RE: Christians and Grieving (Full Version)

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DaveW -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/10/2008 10:55:46 AM)

Carleejoan:

Don't let anyone tell you that dealing with grief is ungodly. I somewhat understand as I lost my kid sister to ovarian cancer this last Nov 30. A sibling is certainly not the same as losing a spouse but grief is grief; just more or less of it.

In Jewish circles they take 7 days from the death (or from your first finding out about it) and do absolutely nothing. Just pray and mourn. From day 8 to 30 you SLOWLY bring yourself back into the work-a-day world. From day 31 to the anniversary of the death, the passed loved one is remembered on the month-versary with prayers said, and then every anniversary those prayers are said as well.

The set of prayers is called the Mourner's Kaddish and is to remind one's self of God and His soverignty. It is NOT a prayer for the dead.

Kaddish:
May His great Name be exalted and sanctified
in the world that He created as He willed. May He
make His kingship reign in your lifetimes and in your
days, and in the lifetimes of all the house of Israel,
swiftly and soon.
Now respond: Amen.

May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.
Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,
mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the
Holy One, Blessed be He. beyond any blessing and song,
praise and consolation that are uttered in the world.
Now respond: Amen.

May there be great peace from Heaven, and life upon
us and upon all Israel.
Now respond: Amen.

He Who makes peace in His Heavens, may He make peace
upon us and upon all Israel.
Now respond: Amen.



Cloak -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/10/2008 2:37:53 PM)

{{{Carleejoan}}}

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear hubby. I pray God's comfort and patience upon you!!!

I have never been married so I can't give you much moral advice, but I can give you some practical tips and literature since you asked for any read or book.

The best website I can think of for dealing with grief loss or grief is: www.newlife.com (US). I am pretty sure Stephen has lots of books that cover the subject of grief and loss.

Since you're Canadian, there a Canadian doctor in Ontario Dr. Grant Mullen and his website is: www.drgrantmullen.com

He has a questionnaire entitled "are you normal" and lots of free literature on his website which I hope will be of great help to you.

Also, he wrote a number of books, among them, "Mood" and "Emotionally Free" which you can purchase from his website.

Keeping you sweetie in my prayers and thoughts. {{{Carleejoan}}} [8|]

PS: Please keep us posted honey!!!



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/13/2008 5:00:04 PM)

I started with a counsellor at our church today. She thinks I'm pretty normal so far and I do feel comfortable with her. Sometimes counselling didn't always work in the past. I know I need to reach out right now because I feel so alone without my man. He was my rock and I don't think I put him before God but it sure is a different scenario. Fortunately, I am a Christian and I have been involved in a church. I love their smiling, encouraging faces and hugs!! Yes churches are good![;)]



TMeeks -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/13/2008 7:51:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carleejoan

I started with a counsellor at our church today. She thinks I'm pretty normal so far and I do feel comfortable with her. Sometimes counselling didn't always work in the past. I know I need to reach out right now because I feel so alone without my man. He was my rock and I don't think I put him before God but it sure is a different scenario. Fortunately, I am a Christian and I have been involved in a church. I love their smiling, encouraging faces and hugs!! Yes churches are good![;)]

You will probably find that focusing on the great times you had with your husband will speed up the healing of the loss. You are NOT worshipping you husband when doing so. You are recalling good memories and the same memories that bring smiles to your face being healing chemicals to your mind. So, don't feel bad that you want to talk about your husband more than some might feel comfortable.



lakesaking -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/13/2008 8:18:16 PM)

Everyone is different and has different needs christian counselors should exercise caution when giving advice .Because everyone have sore spots that they probably aren't aware of today until certain events occur in the their lives that sends searching for answers .I believed that I had it together until life show me that I still had a lot learn .I 'm discovering that that the learning never really ends . You attend a university hoping to complete graduate school and find a career and the process just starts over .one can never learn too much .



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/14/2008 11:31:14 PM)

I haven't read anywhere in scripture where we are not suppose to grieve. Jesus himself wept at the death of his friend Lazurus.

As are as antidepressants, why is it christians are so willing to condemn another for taking a medicine for depression but we are fine with medicines for other types of illness? Why is it ok to treat physical conditions and not mental ones? Yes God can and does heal from both physical and mental illnesses, depression is a mental illness. Who am I to say that the only way God can help me with my illness, be it physical or mental through a miracle. Perhaps one of God's ways of healing or treating illness is through conventional medicine?

By the way my husband is a believer and has been for over 30 years. He takes an antidepressant along with his MS medication. He is also following Gods direction to become a worship pastor and lead people in worship of our Lord.
Kim Q



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/15/2008 11:59:26 PM)

Thanks for the note there Kim. I have tried so many antidepressants in the past and the side effects made me feel worse. But one time I know I felt more like doing things that I was supposed to be doing instead of having lacklustre energy. I think the trouble is since I'm not currently working outside the home I do have more time on my hands to think about everything. I do pray through things especially at nights and in the mornings now as I feel that that tight grip of satan's pull downward with all the guilt stuff. I know I have to be so aware of it (the attacks of the enemy in my mind). Anyway I'd better get to bed, hopefullt to get a good sleep.



ladyingrace1979 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/16/2008 12:13:14 AM)

Isolation is the worst thing for someone with depression. I noticed with my husband if he isn't involved with something, like school or church activity he gets much worse. Guilt is the one of the enemies strongest tools. I will pray for you and if you just want to talk to some one I'm a good listener.

Kim Q



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/16/2008 10:42:18 AM)

Thank you Kim I really appreciate that. I find that usually the person who is the caregiver thinks lastly about themselves. I think that's why I sort of feel like I'm crashing and burning right now. Not sleeping through the night and then this cold. I know I actually had a dream last night so I'm getting into a deeper sleep sometimes. I felt a little better on waking this morning. Thanks for your prayers. I need them and so does my daughter.



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/19/2008 10:23:46 AM)

I know this isn't the prayer request thread but my daughter has now come down with the bad cold I had. I got antibiotics for what turned a sinus infection. I am accepting the fact we're under stress and feeling the vacuum of where my husband and her daddy used to be. I'm accepting the fact that I can't be my husband too. It is still hard to accept that God chose to take him home and leave us without a husband and daddy. That really does hurt. I am trying to do a lot of self searching as I need to grow and heal through this. To confront the things God wants me to deal with. I do struggle with guilt over whatever I could've done to prevent my husband's death, etc. I know that sounds awful but I get our mind keeps trying to "control."



TMeeks -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/19/2008 11:06:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carleejoan

I know this isn't the prayer request thread but my daughter has now come down with the bad cold I had. I got antibiotics for what turned a sinus infection. I am accepting the fact we're under stress and feeling the vacuum of where my husband and her daddy used to be. I'm accepting the fact that I can't be my husband too. It is still hard to accept that God chose to take him home and leave us without a husband and daddy. That really does hurt. I am trying to do a lot of self searching as I need to grow and heal through this. To confront the things God wants me to deal with. I do struggle with guilt over whatever I could've done to prevent my husband's death, etc. I know that sounds awful but I get our mind keeps trying to "control."

Carleejoan.

My father died from what we believe was an intentional act by a nurse. We had watched that nurse very carefully after my father indicated that she had pulled out his ventalator tube that was being used to clear his lungs from pneumonia by never leaving his side while he was in her intensive care unit.

But, when he recovered to the point that he was moved out into a regular room we felt it was safe not to stay there. That night he died. A followup found that he had 'mistakingly' been given insulin which he'd never needed in his life. Guess who was on duty.

Obviously, we felt like we had let him down. But, that left us with a choice. We knew our father was with Jesus Christ. But, what would he want for us? Would he want us to feel under condemnation by concentrating on what we could or could not have done to keep him alive on this earth in pain and ill health. Or, would he want us to concentrate on the gift of love he gave us while he was here and live lives looking forward to seeing him again?

We chose to report our suspicians and then leave it up to God. And then, turn our attention to putting ALL of our memories about a wonderful husband and father first and foremost in our minds and looking forward to that wonderful day when we WILL see him again.

We couldn't keep our father alive forever, no matter what we did. But, we CAN keep his legacy alive in our lives and the lives of all his descendents.

What would your husband want for you and your daughter? Would he want you to waste energy on guilt? Or, would he want you to sit, as we do, with smiles on our faces and love in our hearts, reminiscing over how blessed we were to have had my mother's husband and our father in our lives. Tears mixed with gratitude and greatfulness are wonderful tears.
[sm=heart.gif]



iamjc-s -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/19/2008 11:39:09 AM)

-
2 Suggestions:

1> Take time to mourn, but also take time to laugh. Laughter is medicine.

2> If you need to hear his voice, listen to your home or his cell answering machine/voicemail or watch home movies that he is in.
-



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/20/2008 12:26:09 AM)

It's tough this deep grieving time. It's like a vacuum where my husband was. I don't know if a person's instincts keep trying to "look" for the other person or what. The other night I was tired and vegged in front of the TV. Even though you'd think TV would be a logical distraction it isn't because I would watch a show that I used to watch with my husband and remembered interacting and talking with him and I just end up feeling lonesome all over again. So TV doesn't really help bury your grief unless I watch Christian teaching type programs that are constantly quoting really good scripture. It's hard reconciling the fact that we serve a Great God and also that he took my husband and my daughter's daddy. It's a struggle but I try to keep digging. I am reading a book called "A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser. It is a deeply profound book about what this man faced losing 3 family members at once in an accident he also was in. His wife, mother and young daughter all at once. He shares from the depths of his heart and soul. About where is God in the suffering that he allows us to face and go through.



doinkdom -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/20/2008 10:19:05 AM)

{{{{{carleejoan}}}}}



ThomasTucker -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/20/2008 9:37:35 PM)

One way to remember a lost loved one

Virtual Memorial Garden

A free place to remember and share the memories of the special people in our lives that have passed away. Post a free memorial for a loved one and join the Virtual Memorial Garden online community in continuing to remember each of them. The site is dedicated to my father who passed after a long bout with lung cancer. I want the world to remember him. I want the world to remember all of them. They deserve that honor and respect, even in death. Visit Virtual Memorial Garden at - Virtual Memorial Garden



Annie64 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/21/2008 3:20:17 AM)

Carleejoan,

How are you doing now? Did you and your daughter get over your colds? I am praying for you as I type this. Of course I don't really know what you're going through, but someday I might. I don't know what I'd do without my husband. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I pray that "the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, (2 Cor. 1:3-4)" will be very close to you right now, and that you are able to rest.



Carleejoan -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/21/2008 3:03:17 PM)

Hi Annie64. You feel a deep void where your husband used to be. It definitely leaves an emptiness where you had a relationship, a person to lean on, bounce ideas and jokes off of, laugh with, cry with go through everything mundane and exciting together. Marriage truly is a special relationship as you are so closely tied. It tore me apart when I could see his cancer not getting any better. I felt lost at home as where do you build your hope? There's lots of issues that come and go. The paradox is the God who chose to take my husband and not heal him this time is the One who will give me courage, strength and wisdom. God doesn't have to answer my "whys" because it's his providential decisions that works in all of our lives. Our lives are just a mere breath here on earth and soon we'll be home with our Saviour. It's my choice whether I believe my thoughts that say "you're alone" or believe that He will never leave me or forsake me. I can choose to let this make me "less of a person" or cause the pain and loss to enlarge my life to reach out with even more caring, and compassion to others in grief, lonliness and the pain and shock of abandonment. I want to be enlarged through God's grace in this. I do feel the huge loss of my husband being gone as he was a "larger than life" sort of person who drew people to himself by his faith and quiet strength. He chose not to be angry at God for not letting him stay with us when he knew he was dieing. We know God took him home because his room was filled the peaceful presence of the Holy Spirit. This lovely presence of God encompassed Kelsey and me and we knew God had been there without a doubt. It's a benefit Christians have when they die - they'll have the heavenly presence of God!!



LadySaint -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/21/2008 6:39:34 PM)

The shortest verse in the Bible John 11:35 Jesus wept.
God understands what you're going through. He loves and cares for you. There's nothing wrong with grieving. Too many Christians are shamed into thinking they're not good Christians for having problems with grieving and the time length. Most people go through a grieving process that easily can last 2 years or more without realizing it and that's normal.
Check in your area for a program called GriefShare It's a program that many churches across the US has to help people who are grieving for a variety of reasons. I went through the GriefShare program offered at my church and it was a help to me in the lost of several family members.
Praying for healing for you.



kountrykia45 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/23/2008 5:54:13 PM)

My heart goes out to you, as I, also, am grieving over the loss of my husband, about 6 months ago. I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. Even though, you know, you will see him again in heaven, it is not easy to get on with your life, when he was such a big part of it. The Lord didn't say, it would be easy, but He would comfort you through this loss. In time our hearts will heal, but we will never forget, the Lord makes it easier for us, cause He goes thru it right along with us. At times, it will be very hard, but God sees our hearts, and sorrow, and the Word of God brings me hope, and comfort, more then family can. Family support is wonderful, but they can't be there 24/7, like Jesus is there for us. I want to help you with a few scripture verses, that brings me comfort. Jesus is right there with you, like a heavenly father, He will never leave us, or forsake us. How wonderful! Psalms 119:28, My soul weeps because of grief; strenghten me according to your Word. Psalms 119:50, This is my comfort in my allfiction, that your Word has revived me. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, Blessed be the God, and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we willbe able to comfort those who are in any afflictions with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, itis for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, iti is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort. I hope, I haven't overwhelmed you, but I will keep you in my prayers. It takes one day at a time.



doinkdom -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/24/2008 11:25:48 AM)

My husband and I had a very quiet Easter weekend and during our time together, we talked about the people in our life that have lost their spouse. We have several friends, old and young that mourn for a spouse.

I got such a knot in my stomach when thinking about that possiblity for me. I can only imagine the reality of that for those of you grieving.

My husband and I prayed for our friends and we prayed for those of you here whom we have not met, but were blessed to have prayed for.

I just wanted you to know that in the midst of your grieving, you are a blessing to those of us praying for you and praising God for the "one more day" we have with our spouses. Your example of love is heartbreaking, but also a wonderful reminder of thankfulness in my own marriage. You are indeed glorifying God in all that you do.

Thank you for the courage you have to persevere and I pray you find comfort for even brief moments of time that remind you of your Savior.



Beck34 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/24/2008 11:47:31 AM)

I have been given a limited amount of time to live by my doctors. Grief consumed me at first. Then, I dug into the word, as I always do during these times, and he has given me an inner strength to endure! I never knew that I could be this strong for my husband and my children.
I know that when my time comes, my husband and children will be okay without me. Any loss is so hard, but you must surround yourself with the love of Christ. Fear never comes from the One who loves us, only from the enemy. He will help you through it. Just lay it at His feet, and He will give you a peace you have never known.



doinkdom -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/24/2008 11:49:42 AM)

[sm=hug.gif][&o]Beck34[sm=hug.gif]



Little_1 -> RE: Christians and Grieving (3/25/2008 2:18:02 PM)

Carleejoan

"The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and give you peace." AMEN.

Grief is a hard cross to carry at the best of times but when you lose someone who you shared your life with so intimately - it must be so difficult.

I want to reach over the net and give you a big ((((((( HUG )))))))

I pray the Lord will be the lifter of your head at this very sad and difficult time.



crosscreekmom -> RE: Christians and Grieving (4/5/2008 4:26:32 PM)

I want you to know that I will be praying for you. I also lost a dh a few months ago and I can relate to what you are going through. I have attended a grief class which was somewhat helpful.
The main thing that has helped me is staying in the word. It had never crossed my mind that in my 40's I would be left alone, esp. with three younger children which have some special needs. Drawing strength from God has helped me, but it doesnt mean that I am not still trying to work through the process of grieving, or that things are easy.
Just this morning my ds was telling me that he was mad at God because his dad died and God had not brought him another dad.
Moments like this are hard and yes I feel fragile many times. I felt as though my security was gone, but God is showing himself faithful in many ways.
Just hang in there and know that others will be praying for you and for wisdom for you to know what to do.
Love in Christ,
Crosscreekmom.



Sammy_S -> RE: Christians and Grieving (4/6/2008 1:06:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carleejoan

I know we don't grieve as if we have no hope but I sure do feel at a loss right now. At the same time so many Christians say not to take antidepressants but some doctors say you need them for low serotonin. I'm grieving the loss of my husband. It's still fresh just over a months since he's gone to heaven. I have a hard time sleeping through the night and feel quite fragile. Has anyone who has gone through this found a book or something that has helped wonderfully?


My best advice is to throw yourself completely to Jesus.He suffered a loss that no man/woman can ever understand.I am not sayingthat you are not doing so but Jesus Christ is our healer and he will definately heal you in this time.



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