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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 3:56:48 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2756
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: places I've never been, apparently.
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quote:
If I do go into these services these are my fears because I don't want to be abucted and be a subject of the 6:00 news nor I don't want an African Prince adbucting me or someone soliciting for money.
Gayle, I just don't know what to say to this. Really, I don't.
_____________________________
I know it doesn't make sense, but...
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 3:59:18 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5755
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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That happens anywhere, Gayle. Not just online.
I think it's easier to deceive online because we aren't face to face and looking into someone's eyes as we talk. I mean, I could tell everyone here I'm 5'9" blonde hair, green eyes, and 110 lbs. and if I never showed you a picture of me or the Things, you'd never know if I were lying or not.
That's why people are cautious but informing when it comes to online dating.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:01:01 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2768
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
So, basically, through your post, you're saying that anyone who goes through any online agency is a false Christian. That's pretty harsh, and most definitely NOT correct! I know - FOR A FACT - that many of the people on here are most definitely living true biblical Christianity - and woah, they've actually posted to online dating sites. Some of the most godly men I've ever met, I have met through the internet.
since crosswalk is not considered an online dating site and this is a thread about online dating sites, i don't think gayle1 is referring to cw. crosswalk users consist of a negligible portion of online dating site community and thus outside the realm of discussion as she seems to be wording it. others have stated little experiments where they've found what motivates people to respond to profiles, etc and it wasn't necessarily "Godly" things that received the most responses.
that being said, i don't know that this behavior is limited to only people on online sites. i've met and heard about many of people claiming to be a Christian and not have a walk lining up with what they say. i don't know that it should be a red flag to anyone wanting to find a date online. it's just a website for meeting someone, what happens next is up to us just as in bumping into a 'Christian' at the bookstore.
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[Low-Carb] Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheesecake
Photoblogging my life
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:06:34 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1469
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
"Emotionally Free from problems?!" What does this mean? I think that's so much a part of the problem. We read so many horror stories about broken marriages and Mr. Wrongs that we become paranoid and run at the first sign of trouble. Who on this forum can claim to be "free of emotional problems?" Most of us who post here are at an age where we've have experienced some "stuff" and you can never truly break free from some of it. My standard would not be if someone if "free" in this sense. I would be more concerned about how they deal with problems and challenges in their life.
Ok, if you want to know..
--I don't date people in drug treatment centers who say they are a Christian. They need to get really clean before they can attempt a relationship.
--I don't date people who say they are Christian and are a practicing homosexual. A man was interested in me and when I called this man, this man is gay. Gay and Christian do not mesh.
I don't date people who want to bed me before marriage. I've experiened that also. I met a man on MSN who wanted my body and he said the right things until he wanted me to get in bed with him.
I don't date people who have abuse issues. I had sisters who were married to abusers and the youngest one want to break the cycle and I will not allow this sort of thing to be in a relationship.
I don't date those who are "new in the faith." I did that too and learned a valuable lesson.
And lastly, there were people who were interested in me, but once they seen that I was "the wrong color" or the wrong "body type" or the "wrong neigborhood" or don't have the "look," they closed the match immediatly--why? because I'm not a beauty queen people are looking for, rather they want people who look like a "barbie" instead of a "real person.
< Message edited by gaylel1 -- 7/21/2008 4:18:39 PM >
_____________________________
In Loving memory...
Christopher "Topher" Laurie
Called home to glory on July 24, 2008
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:07:18 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2756
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: places I've never been, apparently.
Status: offline
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quote:
it's just a website for meeting someone, what happens next is up to us just as in bumping into a 'Christian' at the bookstore.
What are doing being logical like that?
_____________________________
I know it doesn't make sense, but...
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:08:37 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1696
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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Hey fellas...
I just realized I have a burning question.
Suppose that a lady visits her online dating website and finds that some fellas have "viewed" her profile in the last day or so...but there is no other evidence. They didn't wink or leave a message or anything.
Is that a time when a lady should use the Clue Board, or should she just assume the guy doesn't think she'd be a good match and move on...or something in between?
besiderself
_____________________________
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:12:02 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2756
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: places I've never been, apparently.
Status: offline
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Why not send a message to see if they respond? The worst that can happen is they close communication on you. Either way you get your answer. Be bold. You're just reaching out to say "Hi, want to chat?"
_____________________________
I know it doesn't make sense, but...
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:17:48 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1696
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Well, I forgot to add one thing:
suppose that the lady had already sent mail or winks to at least a couple of these fellas?
Wouldn't it be a little pushy to send an email saying "hey, made ya look...now let's talk?"
besiderself
_____________________________
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 4:23:42 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1696
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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BTW everyone...I posted this question recently and it got no response...so I thought I'd post it again for discussion.
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Some sites give you complete freedom when setting up your profile. EHarmony gives you questions to answer. After ChoirDJ's wonderful help to so many of us, I thought it might be instructional for us to critique the questions EH asks (or any other sites, if their questions are different).
Comment on the question at the end of this post and any others that get posted. Tell us:
1) Is question one that would reveal important clues about a person.
2) Is this question one that would be easy or hard to answer
3) What are some good thoughts about how to answer this question so that it is interesting to prospective matches.
Question #1
What are you most passionate about?
besiderself
_____________________________
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 5:17:55 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 892
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
Like I said before most people online and those who claim to be Christians are phonies anyways. Still I will never do the online route, even people think that it is harmless because there are too many phonies who say they are Christian, but what kind of christianity are they practicing? It is sure not the Christianity that is bible believing because anyone say they are a Christian and in order for me to find someone or have a dating relationship, the person should be free of emotional problems, which some of the people I came across has and someone who is involved in their local church and that is under a pastor.
Even though you do the "right things" still you have to be careful and not fall for anything.
You know, Gayle;
Many of us have heard this warning directly from you many times. I think it is a worthwhile warning that might be best presented by telling the whole story. Since you have your own blog, I'd like to suggest that you blog the story of your online dating disappointment. Then when you feel the Lord prompting you to post this warning again, it would be really easy for you to just post the link to your blog.
Voila'! The full story is told, those who need warning get warned, your blog gets visited, and those of us who have already heard the story and don't need to read the warning again can move on to the next post.
I personally am quite aware of the problem that you present. I was aware of it before I read any of your warnings. I am also aware that those who present themselves as Christians IN REAL LIFE are also possibly deceiving me. That's ok. God's word says it will happen and tells us that we are to be prepared for that and not surprised at it.
So I'm good. I got the point.
besiderself
Hey, I’m on one of those dating sites, and I know I'm a genuine Christ follower. I’m far from being a player and would stay away from leading people on. I’m even a paying member now, so I can actually smile back at my matches, lol.
The way I deal with this lack of faith in humanity is to be the type of person you’d have faith in. That way, you know it’s possible to be an authentic Christian woman and be in a dating site and find another person who is like you. I know I’ve met some truly awesome individual that really helped me restored my trust in people. I don’t doubt that there’s truly bad people out there. That’s why we are to ask for discernment and wisdom. Those two are my wing men, or wing women, for that matter, lol.
_____________________________
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<-----------------------
My lovely daughter and me
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 6:25:18 PM
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okrox
Posts: 126
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
I'm proud of you! Stay the course and you will be rewarded. I truly believe that.
(Current Person of Interest and I just last night mutually decided to promote him to the position of "The Man I'm Seeing." Still a long way from closing the deal, but it's a lot closer to my goal than sitting around wishing got me! It works! It works! I'm convinced it works!)
Good luck and YOU ROCK!
Roxie
aka The Date Crusader
Well, I'll be sad the day you have to move to the marriage thread, okrox...you're a great addition around here.
Do list for us all the different things you've done to meet as many guys as possible?
besiderself
Oh, with your renewed determination, you just may beat me over there!
Now, as to where I found those men....uhm... welll....yeah. I see since my last post we've had a little discussion on this but...every single one of the 20+ men I met last year (more if you count just phone calls) I found on Yahoo. I know, I know. But since there are only about 7000 people in my whole county, and very few of them single Christian men in the 40-50 bracket, I didn't see any alternative.
And you know what? I met my ex-h in the front row of a Bible-teaching, disciple-making, evangelizing church. He was a faithful, 3X a week-er. Said all the right things in Sunday School. Met one-on-one with a godly mentor for the whole six months we were engaged. He was a Promise-keeper, for crying out loud.
And he was/is a very sick, cruel person who is in desperate need of a miracle that he's not willing to receive. Seventeen years with him left me further from God, and shaken to the core, like I never ever want to be again.
And guess what? Every single man that I met in person, who made it past the phone call-screening, was, at least as long as I was around, very polite, kind, and decent, giving me no reason to doubt his claim that he was a Christian.
So.
I am going to conclude in my little scientific experiment of one (me) that there are no guarantees. Where you meet is just that--where you meet.
I kinda killed two birds there, besider, but the main point of my post is to you---keep smilin', keep winkin', and keep the faith.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 6:31:55 PM
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okrox
Posts: 126
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
Like I said before most people online and those who claim to be Christians are phonies anyways. Still I will never do the online route, even people think that it is harmless because there are too many phonies who say they are Christian, but what kind of christianity are they practicing? It is sure not the Christianity that is bible believing because anyone say they are a Christian and in order for me to find someone or have a dating relationship, the person should be free of emotional problems, which some of the people I came across has and someone who is involved in their local church and that is under a pastor.
Even though you do the "right things" still you have to be careful and not fall for anything.
You know, Gayle;
Many of us have heard this warning directly from you many times. I think it is a worthwhile warning that might be best presented by telling the whole story. Since you have your own blog, I'd like to suggest that you blog the story of your online dating disappointment. Then when you feel the Lord prompting you to post this warning again, it would be really easy for you to just post the link to your blog.
Voila'! The full story is told, those who need warning get warned, your blog gets visited, and those of us who have already heard the story and don't need to read the warning again can move on to the next post.
I personally am quite aware of the problem that you present. I was aware of it before I read any of your warnings. I am also aware that those who present themselves as Christians IN REAL LIFE are also possibly deceiving me. That's ok. God's word says it will happen and tells us that we are to be prepared for that and not surprised at it.
So I'm good. I got the point.
besiderself
Hey, I’m on one of those dating sites, and I know I'm a genuine Christ follower. I’m far from being a player and would stay away from leading people on. I’m even a paying member now, so I can actually smile back at my matches, lol.
The way I deal with this lack of faith in humanity is to be the type of person you’d have faith in. That way, you know it’s possible to be an authentic Christian woman and be in a dating site and find another person who is like you. I know I’ve met some truly awesome individual that really helped me restored my trust in people. I don’t doubt that there’s truly bad people out there. That’s why we are to ask for discernment and wisdom. Those two are my wing men, or wing women, for that matter, lol.
EXCELLENT, excellent, excellent PH! Excellent! (Did I say that was an excellent point?)
God has taught me so very much this past year. I wsa dreading it at the start, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I won't be sad if it's over....but...if I find out that The Man I Am Seeing is not in God's will for me, and unless God gives me directions to the contrary, I'll be back again for another round!
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 7:01:32 PM
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deanna48
Posts: 13
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
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A few months ago ( and I don't know what I was thinking) I was searching the web for something and came across a singles site. I checked it out and didn't like what I saw and decided to look for christian dating sites. found many that said they were that. I signed up on a few and I wasn't too smart when I chose my login name. I had 3 guys - from 2 different sites = find my personal email - very scary for me. I had someone try and IM me one day and I chose not to talk because I didn't have the time - my picture was posted and he wrote me and told me I was rude and not hot enough to have said no. That's the reason I don't post pictures now - I don't need that kind of stress. 1 started sending me nasty stuff and is still trying to get in touch with me - I just delete without looking. You can report individuals, but that isn't the point. You have to be very, very, careful on any of these sites.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 7:13:27 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1469
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deanna48
A few months ago ( and I don't know what I was thinking) I was searching the web for something and came across a singles site. I checked it out and didn't like what I saw and decided to look for christian dating sites. found many that said they were that. I signed up on a few and I wasn't too smart when I chose my login name. I had 3 guys - from 2 different sites = find my personal email - very scary for me. I had someone try and IM me one day and I chose not to talk because I didn't have the time - my picture was posted and he wrote me and told me I was rude and not hot enough to have said no. That's the reason I don't post pictures now - I don't need that kind of stress. 1 started sending me nasty stuff and is still trying to get in touch with me - I just delete without looking. You can report individuals, but that isn't the point. You have to be very, very, careful on any of these sites.
Deanna, may I ask which "Christian" site you were on when you recived those e-mails from this indivisual? This is what I mean, there are preditors, even on these Christian sites. I wonder if the owners of these sites have these filtering e-mails or if you can report these people to the owners. If you were on Big Church, that is not a Christian dating service because it is owned by porn operators.
_____________________________
In Loving memory...
Christopher "Topher" Laurie
Called home to glory on July 24, 2008
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 7:32:28 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1469
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
Like I said before most people online and those who claim to be Christians are phonies anyways. Still I will never do the online route, even people think that it is harmless because there are too many phonies who say they are Christian, but what kind of christianity are they practicing? It is sure not the Christianity that is bible believing because anyone say they are a Christian and in order for me to find someone or have a dating relationship, the person should be free of emotional problems, which some of the people I came across has and someone who is involved in their local church and that is under a pastor.
Even though you do the "right things" still you have to be careful and not fall for anything.
You know, Gayle;
Many of us have heard this warning directly from you many times. I think it is a worthwhile warning that might be best presented by telling the whole story. Since you have your own blog, I'd like to suggest that you blog the story of your online dating disappointment. Then when you feel the Lord prompting you to post this warning again, it would be really easy for you to just post the link to your blog.
Voila'! The full story is told, those who need warning get warned, your blog gets visited, and those of us who have already heard the story and don't need to read the warning again can move on to the next post.
I personally am quite aware of the problem that you present. I was aware of it before I read any of your warnings. I am also aware that those who present themselves as Christians IN REAL LIFE are also possibly deceiving me. That's ok. God's word says it will happen and tells us that we are to be prepared for that and not surprised at it.
So I'm good. I got the point.
besiderself
Hey, I’m on one of those dating sites, and I know I'm a genuine Christ follower. I’m far from being a player and would stay away from leading people on. I’m even a paying member now, so I can actually smile back at my matches, lol.
The way I deal with this lack of faith in humanity is to be the type of person you’d have faith in. That way, you know it’s possible to be an authentic Christian woman and be in a dating site and find another person who is like you. I know I’ve met some truly awesome individual that really helped me restored my trust in people. I don’t doubt that there’s truly bad people out there. That’s why we are to ask for discernment and wisdom. Those two are my wing men, or wing women, for that matter, lol.
Besideherself--You don't have to get defensive about it. I've got your point also. 
I'ts just like I don't have a lack of faith of people, I do meet people and go out IRL, but at the same time, In my 40+ years I have to be careful in this stage of my life.
Oxrox, I'm sorry about your experience in Church with your ex. Yes, there are people, even in the church which say the right things IRL (and online included too) but unfortnatly, whether you find a man whether it is IRL or the church, you have to make sure that these people are bearing fruit and not saying the right things to lure you in to become interested.
I wonder when you meet that initial person IRL after the intial meeting, do you go to their church and ask the pastor does he serve and/or observe that person with others and how he treats others like his mother and/or father for example and does he respect his parents? Is the person's belief system lines up with yours. This is why I'm afraid to join something like e-harmony because I may end up with a Mormon, or someone whose teaching does not line up with the word.
_____________________________
In Loving memory...
Christopher "Topher" Laurie
Called home to glory on July 24, 2008
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 7:32:30 PM
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deanna48
Posts: 13
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
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One of them was christian cafe and I can't remember the others. I have since moved on and I don't remember which ones they were. On christian cafe I did report the guy and he got booted off for giving his email out to everyone. I left there and I don't plan on going back. I'm much more careful now. I love this site. Paying to be able to talk to others is not in my budget and most of those sites you have to pay to be able to really talk back and forth. I'm not giving my personal email out unless I know you first.
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 8:49:00 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 892
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Well, I forgot to add one thing:
suppose that the lady had already sent mail or winks to at least a couple of these fellas?
Wouldn't it be a little pushy to send an email saying "hey, made ya look...now let's talk?"
besiderself
LOL! That's cute & original and it might work for some. Hey, one guy pulled me in last night when I was in a funk just because he was refreshingly original. But I'm also with FB... the ball's in his court. You dangled the bait and he didn't bite. There's a lot of guys out there and more join every day.
That's so true. IT's original and might persuade someone to contact you. Try it. If you don't get the response that you want, then change your approach. I know if it was me and I had sent an ice breaker and he didn't respond, I'll move on.
Another reason why the person didn't respond could be because he's not a paying member like I was for two years. I could look at a guy's profile but I couldn't respond or communicate.
_____________________________
___________________________________
<-----------------------
My lovely daughter and me
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 10:32:14 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1696
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Well, I forgot to add one thing:
suppose that the lady had already sent mail or winks to at least a couple of these fellas?
Wouldn't it be a little pushy to send an email saying "hey, made ya look...now let's talk?"
besiderself
LOL! That's cute & original and it might work for some. Hey, one guy pulled me in last night when I was in a funk just because he was refreshingly original. But I'm also with FB... the ball's in his court. You dangled the bait and he didn't bite. There's a lot of guys out there and more join every day.
What's funny is that I wrote that and thought...geez, why not? That kinda works!
What I might do instead is check out the profiles of the guys who looked but with whom I have not communicated. If any of them seem interesting, I might use that line.
besiderself
_____________________________
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
Shallbe's Batty Belfry
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RE: The Meet Market - 7/21/2008 10:42:47 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 15155
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: online
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Has anyone here had any experience with Relationships.com at all?
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