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Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 11:36:04 AM
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LaurainAL
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First of all, this is not meant to be a debate thread and I am asking for information only. If you want to debate the merits of staying home or not, this is not the thread for you.
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 11:41:00 AM
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zoebob
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From: land of limbo
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I believe that mothers should stay home with their children. However, I still teach my daughters a college prep type program and expect them to go to college for many reasons:
1. They may never marry
2. They will need to provide for themselves before they marry
3. They may never have children
4. Their husband may become disabled, die, or leave them requireing them to work to provide for their children
5. THey may choose to HS their children. While a college degree is not necessary to do this the more you already know the easier it will be. Even if you have forgotten stuff over time it will be easier to "relearn" with you kids instead of learning it for the first time.
6. After the kids go are grown or are all in school they may need/desire to work. I would hope that they would at least choose a job that was during the same time their kids are in school: ie a teacher or other education field job.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 11:43:25 AM
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Sideways
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We only have a son, but if we had a daughter I would absolutely encourage her to go to college. My mom is a licensed nurse, but she stayed home with us for several years, and then when we were in school she worked around our schedule.
I am very proud of my accomplishments as a licensed professional engineer, and my company already has work put aside for me once the paperwork has been completed, as I am switching from a full time salaried engineer to an hourly as needed employee. I am looking at maybe 10 hours a week from home once this starts and the occasional trip into the office. My mom or husband can mind the baby if that is needed. But the office knows that my family comes first.
My mom is my role model. She touched many lives as a nurse and continues to touch many more as a hospice volunteer. But her family came first. That is what I would like to pass on to my daughter.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 12:15:33 PM
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JuliaHop
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I was a stay a home mom for 18 years (and I still only work part time). My daughter is in grad school. She will be prepared for whatever situation she will be in (hopefully after following the Lord's leading in her decisions). She knows that the best place for a child is at home with their parent.
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 12:21:31 PM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JuliaHop
I was a stay a home mom for 18 years (and I still only work part time). My daughter is in grad school. She will be prepared for whatever situation she will be in (hopefully after following the Lord's leading in her decisions). She knows that the best place for a child is at home with their parent.
Will you be disappointed if she chooses to work outside of the home after she has children?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 2:16:48 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
If we have daughters, we will teach them what we believe, that if a woman is given children, she needs to do her utmost to be able to be at home with them, and that includes choosing a man to marry who believes the same. It's no good believing that if you marry a man who doesn't.
My husband is big on education and wants all of our children, of either gender, to be well-educated and excell in academics. However, I doubt we will be sending any of our children *away* to college at 18. We will find some other route, whether that's doing much of their study online, or studying at a state school and living at home, or something else. Who knows what the options will be 20 years from now? But as much as my dh loves education, I know that he will not love the idea of sending innocent girls into the American college scene. Or innocent boys, for that matter.  We have even thought of moving back to Ethiopia, or sending our kids back to Ethiopia, to get them through their teens and early twenties in an environment that will support them growing in a Godly and moral way. Although, in 20 years Ethiopia may be thoroughly westernized and just as bad as America that way.
And yes, if I have a daughter and she chooses not to be home with her children when she could be, I'd be disappointed. And if I have a son who won't work his butt off to make sure his babies have a mom at home, I'll be disappointed in him, too.
_____________________________
 Moo
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 2:58:25 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 2870
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From: We just moved to the big state of Texas!
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quote:
Will you be disappointed if she chooses to work outside of the home after she has children?
Yes, I'd be disappointed in Hannah or Jael if they had babies and 'chose' to work outside the home. I believe that if they chose their own desires for 'adult conversation', more money, more things, basically themselves, over the fulltime rearing, training and discipline of their babies that they'd have failed in their task from the Lord. He gives children as blessings to be taught about Him and to teach us about Him. Children teach us to die to ourselves daily so that their needs for affection, affirmation and love will be met by at least one parent. I also hope that it would greatly pain either of my girls to "stick" our grand babies in daycare so that they could "fulfill their longings to work". It would break my heart.
Both Joel and I see all of our children one day attending college, though we hope that they'll attend a j.c. first to lighten the expense burden of education on themselves and us. Learning and getting an education is not an unnecessary thing for being a SAHM. The better educated you are, imo, the better you can possibly teach your wee ones. But if you don't have a college degree, like I don't, it doesn't matter much either. I love learning and am fully capable of teaching our girls (and whomever else we may have) all they need to know, well, aside from math...that's Joel's job!
_____________________________
Proud Member of the Moo Club
<-----My fabulous Joel & me in Scotland
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 3:01:54 PM
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Hazel2
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Zoebob, good list on why to be educated! I will add one more, that having an educated mama helps daughters see they have potential in the professional world.
Laura, staying at home is a tough road ... isolated and ambiguous, but one full of joy. Any one day seems a little pointless, but added up together, they tend to equal well adjusted kids and happy peaceful families. I know this isn't always the case, but it is the goal!
I will encourage my girls to find a man as lovely as their daddy, and to be willing to stay at home to raise their babies. I will also expect them to go to college and pursue a profession until they meet said man.
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"When two people agree on everything, one of them is not necessary"
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 3:16:54 PM
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LaurainAL
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Thanks for the input Clag4christ but as I stated in the OP, my intention is to not discuss the merits of staying home or the evils of not.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 3:30:03 PM
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pbaribeault
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I believe that there are times in a child's life when they are particularly receptive to their parents ministry-of-care towards them. I consider that a parent that would let those opportunities slip by is taking the duties of a parenting covenant too lightly. While being a stay at home parent is not the only way to live up to these responsibilities, it is certainly the most natural way to do so... So I am a stay at home Mom, and as such consider myself to be in full-time ministry. As my children's needs begin to decrease over time, I expect to re-broaden my ministry vision to include other important ways of making a difference for the kingdom.
So, I intend to teach my daughter to consider herself a Christian worker and minister in all situations, and to take her covenants seriously. That includes the idea of being a thoroughly plugged-in parent during the parenting phase of her life. So I will be teaching her homemaking and parenting skills as a part of what she needs to know, since it is fairly likely that she will become a parent at some point. I will encourage her to take parenting seriously, and to seek a like-minded potential husband, but I do believe that this can be done (with greater difficulty) without exclusively staying home.
I will encourage college or university, as continuing education is valuable aside from simply being a road to employment, and also for the reasons numbered by zoebob... and because the parenting phase of life is generally only 1/4 of the total lifespan of the average woman in our society. What are we going to do with the other 3/4s of life? Just get ready to be a parent, and then look back on it?
By the time my daughter is grown and having babies of her own, I would hope that I would be the kind of Mom that can refrain from falling into disappointment, regardless of her choices. After all lots of women that I am acquainted with make non-home choices, and I'm not disappointed in them! At that point I would focus on fulfilling my new covenant as a grandparent to small children... I wonder what that would look like.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 3:35:38 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1424
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quote:
ORIGINAL: clag4christ
quote:
Will you be disappointed if she chooses to work outside of the home after she has children?
Yes, I'd be disappointed in Hannah or Jael if they had babies and 'chose' to work outside the home. I believe that if they chose their own desires for 'adult conversation', more money, more things, basically themselves, over the fulltime rearing, training and discipline of their babies that they'd have failed in their task from the Lord. He gives children as blessings to be taught about Him and to teach us about Him. Children teach us to die to ourselves daily so that their needs for affection, affirmation and love will be met by at least one parent. I also hope that it would greatly pain either of my girls to "stick" our grand babies in daycare so that they could "fulfill their longings to work". It would break my heart.
Both Joel and I see all of our children one day attending college, though we hope that they'll attend a j.c. first to lighten the expense burden of education on themselves and us. Learning and getting an education is not an unnecessary thing for being a SAHM. The better educated you are, imo, the better you can possibly teach your wee ones. But if you don't have a college degree, like I don't, it doesn't matter much either. I love learning and am fully capable of teaching our girls (and whomever else we may have) all they need to know, well, aside from math...that's Joel's job!
Emphasis mine. Looks like debate to me.
Perhaps you could start your own thread as I specifically asked this not be one of debate.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 3:50:01 PM
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Sideways
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Laura,
In reference to how would I feel about my daughters taking paid employment after children. If paying the bills meant my grandchildren's father had to work insane hours, then I would encourage my daughter to earn money and help out. Children need both parents actively spending time with them, and a father is no less valuable then a mother. In fact, if she has a higher earning potential, I might encourage them to switch roles altogether.
That is one reason I would want my daughters to get a good education. Generally speaking - a good education is generally required for a good income. If my daughter must work, then let it be worth her while financially.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:02:29 PM
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VincentGrayson
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Two years of community college (at least in my area, and among others I know) is very cheap, and they often offer certifications in nursing and several other areas (paralegal, for one) that pay pretty well.
So, even without a "university" education, you can make a decent income without going bankrupt in the process of getting educated.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:03:25 PM
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jodavi
Posts: 1883
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From: the mitten
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If I have a daughter, I will encourage her to go to college. I'm SAHM but just recently. I worked for over 16 years and later decided to stay home. I did not finish college because we moved to the US and decided to just work and now I do wish that I did finish college. My son will not be always with me (someday he'll have his own life)and I might decide to work later (whether part time or full time) and I might need to do some continuing education to just place myself in the workplace again. So yes, education is important.
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Family means nobody gets left behind -Lilo
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:15:30 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
A college education is VERY expensive. So, it makes perfect sense to me to want earning potential to at least equal if not exceed the cost.
One of the reasons why we delayed children. Full-time employment for two engineers and no guilt.
If she was heaven bent of having babies ASAP, then I might encourage her to pursue some post-high education that was a bit more cost effective - auto mechanics make good money, and the education is probably a bit cheaper. 
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:19:25 PM
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Sunnymom
Posts: 1945
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
I teach my dd that if she marries, her #1 priority is her home, and that she should not undertake anything that detracts from her ability to properly care for her husband, kids, and home. And that includes ministry, hobbies, social life- not just having a job.
As for education, she will probably to go college locally, and take whatever classes we feel she needs to pursue her interests and abilities. Currently she loves cooking, and is very artistic and creative. I don't see anything wrong with women having interests that don't involve 101 uses for baking soda or the best brand of diaper, but I teach her that the highest earthly calling of a married woman in God's economy is to her family. If she remains single, I am teaching her what Paul said about being able to serve God without distraction. I don't want her to be so focused on a 'career' that she doesn't give of herself to others. I hope I am making sense here. 
I ditto zoebob's reasons for a girl to be well-educated.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:21:22 PM
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JoyfulWife
Posts: 289
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From: The South
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My answer is very similar to Maggie and Kim's. I will teach my daughter(s) (and sons too if we have some of those  ) what my husband and I believe. We firmly believe that a woman should stay home with her children, at least until they are school age if the family is not planning on homeschooling. I would hope very much though that my daughters would choose to stay home permanently as her children grow. And also like Maggie mentioned, we will teach that they marry a man with similar beliefs. That's one of those topics where it's good for husband and wife to be in complete agreement, otherwise it could stir up some major strife.
This in no way means that we wouldn't encourage them in academic pursuits. We are planning on homeschooling and all of our children (regardless of gender) will be taught a college prep type program. But along with that, there will be a lot of training in home economics. Just because one decides to go to college doesn't mean they shouldn't also be fully equipped to run a house and care for children. I don't want to do my girls a disservice by teaching them only one side and not the other.
My husband and I are not planning on pushing college as the only option once our children graduate highschool. We have no problem with them pursuing alternate education. If they want to go to tech school, get certified, just do an AA, whatever - that is fine with us. I do not have a "college is the only way" mindset. A lot of times, going an alternate route is better. We really try to think outside the box. Perhaps our sons will be interested in cooking - then they should go to culinary school. Or maybe our daughter will want to be a doula or midwife - then they would get the appropriate training for that through DONA or NARM. Or if our daughter marries young and decides to have children right away, we will be fine and happy with that too.
If they decide that they really want to go to college, we will probably encourage them to get certified or get an AA in something very useful first though. I would like my girls to get training in something useful that they could possibly do from home after they have kids. For instance, my husband and I both chose majors we loved, but that aren't exactly the most useful in life (he has two bachelors and a masters, and I did not finish college). My husband is really regretting his choices at this point, as positions for the kind of education he has are few and far between. If you want to study something you love, but that is not useful, it is probably best to get an associates in something highly useful, then finish a bachelors in the topic you love. That's kind of the conclusion we've come to
Edited to add: Sunnymom - your post was AWESOME! Exactly what I wanted to say, but just couldn't figure out the words to say it
< Message edited by JoyfulWife -- 8/27/2007 4:36:00 PM >
_____________________________
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:25:33 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10210
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
I expect I will teach my daughter(s) the same way I will teach my sons. I will teach them to find what areas God has gifted them in, set related goals, and help them reach those goals. This will involve a good deal of prayer, I'm sure.
If those giftings and goals are best met by marrying a Godly man and staying home, I will encourage her to be her best in that. If those giftings and goals require a higher education, I will encourage her in that, even if she decides not to use that higher education for a time while she has small children. If God's call on her life leads her to work outside the home, I hope to be the loving Grandma offering "next best to Mom and Dad" childcare.
I'm so glad God didn't make us cookie-cutters of each other and I expect the same for my children. I can't wait to see what God has for each of them!
_____________________________
Baby on the way! Gideon or Esther?
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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