RE: How many children? (Full Version)

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coach_bob1 -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 1:20:12 PM)

I have 3 daughters. My oldest is special needs, but loves life. My youngest looks like a replica of me. And the middle has decided to take over the world by use of force.



karlie -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 1:29:53 PM)

We had two...partly by choice and partly because I had high risk deliveries and knew after the first, that one more would be all I should have. We had planned on three only well before we were married, but after the first, we knew that for my health and safety, two would be maximum, if we could even have a second one. Conceiving our second one was a miracle in itself, and we felt so blessed that we decided not to get too greedy and possibly risk them being without a mom.

Part of the reason we initially decided on 3 as a maximum was because we both grew up in large families and it wasn't easy for either of us. It's not always the joyful, close-knit party people make it out to be. We both had personalities that made it very hard to live in boisterous, busy homes with very little privacy and no quiet place to go. Some of our siblings thrived on it and have very different memories of growing up in large families. But we struggled with it. As much as we loved our parents(who were good parents), we couldn't wait to get out of our homes and find some peace and quiet and have a little privacy. We didn't want our own kids feeling like we did and we also wanted much more one on one time with our kids than our parents were able to give us as individuals, so we would have chosen to keep our family small regardless of birthing issues.

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and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.

We truthfully wouldn't have it any other way. Our girls are grown now(19 and 23) and we had so much one on one time with them that I wouldn't trade. They are so close as the only siblings and have a bond that amazes me, even now that they live 3000 miles apart. One I never had with any of my siblings. We've completely enjoyed the dynamics of having two kids and loved the peace and closeness in our small family.

We are considering fostering/adopting now that we have the time and room again. We're seeking God about that and seeing where he would lead us, so we could be starting round two!



Mrs.X -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 1:51:33 PM)

We have two boys, and I think that's it for us. We don't have a lot of money. We want to buy a house, but we can't do that until I go back to work, and I can't do that until my youngest is in school. So, if we keep having kids, we'll keep having to wait 5 years after the youngest is in school.

Hubby almost got a V this tax return, but I backed out. Wht if something happens with my hubby's job and he ends up making more money? Then we'll be stuck with all this money and only two kids to spend it on.

I would love to have a girl and name her Kimberly, so we'll have Timmy, Jimmy and Kimmie, LOL! I know I'm weird like that.



garsyt -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 1:58:43 PM)

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ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

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I mean after all do we really have all that much control over what God decides to deliver? I mean we can pray for what gender child we would like to have BUT if God wants to do things differently he will. What breaks my heart to think that some adult might be resentful toward a child just because God decided to give a family that wanted 3 boys and then a girl but switched things up and did it another way. When God is involved - we may not always get what WE think is right for us but what God KNOWS is right for us.



Sigh. Of course I know all that, and I always promised myself that whatever God sent me (if/when I did marry and have kids), that I would love and be thankful for whatever I got, even if it was all boys or all girls, or even a child with health problems. That's why the first sentence in my post clearly stated that I knew GOD was the one in control of these things. My post was just supposed to be my llightheared, fun way of participating/being included in this thread even though I don't actually have children. Not to mention that between my age, and having had female medical problems, I see myself as probably adopting someday even if I do marry, and there are certain agencies (such as the one a relative of mine went through), that you actually do get to pick the gender. And I've known some people that DID get the set of kids they desired, and I think it's because God knew what what He was going to do, and put that desire in their heart.


Oh I'm pretty certain many people would be thankful for whatever God gave them. I do know however, folks that weren't and it's really sad to have a youngster in kindergarten tell you that Daddy always tells her that he really wanted boys instead of the her and her two sisters. I knew a family growing up that had 3 girls and one boy and the father did absolutely NOTHING with the girls. Didn't praise them, attend school functions, hold them, comfort them, NOTHING. But when his son was everything - he was all over it, attending EVERY little event school conference, even threw a party the day his ds graduated 8th grade and BOUGHT him outright a car for his 16th birthday. The girls? Nothing. The only reason this man attended his eldest dd's graduation was because his ds was playing in the band. To this day the girls have very little contact with their father and the boy has caused so much heartache for his parents that the father just chalks up to "him being a boy." The man is in his 30's now, married, and STILL has people catering to his every want and need. His family lives just down the road from my parents so I hear the latest all the time. The girls are rarely home at all.

BUT really God does work in wild wonderous ways! The girls in this family are the ones with all the GRANDSON's now and the boy has only daughers. Hopefully, and from what I hear - he adores his daughters and is nothing like his father.

Anyway - Just thought it was worth mentioning that in all reality we really have no say, unless we are adopting in what sex our children will be - especially when we are depending on God to supply just what we need.

Blessings,

Garsy



mathlady -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 3:21:38 PM)

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We are considering fostering/adopting now that we have the time and room again. We're seeking God about that and seeing where he would lead us, so we could be starting round two!


Karlie-

I'm always surprised when I find other people who are on the same wavelength as I am! Our four are almost out of the house - one more to graduate high school - and I am thinking along similar lines. I so enjoyed raising my own that I would love to be able to help some other children by giving them the same love and attention that I gave to my own.

When I was struggling with being a SAHM when I had four under 5, God clearly spoke to me and told me, "These four are your mission field." Later when I was wishing we had had more, He said, "You will have more, but they won't be yours." I have wondered for years what He meant by that. Maybe this is where He is taking it. I'll be praying for you as I pray for me that God will grant wisdom and clarity in deciding how many more to have.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 3:53:48 PM)

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We both had personalities that made it very hard to live in boisterous, busy homes with very little privacy and no quiet place to go.

that's what I love about my kids and their personalities....they all get along, and I like peace and quiet....and when Paul isn't home things are very quiet around here (generally speaking). He is a more boisterous person, so it's hopping a little more when he is home, but on average it's pretty quiet around home.



WesP -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 4:27:28 PM)

I have four children, and I new I was done before my youngest was born. Don't misunderstand; I planned for and wanted her, too. Her mother's actions made me certain that more children would not be a good idea. Good thing because all 4 children live with me and don't have a mommy that is there for them. That being said, my children are such a blessing to me, and I cherish them more than anything on this earth. [;)]



karlie -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 4:29:34 PM)

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I so enjoyed raising my own that I would love to be able to help some other children by giving them the same love and attention that I gave to my own
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That's how we feel. I loved being a mommy more than anything I've ever done and my husband felt the same about being a dad. We're both heavily involved in ministry to abused and underprivileged kids, and lately, God has been tugging at our hearts that He's not done with us parenting. We're taking it slowly though and making sure it's Him and not an emotional reaction which we often have when kids are concerned.
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that's what I love about my kids and their personalities....they all get along, and I like peace and quiet....and when Paul isn't home things are very quiet around here (generally speaking). He is a more boisterous person, so it's hopping a little more when he is home, but on average it's pretty quiet around home.

You're very blessed then! I got along well with my siblings(my mother wouldn't have had it any other way), but the lack of time alone and privacy was almost more than I could bear at times. Thankfully, I had grandparents nearby that let me escape there when I needed to. They were my haven, which is sad. I should have felt like my own home was, but often I just felt frustrated there.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 4:49:37 PM)

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ORIGINAL: karlie
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that's what I love about my kids and their personalities....they all get along, and I like peace and quiet....and when Paul isn't home things are very quiet around here (generally speaking). He is a more boisterous person, so it's hopping a little more when he is home, but on average it's pretty quiet around home.

You're very blessed then! I got along well with my siblings(my mother wouldn't have had it any other way), but the lack of time alone and privacy was almost more than I could bear at times. Thankfully, I had grandparents nearby that let me escape there when I needed to. They were my haven, which is sad. I should have felt like my own home was, but often I just felt frustrated there.

that's one thing we are very big about....personal spaces for everyone. All of the kids know that if someone wants to be alone then they are given that opportunity. That's a biggie with us. Hubby and I like our own personal space too, so I guess that's why it's a biggie for us. I generally don't step in to tell them what to play or when to play or with whom....they decide that all on their own. We have a privilege chart and as long as they are high enough they can choose which activity they want to do at just about any time (provided they share when necessary and clean up afterwards)...so I guess we leave a lot of things up to them....a lot more then my mom ever did with us, that's for sure.



clag4christ -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 9:56:32 PM)

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I would love to have a girl and name her Kimberly


Aww...that's a great name! [;)] You could always spell it K i m b e r l E y. [8D][:D]



bzirk -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:34:07 PM)

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ORIGINAL: justjennhere

How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?

I don't intend to start an argument over what is "right" or "wrong" in regards to childbearing... just want to know what your personal experience has been and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.


We wanted four children, and we have four children, but things didn't go as we planned. We had three children who are all two years apart, and then we didn't have any for over seven years (during which I swore I wouldn't have any children in my 40s). I had my youngest child when I was 41 and four years after I had her, I had a miscarriage of twins. It's been quite a ride, and I would not change a thing -- even the really hard stuff.

I thought I was done after three kids because I was getting close to forty, and I just couldn't see having a baby that late. But I never felt I was done, and obviously I wasn't. My husband and I knew after our youngest was born that there would probably be no more children, and I was at utter peace with that. My only regret is that I didn't start having children at a younger age -- so I could have more. Truth be told sometimes I miss being pregnant. I actually gained a great deal of fulfillment out of that -- morning (all day) sickness included. I relished bringing a new life into the world and the Lord letting me participate in that. My husband feels the same way.

After the miscarriage, I knew that it was meant to be, and now I'm in menopause, so the chances are slim to none. I'm at peace and so is my husband, and we are enjoying the four we were blessed with.



clag4christ -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:38:59 PM)

We'll be "done" when the Lord stops opening my womb. [:)] Until then we'll welcome each and every new blessing with open arms and continue to thank the Lord for his sovereignty! [:)]



Karaboo2 -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:44:05 PM)

We were out to dinner last night, and the waitress was noticeably pregnant. I asked if she was sick of having people ask when she was due -- she almost shouted YES. She went on to say this is her 5th, so OF COURSE she is going to show a lot sooner!! I'm pregnant with my 5th (which I told her) and we just had a blast for about 5 minutes talking about all the 'dumb' comments we keep hearing from people. She then told me to go to a certain website and check out some of the T-shirts they have available. She specifically mentioned THIS one.

There is another which reads "I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"

I just can't wrap my head around how much society has changed over the past few decades. It used to be that large families were the norm. Now it seems if you have more than two children, you are viewed as weird or freaky. Oh how I long for the 'olden' days!



bzirk -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:55:00 PM)

Wish I'd had one of those shirts a few years ago. [:D]



clag4christ -> RE: How many children? (3/21/2008 10:56:47 PM)

I'll have to get that shirt when we've got a couple more sweet ones in tow! [:D][;)]



garsyt -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 12:01:51 AM)

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There is another which reads "I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Love it!!

Garsy



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 11:19:39 AM)

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"I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Having a fertility disorder I find that one a bit offensive.



clag4christ -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 4:15:10 PM)

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ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

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"I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Having a fertility disorder I find that one a bit offensive.



I've got the same disorder...but you have grown someone! And so have I... [:)]



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 4:29:35 PM)

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ORIGINAL: clag4christ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

"I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Having a fertility disorder I find that one a bit offensive.



I've got the same disorder...but you have grown someone! And so have I... [:)]


Oh, I know[:)] But I wouldn't want to wear it and offend someone else who is struggling with IF. A woman isn't less of a woman if she can't bear children.



clag4christ -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 4:46:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

ORIGINAL: clag4christ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

"I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Having a fertility disorder I find that one a bit offensive.



I've got the same disorder...but you have grown someone! And so have I... [:)]


Oh, I know[:)] But I wouldn't want to wear it and offend someone else who is struggling with IF. A woman isn't less of a woman if she can't bear children.



I agree with you there...and really it's not 'our superpower' anyway...it's more of the Lord growing and knitting together. [:)]



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 5:33:49 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

ORIGINAL: clag4christ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey

quote:

"I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"


Having a fertility disorder I find that one a bit offensive.



I've got the same disorder...but you have grown someone! And so have I...


Oh, I know But I wouldn't want to wear it and offend someone else who is struggling with IF. A woman isn't less of a woman if she can't bear children.



I agree with you there...and really it's not 'our superpower' anyway...it's more of the Lord growing and knitting together.

________



This was the exact thought process going through my mind when this train of thought started. P.S. Could mods please fix this to do the quote inside quotes thing? Thanks, I haven't figured out how to do that.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 7:34:08 PM)

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P.S. Could mods please fix this to do the quote inside quotes thing? Thanks, I haven't figured out how to do that.

how to do a quote inside a quote is very easy... hit the "quote" button above the post you want quoted...it will do the entire post for you in the right format with everyone's posts quoted the way they should be!!!



Georgia-Peach -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 7:46:55 PM)

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There is another which reads "I can grow people. What's YOUR superpower?"

I really wanted the shirt that said "I make milk. Whats Your superpower?" I don't know that I would have the guts to wear it though. They also have a shirt that says "If nursing in public offends you please feel free to put a blanket over your head" or "As soon as you're ready to eat your lunch in the bathroom I'll breastfeed there." They crack me up and have some great ones at cafepress.com.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 7:54:57 PM)

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They also have a shirt that says "If nursing in public offends you please feel free to put a blanket over your head" or "As soon as you're ready to eat your lunch in the bathroom I'll breastfeed there." They crack me up and have some great ones at cafepress.com.

ROFLOL!!! Hubby says I need that one about nursing in public!!!



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: How many children? (3/22/2008 10:44:04 PM)

[:'(]
We had a family gathering today and two of my uncles did the whole "Wow, you're done now, right?" spiel. One of them put on his "concerned" face and said "You guys really need to slow down!". His reasoning: If we don't stop having babies, we'll be changing diapers for several more years. [8|] They ganged up on dh and told him all the terrible things about raising children and how miserable he will be when ours get bigger, and how much money he'll be shelling out for "necessities" (like 2 sports each). [:@]

On the flip side of that, all my baby-loving relatives kept saying "When's the next one? Are you pregnant yet? You sure you're not pregnant?". At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm still just plain old fat. [8D]



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