How many children? (Full Version)

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justjennhere -> How many children? (3/19/2008 5:49:21 PM)

How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?

I don't intend to start an argument over what is "right" or "wrong" in regards to childbearing... just want to know what your personal experience has been and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 6:02:11 PM)

I have always said (even when I was two years old) that I wanted 5-6 kids. When I married, my hubby only felt comfortable with two...so that's what we went with. Then after we had our second his parents started the old "you have a boy and a girl, that's perfect, so you should STOP now".....so in his rebellion (hehehe) he decided he wasn't ready to stop. I think it's just that God changed his heart. At that time he then agreed to four. A few years later, and when I was pregnant with #4 he made a comment about five or six....so I knew then that he was fully on board with my heart's desire. Now we are on #5 (due this summer) and are not sure if we will have more or not....we are relying on God's will over that decision. We have some other underlying things that we have to consider. For one...pregnancy is very VERY hard on me physically...I typically get put on bed rest and had had issues with toxemia in the past pregnancies and had to be induced for medical reasons. So that's a biggie. Secondly...financially we are pretty low because hubby is a soldier, but we do well with the money he does make. God has truly blessed us. One way is that we are totally debt free (except for the house we are buying)...a huge thing for us though is to stay debt free, and we have a van that will accommodate five kids/car seats. So if we do decide to have a sixth kid we would need a bigger van (and from past experience with bigger vehicles I might have a huge problem driving anything bigger then what we have). Third would be our ages....hubby is 38 and I am 30...we had our first 8 years ago. Because of personal reasons I don't see us having too many more kids for too much longer...hubby doesn't want to be raising kids still at home when he is 60...and I can understand that. We started when I was much younger then he was...and at my age now I can't imagine having five or so more kids from now til eight years from now. Fourth is, we are military and move often...because of either being moved, having to move to another place that was bigger, or other situations...we have moved 13 times in less then ten years of marriage. Moving gets harder and harder with a large family. Fifth...while we are comfortable in our own parenting abilities still at this point, we are definitely not sure we would want to go beyond six because we just know that we won't be comfortable anymore and we don't want to push ourselves to the breaking point like that....hard to describe that knowing, but we do.
So is this the end for us? We don't know.....but if it isn't for sure the last baby then it for sure is getting close for us.



garsyt -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 7:21:56 PM)

quote:

How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?


My husband and I have 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls. Our eldest is almost exactly 4 years older then his younger sister and before she was conceived we were not sure God was going to allow us to have anymore children. We had been trying to conceive for a few years and when she was conceived it was truly a major blessing. The next two came rather quickly thereafter. I always wanted 4 children. Coming from a family of 6 I KNEW I wanted more then just a couple kids. There is just something about having several siblings that I didn't want my kids to miss out on. My husband is one of 3 kids and had always wanted no more than 3. But soon after #3 was born he was just absolutely certain that we needed one more. I'm now pushing 40 and my last pregnancy was tough on me and neither my hubby or I are not at all interested at all at still raising children when we are in our 60's. 4 works well for us and we prayerfully considered what God wanted for us and we felt God was okay with our desire to stay at 4 kiddos.

Blessings,

Garsy



Kat_D -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 7:25:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: justjennhere

How many children have you decided/did you decide to have? How did you know when you were "done" having babies? How did you come to this decision?

I don't intend to start an argument over what is "right" or "wrong" in regards to childbearing... just want to know what your personal experience has been and how your decision has played out in the dynamic and life of your family.


I had two girls, for which I thank God every single day! I knew I was done because my marriage ended.



Karaboo2 -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 7:28:50 PM)

When we were first married, we both said we wanted a minimum of 4 children. Well, we met our minimum and are continuing on. Like Sarah, we are preggers with #5 due in the summer ... I think we will most likely keep having children until it becomes absolutely necessary to stop (medically) or until the house bursts at the seams from all the people!!! BTW, our oldest is turning 7 the Sunday after Easter, and our youngest just turned 1 last month.

(Dh was one of 3 initially ... then his dad remarried after dh had moved out, and they had children -- so dh became one of 5. I was an only [:(])



krazyxsinner -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 7:40:21 PM)

When the quiver is full



mathlady -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 8:04:07 PM)

We have four children - 2 boys and 2 girld in that order. The oldest one was 5 1/2 when the youngest was born. We decided at that time that it was enough, so dh had a vasectomy. A lot of our decision was based on what other people - parents, church family, etc. - said about the fact that we had "so many children" so quickly. I was really blessed by one sister in the Lord, however, who was thrilled for us when we told her about the fourth pregnancy. Everyone else around us was making us feel guilty or irresponsible or just plain bad about being pregnant again so soon. But God placed this dear saint in my life just at the right time to remind me that children are a heritage from the Lord, and that this child was an incredible blessing from him. I found myself a few years later wishing that we had had more, but we didn't. Maybe that's why I surround myself with 125 teens every day at school....?



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 8:08:51 PM)

We'll stop when God stops sending them. [8D]
Actually, at first we only wanted three...well that's not accurate, my husband only wanted 3. I always wanted 'a lot' I never could put a number on it though. Long story short, God led us to lay our attempts to control the size of our family at His feet.
So we leave up to Him. We have 4 children now. 2 girls and 2 boys...hopefully the Lord will allow us a tiebreaker [8D]
Sandy



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 8:49:51 PM)

We want how many God wants to give us. We will be "done" when He stops giving. Whether that's just the three we have, or 15, biological and I hope in the future some adopted. I used to have my heart set on a huge number of kids, but like everything else, I have learned I have to give that up to the Lord.

We just don't use birth control of any kind. So far, He's been kind enough to give us three wonderful sons, spaced two years apart (their birthdays are all within one week!). [:D]



justjennhere -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 9:12:52 PM)

Our two daughters also have birthdays during the same week! They are exactly one year and two days apart in age. [:)]

My husband is an only child, and I'm from a family of just two siblings. When we became engaged, we assumed that we would do something similar -- one or two kids. As we prepared for marriage, we met many families who were advocates of having a "quiver full" and found that our reasons for wanting just a couple were mainly selfish. By the time we had been married a few months, we decided to have as many as the Lord would give us. We quickly became pregnant with our first, and when she was just three months old, we became pregnant with our second.

Life with a (now) twenty month old and an eight month old has challenged us in our thinking on the subject. I'm not sure, with them as close in age as they are, how much attention, energy, time I could give to my children if I had anymore. I'm not saying this is true of all women. I have a friend who has five under the age of five (yes, that is possible!), and she is an incredible mom with kids who are clearly receiving everything they need. I'm just not sure I'm one of them. After my first daughter was born, I longed to have another one, but now... I'm really content.

I guess I opened the discussion to see if, when you decided to stop having more children, you just knew it was right, you felt at peace with it, etc. Or if you've decided to have as many as God will give you, did you just have peace with that? I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together. Or maybe this is the Lord's way of giving us peace with two.

We love our girls so much, and I'm certain we would love another child just as much if we were blessed with one. I just wonder when it's time, if there's ever a time, for a Christian to choose not to have anymore. Not for health reasons, financial reasons, age reasons... just because it feels right. (I'm not big on feelings being the deciding factor in anything in my life, which is why I'm hesitant to leave this issue at feelings alone.)

Thanks for your thoughts so far! Interested to read more...



soukz8696 -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 10:13:40 PM)

We have four kids. 3 girls and one boy. My oldest is ten and my youngest is 5 [:D][:(] They were born on the same day 5 years apart. I got very sick with the last one. So dh decided to have a vastecomy because the drs and his mom and my mom kept saying we had enough and couldnt we figure out how to stop it. Now we both regret that decision and wish we hadnt done it. He always wanted 6 kids and I didnt really care how many we had. [:D]



Georgia-Peach -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 10:34:55 PM)

We currently have one child, a 14 month old little boy. We definitely know we want one more, but possibly two more. But, who knows we could end up with four when its all said and done. We know we want atleast two total children and maybe more.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 11:36:31 PM)

Who knows. DH only wants one more, maybe two more tops and I think because of my pregnancy complications that we still stop at 2 or 3, and then maybe adopt more later on. We both have a heart for domestic adoption so I know it will happen at some point.



krazyxsinner -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 11:42:59 PM)

quote:

so dh had a vasectomy.


Hubby says no way ever. His words "How would I have more if you died?"



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: How many children? (3/19/2008 11:44:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: krazyxsinner

quote:

so dh had a vasectomy.


Hubby says no way ever. How would he have more if I died?


DH says he doesn't want more if I die, so he doesn't care. I, on the other hand, wouldn't mind having more kids so we're leaving my fertility alone. Besides, Vasectomy's are reversable if you are willing to pay.



lexie -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 12:03:13 AM)

So far we have one daughter, we hope for 3 more. Whether they come by me giving birth, or us adopting it does not matter. We really hope to adopt at least one, probably our last, and then we will adopt an older child.

I have only one sister, Dh grew up in family of 8 but also has two other half siblings. I would love a larger family then I had, Dh would love a smaller family than he had.

Like Sarah, my husband is older than me and doesn't want to be having children past a certain age (40). It gives us 5 more years to have as many children as I can get in there (!) and I respect his wishes.



at-home -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 3:22:17 AM)

We didn't decide ahead of time how many children we wanted to have - we were open to as many as the Lord desired to give us. Once our oldest was 30 and our youngest was 12, we realized we were still "open" and desirous of having more children, so we pursued adoption. God responded by giving us our twin daughters who we brought home as babies almost a year ago. We're keepin' the party rolling![:D]



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 4:33:54 AM)

quote:

I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together.


I think if you talk to any one with a bunch of kids ("quiverfull" or not) or two kids close together, you will hear that feeling exhausted is completely reasonable. [;)]

Just remember that this is a *season* of life, and they are not going to be 20 months and 8 months forever.

If God was in the habit of just plunking down 12 two-year olds in our lap, that would be a frightening thought for anybody. [sm=icon_smile_faint.gif] However, that's not how it works. If he gives me and dh 12 (which we would love!), the oldest will be at or near adulthood, not physically needy like infants are, and able to help. Actually, my 5 and 3 year olds have already started moving in that direction. [:D] Having 3 kids under 4 yo was tough at first, but then we got into the swing of things. I am sure the next baby will throw me off for a while, but we will grow into it again.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 6:26:19 AM)

Maggie makes a good point.
My kids are 5, 3, 22m, and 7m. It was tough when my husband was gone to training, with a 4yo, 2yo, 6mo and being pregnant. But it passed and now it's much easier, even with another child.
Being a mom is a high honor and a wonderful calling...it's also tiring, tough and sometimes overwhelming. But, it passes and it gets easier.
Give it a few months...as your toddler grows into an age where you can start to train her to help, and your infant grows into toddler hood and gets more independent....things will grow easier and it won't be quite so tiring.
mine are close together too Mama. It's tough, but I love it and I wouldn't change a thing!
Sandy



Karaboo2 -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 8:44:52 AM)

I finally figured out a while ago how to hush up the people who tsk tsk about the number of children we have and want. When I was preggers with #4, people kept making that annoying comment "Don't you know what CAUSES that yet? And shouldn't you be stopping???" I, being totally exhausted the one day and sick of hearing it, retorted "Actually, we have a list of 25 things, and we are crossing them off one by one ... so far, writing a letter doesn't cause children!" Dh just about split a gut when I told him!!! And the person I said it TO just piped down and walked away quickly. Not sure what shocked her more -- that she couldn't just get away with saying whatever she wanted, or the possibility that we could end up with 25 kids!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 10:23:02 AM)

quote:

"Don't you know what CAUSES that yet? And shouldn't you be stopping???" I, being totally exhausted the one day and sick of hearing it, retorted "Actually, we have a list of 25 things, and we are crossing them off one by one ... so far, writing a letter doesn't cause children!"

ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!! my typical answer for that is "Yes, and we like it"

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom

quote:

I honestly feel exhausted by the mere thought of another baby. Maybe because mine are so little and so close together.


I think if you talk to any one with a bunch of kids ("quiverfull" or not) or two kids close together, you will hear that feeling exhausted is completely reasonable. [;)]

Just remember that this is a *season* of life, and they are not going to be 20 months and 8 months forever.

YUP....I completely agree!!! Life with little ones (esp that little) can be a challenge at times...after all that's why we women on here have THIS thread over in the Women's Only Personal Issues folder (which btw, you are invited to join in on...it's a chat style thread, so you don't have to read everything...just post who you are, etc). Sometimes it's good to know you aren't the only one who's whole day revolves around diapers and naps.

quote:

If God was in the habit of just plunking down 12 two-year olds in our lap, that would be a frightening thought for anybody.

I have people ask me quite often how I can handle four kids, and that's my answer to them....they grew on us....it's not like God gave us all of them at once!!! It's a process that you not only grow into but you grow with. I think there is a time when you have to figure out IF you can handle anything more, but I also think that most of that needs to be up to God. I hear all the time people say "God won't give you more then you can handle"....and I HATE that statement!!! YES HE WILL...and DOES!!!! He won't give you more then HE can handle through you....but He WILL typically give you more then YOU can handle. That's how He stretches you and makes you reach out into areas that otherwise you wouldn't reach out into. My first two kids are 16mo apart in age....and our first was developmentally delayed, so for a long time they were on the same level developmentally....and it was HARD...but God never let me down in everything we went through. I think now, because of those struggles, I have learned to lean on God more instead of our own strength...and that has changed my out look a lot in different situations. seven years ago when we had our first two kids I couldn't have imagined going through a pregnancy alone without my husband there with me...yet with #3 I had to face that one. I HATED that growing period. God did allow us to be together in the last trimester (we are military and were moving overseas at that time, so we were having paper problems with getting me and the kids moved, and he had to be in Germany). I balked at every turn with that trial...I HATED it and I did NOT want to go through it. God allowed me the opportunity though, because HE knew my future. Later, with #4 I found out I was pregnant after hubby had deployed....and I ended up going through that entire pregnancy alone. If that had to be the first time I had gone through that I don't know that I would have had the strength to make it....but God knew that and prepared an opportunity for me in my past pregnancy to learn a few well needed lessons before I had to deal with the whole severity of that entire pregnancy being alone. Would I choose that again? NO...absolutely not....but that's my selfishness talking. Am I glad I went through what I have? YES...absolutely. I learned and grew a TON more then any other kind of experience could have produced...and God knew that.



Homegrownkids -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 10:55:47 AM)

I like having kids, love being a mom and LOVE babies!!! DH and I never really decided how many children we would have. It was somewhat well known that I wanted a 'larger' type of family, more than the average. We have 5 now and although I would LOVE more. There are some other issues that make me feel like it would be best to stop having chidlren. Although, if God gave us another, I wouldn't object!! All but one of our children were planned, the rest God gave us while we were using b.control. So, I think God knows what he is doing! He knew the desires of my heart[:)]



krazyxsinner -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 12:27:32 PM)

quote:

"Don't you know what CAUSES that yet?



Hubby just looks at em and cheerfully say "YES,we know causes them why do you think we have so many? The causing is fun." People turn red and shut up never to ask that question again.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 12:28:51 PM)

When people give me the "Don't you know what causes that?" I LOVE to look at them wide eyed and innocent and say, "No...what?"
Sandy



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: How many children? (3/20/2008 12:45:45 PM)

I love those answers. Not sure I have the guts to ever use them. But I love them. [:D]



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