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How many children? - 3/19/2008 5:49:21 PM
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justjennhere
Posts: 101
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How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?
I don't intend to start an argument over what is "right" or "wrong" in regards to childbearing... just want to know what your personal experience has been and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 6:02:11 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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I have always said (even when I was two years old) that I wanted 5-6 kids. When I married, my hubby only felt comfortable with two...so that's what we went with. Then after we had our second his parents started the old "you have a boy and a girl, that's perfect, so you should STOP now".....so in his rebellion (hehehe) he decided he wasn't ready to stop. I think it's just that God changed his heart. At that time he then agreed to four. A few years later, and when I was pregnant with #4 he made a comment about five or six....so I knew then that he was fully on board with my heart's desire. Now we are on #5 (due this summer) and are not sure if we will have more or not....we are relying on God's will over that decision. We have some other underlying things that we have to consider. For one...pregnancy is very VERY hard on me physically...I typically get put on bed rest and had had issues with toxemia in the past pregnancies and had to be induced for medical reasons. So that's a biggie. Secondly...financially we are pretty low because hubby is a soldier, but we do well with the money he does make. God has truly blessed us. One way is that we are totally debt free (except for the house we are buying)...a huge thing for us though is to stay debt free, and we have a van that will accommodate five kids/car seats. So if we do decide to have a sixth kid we would need a bigger van (and from past experience with bigger vehicles I might have a huge problem driving anything bigger then what we have). Third would be our ages....hubby is 38 and I am 30...we had our first 8 years ago. Because of personal reasons I don't see us having too many more kids for too much longer...hubby doesn't want to be raising kids still at home when he is 60...and I can understand that. We started when I was much younger then he was...and at my age now I can't imagine having five or so more kids from now til eight years from now. Fourth is, we are military and move often...because of either being moved, having to move to another place that was bigger, or other situations...we have moved 13 times in less then ten years of marriage. Moving gets harder and harder with a large family. Fifth...while we are comfortable in our own parenting abilities still at this point, we are definitely not sure we would want to go beyond six because we just know that we won't be comfortable anymore and we don't want to push ourselves to the breaking point like that....hard to describe that knowing, but we do.
So is this the end for us? We don't know.....but if it isn't for sure the last baby then it for sure is getting close for us.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 7:21:56 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1966
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quote:
How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?
My husband and I have 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls. Our eldest is almost exactly 4 years older then his younger sister and before she was conceived we were not sure God was going to allow us to have anymore children. We had been trying to conceive for a few years and when she was conceived it was truly a major blessing. The next two came rather quickly thereafter. I always wanted 4 children. Coming from a family of 6 I KNEW I wanted more then just a couple kids. There is just something about having several siblings that I didn't want my kids to miss out on. My husband is one of 3 kids and had always wanted no more than 3. But soon after #3 was born he was just absolutely certain that we needed one more. I'm now pushing 40 and my last pregnancy was tough on me and neither my hubby or I are not at all interested at all at still raising children when we are in our 60's. 4 works well for us and we prayerfully considered what God wanted for us and we felt God was okay with our desire to stay at 4 kiddos.
Blessings,
Garsy
_____________________________
Leave me alone - I'm old and deserve a nap!
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 7:25:35 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3357
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: justjennhere
How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?
I don't intend to start an argument over what is "right" or "wrong" in regards to childbearing... just want to know what your personal experience has been and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.
I had two girls, for which I thank God every single day! I knew I was done because my marriage ended.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
I weep for those who won't experience this because they have been deceived.
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 8:04:07 PM
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mathlady
Posts: 47
Joined: 2/26/2008
From: "cold" New England
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We have four children - 2 boys and 2 girld in that order. The oldest one was 5 1/2 when the youngest was born. We decided at that time that it was enough, so dh had a vasectomy. A lot of our decision was based on what other people - parents, church family, etc. - said about the fact that we had "so many children" so quickly. I was really blessed by one sister in the Lord, however, who was thrilled for us when we told her about the fourth pregnancy. Everyone else around us was making us feel guilty or irresponsible or just plain bad about being pregnant again so soon. But God placed this dear saint in my life just at the right time to remind me that children are a heritage from the Lord, and that this child was an incredible blessing from him. I found myself a few years later wishing that we had had more, but we didn't. Maybe that's why I surround myself with 125 teens every day at school....?
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 9:12:52 PM
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justjennhere
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Our two daughters also have birthdays during the same week! They are exactly one year and two days apart in age. 
My husband is an only child, and I'm from a family of just two siblings. When we became engaged, we assumed that we would do something similar -- one or two kids. As we prepared for marriage, we met many families who were advocates of having a "quiver full" and found that our reasons for wanting just a couple were mainly selfish. By the time we had been married a few months, we decided to have as many as the Lord would give us. We quickly became pregnant with our first, and when she was just three months old, we became pregnant with our second.
Life with a (now) twenty month old and an eight month old has challenged us in our thinking on the subject. I'm not sure, with them as close in age as they are, how much attention, energy, time I could give to my children if I had anymore. I'm not saying this is true of all women. I have a friend who has five under the age of five (yes, that is possible!), and she is an incredible mom with kids who are clearly receiving everything they need. I'm just not sure I'm one of them. After my first daughter was born, I longed to have another one, but now... I'm really content.
I guess I opened the discussion to see if, when you decided to stop having more children, you just knew it was right, you felt at peace with it, etc. Or if you've decided to have as many as God will give you, did you just have peace with that? I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together. Or maybe this is the Lord's way of giving us peace with two.
We love our girls so much, and I'm certain we would love another child just as much if we were blessed with one. I just wonder when it's time, if there's ever a time, for a Christian to choose not to have anymore. Not for health reasons, financial reasons, age reasons... just because it feels right. (I'm not big on feelings being the deciding factor in anything in my life, which is why I'm hesitant to leave this issue at feelings alone.)
Thanks for your thoughts so far! Interested to read more...
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 10:34:55 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1963
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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We currently have one child, a 14 month old little boy. We definitely know we want one more, but possibly two more. But, who knows we could end up with four when its all said and done. We know we want atleast two total children and maybe more.
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Chelle
<------- My Heart <3
"Friends are like bras: close to the heart and there for support."
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 11:36:31 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4935
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Who knows. DH only wants one more, maybe two more tops and I think because of my pregnancy complications that we still stop at 2 or 3, and then maybe adopt more later on. We both have a heart for domestic adoption so I know it will happen at some point.
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Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: How many children? - 3/19/2008 11:44:17 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4935
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quote:
ORIGINAL: krazyxsinner
quote:
so dh had a vasectomy.
Hubby says no way ever. How would he have more if I died?
DH says he doesn't want more if I die, so he doesn't care. I, on the other hand, wouldn't mind having more kids so we're leaving my fertility alone. Besides, Vasectomy's are reversable if you are willing to pay.
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 12:03:13 AM
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lexie
Posts: 2531
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From: Toronto
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So far we have one daughter, we hope for 3 more. Whether they come by me giving birth, or us adopting it does not matter. We really hope to adopt at least one, probably our last, and then we will adopt an older child.
I have only one sister, Dh grew up in family of 8 but also has two other half siblings. I would love a larger family then I had, Dh would love a smaller family than he had.
Like Sarah, my husband is older than me and doesn't want to be having children past a certain age (40). It gives us 5 more years to have as many children as I can get in there (!) and I respect his wishes.
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 3:22:17 AM
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at-home
Posts: 42
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We didn't decide ahead of time how many children we wanted to have - we were open to as many as the Lord desired to give us. Once our oldest was 30 and our youngest was 12, we realized we were still "open" and desirous of having more children, so we pursued adoption. God responded by giving us our twin daughters who we brought home as babies almost a year ago. We're keepin' the party rolling! 
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 4:33:54 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2834
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quote:
I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together.
I think if you talk to any one with a bunch of kids ("quiverfull" or not) or two kids close together, you will hear that feeling exhausted is completely reasonable. 
Just remember that this is a *season* of life, and they are not going to be 20 months and 8 months forever.
If God was in the habit of just plunking down 12 two-year olds in our lap, that would be a frightening thought for anybody.  However, that's not how it works. If he gives me and dh 12 (which we would love!), the oldest will be at or near adulthood, not physically needy like infants are, and able to help. Actually, my 5 and 3 year olds have already started moving in that direction. Having 3 kids under 4 yo was tough at first, but then we got into the swing of things. I am sure the next baby will throw me off for a while, but we will grow into it again.
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"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 6:26:19 AM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1848
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
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Maggie makes a good point.
My kids are 5, 3, 22m, and 7m. It was tough when my husband was gone to training, with a 4yo, 2yo, 6mo and being pregnant. But it passed and now it's much easier, even with another child.
Being a mom is a high honor and a wonderful calling...it's also tiring, tough and sometimes overwhelming. But, it passes and it gets easier.
Give it a few months...as your toddler grows into an age where you can start to train her to help, and your infant grows into toddler hood and gets more independent....things will grow easier and it won't be quite so tiring.
mine are close together too Mama. It's tough, but I love it and I wouldn't change a thing!
Sandy
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The Daily Poop
DustySgt
<---Half my  is in Iraq
Before the Boogyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris...
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 8:44:52 AM
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Karaboo2
Posts: 1236
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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I finally figured out a while ago how to hush up the people who tsk tsk about the number of children we have and want. When I was preggers with #4, people kept making that annoying comment "Don't you know what CAUSES that yet? And shouldn't you be stopping???" I, being totally exhausted the one day and sick of hearing it, retorted "Actually, we have a list of 25 things, and we are crossing them off one by one ... so far, writing a letter doesn't cause children!" Dh just about split a gut when I told him!!! And the person I said it TO just piped down and walked away quickly. Not sure what shocked her more -- that she couldn't just get away with saying whatever she wanted, or the possibility that we could end up with 25 kids!
_____________________________
Kara
"I am not here. I am lost. I have gone to find myself. If I should get back before I return, please ask me to wait!"
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RE: How many children? - 3/20/2008 10:23:02 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12194
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
"Don't you know what CAUSES that yet? And shouldn't you be stopping???" I, being totally exhausted the one day and sick of hearing it, retorted "Actually, we have a list of 25 things, and we are crossing them off one by one ... so far, writing a letter doesn't cause children!"
ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!! my typical answer for that is "Yes, and we like it"
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together.
I think if you talk to any one with a bunch of kids ("quiverfull" or not) or two kids close together, you will hear that feeling exhausted is completely reasonable.
Just remember that this is a *season* of life, and they are not going to be 20 months and 8 months forever.
YUP....I completely agree!!! Life with little ones (esp that little) can be a challenge at times...after all that's why we women on here have THIS thread over in the Women's Only Personal Issues folder (which btw, you are invited to join in on...it's a chat style thread, so you don't have to read everything...just post who you are, etc). Sometimes it's good to know you aren't the only one who's whole day revolves around diapers and naps.
quote:
If God was in the habit of just plunking down 12 two-year olds in our lap, that would be a frightening thought for anybody.
I have people ask me quite often how I can handle four kids, and that's my answer to them....they grew on us....it's not like God gave us all of them at once!!! It's a process that you not only grow into but you grow with. I think there is a time when you have to figure out IF you can handle anything more, but I also think that most of that needs to be up to God. I hear all the time people say "God won't give you more then you can handle"....and I HATE that statement!!! YES HE WILL...and DOES!!!! He won't give you more then HE can handle through you....but He WILL typically give you more then YOU can handle. That's how He stretches you and makes you reach out into areas that otherwise you wouldn't reach out into. My first two kids are 16mo apart in age....and our first was developmentally delayed, so for a long time they were on the same level developmentally....and it was HARD...but God never let me down in everything we went through. I think now, because of those struggles, I have learned to lean on God more instead of our own strength...and that has changed my out look a lot in different situations. seven years ago when we had our first two kids I couldn't have imagined going through a pregnancy alone without my husband there with me...yet with #3 I had to face that one. I HATED that growing period. God did allow us to be together in the last trimester (we are military and were moving overseas at that time, so we were having paper problems with getting me and the kids moved, and he had to be in Germany). I balked at every turn with that trial...I HATED it and I did NOT want to go through it. God allowed me the opportunity though, because HE knew my future. Later, with #4 I found out I was pregnant after hubby had deployed....and I ended up going through that entire pregnancy alone. If that had to be the first time I had gone through that I don't know that I would have had the strength to make it....but God knew that and prepared an opportunity for me in my past pregnancy to learn a few well needed lessons before I had to deal with the whole severity of that entire pregnancy being alone. Would I choose that again? NO...absolutely not....but that's my selfishness talking. Am I glad I went through what I have? YES...absolutely. I learned and grew a TON more then any other kind of experience could have produced...and God knew that.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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