to lie; not to y'all and especially not to me.
Your prayers are very much coveted and will be quite very much appreciated.
Thank you.
Our Lord's Blessings to each of y'all.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 5/28/2008 9:16:28 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Jeremiah 29:11-13
Even though I have it downloaded onto my laptop, it's been a while since I've listened to the CD,
"Praise Celebration," by Babbie Mason.
I just absolutely love this CD, though!
Throughout the years, I have played it numerous times . . . in fact, too many to count.
I decided to listen to it this morning while I'm scurrying around packing and such.
And then I came upon THIS SONG.
Thank You, Jesus, for the reminder.
I choose to trust YOU in the midst of this darkness.
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord.
I hope the video blesses y'all today.
It's the exact version of what I have on "Praise Celebration".
A quick Google search didn't bring up the written lyrics, but she sings very clearly.
And pardon me, please, for not writing the words to the Scripture of Jeremiah 29:11-13
(but I'm sure y'all have Bibles that y'all can utilize for that).
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all.
.
< Message edited by WhiteRoseBlessings -- 5/28/2008 9:23:11 AM >
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RE: Teton Rambler - 6/13/2008 10:15:28 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Remembering . . .
. . . June 13, 2005
Death anniversaries are sprinkled throughout my calendar . . . some of them, at any given point I can name the day and the year; some of them, only the year . . . some of them, I don't know the date except when it shows up on my calendar.
I don't remember these dates so that I can mourn someone's death all over again.
I don't believe we are supposed to do that.
Life is for the living.
Still, death is a part of life, and I use death anniversaries to reflect on the relationship I had with the person and to pray for the person's friends and family on that day . . . because paradoxically, I do realize that death anniversaries can be pretty difficult for some people.
I was pretty nervous about CS's first death anniversary as it approached.
He was my husband; I loved him deeply. And I still do.
Out of all the death anniversaries I have encountered throughout my life, that was the only one that I wasn't sure how I'd respond.
So, I asked my friend, Jack, ahead of time if he would drink a beer with me in memory of CS.
Which, in and of itself was a pretty strange thing for me to want to do . . . considering that I hardly ever drank beer (my preference was wine) and CS never drank any alcohol. But it was what I wanted to do and Jack was gracious to oblige.
On that day back in 2006, I also went with one of my friends to the spot where CS took his life.
We only stayed a few minutes, but it was still part of what I wanted to do; part of what I needed to do.
Last year, I honestly cannot remember what I did on June 13th.
Nor does anything else about that day particularly stand out.
I find that both odd and also comforting.
Life is for the living.
Today marks the 3rd anniversary of CS's death.
It also marks the 3rd anniversary of CS taking his life.
They're 2 distinct things.
His death I have grieved and have pretty much healed from.
His suicide, on the other hand, still brings instant tears to my eyes when I think about it.
Death is a part of life.
Suicide never should be.
Without being overly dramatic, the pain of grieving CS's suicide has been the most horrendous and excruciating pain I have ever felt.
But.
The only thing I can do . . .
. . . the only thing I should do is to give such pain to Our Lord whenever it, once again, makes its presence known.
And as always, I look to Our Lord to bring Good out of this . . .
. . . and He has, and He will continue to do so.
Today, I plan on meeting a friend of mine for breakfast . . . and it wasn't even an intentional planning to do it on this very day; it just worked out that way. Thank you, Lord.
Afterward, I plan on taking the chair lift up Snow King Mountain (that is, if it warms up to more than the current 27* LOL).
Once I get to the top, I plan on just hanging out for a while and enjoying the beautiful creation God has given me that's called Jackson Hole.
Whatever I do today, I will choose to live my life.
For Your Honor and Your Glory, Lord.
Thank You for never leaving me and for always being with me.
Amen.
{{{CS}}}
Rest in HIS Peace.
Love,
Sharon-Marie
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RE: Teton Rambler - 6/14/2008 5:01:43 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Rescued by a Moose!
I absolutely love animals . . . four-legged, winged, amphibious . . . you name it; I love ‘em! (and yeah, I know that technically, fowl and sea creatures are not animals, but I hope you know what I mean when I include them with animals).
I’ve always loved animals; in fact, I’m sure if I investigated it, I would find my ancestry directly descended from Dr. Doolittle.
And quite thankfully, animals love me.
But I most especially love wildlife . . . true wildlife that roam and soar and swim free in their natural habitats.
And apparently (and thankfully), wildlife seem to return the love towards me.
. . . Which brings me to the subject of this particular post.
I arrived in Jackson in 2000 . . . I had been living in Birmingham, AL, and had answered an ad in the local paper in which Jackson Lake Lodge (in Grand Teton National Park) was seeking temporary (summer) secretarial help. Having wanted, for the previous 18 years prior to that, to go see the Tetons, I jumped on the opportunity and headed off for an adventure.
While working for the Lodge, I stayed in employee housing, on-site. I enjoyed a 10-minute walk to (and from) work everyday, wandering through nature and marveling at the beauty that my eyes beheld.
I’ve long since forgotten his name, but there was a bull moose that was the Lodge’s unofficial mascot. He had been hanging out around the Lodge for years. I’m not sure if he’s still alive, but I like to think he is . . . watching over his domain (and non-observant females of the human variety).
Now. Before I continue on, please allow me to take this opportunity to tell y’all that wild animals are, well, wild. They’re not domesticated, nor should they be. If ya want a pet, may I suggest a dog, bird, cat, fish or even a lizard – if that’s your thing. Trust me when I tell y’all that moose, antelope and buffalo are not tame and will definitely not make good pets.
Respect wildlife. Please honor the fact that they’re wild; that’s how they were created to be.
To further this bit of a rabbit trail (pardon the pun), a friend and I were talking about wildlife recently. She’s had the privilege of helping to produce some wonderful wildlife documentary films. She has told me stories of people trying to hand their babies over to bears in hopes of getting a picture of mama bear holding human baby. OR of parents encouraging their kids to go up to a moose or a buffalo and try to pose for a picture with their arms around the animal’s neck. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS . . . not if you care for the safety of your baby or child . . . or even yourself.
Anyway, back to Jackson Lake Lodge in 2000 . . . so this wonderful MooseMascot was usually somewhere in my visual on my walks to and from work. Sometimes he was so close, I could reach out and pet him if I were so inclined. However, going back to respecting wildlife, I never attempted such an activity. I like to think it was a smart decision on my part. I would however smile at him, wave and say hey. Sometimes if I felt he was particularly chatty on any given day, I’d ask him how his day was going and tell him how much I was enjoying his home. (Yes, I really did do this.)
Of course, he never answered my questions, he’d just kept munching on leaves and such and sometimes staring at me as if he thought perhaps I had eaten one too many unidentifiable wildflowers when I was younger. Trust me, I know that look. 
I interupt this blog post to tell y’all that right now, as I sit on the back deck of my current house hostess’ home, a mallard duck has waddled up to within about 10 feet from the deck to talk to me. The raven in the tree seems to be jealous, as now he, too, is also telling me some of his secrets. The magpie is pretty-much ignoring everyone and is just wandering around looking in the gras for tidbits of bird seed that fall from the bird feeders. The other birds are flitting in and out of the picture as they see fit, entertaining us all with some type of concert.
So, back to 2000 . . . one morning on my way to work (probably about 3 weeks after I had come to Jackson and after 3 weeks of daily and sometimes twice daily conversations with MooseMascot, I was on my way to work. There were 2 trails that I could take that would lead me to work; and I often alternated which way I went.
On this particular morning, I apparently took the wrong trail. 
BTW, momma moose are probably one of the most fiercely protective of their babies. They keep them for 2 years before leaving them on their own. In those 2 years, though, don’t even think about approaching a momma moose if she has a baby with her. Really. Don’t do it. Especially, if the calf is newly or recently borne. Please consider yourself duly warned.
So . . . that particular morning, I walked past a thicket of trees . . . in which I didn’t even realize that anyone was using it as their temporary abode . . . the trees were probably about 30-40 feet away from me.
The next thing I remember is hearing a loud, angry snort. I turned around and there, in all her raging glory was MommaMoose charging after me. And man, was she angry!
I threw my purse and stuff up in the air, cried out, “Oh God! Please help me!” and started running.
But hey, let’s get real for a moment, shall we? I am not a runner; never have been and don’t have the desire to ever be. However, I will concede that running is certainly beneficial to one in certain circumstances . . . say, perhaps, when one has gotten too close to a baby moose and the momma is not please about it.
But having not had practice in the fine art of running, I’m sure I wasn’t setting any world records or anything. Plus, MommaMoose had a definite advantage over me . . . her legs were as long as my total height (well, almost . . . if I remember correctly, her legs came all the way up to at least my shoulders). Plus, she had lots of practice in the this talent called running; she probably went to some kind of moose-running school; I’m quite sure.
Did I mention there was a fence between her and me (about 4 feet high)? Did I also mention that she cleared that fence as if it was a stepping stone?
So . . . now, she’s on the same side of the fence as I am; and quite frankly, she is gaining ground at a rather truly alarming rate.
I wanted to sit down and have a good cry about the whole thing, but Wisdom told me that the smarter choice was to hustle my, uhm, rear end as quickly as I could.
About that time, she was probably about 2 feet from me; and as she was yelling at me and probably cussing me out in her own special way, I was now envisioning people in Heaven laughing at me as I told them how I had met my demise.
That’s when both she and I heard it . . . a very loud, long roar. We both froze and stood their staring at each other – me looking up into those very cold, hard, angry eyes and she looking down towards me stomping one of her front hooves and rather effusively snorting, well, uhm, moose stuff, through her nose and all over me. I thought that last part was a bit rude and overboard. I mean, really. I wasn’t expectorating all over her. Sheesh. 
. . . And thankfully and miraculously neither had I lost any bodily fluids . . . although I must say that if there were ever a time to wet one’s pants, that would have been a quite very valid time.
The noise we both heard? Why, none other than MooseMascot, himself . . . coming to rescue ME; not her, but ME! Whatever he had said in Mooseese, he meant it. MommaMoose wasn’t moving a muscle (and quite frankly, neither was I; I had frozen into a 5’4” block of total fear).
From probably about 80 feet away, MooseMascot had seen the ruckus and had literally called a halt to it.
That part was great. What I would have scripted differently for this unusual wildlife drama was the speed in which he was utilizing in reaching us . . . or rather the lack of speed.
Y’all think I can ramble?!! Lemme tell y’all; I don’t have nothing on MooseMascot in that regard. He took his own sweet time just walking along; why, he hadn’t even cleared the fence yet!
Finally (after what seemed life several lifetimes, but in reality was probably only a few minutes), he joined the little spontaneous tea party his missus and I were having . . . Moose nose-drippings, anyone?
He scolded her sharply (once again in Mooseese) . . . and then to my complete and utter amazement (as if this whole thing wasn’t astonishing enough), he bit her on her rear end! Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to mean business.
He then turned and started to walk away. She stood her ground and just glared at me. Me? I was still trying to figure out how not to be the laughing stock of Heaven of which I was sure I was going to enter during the next ensuing minutes.
When she didn’t immediately follow him, MooseMascot let out another one of his very stern bellows. This time, MommaMoose dropped her head and turned around and followed him . . . but not before she snorted yet another layer of Moose goop all over my face and top. How very rude.
I suddenly looked at MooseMascot, he and I made eye contact, he kinda swirled his head and then led MommaMoose away.
I was left standing there trying to process what all had just happened when suddenly my brain recovered and yelled at me, “RUN!” Which I did . . . in fact, it was probably the fast I have ever run in my entire life.
I finally arrived at work and told them bits and pieces of what happened. Amazingly enough, they believed me. I like to think they believed me because they could see my character of truthfulness shining through and knew I wouldn’t make up something like that for being late to work. But reality tells me that they probably believed me because my hair was matted with Moose ick and my face and top were covered in it as well. Having never shown up to work before being similarly decorated, I’m guessing they realized I wasn’t trying out the latest fad in weird expressions of uniqueness.
Strange. For some reason, they thought I had been through enough for one day and gave me the day off.
A couple of days later, I saw MooseMascot on my way home from work and I thanked him for saving my life. He just kept right on munching on his leaves . . . but somehow, I just know he heard and understood me. Afterall, there was now a special bond between the two of us, doncha know.
After that incident, I made sure to not get anywhere close to any tree thickets. I’m sure MooseMascot had a conversation with MotherMoose about how to improve her manners, but I still didn’t want to take any chances.
And yes this really is a true story.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 7/1/2008 10:54:52 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Reflections . . . and . . . Gratitude
I left for Jackson a little over a month ago; May 28th, to be precise.
I arrived back in Pigeon Forge yesterday afternoon.
As evidenced from my blog entry of May 27th, I left with many questions and even some trepidation.
I was very much looking forward to this trip . . . for so many reasons.
And yet, I wasn't . . . for so many reasons.
I never tire of seeing the Tetons from a birds-eye view (or from any view, for that matter).
On the day of my arrival, my plane started its descent down into those glorious, ragged granite slabs at around 9:15pm; and even though there was an unexpected 2-hour delay in the Denver Airport earlier that day, we (I, along with everyone else on that plane) made the trip in time to see the Tetons in daylight.
What made it even more spectacular, at least for me, was that not only did I have the most awesome privilege of seeing my first-ever above-the-clouds sunset, but that the beauty of such sunset was so incredibly welcoming for me.
A few questions from my May 27th entry - along with my newly discovered answers . . .
Will the painful memories always and forevermore overshadow the good memories?
"They" say you can never *really* go home again.
What if they're right?
What about the place where CS took his life?
To nutshell the answers, God is Good!
I walked around town and hiked in the wilderness and played all over the place . . . and occasionally, yes, I would think of CS; sometimes with beautiful, fond memories and sometimes with sadness. And yes, tears definitely were shed. CS took his life, and that is so terribly sad. So are the long-lasting effects of what he did; not just how it has effected my life, but others' lives as well. Sad, indeed.
BUT . . . As I wrote on the day of my leaving on this adventure, life is for the living.
And I am still living.
And I intend to do more than just merely exist on this planet; I intend to live my life.
SO . . . I romped all over Jackson and the beautiful majestic area known as The Grand Tetons, and I had absolutely wonderful and marvelous times.
And not all of my thoughts were of CS; in fact, many times they weren't.
That revelation became very clear to me one day as I was meandering through the newly opened Laurence S. Rockefeller Preserve. (Actually, I was vigorously hiking, if y'all want to know the full truth; not casually meandering).
I suddenly thought, "CS would have really enjoyed this."
That's when I realized that, no, I had not been constantly thinking about him; nor, when I did think about CS, was it always with a hint of sadness.
I was able to remember him, say his name and hear other people say his name and not automatically recoil as the memories of that awful day came crashing back around me. I was able to remember the happy times and fully appreciate them (and even better, I have great memories of laughter from me and from friends during some of the conversations that popped up about CS last month).
And just as quickly as the thought and realization came, my mind turned back to the exquisite beauty my eyes were beholding and the wonderful friendship I was enjoying at that very moment.
THAT is such a healing!
That place.
What once was such a beautiful peaceful place was quickly transformed, 3 years ago, into a place of tragedy and one that held intense horrific emotions for me. Was it going to continue like that forever? Being in Jackson and not going by there was not possible. It literally was not possible. Location, location, location.
The wonder and awe of God's Healing Power is that it is no longer such a memory-trigger for me. I drove past that place many, many times during my stay in Jackson last month (or rather more accurately, I rode past that place many, many times). It is now, once again, a place of beauty and peace. I suppose that in the back of my mind, I will always, on some level be aware that there is where CS said goodbye to this world and to his life; but it no longer holds any haunting, looming power over me. It doesn't make me physically sick to my stomach and it doesn't open the floodgate of memories that are left best tucked away.
THAT is such a healing!
BTW, "they" are wrong. You CAN go home again. Most definitely. 
Things will change (some will stay the same), but home is not unobtainable once left and then revisited. Quite the opposite, in fact.
There were, at times, a bit of surrealism going on during this trip to Jackson. In some ways, it felt like I had never left . . . and in other ways, it felt as if I had been gone for years.
BTW, a funny personality of Jackson that I have observed from both sides of the coin . . . I was walking out of the coffee shop one day and ran into a coffee shop "friendly acquaintance". Says her to me, "Whatcha been up to lately; it seems like months since I've seen you." I laughed and said, "Well that's because it has been months . . . I moved away last September." The look on her face was priceless. We then both laughed and chit-chatted, got caught up with each other and then went on our ways. It reminded me of the time a couple of years ago when another coffee shop friendly acquaintance sat down on the bar stool next to me and I asked her what she had been doing and then commented that it felt like forever since I had seen her last. Says she to me, "Yeah, well that's cuz I don't live here anymore."
But yeah . . . you certainly can go home again.
My life in Jackson didn't begin when I met CS; in fact, I had been living in Jackson for 2 years (technically 1 year and 10 months) before we met.
My life in Jackson didn't end when he took his life.
For that matter, my life anywhere didn't end at that point-in-time.
Although, for quite a while, it sure felt that way.
The truth of the matter, however, is that my life, regardless of where I live, is still going on.
And please pardon my being repetitive, but life is for the living.
Life is meant to be lived.
This past month, I went places in Jackson and GTNP that CS and I never went to as a couple.
Additionally, I laughed, I sang, I laughed some more, I gave Praises to Our Father, I enjoyed wonderful friends' company, I laughed again and gave more Praises . . . and in the process, created some absolutely fantastic memories that I know I will always cherish.
And best of all, I was able to get out of Our Lord's way so that He could work in me.
Thank You, Lord.
Always, for Your Glory and Your Honor.
And Thank Y'all.
Your prayers and encouragements meant so very much to me.
I am so very truly blessed.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy, y'all!
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RE: Teton Rambler - 10/3/2008 5:19:53 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18169
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No Forums or Chat Capabilities on Sunday; October 5th
For those of y'all who don't get this community's Room & Board newsletter, the following is an email I received this afternoon:
Hey there everyone!
We are planning on doing some maintenance on our chat and forums server this weekend. Here's the maintenance window:
When:
Sunday 9 p.m. ET
Duration:
Up to 6 hours
Impact:
Members will not be able to log into chat or forums or use them in anyway.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Please pass the word so that this won't come as a surprise to anyone.
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RE: Teton Rambler - 11/19/2008 1:49:53 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18169
Joined: 4/11/2005
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November 22nd
10th Annual National Survivors of Suicide Day
November is an interesting month for me . . . always has been; and over the years, it seems to take on even deeper meanings.
As y'all know from this blog's previous post, the entire month of November is National Adoption Awareness Month.
This is especially meaningful to me because, as you may remember, Christopher's birthday is in November. He will be 24 years old this year; next week, in fact. I continue to think of and pray for him often.
I, myself, was also adopted . . . and my birthday is also in November.
My step grandfather, who was also my adoptive dad, was also born in November. He is no longer alive; but nonetheless, I remember his birthday as well.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
And finally, getting around to why I am writing this post, CS's birthday was also in November; the very same month in which the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) has chosen to help survivors of suicide (friends and family left behind after such a death) come together and remember their loved ones who have died in such a manner.
Surviors of Suicide Day is always held the Saturday before Thanksgiving (so, like Thanksgiving, the date will change from year-to-year). This year, it will be this Saturday; November 22, 2008.
I was not aware of this particular day of commemoration until this morning when I was reading the local newspaper and came across an article about it.
HERE is the website to ASFP.
If you have lost a loved one through suicide, you have my deepest condolences . . . and my understanding, as well.
If you haven't personally experienced this, but know someone who has lived through a loved one taking their life, please share the website with them.
Thank you so much.
May Our Lord bless each of y'all abundantly.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy,
Sharon-Marie
_____________________________
❖ Let's Discuss the Advent Season ❖
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