RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (Full Version)

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Sideways -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:47:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrudentWife
My social circle is mostly working mothers. I think there are some or many who would like to stay home, but it's a pretty expensive cost of living around here and two incomes are almost mandatory.


You've stated in other threads that wages are low and childcare expenses are high where you live. How do your friends manage it? Especially with more then one child?



Sideways -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:51:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: elastic
my dh actually does the majority of the cooking because he loves to cook and that's how his parents did it, so who am i to keep him from his precious kitchen? tee hee....



You're gonna laugh at this one. I'm home with my boy right now, but my dh asked me, if he could cook one of the weekend meals.

For the record, I am a decent cook, but not particularly fancy or great. My dH enjoys cooking a meal every now and then, especially if it means using his brand new grill (still trying to get rid of the old one). Last weekend he cooked a roast on the rotisserie part of the grill. It was good. [:)]



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:54:40 AM)

well, i'm a pretty good cook, but i can only cook southern things (being southern and all)...and that stuff is "too rich" for him, or so he says. so he usually cooks things that are healthier and not as heavy...but usually at least once or twice a year i cook a big southern feast, he eats it and then is sick for a day or two.



moon_mouse -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 9:59:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrudentWife

Because the same way you love engineering and I love financial analysis, those women love homemaking.



My boss's wife is like that. And, she's so incredibly gifted at the arts of the home. She bakes and cooks from scratch, knits and crochets prayer blankets from yarn she spins herself. She homeschools her kids, and does podcasts of storytime. The woman is a domestic wonder. But, one of my favorite things about her is that she can take pride in what she does and cherish the joy that her life brings her, and still appreciate the contributions of women (like me) who aren't professional homemakers. Not even a scintilla of arrogance, unwarranted assumptions, or misplaced pity.



PrudentWife -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:00:24 AM)

Well, we only know a handful of people with children.

One of our friends has 2 kids, and works in her parents' company and she brings the kids to work with her everyday. I honestly don't think she gets anything done, her parents just pay her a salary. Another friend is an MD, so she does make more than average - but they only have 1 child and he is in Christian school (about $7K/year). Two other families we know who do pay childcare, I just don't know how they make it. DH & I get the impression (from what these couples have said) that these couples get significant financial support from their parents. We also strongly suspect that they are highly in debt. The last couple we know (2 kids) receive no family support and aren't making it. Their house has been up for sale for a while and they are planning on moving to a cheaper area of the country.



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:01:31 AM)

quote:

But, one of my favorite things about her is that she can take pride in what she does and cherish the joy that her life brings her, and still appreciate the contributions of women (like me) who aren't professional homemakers. Not even a scintilla of arrogance, unwarranted assumptions, or misplaced pity.


that is the thing that is lacking from the few SAHM/SAHW's I know.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:02:15 AM)

Well my hubby doesnt really help with much housework. I do all the cooking and all the "cleaning" (I use that term loosely, I dont really clean[8D]) HUbby works long hours. When he gets home, he works several more hours at his home office, so I dont complain...too badly! He does clean the litter box and tend to the cats for me. Our laundry often times gets washed and dried and sits in a basket, but hey its clean. We eat out sometimes for dinner, and I have decided that hamburger helper is a good thing (especially since we get free hamburger). We need to resurrect the crockpot thread, I'd love to use mine more, but all I know how to do in it is roasts and beans and chili and chicken. I'm sure I'll definitely need it more when we have a baby. I do love coming home and knowing dinner is done!

My hubby only ever cooked for me when I broke my foot, that was 2 1/2 months of frozen pizza, some hamburger helper, ramen noodles, and lots of Taco Bell...no wonder I gained 10 lbs!!



LaurainAL -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:04:18 AM)

quote:

Not even a scintilla of arrogance, unwarranted assumptions, or misplaced pity.


She sounds wonderful!



Sideways -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:04:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: elastic

quote:

But, one of my favorite things about her is that she can take pride in what she does and cherish the joy that her life brings her, and still appreciate the contributions of women (like me) who aren't professional homemakers. Not even a scintilla of arrogance, unwarranted assumptions, or misplaced pity.


that is the thing that is lacking from the few SAHM/SAHW's I know.


Well, I'm a SAHM at the moment, and I appreciate you ladies who are out there pounding the pavement. [:)]



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:06:54 AM)

quote:

I know this isn't PC on this forum, but I have a hard time swallowing why a woman without a child could justify not working, at least part time or something. Even with the so-called "cost of working".... I know, I know... I should not judge others.


Some of them also feel led by the Lord to stay home, I don't think any of us can argue with that[;)]

I work as an event coordinator, during the holidays I was working about 25 hours a week, but now that things are back to "normal" I'm back to about 15 a week. It's enough time for me to make a decent contribution to our household budget, but not so much that I'm away from Gabby for to long.

I'm also enrolled for a couple classes at the local college...



LaurainAL -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:14:14 AM)

quote:

Some of them also feel led by the Lord to stay home, I don't think any of us can argue with that


As do some women who work. It's interesting though that that seems impossible to some, that God would call a woman to work outside of the home. But, he does in some cases.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:20:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL

quote:

Some of them also feel led by the Lord to stay home, I don't think any of us can argue with that


As do some women who work. It's interesting though that that seems impossible to some, that God would call a woman to work outside of the home. But, he does in some cases.


I don't think I've ever said He doesn't [;)]

I find alot of enjoyment in the time that I am home, my life feels more relaxed and *I* feel more fulfilled as a homemaker. I have time for cooking from scratch, sewing, knitting or crocheting, baking bread, etc... I enjoy being "domestic" and I do look forward to a time when we can truly afford for me to stay home full time, but for now the Lord has called me to work and has given me an opportunity in an extremely flexible work situation.

If we don't home school then I'll go back to work part-time when the kids are in school, my degree will most likely be finished by then and I'll have a larger range of job openings to choose from.



lexie -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:24:09 AM)

How does the theme song from Diff'rent Strokes go? Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum....it takes diff'rent strokes to move the world.

Every job is important, we may not think so, but when we take into account the daily things we do, we need other people to help us get that done. I need someone to stock the shelves and scan my groceries, I need someone to drive the bus, I need someone to fill the pumps with gas. I appreciate what everyone does even if it's not what I do, or may want to do.

I was a stay at home wife while I was pregnant, from the beginning (I worked only a month and a half full time while pregnant). I can justify staying home without a child. I took care of my home, I cleaned and cooked, but I also spend time out of the home. I volunteer for a national charity and do a lot of work for them. I would look after my nieces and nephews when needed. I took my mother in law to her chemotherapy treatments. There was no sitting at home watching Oprah all day (I'm not saying anyone said that's what we do, Dh and I make jokes all the time that as a sahm I watch Oprah all day).



LaurainAL -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:28:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL

quote:

Some of them also feel led by the Lord to stay home, I don't think any of us can argue with that


As do some women who work. It's interesting though that that seems impossible to some, that God would call a woman to work outside of the home. But, he does in some cases.


I don't think I've ever said He doesn't [;)]

I find alot of enjoyment in the time that I am home, my life feels more relaxed and *I* feel more fulfilled as a homemaker. I have time for cooking from scratch, sewing, knitting or crocheting, baking bread, etc... I enjoy being "domestic" and I do look forward to a time when we can truly afford for me to stay home full time, but for now the Lord has called me to work and has given me an opportunity in an extremely flexible work situation.

If we don't home school then I'll go back to work part-time when the kids are in school, my degree will most likely be finished by then and I'll have a larger range of job openings to choose from.


I didn't mean that you had said that Mrs.Wifey. But I have heard it countless times on this board. I'm sure you have seen the same posts.



moon_mouse -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:30:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: elastic
that is the thing that is lacking from the few SAHM/SAHW's I know.


Because my non-parent status stands out more in people's minds than my employment status, it's hard for me to tell when I'm being judged for having a career and when I'm being judged for not having kids. What I do notice is that the WOHM's who make judgements usually do so because all women should want kids/motherhood makes you a real woman/you don't really grow up until you have kids. SAHM's make those judgements too, but they are more likely to assume I'm a career woman who has bought into the feminist propaganda and/or I'm rebelling against God's will for me as a woman, [8|].



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:31:01 AM)

I have, Laura.

I guess the hard thing is knowing where I "fall" between SAHM and WOHM, I do work, but most of the time my hearts desire is to stay at home. Not because I feel that's where all women should be, but just because that's where *I* want to be...



stellaluna -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:45:38 AM)

I just had two weeks off. The longer I'm off work, the less I want to return, even though I have a good job that I like with people I really enjoy being around. Anyone else experience that? Maybe I'm just lazy, but I got a lot of things done around the house I don't normally have time to do.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:48:53 AM)

I LOVE my job. But after having a 4 day weekend, and days off, it kinda makes me long to stay at home. But usually after I'm "caught up" I get ready to go back to work.



lexie -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 10:50:42 AM)

quote:

What I do notice is that the WOHM's who make judgements usually do so because all women should want kids/motherhood makes you a real woman/you don't really grow up until you have kids. SAHM's make those judgements too, but they are more likely to assume I'm a career woman who has bought into the feminist propaganda and/or I'm rebelling against God's will for me as a woman


That saddens me, it really truly saddens me to the core. Why are we like this as women? Why do we divide ourselves like this? I don't want anyone to tell me that I should be going out to work for whatever reason, so why I am going to tell someone that they should be staying home.

I'm becoming disturbed by the way women judge other women. No two people are in the same mindset or financial position to be able to do the exact same thing. And to judge another woman's situation based on the idea that their own situation is best one is a display of moral superiority that is not becoming on anyone, IMO.



moon_mouse -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:03:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

I just had two weeks off. The longer I'm off work, the less I want to return, even though I have a good job that I like with people I really enjoy being around. Anyone else experience that? Maybe I'm just lazy, but I got a lot of things done around the house I don't normally have time to do.


I'm a creature of inertia. When I'm busy, I can do exponentially more than when the workload is light.

January is pretty slow. Things don't pick up until the new news season in February. So, I'm sitting here thinking about my Christmas tree that's still up, and my pantry that's so stuffed with junk that I can never find anything, but when I get home, all I want to do is sit on the couch with my puppy and watch tv.

Things will get better next week when pipe band practice starts again. There's nothing like 3 hours of hyperventilation to wake you up!



SweetLittleErin -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:08:39 AM)

quote:

January is pretty slow. Things don't pick up until the new news season in February. So, I'm sitting here thinking about my Christmas tree that's still up, and my pantry that's so stuffed with junk that I can never find anything, but when I get home, all I want to do is sit on the couch with my puppy and watch tv.


I could have written that very statement....



doinkdom -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:12:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie
I'm becoming disturbed by the way women judge other women. No two people are in the same mindset or financial position to be able to do the exact same thing. And to judge another woman's situation based on the idea that their own situation is best one is a display of moral superiority that is not becoming on anyone, IMO.


I agree...I would add that I am also disturbed by women who obviously do feel this way and then deny it as though none of it applies to them.

I will admit that I have a "generalized issue" with homeschool-nazis. I think homeschooling is great, but it's not really for everyone. It just isn't, and those who do homeschool are really not better than anyone else. Unfortunately, the ones I have relationships with think they are. I have more issues or there is more "attitude" about that than the status of women working in/out of their home.

Course, that's just me...[8|][8D]



elastic -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:19:12 AM)

quote:

Course, that's just me...


it's not just you...the problem i have with *some* (note, i did not say all) homeschool people is the fact they they themselves have a limited education base...which is fine, but even with my college degree i wouldn't dare try to teach my kids something like math (which i'm not very good at) or science...bleh...i'd want to leave that to someone who knows what they are doing.

i always cringe when seeing some homeschool mama's misuse of the English language...poor spelling and grammar (especially with then/ than, my personal pet peeve) and i wonder if they realize that their kids are not going to know anything when they hit the real world.

of course, i also know that i'm painting with a big wide 'general' brush...all homeschool mothers can't be that bad.



doinkdom -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:32:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: elastic
of course, i also know that i'm painting with a big wide 'general' brush...all homeschool mothers can't be that bad.


Exactly...they are not. But the ones that are, are pretty vocal just like those who have strong opinions of working in or out of the home are fairly vocal.

I mean when I have a strong opinion, I can be downright snippy, too but I would hope that as I age in years and grow in maturity as a Christian, that would change.

I know...still waiting for that change....[:D][8D]



moon_mouse -> RE: Working (outside the home) Wives/Moms Support Thread (1/9/2008 11:58:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie

That saddens me, it really truly saddens me to the core. Why are we like this as women? Why do we divide ourselves like this? I don't want anyone to tell me that I should be going out to work for whatever reason, so why I am going to tell someone that they should be staying home.



I think there are a number of reasons women do this. One is that women are socially conditioned to use snippy behavior as a weapon in their competition with one another. Insecurity also plays into it. And passion. What I mean by that is that some people consciously choose a lifestyle based on certain deeply held beliefs and values, then fall into the trap of thinking that their specific choices are the only way someone can express those values. (Think about the statement,"I stay home because I want to put my children first.") In my experience, this is particularly prevalent in the Christian community, and in some segments of homeschooling and Quiver Full (though by no means reflective of everyone in those groups).

It is very sad, especially within the Body of Christ. As Christian sisters, we should be bigger than this.

On a lighter note, it's one of the ancillary good things about being childless by choice. So many of the most ugly divisions are among mothers, and as a non-parent, I don't have to participate in those "starts with a p and rhymes with 'missing'" contests! [;)]



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