RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (Full Version)

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cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 1:00:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mathlady

quote:

I'm not even sure what I like or what will look good on me, so I'm going to pray to find things that will look good on me


I'm in the same boat, since styles have changed so much in the many years since I actually cared how things look on me. I have found that the best thing for this is to take my daughters - 18 and 20 - with me. They have great fashion sense and are wonderful about being absolutely honest about how things look. And they have been trained (by me) to be frugal shoppers, too. If you don't have teens of your own, find someone who will "loan" you theirs. I'm sure you'll get some takers! Just say "shopping" where the teen girls can hear you[;)]
lol This is so funny and so true. My 14yo dd loves to shop.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

Do I feel guilty when I buy clothes for myself? Clothes? For myself? I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question. You mean all this time I should have been wearing clothes?

No wonder I'm always so cold. [&:]

[8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D]

You're scaring me. I didn't know you were a nudist. [sm=icon_smile_yikes.gif]



zoebob -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 1:13:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

Do I feel guilty when I buy clothes for myself? Clothes? For myself? I'm sorry, but I don't understand the question. You mean all this time I should have been wearing clothes?

No wonder I'm always so cold. [&:]

[8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D][8D]

ROFLOL



shadowspring -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 1:16:37 PM)

LOL! Sorry, I couldn't resist. I have no idea why I am so light-hearted today. But it's feels good, so I'm just going to go with it! [:D]

I actually rarely shop for clothes for myself, but I do watch "What Not to Wear" on TV when I can.
The few purchases I have made in the past year or so have been better for it. Stacey and Clinton do give a lot of good tips.

But it's not guilt that keeps me from buying more things. I just hate to shop. [:'(]



mathlady -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 3:12:15 PM)

quote:

I just hate to shop


Amen to that!!! (Do our husbands know how blessed they are!?)

I think I am a marketer's worst nightmare - I walk in, get what I came for, and walk out - no browsing, no ogling of the displays - just in-out-done. Maybe that's why so many of the things I buy don't fit well?[8|]



shadowspring -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 4:32:44 PM)

Probably so. One just cannot safely predict how something will fit just by the size/style. If that were the case, I would love shopping! It's not that I don't like my body, but I find it dreadfully tedious to keep trying clothes on until I find something that looks right. Now if I could always be guaranteed that I would be happy with at least one out of three picks, I wouldn't mind so much.

But I hate to spend money on something that I won't wear. And I can't find out how it will look without trying it on, at which time I will probably discover it's the wrong size, the style won't work for me, the color is close but not close enough, etc.

If it takes two trips to the dressing room I am irritated. I won't do three. I'll just leave empty-handed.

The only time I enjoyed shopping, my dd was determined to find me the perfect swimsuit. I stayed in the dressing room while she chose replacements for my original choice until she did indeed find the right one.

I just need to be rich and important enough to have others perform this service for me every time I shop! Until then, it's jeans and t-shirts. But not logo t-shirts! I have my standards. [8D]



cindybode -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 7:34:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

I just need to be rich and important enough to have others perform this service for me every time I shop!


[sm=icon_smile_idea.gif][sm=icon_smile_idea.gif][sm=icon_smile_idea.gif]

As soon as Ed McMahon drops off the check, I'm gonna hire Jenny-Fair to be my personal shopper. She will have found her new career and I'll get out of having to go to the store.

I'm still gonna pick out my own chainsaw, though. [8D]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 7:36:18 PM)

Well, you sure wouldn't want me to pick your chainsaw! I'd be like, "Do they have any in lavender?" LOL



cindybode -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:03:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

Well, you sure wouldn't want me to pick your chainsaw! I'd be like, "Do they have any in lavender?" LOL


[sm=shakinghead.gif][sm=shakinghead.gif][sm=shakinghead.gif]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:05:04 PM)

You'd need matching gloves, too...



cindybode -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:11:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

You'd need matching gloves, too...


Gloves? What does one do with those things?? [8D]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:13:43 PM)

One keeps ones skin on ones fingers.



cindybode -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:24:01 PM)

Ahhh . . . [sm=icon_smile_idea.gif]

I'm with Shadow - I don't mind clothes shopping so much if I can just pull it off the shelf and throw it in the cart without having to actually try it on. That's why I always buy the same brand of jeans. I still only buy what I really need, because I'd rather spend my money on other fun stuff like chainsaws and tillers and new goats. [:)]

Mathlady, I keep telling my dh that most men would be thrilled that their wife didn't want to spend hours wandering around Wal Mart. Trouble is he got the shopping gene - he does spend hours wandering around Wal Mart and can't figure out why I am not enjoying the experience. [&:]



karlie -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 8:42:04 PM)

I used to feel that way all the time. Even if it was something I really needed, I could think of so many other things that money could be spent on. Now, I have learned not to feel that way, but, it took me awhile to get there and learn not to take that unnecessary guilt on. I think because I spent so many years with us on such a tight budget where even necessities were often hard to purchase at times, that it was hard to let go of that mentality even once money loosened up and I had some more freedom. I shop for myself a lot more often than I ever did and for the most part I don't feel the least bit guilty, even when a lot of what I buy isn't absolutely necessary. Part of that is because of my husband. He has told me over and over that I paid my dues of buying little over the years, so I should enjoy it when I can now. He likes it that I can treat myself now.

I think it takes time when you're so used to saying no(and happy to say it!) when other things have to come first. It just feels so frivolous at first to buy something for yourself and not think of the other ways that money could be better spent. It just becomes part of our thinking, I think. And, it does creep back in sometimes. When it does, I go though this little checklist and use it to evaluate why I am feeling guilty:

1. I'm not spending more than I can afford to on miscellaneous items, and I am not using a credit card.

2. I'm not buying anything that will just sit in my closet. What I'm buying I will wear and is practical for my lifestyle

4. I'm not taking any money away from bills, savings, ministries, family needs, or other expenses to buy clothes or personal items.

5. I'm not being extravagant or buying anything overly expensive.

If I can say all those things about my purchases, then there isn't any need to feel guilty and I refuse to take it on. If I can't say every one of those things about the money I am spending, then I consider it conviction and not unnecessary guilt. That's happened a time or two as well!

Enjoy your pretty sweater, Cynthia [:)]



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 9:00:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

I used to feel that way all the time. Even if it was something I really needed, I could think of so many other things that money could be spent on. Now, I have learned not to feel that way, but, it took me awhile to get there and learn not to take that unnecessary guilt on. I think because I spent so many years with us on such a tight budget where even necessities were often hard to purchase at times, that it was hard to let go of that mentality even once money loosened up and I had some more freedom. I shop for myself a lot more often than I ever did and for the most part I don't feel the least bit guilty, even when a lot of what I buy isn't absolutely necessary. Part of that is because of my husband. He has told me over and over that I paid my dues of buying little over the years, so I should enjoy it when I can now. He likes it that I can treat myself now.

I think it takes time when you're so used to saying no(and happy to say it!) when other things have to come first. It just feels so frivolous at first to buy something for yourself and not think of the other ways that money could be better spent. It just becomes part of our thinking, I think. And, it does creep back in sometimes. When it does, I go though this little checklist and use it to evaluate why I am feeling guilty:

1. I'm not spending more than I can afford to on miscellaneous items, and I am not using a credit card.

4. I'm not taking any money away from bills, savings, ministries, family needs, or other expenses to buy clothes or personal items.

5. I'm not being extravagant or buying anything overly expensive.

If I can say all those things about my purchases, then there isn't any need to feel guilty and I refuse to take it on. If I can't say every one of those things about the money I am spending, then I consider it conviction and not unnecessary guilt. That's happened a time or two as well!

Enjoy your pretty sweater, Cynthia [:)]


Your post describes where I am at for the most part.

I will say that I keep a mental list of things that I want in my head. If I see something on that list on sale for a good price I will pick it up with very little guilt.

If Russ is with me, I will feel less guilt.

This I have a problem with:
quote:


2. I'm not buying anything that will just sit in my closet. What I'm buying I will wear and is practical for my lifestyle


I have a hard time being sure that I will like what I buy. I really try, but things often don't look/fit the way they did in the store. That is one of my biggest issues along with only being able to spend the money once.

I do try to make sure I have enough clothes, but I really am terrible at shopping for my own clothes.



lifeisgoodwgod -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/24/2008 9:12:12 PM)

WHAT???? Not buy myself anything??? You know what they say or do they? No guilt no glory. Just joking. I deserve it more than anyone. No I don't feel guilty.



cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 12:19:24 AM)

Good points, Karlie. Thanks for posting.



Melitac -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 2:06:31 AM)

I feel guilty doing it.
Which is why I still am wearing a nursing bra and my youngest is 13. (I do use it for sleeping in, but still)

I don't feel guilty if hubby is with me. But if we are shopping together, I always "ask" him if I can get it.
I think part of me does this on purpose to make myself look pathetic, which I'm sure is rooted in old resentments about rarely getting what I want and often need.

When I was employed (last time was about 8 years ago), I enjoyed spending my own money and never ever felt guilty about it.
I think this is a big part of it for many women.



shadowspring -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 2:05:31 PM)

Ah, that could be. I don't get feel guilty over buying myself clothes since I don't work, but boy am I touchy if my husband questions any of my purchases.

My knee-jerk reaction is along the lines of "So, I guess I should go get a job. Cause right now my income is ZERO, so I guess I shouldn't be spending anything at all, huh?"

Like most long-term married couples, my weakness is now a standard joke of ours, and we can and do make fun of my "poor-me" attitude when budget talks come up.

But yikes! When I first popped off with this I surprised MYSELF with my reaction! I didn't know I felt that way at all. It wasn't something I ever verbalized, I guess it was just an underlying assumption about money and my personal contribution to the family bottom line.

So I can see how that unspoken assumption of net income=net worth as a person could make a mom hesitant to pick up a darling sweater for herself, even if it was in the budget.

And looked great on her.

And made her feel beautiful.

I'm happy you got your sweater, cynthia. [:)]



cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 2:21:04 PM)

The thing is, my husband likes it when I buy stuff for myself. He likes me to look nice and doesn't worry about me going overboard. I am actually going to go shopping today for shoes. There are outlet stores in a town south of here. I have to run an errand in that direction and figure I may as well go a few miles further to see if I can find any bargins on shoes.

I think my issue is that I do not see buying clothing for myself as a priority. I need to put it in the budget and have the money on hand for when I find something on sale. If I wait until I really need something, it's harder to find a good deal than if I would shop periodically and look for those great bargins along the way.



cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 3:58:19 PM)

My errand has been cancelled. My husband is already down in that area, so he can stop by and do my errand for me. This is actually good news, as I really did not want to drive all the way down there today, especially late in the afternoon, which is when I'd have to go.



mathlady -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 4:06:03 PM)

I seem to always have lived my married life with the adage, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." In thinking about this whole conversation, I find myself wondering where this came from, since I was raised in a fairly upper-middle class family where the definition of "need" was very flexible. My own definition has narrowed dramatically - if I had a choice between buying something presentable or looking like I grabbed my clothing from a dumpster, I would go shopping. But I still have clothes that I wore when I was in high school (they are a little tighter now than they were then [:(]), so I don't need to get clothing. Maybe this combination of defining "need" and using stuff until it is rags explains the guilt at buying something new.

Although finding something really nice at a ridiculously low price is more of a conquest than a purchase, so those are okay[:)]



cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 4:15:50 PM)

mathlady, I think you have articulated my problem. I feel like my clothing isn't falling apart and it fits, so even if I've had it for 5, 10 or 15 years, I should have no reason to buy new clothing. For Easter, I wore a skirt that belonged to my grandmother. She died five years ago at age 90. I think the nylons I had on were from her also, since she had a bunch that I took home with me. I also wore her mink coat. [;)] I got a lot of compliments Sunday! My mom just about had a fit when I put on the mink. She thought for sure people would think I was nuts.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 4:17:23 PM)

LOL, Cynthia, when I read your first post I was going to say, "I know where you are going and I'm jealous!" but then I read your second post.

They have an OshKosh outlet there...ah, to have little boys again[sm=popsigh.gif]



cynthia -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 7:07:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

LOL, Cynthia, when I read your first post I was going to say, "I know where you are going and I'm jealous!" but then I read your second post.

They have an OshKosh outlet there...ah, to have little boys again[sm=popsigh.gif]

I know. Those little boys clothes are so cute.

Prepare to be jealous. I am planning to go down there on Saturday with TL.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Do You Feel Guilty Buying Clothes For Yourself? (3/25/2008 8:32:51 PM)

If only there weren't a mountain range between you and me! I can't believe it's been almost two years since we were over there.



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