RE: SAHM support/encouragement (Full Version)

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paulsbride -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 8:42:28 AM)

I realize I never had a high profile job prior to being a stay at home mom, and I'm not trying to cause a debate or anything!!, but *for me* I find that I really am stimulated and learn a lot staying home.
And in many areas, not just kitchen related stuff [;)]


I am very grateful to be surrounded by SAHM, I haven't ever been asked about why I stay home or what I do. I can't see it bothering me though. I'd probably turn around and say "So you work in an office, huh? What do you do all day?"




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 8:49:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

Harvie, you are welcome here. [:)] I'm sure you get more flak than those of us with children. At least we have an "excuse" [8|] not to be working, even if people still look down on us for using it. [&:]


I have to say, I've never had anyone look down on me for staying home. I did have people at my job expect that I would be coming back, but when I told them otherwise, they were surprised but supportive. In fact I've gotten tremendous positive feedback for staying home, so it's a little hard for me to sympathize with women who feel put down for staying at home, just because I haven't experienced that myself.

Have any other ladies gotten positive feedback for staying home? Outside of your immediate family, I mean.

As far as never being done... well, I will stand up and admit that I am not a good housekeeper. I can't do interior decorating to save my life, and it is a struggle to keep the house neat. When my husband gently told me that he really wasn't happy with the house condition, I created a schedule of cleaning for myself, which I've been keeping for almost two weeks now, and I think it's working really well. At least the house is better then it was before. [&:]

ETA: Hey, thanks for answering my post Jessica, before I even posted![8D]




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 8:55:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
That would irritate me too Chelle. I don't get that anymore. With 4 kids, I get the, "How DO you do it?" or "I know you're so busy..." [8|] like my kids just run me ragged...[&:][8D]


Having only one very active toddler, I would wonder how you do it, too. But that's not to say that I think having four kids is bad in any way.

Do you think sometimes we SAHM are a little sensitive, like we automatically feel we need to prove ourselves to the outside world? I think WOHM feel something similar, only they need to justify why they work! Seems like there's always someone waiting to criticize some decision you've made, no matter what. [:@]




LaurainAL -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 9:00:09 AM)

quote:

Do you think sometimes we SAHM are a little sensitive, like we automatically feel we need to prove ourselves to the outside world? I think WOHM feel something similar, only they need to justify why they work! Seems like there's always someone waiting to criticize some decision you've made, no matter what.


I find this to be true for both WOHM and SAHM. My desire for us all is to be supported in the decisions that we prayerfully make with our Lord and our husbands. It's not a one size fits all world. It makes me sad that many of you SAHM get grief for your decisions.

As a woman who is not a SAHM, I want to applaud you all.




Georgia-Peach -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 9:12:13 AM)

quote:

Do you think sometimes we SAHM are a little sensitive, like we automatically feel we need to prove ourselves to the outside world?

I know that is true for me. I know in general people are not trying to be rude with comments or questions they ask. I know before I was a SAHM I had my preconceived notions about it and I too was curious at what they did all day. So why I get so bent out of shape when I am asked those questions I have no clue. Maybe because its people who have been there done that asking me so they should have some clue as to what I do all day. I am generally way to sensitive and I am working on that [;)].




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 9:17:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harvie
When I married my wonderful DH in 2003, he asked me to prayerfully consider whether my highly stressful career was really the best choice for me. After several stubborn years (and getting more and more stressed as my mental and physical health deteriorated), I decided that the time away from home, the stress, and not getting to spend time with my wonderful DH wasn't making either of us happy, so I quit my job in 2005 so that I could stay home and "just be a wife."


May I ask, why was it such a black and white decision for you? In other words, why was it either "high stress, long hours job" or staying home? Did you ever consider a part time, lower stress job or something?

I am not saying this to criticize, but I would like to understand you better.

My dad has an insane work schedule with much travel, so my mom is primarily a SAHW, but she works one or two days a week, plus volunteers one day a week. Her work and volunteering is very flexible, so she's been able to drop everything to go on a few business trips with dad. I realize that she may be unusual in this regard, though. (Mom even got to spend 3 weeks in Hawaii when Dad's company sent him, there once.)




MamaMilty -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 9:55:54 AM)

Hi Ladies! [sm=wave.gif] I'm Jen.

I worked for many years in a highly demanding job, I met my Dave while doing it. Before we married, he knew my dream was to have children and be at home with them. When we bought our first home, we purchased it based on his income alone, because we knew mine would soon go away. Well...it didn't turn out to be that soon...but eventually, we were expecting and I happily retired from my career and took a very enjoyable part-time job that kept me just busy enough.

After Tanner was born, I went back on an even more part-time basis and worked through my next pregnancy. After Jackson was born, I officially became a SAHM, I was thrilled! I still am. [:)]

It is now 5 years and another child later, and I am still growing and learning how to mother and keep house. It is certainly NEVER boring! I love creating a comfortable, loving and inviting home for my family. I was just musing last night, as I put a new bag in the kitchen trash can that I needed to scrub that cabinet....again...didn't I just do that? [8D] But as I grow in the Lord, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in me, I have joy in each and every task and I am so thankful to have them at all. God is so good.

What's hardest for me? Well, right now, we are very strapped. Several things have come to pass to change our financial situation and we are really wondering how we will get through. I have all faith in God, sadly, Dave is not yet a believer so he is relying on himself and looking to me to "do something" to help. I have prayed and prayed and I know I must make an effort that my dear husband can understand and appreciate, so I am looking (starting the search today, actually) for a part-time 3rd shift job that will not change our family's routine, just bring in some much needed cash. I don't get much sleep anyway...so...I am praying this will work out on a temporary basis. All prayers, advice, support welcome!




Georgia-Peach -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 10:13:58 AM)

quote:

When we bought our first home, we purchased it based on his income alone, because we knew mine would soon go away.

We did the same thing [:D]




ChelseaRae -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 10:36:25 AM)

I have been a sahm since I got pregnant with Mary September 2006. I was two years into my nursing degree when we decided to get married but I quit because I knew all I wanted was to be a mom. I did work for four months when I was pregnant because a good friend really needed me but I can't imagine going back to work now! Right now I consider my job to be a good wife and mom and taking my husband's paycheck and making it stretch as far as I can.




MamaMilty -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 10:43:26 AM)

So, here is a good example of insensitive comments people make:

Chatting on the phone with my mom just now and I had to remind Jackson for the umpteenth time about something. I commented to my mom that he has been a handful recently and she said, "Well, he's probably bored, he needs to be in school. He's home all day and doesn't get to play with kids his age." Usually, I am able to ignore these comments, but today I slipped and said, "Thanks, Mom, that was nice." She honestly didn't mean to belittle what I am doing, or insult me, but she did. And she still doesn't know that she did, she just thinks she is right and I am holding on to my babies too long and it's all about me. So, yeay, I am used to people not supporting or even understanding what it means to stay home with my children.




Mrs.X -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 11:47:31 AM)

For those of you who get bored, have you ever considered taking a class online or something? Is there even enough time? LOL! Probably not. I have considered that except that it costs $35 a unit (about 3 units per class) up here just for junior college, plus books. I'd be interested in taking U.S. history or a theology class or something. I imagine U of Phoenix online is even more expensive since it's a university, not a junior college.




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:03:28 PM)

Jen, how old is Jackson?

I am not a diehard believer in pre-school, but I am seeing that Nathan will act up if he doesn't get the chance to play outside. He does get bored in the house after a while. I'm also working on giving him more chances to play with other kids, but it's not that big a deal yet, as he's not one yet.

I'm sorry your mom doesn't understand how important the work you're doing is.




peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:22:10 PM)

quote:

I am Harvie and I am a 42-year-old SAHW. (I hope it's ok that I've snuck into this SAHM thread)

you are a SAHM to how many cats right now? I think you fit nicely!!! Kitties need a mommy too sometimes!!!!




MamaMilty -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:29:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

Jen, how old is Jackson?

I am not a diehard believer in pre-school, but I am seeing that Nathan will act up if he doesn't get the chance to play outside. He does get bored in the house after a while. I'm also working on giving him more chances to play with other kids, but it's not that big a deal yet, as he's not one yet.

I'm sorry your mom doesn't understand how important the work you're doing is.


Jackson will be 4 next week. He is a little pistol, not bored, lol. Jack truly enjoys pushing buttons and being a big tease. That said, he is also my most naturally thoughtful child, he can be very sweet to his brother and sister....and then the next instant he is doing anything to get a reaction, the louder the better. [:D]

My mom doesn't think mothering is unimportant, she just isn't aware that the way she did it isn't the only way, kwim? Especially now that those days are in the past, she seems to have to believe that the way she did it is the right way. Not sure if that makes sense, but I don't want to leave the impression that she isn't at all supportive, just unwittingly judgemental of my choices...

I agree, fresh air is the best answer when things get a little nuts!




TheEgyptianPrincess -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:39:20 PM)

just wanted to stop by and say I really am getting a lot of benefit out of reading this forum. i am currently pregnant with our second child. My boy is now 3 years old. he has been attending daycare for the past year and half or so.... I have always worked. I work in a high demanding job... I have been promoted over and over and now have a really amazing position... my pay is also very significant so we are spoilt... I actually did stay home with my little one for like 10 months and I KNOW I did not enjoy it at all.. also I would not enjoy going shopping cause I would feel guilty... I felt if I didn't work.. I shouldn't spend (my hubby never made me feel like that just for the record)... and now.. with another baby on the way... I know I have to make a decision and its SO SO SOOO hard. i KNOW its best if i stay home... but then i would have no excuse to not be ontop of the house work and the dishes and cooking everynight.... and I would have to give up my cleaning lady cause I would feel that I shouldn't really need any extra help....
and all those feelings and thoughts are making me go crazy.....I know what I need to do... but I am not sure I can do it!? does that make sence...

so anyways.. I just wanted to stop by and say to many of you who are SAHM that I am so amazed by all of you .... I wish I could be half as good at that as I am at my work... with no pay or rewards at all.

Please pray for me to have peace about this whole thing if you remember.

Thanks
sherry




BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:42:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany
That would irritate me too Chelle. I don't get that anymore. With 4 kids, I get the, "How DO you do it?" or "I know you're so busy..." [8|] like my kids just run me ragged...[&:][8D]


Having only one very active toddler, I would wonder how you do it, too. But that's not to say that I think having four kids is bad in any way.

Do you think sometimes we SAHM are a little sensitive, like we automatically feel we need to prove ourselves to the outside world? I think WOHM feel something similar, only they need to justify why they work! Seems like there's always someone waiting to criticize some decision you've made, no matter what. [:@]

Point taken Ruth. I certainly don't get offended when I get those types of comments LOL (and I hope I didn't imply that I do...) I guess it just gets repetative...kwim?

I don't get bored perse, but I can get stuck in a rut...with being inside all the time, or getting *too routine* and thus get lazy. I need to change things around every so often (not too often!) or I get lazy in my routine.
I brought this thread up in my mom's class at pwoc today [:D] we talked about the routine of motherhood, and how it's never ending job (as opposed to work outside the home...where it ends when you go home LOL)
The only other people I hang with are sahms...so I get plenty of support LOL. Unless I go home to visit. Then there are no other sahms and I'm outta luck [&:]
Sandy




HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 12:47:07 PM)

May I join, too? I'm a 33 yo SAHW- no children.




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 1:09:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant

May I join, too? I'm a 33 yo SAHW- no children.


By all means. Tell us about yourself, the ins and outs, the good and bad.




3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 2:20:17 PM)

Sidways, unfortunately I have had many unpleasant comments.

However, I've also recieved a surprising amount of positive comments, even from people who are die-hard career women. Generally they start with "Wow, I could never do that, but it is so great that you are home with your kids!". It may just be the church we're in. Lots of "I couldn't do that but, how cool that you are!" in regards to SAHM, breastfeeding, homeschooling, etc.




HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 2:25:18 PM)

OK, but I don't like to share my real name on a forum. Those who have posted though may PM me for some personal info as long as they promise not to share it. Y'all I trust... lurkers, not so much. [;)] Sorry, lurkers.

When dh and I married, we chose to live off his income in preparation for having children and raising them ouselves. We have very strong beliefs about parenting and chose to sacrifice financially so I could stay at home with them from the beginning. We've continued that ever since, no matter where I worked; My income was for luxuries, one-time purchases, and saving... not for meeting ongoing needs.

After college, I was a free-lance writer. I enjoyed it, but always felt it was a "in the mean time" job. After a year or so, I decided that I wanted to help others decorate their homes. I worked doing that for 3.5 years full-time. I couldn't handle maintaining my home, growing with dh, ministering to others, eating well and exercising, and spending time with God while working full-time. I chose to put dh and God as my priorities, and everything else was done sloppily.

So, dh and I decided it would be best if I could work part time. My company allowed me to switch after about 2 months and I worked 3.5 years in that job. During that time, I got more intentional about health, and ministered to others & maintained my home better, but still pretty sloppily. To add to the stress, my boss was nuts after his wife divorced him and was no longer at work to protect us from him (that's the short story [&:].)

Two years ago, I just reached the end of all I could handle with working outside of the home. I wasn't able to be a wife, a Christian, and an employee at the same time. I can't comprehend how a woman could do all those things and add children into the mix... and do it well. Something had to be given up and work was the thing that added the least value to our lives... in fact it was taking more than it was giving, both financially and emotionally. As it has turned out, we don't have children, but I still feel called to be at home. I think it's one of the reasons I wanted to help others decorate their homes... I wanted to help them have cozy homes. I also see indications that I was called to do this as early as high school when I put aside my dream of being an Opera Singer because I felt it wouldn't allow a stable, stationary home life like I craved.

Dh love it. He loves that my attitude is different. He loves that I can help him be healthier. He is so proud that I am involved in ministry at church. I think he's scared that I may get bored and want to work again. IMO, if I am truely taking care of our home, our relationship, my Christian walk, and our health I will have more than a full-time job.

Currently, I keep on a schedule. Mondays are exercise, laundry, and grocery days. Tuesdays are cleaning & cooking days. Wednesdays are Bible Study and Relationship days. Thursdays are Volunteer in the Church Revitalization Office days. Fridays are exercise, laundry, and misc days. Saturdays belong to dh (he may chose fun, rest, or work- I follow his lead unless I have something pressing.) Sundays are church and rest days.

Sometimes, I get "cabin fever" and would rather be outside or doing something different... but once I have my break outside in the sun or at the mall, I'm good to go again. It's the same as the "spring fever" I got sometimes when working.

I guess that pretty much summerizes my life.




3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 2:27:32 PM)

quote:

but then i would have no excuse to not be ontop of the house work and the dishes and cooking everynight.... and I would have to give up my cleaning lady cause I would feel that I shouldn't really need any extra help....
and all those feelings and thoughts are making me go crazy.....I know what I need to do... but I am not sure I can do it!? does that make sence...


Well, first of all, if you can afford a cleaning lady on your husband's income, and perhaps if you could find something else to cut in the budget, I say keep her! With no guilt. [:D]
With two small children, it is hard (sometimes impossible) to have the home perfect and the meals done. You could ask your dh what is most important to him and prioritize that way. If a tidy home is what he appreciates most, make sure that is done and do conveneince food for a while. Or if he likes a nice hot meal every evening, let the house go a little (or let the cleaning lady do it [8D]) and bless him that way. And let the guilt go. Because the rest of the day you will be busy with two small children.

If we lived in Ethiopia, we would almost certainly have someone coming in to cook and help with cleaning. 1. We could afford it there. 2. It gives someone a job 3. She could cook dh's cultural food and 4. It would give us the opportunity to do more with our children, to go places with them, to do ministry as a family, etc.

If you can afford it, you needn't feel guilty about it. I mean, would you feel less guilty if you had a teenage mother's helper come for free? I wouldn't. Help is help, paid or not. [:D]




Sideways -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 2:31:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I still feel called to be at home. I think it's one of the reasons I wanted to help others decorate their homes... I wanted to help them have cozy homes.


Oh, to bad you don't live near Atlanta. dH has said that he'd like our home to look nicer (outside of cleaning), and I have no gift for that sort of thing, especially on a budget.

I blame my mom; she's not a great housekeeper, either. [8D][8D] (But an awesome lady, though.)




HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 2:33:43 PM)

If you'll slip on over to the home decorating chat thread in this same folder, post pictures, and ask questions, then you can get ideas from me and others (Sarah, Jessica, Jen, Ryanne, etc [;)])




Harvie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 3:11:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harvie
When I married my wonderful DH in 2003, he asked me to prayerfully consider whether my highly stressful career was really the best choice for me. After several stubborn years (and getting more and more stressed as my mental and physical health deteriorated), I decided that the time away from home, the stress, and not getting to spend time with my wonderful DH wasn't making either of us happy, so I quit my job in 2005 so that I could stay home and "just be a wife."


May I ask, why was it such a black and white decision for you? In other words, why was it either "high stress, long hours job" or staying home? Did you ever consider a part time, lower stress job or something?

I am not saying this to criticize, but I would like to understand you better.



Since last October, I've applied for over 110 "part time, lower stress" jobs ... because I wanted to earn some extra money .... and can't seem even to get an interview, much less a job offer. Somehow, they took one look at my resume, see my three college degrees (including my doctorate) and that I was a trial attorney for 15 years, and decide that I am (presumably) overqualified for whatever "part time, lower stress" job that I've applied for. And I just don't feel right in omitting all of this information from my resume, frankly .... that feels dishonest to me... besides, I wouldn't have anything else to put on my resume! Heck, I couldn't even get churches or non-profit groups to hire me for minimum wage!

So, after seeing how depressed and discouraged I was getting over unsuccessfully searching for a part-time job, my wonderful DH suggested I just stop applying and enjoy being home. I know he doesn't want to see me working at all right now (not even "part time") ... so I am submitting to his wishes and just "keeping house" for now.




Harvie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/6/2008 3:13:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2

quote:

I am Harvie and I am a 42-year-old SAHW. (I hope it's ok that I've snuck into this SAHM thread)

you are a SAHM to how many cats right now? I think you fit nicely!!! Kitties need a mommy too sometimes!!!!


13 rescued cats, 2 rescued dogs




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