RE: How many children? (Full Version)

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isaacsmom -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 12:52:56 PM)

We don't know how many children the Lord will give us, biological or adopted.

Hubby has always wanted 2 bio and then adopt one (or two).

I always wanted 3 children. Adoption will be hard for me, the Lord will have to work on my heart and I'm totally willing to let him.

Right now we have a boy and a girl, 22 months apart. They are 3 yrs old and 15 months old right now. DH and I are both feeling perfectly satisfied at the moment and aren't going to plan on anymore unless the Lord lays it on our hearts in the future. We're open to that. We have no idea what the future holds, but we know the Lord holds it and that's exciting. [:)]

I come from a family of 4 kids. DH comes from a family of 2. We don't care what people say about family size. Around this area, it's very common to have a large, homeschooling family.

However, we are getting comments about it "being time for another one" from a LOT of people and that's getting annoying. [&:]



rainbowtvp -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 1:24:51 PM)

We have two (d16 & ds19 tomorrow). Neither was planned or expected. We call them our surprises! I had actually never planned to have any biological children for a variety of reasons. I wanted to adopt. However, I am glad I had the experience of pregnancy and birth, etc (though I also had serious complications the first time and was on bed rest the second).

I always wanted a third... but we were barely making it as it was and we just kept thinking maybe later... then once my youngest got to a certain age, I realized I just couldn't go through babyhood and toddlerhood again (not to mention pregnancy, etc) or even the addition of an older child though adoption. As a family, I don't think we could have done it. And I don't think it is what God wanted for us. So, dh had a vasectomy.

I did not really feel peace about it at first. I had to mourn for that baby I realized I would never have. But I had a strong sense at the time that my feelings were selfish. After I got through those feelings, then I had peace about it.

Tara P



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 1:48:22 PM)

We have three children...
ds 4 (5 in June)
ds 3 (4 in July)
dd 2 (on 3-5)

We decided that this was the last one because each pregnancy and/or delivery had complications of some sort.
#1...had a large ovarian cyst that had to be removed at 28 weeks...pre-term labor-- stopped, kidney infections, pre-term labor--stopped, and then had him only a few weeks early....
#2...his heart rate dropped considerably during pushing...had to get him out fast...and then he wasn't breathing right...had to be in NICU for 8 days...
#3...born with fused fingers and toes, extra toes...patient at the Shriner Hospital for multiple surgeries...

This has been really draining on us in many ways...
We love our three, and are blessed with each one, but we are also sure of our decision to have only 3.



joannepir -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 2:02:39 PM)

We have four children ages 22, 19, 10 & 7. I always wanted atleast three but it took a long time for our third to be born. Since there was such an age difference, we decided to have #4. It has been great. After #4, my husband had a vascectomy because he was already in his 40's.



Brooke313 -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 2:12:12 PM)

I had difficult pregnancies with both of our girls and they are very close together (13 1/2 months). When our doctor said you better not have any more, we opted to have my dh have a vasectomy. So we quit. I am glad. I love my girls, but I really do not want to have little ones again. I don't how my mother did it in her 40's with two toddler boys and two teenage girls. I am enjoying this stage of life and know this is where God would have me be.[:)]



mamaof3miracles -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 3:17:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlessedMamaofmany

We'll stop when God stops sending them.


I love your answer!! haha It's exactly how we feel.

We don't really have a set number. I didn't think we could conceive at all. 4.5 years of trying before God sent us our first. The Dr warned me that we might not have any trouble at all getting pg with #2, but I didn't believe her. Sure enough with #1 was 4.5 months old I found out we were expecting #2. And when #2 was almost 6 months old I found out we were expecing #3.lol We aren't done, but I'm taking a break. I have rough pregnancies (blood pressure issues and others), so my body needs a break.



SweetLittleErin -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 4:10:37 PM)

We are saying three, but right now I am just thrilled to be expecting one! (Conceiving was not easy for us.) However, if we have three, and decide we want more, we'll go for it. We arent limiting ourselves to a perfect set number. But three is our current "target" [:)]



PrincessDonna -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 4:19:09 PM)

We never really had a set number, and then had trouble conceiving #3 (our second bio child...#2 is not mine biologically). After that series of events, we opened up our hearts to God's leading and not our own. We are expecting #5 in September and are both leaning toward this being the last baby for us. Not making a permanent decision until we are sure that is where God is leading, but I have medical problems that get much worse when pregnant, and battle an aggressive form of endometriosis and cysts when I'm not pregnant. If we decide this baby is the last, I will likely have a complete hysterectomy when the baby is a few months old.

That doesn't mean our family is done being built though. We both have a dream of doing foster care and possibly adopting through that. That may not come until our other kids are mostly grown though, because of issues we've had with my stepson (I hate that word...he is MINE just as much as the others are mine...but I use it for clarity of those reading).

So bottom line...my body may be done, but our hearts are still open to more if that's what God has for us. I'm not willing to put a number on it.



Homegrownkids -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 5:26:23 PM)

quote:

However, we are getting comments about it "being time for another one" from a LOT of people and that's getting annoying.


We've heard the comment "Oh, you have a nice start to your family" from some larger families. I think they were mostly joking though.



reach -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 7:03:25 PM)

I want 3. 2 boys and 1 girl. My husband wants one girl. I am not sure how many we will have. We will start with one and go from there.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 9:45:25 PM)

I'm single, and I know we don't really get to control these things, but my ideal would be two boys and one girl(two boys to play sports with each other, and a girl to spoil). But then sometimes I think it is better to have at least four so as not to leave one out. Sometimes when I was growing up I wanted 7, and sometimes 12, and sometimes 6, and only once, 16, but at my age, I don't think a huge family is a realistic idea, even if I do marry soon.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 10:09:14 PM)

quote:

my ideal would be two boys and one girl(two boys to play sports with each other, and a girl to spoil)

I am the one girl with two brothers (both of whom hate sports btw) and I always hated not having a sister to share/do things with. Now as an adult I still hate it because my brothers have their own lives and we really don't talk all that much.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 10:50:40 PM)

quote:

and I always hated not having a sister to share/do things with. Now as an adult I still hate it because my brothers have their own lives and we really don't talk all that much.



Thanks for letting me know that. I'm sorry it was hard not having a sister[:(]. I had 3 sisters and always wanted a brother (in addition, not to replace, btw). Grass is always greener on the other side, eh?[;)] Honestly, in the last few weeks, the idea of just two girls has kind of appealed to me. I do seem to notice one advantage of you being the only girl is that you do seem close to your mom.



justjennhere -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 12:18:22 AM)

Wow -- so many different ways to look at this issue! All of your thoughts have been very helpful. Thank you!

We're still praying through it. We're in our late twenties so we have a long while before there's any real urgency to make a decision. I do worry that if we wait very long, our third will be the odd girl out with our first two already (even at their very young ages!) acting like the best of friends.

And about the comments people make about large families... My husband (who's a pastor) had a deacon in our church come into his office after we let the church know we were expecting our second child to ask if we knew about birth control. Which was really ironic, since about a week later, his wife announced that she was expecting their FOURTH child! Ha, ha! His problem was that we were having them too close together, and he believed that because they had waited a mere six months longer than us before getting pregnant again, they were doing it right.

People are funny. You get thoughtless comments for having "too many" kids, for not having enough kids, for having them too far apart, for having them too close together, etc, etc. We're challenged to remember that God's plan for one family is never exactly the same as His plan for another. We're challenged even more to pray that our words reflect His grace and His attitude towards children (blessing!) and that we'll be opened to whatever He has for our family's future.

(And on a side note -- yay for all of you military moms! My husband pastored a church in Okinawa for a year, and we were amazed by the godly mothers who took such great care of their families through long deployments, basically living as single moms. My friend who has five under five was one of them, and we honestly did "rise up and call her blessed" when she'd march her little ones down the aisle at church week after week while her husband was halfway around the world, all of them dressed up so perfectly and just grinning like they were on the greatest adventure ever. I remember finding out about my second one and having her tell me, "I'm not going to lie... it's going to be hard. But you're going to LOVE it!" What an encourager. Anyway, this is an off-topic note, but what an encouragement you ladies are to the rest of us! Some days, I don't think I can take care of two with a husband who lives with us all year round, and then, I meet a military mother. God bless y'all!)



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 7:24:31 AM)

Jenn, we lived in Okinawa too! That always excites me so to meet someone else who's been to oki. Pm me with the name of the church he pastored so we can talk Okinawa would you?
Sandy



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 8:17:03 AM)

quote:

My husband (who's a pastor) had a deacon in our church come into his office after we let the church know we were expecting our second child to ask if we knew about birth control. Which was really ironic, since about a week later, his wife announced that she was expecting their FOURTH child!


That qualifies as the most ridiculous comment ever, I think. And I have heard a lot of them.

You were probably too polite to approach them about their 'irresponsibility', huh? [8D]



justjennhere -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 9:25:01 AM)

I'm not sure it had anything to do with being polite. [:D] I do remember congratulating her very excitedly when she called to tell me... and making a huge deal when I saw him about how he was going to be a father AGAIN. All in jest, of course. He was a good sport about it, and I really think he made his thoughtless comments out of a real desire to help us. Even the kindest, godliest people (and this couple was wonderful) sometimes speak before really thinking. I know I have!

Yay for Okinawa! Now that we're back in the US, we're amazed at how many people we meet who once lived there with the military!



isaacsmom -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 9:48:11 AM)

quote:

I am the one girl with two brothers (both of whom hate sports btw) and I always hated not having a sister to share/do things with. Now as an adult I still hate it because my brothers have their own lives and we really don't talk all that much.


Awww, I hate to hear that! I'm the only girl with 3 brothers. I loved being the only daughter. After all, it wasn't something my parents could really control! My brothers and I were always very close (still are). I enjoy having SILs.



buckifn -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:36:49 AM)

When I was a kid I mostly HATED being the only boy with 5 sisters. But then when we got older it worked out great all their crushes became my buddies, plus I learned a lot about how to understand and respect women through my mom and my sister's.

It certainly helped when I had to parent my kids alone for awhile.

If starting a family today I would only have 2 kids.. and adopt a lot more as God led.



Sideways -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:56:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

When I was a kid I mostly HATED being the only boy with 5 sisters.


Are you the youngest? I know a lot of 4 children families with 3 girls and a baby boy. It's kinda funny actually.

I've only know one family who kept going till they got a girl. They had five older boys, then their girl. The mom did say that she was relieved she could finally stop. The girl's name was Jessica, but all her brothers called her Jesse. With any luck she'll grow up to be a tomboy. [;)]



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 11:22:53 AM)

quote:

I do seem to notice one advantage of you being the only girl is that you do seem close to your mom.

I am close to my mom, but not because I am the only girl. My mom and I are opposites, and growing up I was never close to her. We never did "girl" things together. I am now (as an adult) close to her only because she chooses to accept us and our life decisions and not question or down them (like hubby's family does)....that's why I am close to her. In reality it was strained for many many years because I am much more like my dad then like her.



PrincessDonna -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 11:25:59 AM)

My family growing up had three girls and a boy, though one of my sisters died shortly after birth. I am very close to both my sister and my mom. I do hope my little girl ends up with a sister this time around, because I love my sister so much and can't imagine only having brothers, but whatever God sends us will be just right.[:D] If this baby is a boy, we'll have 4 boys and a girl smack in the middle.

We have several families in our church with four kids and only one girl. Those girls are very close to their moms and also their sisterless friends.



garsyt -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 12:35:47 PM)

I have two of each - But ONLY by the GRACE of GOD! I mean after all do we really have all that much control over what God decides to deliver? I mean we can pray for what gender child we would like to have BUT if God wants to do things differently he will. What breaks my heart to think that some adult might be resentful toward a child just because God decided to give a family that wanted 3 boys and then a girl but switched things up and did it another way. When God is involved - we may not always get what WE think is right for us but what God KNOWS is right for us.



isaacsmom -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 12:39:58 PM)

quote:

When God is involved - we may not always get what WE think is right for us but what God KNOWS is right for us.


Right. That's why I never have resented having only brothers. Each of them are such awesome people -- I could never imagine replacing one of them with a sister. LOL! [8D][:D]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 1:15:10 PM)

quote:

I mean after all do we really have all that much control over what God decides to deliver? I mean we can pray for what gender child we would like to have BUT if God wants to do things differently he will. What breaks my heart to think that some adult might be resentful toward a child just because God decided to give a family that wanted 3 boys and then a girl but switched things up and did it another way. When God is involved - we may not always get what WE think is right for us but what God KNOWS is right for us.



Sigh. Of course I know all that, and I always promised myself that whatever God sent me (if/when I did marry and have kids), that I would love and be thankful for whatever I got, even if it was all boys or all girls, or even a child with health problems. That's why the first sentence in my post clearly stated that I knew GOD was the one in control of these things. My post was just supposed to be my llightheared, fun way of participating/being included in this thread even though I don't actually have children. Not to mention that between my age, and having had female medical problems, I see myself as probably adopting someday even if I do marry, and there are certain agencies (such as the one a relative of mine went through), that you actually do get to pick the gender. And I've known some people that DID get the set of kids they desired, and I think it's because God knew what what He was going to do, and put that desire in their heart.



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