White lies.... :-) (Full Version)

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Dirtyl3um -> White lies.... :-) (3/20/2008 12:25:35 AM)

okay so i read a post in the relationships section about white lies, and it got me thinking and giggling.

okay so, for the married men and women out there, if your spouse asks you a question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" or perhaps "does this dress make me look fat?" what are you supposed to say, if in fact it makes their butt look big, or makes them look fat? the way i see it, its a lose, lose situation.... you could lie one way, or get your spouse upset the other..... what do you all think? should your spouse not ask the question unless they want an honest answer?



lostsomuch -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/20/2008 6:04:26 AM)

A partnership of diplomacy and honesty.

My husband and I are honest. If he doesn't like the way I am dressed, or something is too tight, I want to know. I tell him if I want him to not be exactly honest. But you do it diplomatically. "I like the way you look in that better" or "yes, you have put on a little bit of weight, but you are still beautiful", etc., etc.

Little white lies add up. The Deceiver wants us to think it's funny but it gets worse and worse. Things pile up. In the end any lies at all cause pain or trouble.



car2ner -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/20/2008 6:07:32 AM)

This is an age old situation: the correct answer is, "not the pants do not make your butt look fat...you butt makes your butt look fat" BUT you can never say that!

I personally believe that if a woman asks that, they need to be ready for an honest answer without getting upset if the truth is "yes". I ask it for an honest answer because I can't get the same point of view as m'love can. But then again, I seldom ask it.

Some women just want afformation of their worth in their beloved's eyes so they aren't really asking what they appear to be asking (go figure). It is up to the man to figure out what the real question is and answer that one. No white lies.

Looks like a white lie would be easier but it won't satisfy the gal.



Annie64 -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 5:58:17 AM)

If I ask that question I want an honest answer. I don't want to go out in public with a huge...you know... if it can be avoided by a little honesty and a quick change of clothes. If it can't be avoided then the correct answer would be "no, the clothes don't make you look fat." That wouldn't be a lie, white or otherwise. I wouldn't be asking whether or not I am fat, but whether or not what I'm wearing makes me look worse. I'm thankful my dh is always tactful!



car2ner -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 9:00:48 AM)

here is the flip side... "should I shave this morning?" I know the desired reply in "no", but...............



lostsomuch -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 11:49:51 AM)

Yeah, and about that.. I tell my husband when he is wearing a grease stained shirt.. or .. wearing something that looks awful (pulls his belt too tight and it wrinkles his pants and makes him look fatter) or if he is unshaven..

But he resents it.

If I don't tell him, then, I resent it. :( If I tell him and he doesn't care - I'm ok with it. *scratches head*.
I know, doesn't make much sense.

I prefer to know. I look myself in the mirror over and over to make sure I don't look terrible. I feel I look much better sans half my outfits then with them on! So, some truth to what the poster above said about "looking fat" vs. "being fat".

Chances are we each know what our body type is. We just want to look nice.

And finances too - being honest about finances is a must, too.

And in bed.. being honest about finances is a must, too.

But being diplomatic (poster said it better than I - tactful), being honest, being considerate and kind all work together. :) And how we react to how a person treats us can have an effect on how they treat us.



TMeeks -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 12:27:56 PM)

I've been married 40 years and you'll notice that I am completely avoiding contributing anything to this thread. It can ONLY get me in hot water! [:D]

It's a bit like the advice my brother got when he moved to New York about going into Central Park at night.... "Death lurks there at night!" [:D][:D][:D]

Make the wrong choice at the wrong time and you're only married for 2 months!!! [sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif]

An element of caution, discretion and utter terror in the face of certain questions is good for the longevity of marriage. [;)]



soaringasaneagle -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 12:52:26 PM)

I think when a woman asks a question like that, she is really just asking for reassurance...."Do you still think I look good after all these years?" I think when someone asks a question like, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" It is basically at a time when she may be feeling insecure and needs some reassurance from her man. So, for the man to be brutally honest at that time can be a slap in the face. Sheesh...a woman can look in the mirror and see what she looks like, but she really wants to know what HE thinks. So, I agree, a more diplomatic and sensitive answer would be better...if I really wanted to know if my butt looks big, then I would ask a friend or my sister...However, I don't have the big butt problem, which is nice. [sm=dance.gif]



deermousie -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 1:34:20 PM)

This may or not help: my husband says, "Do I have to answer that or do I get to stay married?" With a laugh, of course.

I think the woman wants reassurance, too. A great answer could be, "I didn't notice - I was too busy looking into your beautiful eyes." (Yes, my husband *has* said this. We've been married 20 years, so it must work. [:D]



mbgb -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/22/2008 11:40:25 PM)

Yeah, this is a VERY tough question.

I too am a fan of honesty and I know if I'm not in the mood to "handle" it if it was bad, then I probably wouldn't ask. But if your wife is the sensitive type, I'd stick with the little white lies, I believe...and later try to talk to her about the situation you're in.



Keabird -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/23/2008 3:49:50 AM)

I'd suggest that if someone asks a question, they need to be prepared for whatever answer they might get.

If I ask my hubby if something makes me look fat, I want him to tell me yes it does if it does! Because if I ask him that, it is probably because I am considering what to buy, or what to wear, and I would prefer not to make a bad choice.

If I can't handle the truth, it's my problem, not his.

The truth can be said without nasty connotations or sarcasm as well.



Annie64 -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/23/2008 4:01:55 AM)

When I ask my husband this question, it isn't because of any deep-seated insecurity. It's because I put something on, looked in the mirror and thought "EWWWW!" And now I want to know if he thinks the same. I consider it a critique of the outfit, not of me. Maybe I'm just different. [8|] Anyway, I'd rather ask him than my dd, who is fifteen years old. She thinks everything I wear is an "EWWWW!", but my dh approves of how I look more often than I do.

Um. Reading what I just typed does sorta look like I'm looking for affirmation, after all, and like there is some insecurity I'm asking him to dispell. And come to think of it, I have gotten frustrated with him for telling me I look "fine". It took a long time for me to teach him that in my language, looking "fine" means just passable, that I'm not going to call attention to myself by looking strange or horrible, but there's nothing particularly good about how I look. Now he tells me I look "nice." I guess that's a step up from "fine." But if I do look horrible in something, I depend on him to let me know not to wear it it in public. He's pretty good about it.



LoyalGypsy -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/23/2008 7:01:07 AM)

quote:

okay so i read a post in the relationships section about white lies, and it got me thinking and giggling.

okay so, for the married men and women out there, if your spouse asks you a question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" or perhaps "does this dress make me look fat?" what are you supposed to say, if in fact it makes their butt look big, or makes them look fat? the way i see it, its a lose, lose situation.... you could lie one way, or get your spouse upset the other..... What do you all think? Should your spouse not ask the question unless they want an honest answer?



Greetings,

LOL! Well it was a white lie in the beginning when God was looking for Adam and Adam said, I hid myself because I was naked, but no one there told Adam he was naked…so God said…. “Who”… told you that you were naked??

quote:

for the married men and women out there, if your spouse asks you a question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" or perhaps "does this dress make me look fat?" what are you supposed to say,



But this is good, I just went through this with my wife, about 6 or so months ago….and we just joking around.

I raised a scripture and some principals found in Mark… to avoid answering that question.[:(]
Mark 14:53-65
55 Now the chief priests and all the council sought testimony against Jesus to put Him to death, but found none.

SO
quote:

, if your spouse asks you a question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" or perhaps "does this dress make me look fat?"


I wasn’t going to fall for that!!
Because sometimes people hear things that want to hear!!

Mark 14:53-65
6 For many bore false witness against Him, but their testimonies did not agree. 57 Then some rose up and bore false witness against Him, saying,
58 "We heard Him say,



SO if I was to agree, it would be heard by her as if I was calling her fat, and if I was to disagree and she knew she was fat… then I would be giving a false witness …or just plain blind!!

Mark 14:53-65
'I will destroy this temple made with hands, and within three days I will build another made without hands.' " 59 But not even then did their testimony agree.

60 And the high priest stood up in the midst and asked Jesus, saying, "Do You answer nothing? What is it these men testify against You?" 61 But He kept silent and answered nothing.

So... I also kept quiet!!

quote:

, if your spouse asks you a question like, "do these pants make my butt look big?" or perhaps "does this dress make me look fat?" what are you supposed to say, if in fact it makes their butt look big, or makes them look fat? the way i see it, its a lose, lose situation.... you could lie one way, or get your spouse upset the other.....


I tried a different approach and joked around and said to her,
…..Lets use a simple principal that is in the bible and see what happens
………That says that if any 2 of us agree Mt 18:19
Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.

so as we joking about this verse …about a different of a part of the anatomy that could use a little more substance……
I lowered the bar and we also touched and agreed on that part that did not,

But the funny thing is after that, as were both sitting together is when we saw an ad for an exercise machine on the TV, and she asked if we could order it …so I agreed …the cost was around $1500.00.

God works in mysterious ways; No less than 2 weeks later she received a promotional add in the mail, a coupon for $1000.00 off the very same machine.

quote:

What do you all think? Should your spouse not ask the question unless they want an honest answer?




Truthfully, I never said a word, and by us catching the right ad in answer to our agreement, God therefore sent the coupon for $1000.00 off,
I guess the Lord Himself agreed…. and did the rest…
Mt 18:1920 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."

Well, it was enough to convince her without me saying a word;

Now she is active in the congregation in a mixed ministry for overweight people ...who are loosing weight together. (in agreement) [:D]

God works in mysterious ways,



Loyal Gypsy



car2ner -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/23/2008 7:44:26 AM)

quote:

Sheesh...a woman can look in the mirror and see what she looks like, but she really wants to know what HE thinks.


actually, sometimes we can't see. We see three quarters of the way around at most. That is why we often don't like our photos. It doesn't match our inner image that we have built up from looking at a limited view in the mirror.

LG, if my husband came at me with scripture in answer to that question, I'd have given him the "hairy eyeball". Glad you and your sweetheart had fun with it. BTW, m'love and I are actively trying to encourage each other to stay in shape.



LoyalGypsy -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/23/2008 8:31:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: car2ner

quote:

Sheesh...a woman can look in the mirror and see what she looks like, but she really wants to know what HE thinks.


actually, sometimes we can't see. We see three quarters of the way around at most. That is why we often don't like our photos. It doesn't match our inner image that we have built up from looking at a limited view in the mirror.

LG, if my husband came at me with scripture in answer to that question, I'd have given him the "hairy eyeball". Glad you and your sweetheart had fun with it. BTW, m'love and I are actively trying to encourage each other to stay in shape.



Greetings,

LOL!


LG



2shaye -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/25/2008 5:37:56 PM)

I would be angry and resent my husband if he told me a "white lie".



Dirtyl3um -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/25/2008 9:24:33 PM)

so you would rather him say, "yes dear, that dress does make you look fat"....? i mean im not married, but if i said that i would expect a slap. and if i were to say, "no it makes you look beautiful" and she didnt like the way it looked on her, i would surely get a response like "dont lie to me! your just saying that!" or at least thats the sort of thing i have heard from.... pretty much every married man ive asked about the subject. ive been instructed to say nothing lol



2shaye -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/25/2008 9:28:43 PM)

I am overweight. That's a fact. Many things don't look good on me. I EXPECT my husband to tell me the truth and spare me embarrassment and humiliation. He likely would not say, "honey, you look fat", but he might say, "ummm, that one's not looking so good today. Try this one - I always love it on you".



Dirtyl3um -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/25/2008 9:54:31 PM)

2shaye..... lol



GroupW -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 10:05:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks
An element of caution, discretion and utter terror in the face of certain questions is good for the longevity of marriage. [;)]


This is the best advice I've seen in all of Crosswalk.

Ever.

Amen.



TMeeks -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 10:23:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GroupW

quote:

ORIGINAL: TMeeks
An element of caution, discretion and utter terror in the face of certain questions is good for the longevity of marriage. [;)]


This is the best advice I've seen in all of Crosswalk.

Ever.

Amen.

Terror can be a GOOD thing! [:D][:D][:D]



fist.sensei -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 3:04:01 PM)

The best reply to "Do these pants make my butt look big?" is:

"From what angle?"



lightshineon -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 3:22:04 PM)

WoW, I want the truth, if I ask. Can kind of tell by looking in hubbies eyes, he has two different looks, one is wow! Th other is looking down, after a quick eye scan by him.



car2ner -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 4:13:20 PM)

here is a common White Lie: " are you listening me?"



2shaye -> RE: White lies.... :-) (3/26/2008 4:14:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: car2ner

here is a common White Lie: " are you listening me?"

Why is that question a lie?



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