I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (Full Version)

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Leslie_JnJs_mom -> I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 8:50:26 AM)

I think I got a little over confident thinking I had somehow escaped the terrible 2's with my daughter. I do believe they have finally struck. There are days I want to go hide. My main problem is Jessica saying no. The second is when she dances instead of doing what I tell her.
I have read some books but I am also looking for opinions from parents who dealt with this. So any ideas?
Thanks



TMeeks -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 9:24:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

I think I got a little over confident thinking I had somehow escaped the terrible 2's with my daughter. I do believe they have finally struck. There are days I want to go hide. My main problem is Jessica saying no. The second is when she dances instead of doing what I tell her.
I have read some books but I am also looking for opinions from parents who dealt with this. So any ideas?
Thanks

What you are experiencing is the confusion your child is facing due to her moving from one view of herself as an extension of you and a new view of herself as an independent person. Dr. Leaf, a learning specialist suggests holding the child close in a meltdown to being them back into your realm for a moment ot two.

If you go to Google and put in this phrase (complete with quotes) you will find some great information. "neurons" "Terrible twos"

What is going on is that the child is born with extra neurons needed in the womb. At the toddler stage a Pruning or selective elimination of synapses occurs to rid the brain of these extra synapses. This, of course, requires some reorganization of the brain. And, just like Spring cleaning that can be a bit stressful while it's happening... both for the child and the mom that has to deal with the child's stress. [;)]

So, except for the wanting to shoot yourself, it's all very scientific. [:D][:D]



beefcake_sleuth -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 9:31:46 AM)

I always say they should call it the terrible threes and not twos. That has been my experience also.

The best I can tell you is just not to stress over it too much, this too shall pass.

And be consistent. I am sure you'll get more specific advice. I just wanted to encourage you.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 9:33:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks

So, except for the wanting to shoot yourself, it's all very scientific. [:D][:D]



[sm=yummy.gif] I have this smiley in mind when dealing with her at times.



Kat_D -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 9:45:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

I think I got a little over confident thinking I had somehow escaped the terrible 2's with my daughter. I do believe they have finally struck. There are days I want to go hide. My main problem is Jessica saying no. The second is when she dances instead of doing what I tell her.
I have read some books but I am also looking for opinions from parents who dealt with this. So any ideas?
Thanks

What you are experiencing is the confusion your child is facing due to her moving from one view of herself as an extension of you and a new view of herself as an independent person. Dr. Leaf, a learning specialist suggests holding the child close in a meltdown to being them back into your realm for a moment ot two.

If you go to Google and put in this phrase (complete with quotes) you will find some great information. "neurons" "Terrible twos"

What is going on is that the child is born with extra neurons needed in the womb. At the toddler stage a Pruning or selective elimination of synapses occurs to rid the brain of these extra synapses. This, of course, requires some reorganization of the brain. And, just like Spring cleaning that can be a bit stressful while it's happening... both for the child and the mom that has to deal with the child's stress. [;)]

So, except for the wanting to shoot yourself, it's all very scientific. [:D][:D]


No offense TMeeks, but neurons schmorons and there is nothing scientific about it!!! [8|]

We are all born with a sin nature and your little girl is just getting to the age where she is able to display it in all it's glory and she has also reached the age where it is no longer "cute!" It is nothing a little discipline won't cure. Saying "no" or "dancing" when she is told to do something warrant a punishment of some sort because she's being willfully disobedient. You will have to determine what punishment is the most effective for her and the key here is consistency. That means every time she does it, there is a consequence. She'll get the message soon enough. Happy parenting![;)]



coach_bob1 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 10:20:10 AM)

I have one past that age and one exactly at that point.

My oldest daughter became well aquainted with the stairs.
My second daughter has become best friends with the corner.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 10:38:55 AM)

LOL...welcome to the three's!!!!! We recently had a thread on dealing with three year olds...HERE is a link to it...maybe some stuff in there would help you out in your situation too.



manda59 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 10:51:04 AM)

Perhaps I am just weird [:D] but I LOVED that stage! I never really enjoyed the total dependence stage, but found it wonderful when they started really developing their own personalities, becoming their own person and asserting themselves - even if it was to defy or argue.

I found that, first of all, not taking it personally was the key, but to just see it for what it was (the start of a move towards independence). I prayed that the Lord would help me shape their characters without crushing their spirits. And then I tried out various things I'd read about
(I had no-one to ask really - and anyway preferred reading books because books weren't offended if you chose not to take their advice!)

2monkeysmom, how do you react when she says "no" or dances? (what kind of dance is it anyway? lol)

Incidentally, is she saying "no" in response to being asked if she'd do such and such, or to you telling her to do such and such?



Kat_D -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 11:41:18 AM)

quote:

Incidentally, is she saying "no" in response to being asked if she'd do such and such, or to you telling her to do such and such?


Very good point. Never ask a 3 year-old if they want to do something unless you like hearing the word,"No!" [:D]



TMeeks -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 11:57:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

I think I got a little over confident thinking I had somehow escaped the terrible 2's with my daughter. I do believe they have finally struck. There are days I want to go hide. My main problem is Jessica saying no. The second is when she dances instead of doing what I tell her.
I have read some books but I am also looking for opinions from parents who dealt with this. So any ideas?
Thanks

What you are experiencing is the confusion your child is facing due to her moving from one view of herself as an extension of you and a new view of herself as an independent person. Dr. Leaf, a learning specialist suggests holding the child close in a meltdown to being them back into your realm for a moment ot two.

If you go to Google and put in this phrase (complete with quotes) you will find some great information. "neurons" "Terrible twos"

What is going on is that the child is born with extra neurons needed in the womb. At the toddler stage a Pruning or selective elimination of synapses occurs to rid the brain of these extra synapses. This, of course, requires some reorganization of the brain. And, just like Spring cleaning that can be a bit stressful while it's happening... both for the child and the mom that has to deal with the child's stress. [;)]

So, except for the wanting to shoot yourself, it's all very scientific. [:D][:D]


No offense TMeeks, but neurons schmorons and there is nothing scientific about it!!! [8|]

We are all born with a sin nature and your little girl is just getting to the age where she is able to display it in all it's glory and she has also reached the age where it is no longer "cute!" It is nothing a little discipline won't cure. Saying "no" or "dancing" when she is told to do something warrant a punishment of some sort because she's being willfully disobedient. You will have to determine what punishment is the most effective for her and the key here is consistency. That means every time she does it, there is a consequence. She'll get the message soon enough. Happy parenting![;)]

No offense taken, Kat_D.

Yes, the child does have a sin nature and we need to always remember that.

But, ignorance is the pinnacle of unBiblical attitudes and actions. Jesus is TRUTH. And that means that WHERE EVER there is TRUTH there He is. To deny TRUTH is to deny Jesus Christ. And, there is undeniable TRUTH in what has been observed to happen in the brain of infants to toddlers. To deny that is to deny the way God made that child and to deny the way God made that child is to deny an aspect of the person and work of Jesus Christ.

Why do you think Paul felt compelled to write...

Eph 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Col 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

Discipline, yes. But, discipline with wisdom and knowledge and you will have children that grow in the grace of the Lord without being damaged.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 1:09:45 PM)

She says no mainly when she is already in trouble. I punish her by putting her nose on the wall. She will start saying no when I tell her to keep her nose on the wall. She will turn her head to the side saying no. I feel all out of options at that point. I am researching what to do when a 3 year old will not stay in time out.
She dances and refuses to co operate when we need to get shoes on, get dressed, come and eat dinner. Using a stern tone of voiceor getting frustrated usually results in crying and a melt down that takes even longer to resolve. She is very sensitive. My mom laughs because I was the same way so in a twisted way she enjoys it. My mom says I am a far better parent then she was saying I handle it better then she did so she really does not have a lot of advice.
I am not sure what the dance is.[:D] She just kinda swings around like a little princess. It would be really cute if I was not getting frustrated because she is not listening to me.

No no I am not asking if she wants to do something and hearing the word no. I value my daughters opinion when I ask it. I want her to feel like she can say no when she does not want to do something. Especially in this day and age I do not want her to blindly do what any adult tells her to because she was never taught it is ok to say no.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 2:09:49 PM)

lol. My first child was a sweet darling at 2. When he turned three he turned into a hellion for a while. [&:] Second child is following suit (His sullen response to almost anything these days: "Shut out!! Shut out!!" which I think means "Shut up" [8|]).

quote:

I want her to feel like she can say no when she does not want to do something. Especially in this day and age I do not want her to blindly do what any adult tells her to because she was never taught it is ok to say no.


You can teach her to obey you without turning her into a mindless weakling. [;)] My 5 yo knows that he is to obey mom and dad. That's it. But he also knows that it is more than OK to say no to a stranger. He is is *supposed* to refuse food/rides/hugs from strangers if there is ever a situation where I am not right there with them, and more than that, he is quite tickled to recite what he's allowed to do to anyone that tries to forcibly take him (bite, kick, scream, yell for help). We have regular discussions on what is appropriate behavior, what he should never allow, good vs bad touching, etc.

There is a difference between stranger danger and discipline, though, and kids are smart enough to understand that. You can teach her to make an appeal, but she has to recognize that *you* are in authority, not her, and if her appeal is rejected, she has to either obey, or face the consequences.



HopeSpringsEternal -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 2:17:46 PM)

This sounds so much like my 3-year-old it's not even funny. "No" has become her favorite word, and she loves to dance and run the other way when she's feeling sassy.

I find, though, that the answer to this is usually about my attitude and the way I present my wishes. When I'm in a good mood, and I ask her if she can help Mommy, her answer is almost always an enthusiastic, "Sure!" She loves being Mommy's little helper.

If, however, I'm in a less-than-cheerful mood and start making demands on her, this is when she balks. I swear, this child can sense a crummy mood from a mile away, and it always sparks her own. Which makes my own mood worse. Which makes hers worse. Which makes mine worse . . . you get the picture.

I've been doing a lot of Bible searching and praying about this recently. Since my husband left two years ago, and then the divorce becoming final last month, it's really been up to me to be both sides of the parental coin -- loving and supportive, as mothers tend to be; but firm and ready to discipline, as fathers usually are.

Being the disciplinarian can be so hard -- I swear, I feel like the only thing I say after we get home in the evening is, "Jasmine, stop it. Jasmine, don't do that. Jasmine, no. Jasmine, leave it alone. Jasmine, don't destroy your mother's sanity."

My mom says I never acted like she does when I was a child -- that I was calm, laid-back, and extremely contemplative. That's why I usually want to blame her stubbornness on her father, especially when I'm in the process of banging my head on the wall in frustration. But then I have to be honest and admit that I've got more than a measure of stubbornness, too. But I try to keep that quiet.

Many blessings for each of you during this Holy Week!



TMeeks -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 2:22:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

She says no mainly when she is already in trouble. I punish her by putting her nose on the wall. She will start saying no when I tell her to keep her nose on the wall. She will turn her head to the side saying no. I feel all out of options at that point. I am researching what to do when a 3 year old will not stay in time out.
She dances and refuses to co operate when we need to get shoes on, get dressed, come and eat dinner. Using a stern tone of voiceor getting frustrated usually results in crying and a melt down that takes even longer to resolve. She is very sensitive. My mom laughs because I was the same way so in a twisted way she enjoys it. My mom says I am a far better parent then she was saying I handle it better then she did so she really does not have a lot of advice.
I am not sure what the dance is.[:D] She just kinda swings around like a little princess. It would be really cute if I was not getting frustrated because she is not listening to me.

No no I am not asking if she wants to do something and hearing the word no. I value my daughters opinion when I ask it. I want her to feel like she can say no when she does not want to do something. Especially in this day and age I do not want her to blindly do what any adult tells her to because she was never taught it is ok to say no.

I dont know if you have ever seen the series called "SuperNanny"; but, the web site for her show may be helpful. Notice that all discipline of very young children ends in a hug from mom or dad.

Years ago, when I was a video producer. one of the series that I worked with involved turning around the behaviour of so-called 'angry children' and the thrust actually focused more on developing parenting skills that were very similar to her techniques.



isaacsmom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:12:02 PM)

I'm experiencing the same thing. I've been assured from my friends who have or have had three-year-olds that it's perfectly normal.

My once perfectly well-behaved two-year-old changed into a different kiddo during the week of his third birthday. No kidding. Telling us "NO", wanting to be independent and refusing to let us help him, whining, etc. We are encouraging and praising the independence, but not the attitude. He gets spanked (it works for him) or gets his movies taken away for a day, or sent to the "naughty chair" for a period of time, etc. Whatever is appropriate for the situation. He just got in trouble for the second time today for going over to the neighbor's house without permission [8|] Oy.

However, he is learning pretty quickly that he will not get away with the attitude toward mommy and daddy. We are trying to be very consistent with that.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:17:08 PM)

I've always said that whoever coined the phrase 'terrible 2s' simply didn't wait until the child in question turned three!

It's a tough time, like adolescence is, when the kids are making some huge changes. Fortunately, it passes!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:19:21 PM)

quote:

I feel all out of options at that point. I am researching what to do when a 3 year old will not stay in time out.

check out the other thread I linked to in an earlier post.....I really don't want to have to retype everything that was said in there....it is several pages of advice in different situations. I would retype it all, but I have carpel tunnel and it is really acting up today....so please, go read that thread.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:23:31 PM)

Oh yes Jessica too was such a darling at 2. I cant believe that she gave us the first screaming fit at wal mart. Of course we were trying to get her to stand with her nose against a wall at the time. She would not sit down in the cart and when we told her to sit she said no. The nose against the wall used to work really fast. Within a few seconds I could tell her cry had turned from the mad to I am sorry cry. Now the mad cry stays much longer. She also will continue to say no when we ask her if she is ready to behave. We had to stand there for 5 minutes before she finally said yes she was ready to behave. When she is done being stubborn I get my sweet little girl back, but if I let her up before she says she is ready to behave within a few minutes she is usually right back to not listening and being sassy. She has also started pointing her finger at me telling me that she will not stand on the wall. What fun!!!!



john_is_free -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:42:29 PM)

My wife and I are foster parents so we often get children that have never had proper discipline (usually none or inappropriate). My wife is an expert at these children. consistancy, structure, reward and circumstances are required.

Do want to come and eat when it is time - fine missing one meal will not hurt them
Standing in corner not working - time does not start till they are quiet.
Even a three year old can understand the cause and effect and can be expected to know what is required. Our 3 year old know that she is to be quiet and still at nap time in daycare. If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens. When she does good she gets a sticker and lots of praise from mom and dad.

Do not discipline from acros the room. Eye level and a low voice works wonders.

Do not ignore even the smallest exception to the rules, because it actually confuses the kid. they now do not not the rules.

Just my thoughs, hope it helps!



jennleigh -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:57:29 PM)

quote:

Very good point. Never ask a 3 year-old if they want to do something unless you like hearing the word,"No!"


My boys are all older now, (15, 11, 10) but I have one on the way, and reading this made me laugh out loud! I remember my oldest son was having surgery and he was so angry at the nurses for making him change into the hospital gown, making him lay down, putting an IV in him, etc. and he was being just generally grumpy that morning (apparently 3 year olds don't like being awakened at 5am to go to the hospital for surgery lol)

When they put the mask on him to put him under, they were asking him questions to see if he was still awake. He answered "no" to every single one of them! They even asked him if he wanted some chocolate ice cream and he, completely helpless, eyes closed, and seconds from being completely out, shook his head "no" at the nurse. She laughed and laughed about it, saying that it was so typical of 3 year olds!

It brings back so many memories of my boys at that age, and yes, consistency, consistency, consistency is the key. . . that and the knowledge that this too, shall pass. I am reminded of that myself knowing I'll be going through it again in a few years [&:]



laura... -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 3:57:52 PM)

My oldest son hit the "terrible twos" at the age of 16 months. It didn't end until he moved out at the age of 22. I recommend consistency and possessing a stronger will than theirs.



Kat_D -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 4:11:48 PM)

quote:

If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens.


[:D][:D][:D] That is so funny! Kids are a riot!

When my daughter was about 3 1/2, I heard her being bossy with her little friend outside. She'd been warned about that before. I looked out the window, and when she saw me, she said, "I've got to go in my room now for bossing you around, Wendy. If I get out early, I'll come back outside. I'm sorry I was mean!" She then walked inside and proceeded straight back to her bedroom and closed the door...all without me uttering a word!![:D]



TMeeks -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 4:14:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: john_is_free

My wife and I are foster parents so we often get children that have never had proper discipline (usually none or inappropriate). My wife is an expert at these children. consistancy, structure, reward and circumstances are required.

Do want to come and eat when it is time - fine missing one meal will not hurt them
Standing in corner not working - time does not start till they are quiet.
Even a three year old can understand the cause and effect and can be expected to know what is required. Our 3 year old know that she is to be quiet and still at nap time in daycare. If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens. When she does good she gets a sticker and lots of praise from mom and dad.

Do not discipline from acros the room. Eye level and a low voice works wonders.

Do not ignore even the smallest exception to the rules, because it actually confuses the kid. they now do not not the rules.

Just my thoughs, hope it helps!


There are skills that all of us should be taught much earlier in life. But, we aren't.

That is why I appreciate the "Super Nanny" show so much, because parents can see that it just takes a few skills and a lot of consistency to completely turn nasty repetitive behaviour around. Eye level, for instance, is a very important skill to learn.

But, it's equally important to know how to end the discipline... and, that is with a hug or other sign of love. After all, isn't that WHY we take the time to discipline our children? That is very important to communicate clearly.



jennleigh -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 4:18:30 PM)

Kat,

This reminds me of when my middle son was 2 1/2 years old. My sister had come to visit, and for whatever reason, he decided that he did not like her. He refused to be nice to her! After he hit her, I told him to apologize, and he refused. I told him to go get in his bed until he was ready to apologize. He crossed his arms and stubbornly stomped down the hallway, chin in the air.

About an hour later, he comes down the hallway again and I was so sure he was ready to apologize that I smiled at him and said, "That's better; I'm so proud you decided to apologize". With that, he remembered why he was in the room in the first place and without a word, he turned around, and stomped right back into his room!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 4:49:00 PM)

quote:

If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens.

I actually don't agree with that method....maybe with the first part of making her lay down at home....maybe.....but not going to be early after dinner too. That's just too much....kids have energy and it needs to be expelled, and a three year old doesn't need to be punished for six hours because they had energy and couldn't sit still. That is way overdoing it.



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