RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (Full Version)

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Kat_D -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 6:17:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2

quote:

If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens.

I actually don't agree with that method....maybe with the first part of making her lay down at home....maybe.....but not going to be early after dinner too. That's just too much....kids have energy and it needs to be expelled, and a three year old doesn't need to be punished for six hours because they had energy and couldn't sit still. That is way overdoing it.


Sarah, I thought he was saying that in the past, if she didn't nap at school, she had to go to bed when she got home until dinnertime... and that now, if she doesn't nap at school she knows the punishment, so she auotimatically goes to bed until dinnertime without being told. I didn't read it like she had to go to bed until dinnertime and then back to bed after dinnertime...however, I could be mistaken.



Karaboo2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/17/2008 8:56:55 PM)

(Posting blind)

I've always said that they are the 'terrible twos' because they last a minimum of two years ... LOL



manda59 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 6:10:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom
She says no mainly when she is already in trouble. I punish her by putting her nose on the wall. She will start saying no when I tell her to keep her nose on the wall. She will turn her head to the side saying no. I feel all out of options at that point. I am researching what to do when a 3 year old will not stay in time out.


You may find that altering the time out helps.

Time out doesn't have to be nose to the wall. You might find sitting her on a step, or in a certain chair, or being in a certain room, works better, because she will be more able to sit and think about what she did.

The other thing you could do is introduce a timer. Supernanny suggests one minute per year of child - repeating the time period if the child hasn't calmed down and also apologised.

quote:


She dances and refuses to co operate when we need to get shoes on, get dressed, come and eat dinner.


Just wondered, do you give her any warning about when these things are due to happen? I found with my ds especially, some warning/notice helped him switch from one activity to another.

If there are things she has to do each day, you might find a star chart helps - you could make up a chart with a picture representing each task, and each time she does this nicely, she gets a star, and then when she gets a certain amount of stars, she gets a treat.

With mine I also often found that "I bet you can't get your shoes on on your own" was taken up as a challenge by them [;)], as was "I bet you can't get dressed before etc etc.......". Getting her to help set the table might help get her in the frame of mind for coming and eating dinner - or mine used to *love* washing their hands, so saying "who wants to be first to wash their hands for dinner?" tended to produce an enthusiastic response too.

With two strong-willed children, what I found helped was to be inventive so that they'd do what I wanted them to do without me even having to tell them to do it. Like with getting dressed, I'd lay out two sets of clothes and ask which one they'd like to wear. My goal of course would be for them to get dressed, but making them feel like they had a choice defused that situation and ended up with the desired result.

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Using a stern tone of voiceor getting frustrated usually results in crying and a melt down that takes even longer to resolve.


You mean she throws a tantrum - how do you deal with it?

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I am not sure what the dance is.[:D] She just kinda swings around like a little princess. It would be really cute if I was not getting frustrated because she is not listening to me.


How do you react when she does this?



TMeeks -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 9:20:02 AM)

quote:

Manda59

With mine I also often found that "I bet you can't get your shoes on on your own" was taken up as a challenge by them , as was "I bet you can't get dressed before etc etc.......". Getting her to help set the table might help get her in the frame of mind for coming and eating dinner - or mine used to *love* washing their hands, so saying "who wants to be first to wash their hands for dinner?" tended to produce an enthusiastic response too.


That reminded me that both of my grandchildren loved the challenge of beating a counting target. We didn't count down to punishment; but, as a positive goal. "Let's see if you can get your shoes on before I count to 20!"

It also worked wonderfully when they got tired of riding in the car and we were near our destination. We'd say something like, "PopPop says that we'll be home before we can count to 100" and we'd start counting with the child repeating the number. It's amazing how early a child can learn to count if they don't know they are learning... they are playing a game!

Thanks for reminding me of the fun we had doing that! [:)]



john_is_free -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 10:28:03 AM)

Actually by this time she is exhausted and we usually have to wake her up.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 10:56:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2

quote:

If she does not do this she goes to bed when she gets home (till dinner is ready) she now goes straight to bed when this happens because she knows this is what happens.

I actually don't agree with that method....maybe with the first part of making her lay down at home....maybe.....but not going to be early after dinner too. That's just too much....kids have energy and it needs to be expelled, and a three year old doesn't need to be punished for six hours because they had energy and couldn't sit still. That is way overdoing it.


Sarah, I thought he was saying that in the past, if she didn't nap at school, she had to go to bed when she got home until dinnertime... and that now, if she doesn't nap at school she knows the punishment, so she auotimatically goes to bed until dinnertime without being told. I didn't read it like she had to go to bed until dinnertime and then back to bed after dinnertime...however, I could be mistaken.

As a general statement I still don't agree with it..then you are turning rest time into a punishment, not into a fun thing that her body might need at that time (on some days). Making a child lay down because they have energy is doing the opposite of how God made their bodies to be and it is teaching them to ignore their body's real needs!!! I would much rather my child be allowed to run around and expel that energy in a productive way then to teach them that their body's signs are wrong....but then again, this is one reason we homeschool....I don't want my child having to conform to a classroom time period with 30 other kids when their body might not be needing that. At home I can more closely monitor and give more options to my kids when they don't need to lay down.



john_is_free -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 12:49:51 PM)

To clear up the nap thing. She is only in bed until dinner and then she is up till bed time. And the length of time is she is in bed is usually only 30 minutes.

My point was... A child need to understand that there are consequences to their action and that their parents (both parents in accord!) are going to be consistent in the consequences.

And to say that it is OK to not conform to the rules because of a situation (like a little extra energy) sets children up for failure. If I coould not sit at my chair at work and get work done because I had to much energy I would be fired.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 1:26:42 PM)

quote:

And to say that it is OK to not conform to the rules because of a situation (like a little extra energy) sets children up for failure. If I coould not sit at my chair at work and get work done because I had to much energy I would be fired.

that makes NO sense to me....you are comparing a three year old's energy to that of an ADULT who has the mental capability to KNOW what kind of job their body will respond to best, and has the opportunity to make that decision based on their body's needs. My hubby can't sit still...he would go crazy in a desk job....so instead he is a mechanic!!! IMO It is setting a child up for failure to teach them that their body's signals are to be ignored!!!



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 2:12:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59


Just wondered, do you give her any warning about when these things are due to happen? I found with my ds especially, some warning/notice helped him switch from one activity to another.


quote:


Using a stern tone of voiceor getting frustrated usually results in crying and a melt down that takes even longer to resolve.


You mean she throws a tantrum - how do you deal with it?

How do you react when she does this?



I have never thought of giving her warning. I will try that thanks.

No she is not having a fit when she has one of her meltdowns. It is a heartbroken mommy is mad at me cry. I can tell the difference in her crying. I usually go and hold her until she calms down enough to do what I wanted her to do in the first place. I have sometimes wondered if she feels like she needs a bit more attention so she does this. I do not mind her needing some extra hugs or cuddles I just wish she would learn a new way to ask for it.



manda59 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 3:09:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom
No she is not having a fit when she has one of her meltdowns. It is a heartbroken mommy is mad at me cry. I can tell the difference in her crying. I usually go and hold her until she calms down enough to do what I wanted her to do in the first place.


How long does that take?
I was wondering if working on your own reaction might help, ie not letting your frustration show, and making sure your stern voice comes across as firm but without an edge.

quote:


I have sometimes wondered if she feels like she needs a bit more attention so she does this. I do not mind her needing some extra hugs or cuddles I just wish she would learn a new way to ask for it.


How much one-on-one time does she have with you each day?



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 3:14:12 PM)

Yeah I have been working on my tone of voice since that seems to set it off. I tend to sound more mad then stern. She is a very sensitive girl.



One on one time is hard to judge since I am home with her all day. I try to make sure I interact with her and not just supervise but she has always been high needs.



manda59 -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 3:23:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom
Yeah I have been working on my tone of voice since that seems to set it off. I tend to sound more mad then stern.




Maybe you need to be in time-out yourself first? [;)]



locomom -> RE: I think my 3 year old hit the terrible 2's (3/18/2008 5:51:38 PM)

This post is just for a little comic relief.

When my daughter was in the "no" stage, she could recite her ABC's. However she would always skip the "n" and the "o". So her recitation went from "m" to"p". I say it's because she wore those two letters out[sm=Llol.gif]!



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