Cold Fish? (Full Version)

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dinomax55 -> Cold Fish? (3/26/2008 7:45:02 AM)

I'm a single guy, and I have a fear of marrying a young lady whose desire level drops off considerably.. I hear horror stories about this, but I want to know if it's a legitimate fear.. guys has this been an issue for you? and if so, what did you do about it?

I always get the impression (perhaps I'm being naive) that guys want it way more than the ladies do.



DaveW -> RE: Cold Fish? (3/26/2008 10:19:11 AM)

On the website themarriagebed.com, the list owners get about equal numbers of emails from frustrated men whose wives no longer desire it and frustrated women whose husbands no longer want it.

In ancient Judiasm the attitude was that sex was the wife's right and the husband's responsibility. It was assumed her drive was always higher.

The lack of desire on the part of many women today may be a cultural phenomenon.



evryknee -> RE: Cold Fish? (3/26/2008 3:04:10 PM)

It may or may not. With the right communication and openness, it can be very fulfilling. However, the question I have, if this is a great fear, is "Is sex, then, an idol in your life?" Sex is a very important part of any marriage relationship, but if too much focus is placed there, then perhaps one might be missing the intended purposes of intimacy (of which sex is just a part) or other areas in a marriage that can be intimate (conversations, sharing joys & sorrows, romance, etc.).



Christian30 -> RE: Cold Fish? (3/26/2008 11:09:04 PM)

Probably more men want it more often in our society, but don't let this fear deter you from marriage. Any way you slice it, you'll have to "work" at marriage... sex and all other aspects of it. Nurture your marriage and you will be less likely to have dips in sexual desire on either side. Either man or woman can have a significantly decreased sex drive due to physiological issues. I'm just 50, but taking Viagra due to a mediation side effect.



denbert -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/21/2008 9:55:42 PM)

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And here I thought y'all were talkin about sushi.



JordanW -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/23/2008 11:27:41 PM)

That would be horrible to happen, I can't even imagine the pain that I would feel honestly.



Konstantinos -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/29/2008 1:41:04 PM)

ive heard of christian couples that rarely have sex, and of some that have it all the time.

and ive read somewhere that men's sex drive in their brains is 2.5 times bigger than females'

so anyway yes its a legitimate fear. though i think a big part of your wife wanting has to do with you i guess.. and how you'll present and stuff like that. women are weird.

squats and milk



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/29/2008 4:28:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Konstantinos

squats and milk


That truly is the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaveW

The lack of desire on the part of many women today may be a cultural phenomenon.


I think modern civilization has accepted the fact that with time, sexual desires within a marriage drop off increasingly. Whether it be on the man or woman's part.

I personally don't believe that. It's something I plan to avoid within my marriage.



beauregarde -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/29/2008 5:06:08 PM)

quote:

I personally don't believe that. It's something I plan to avoid within my marriage.


Don't beleive it - that's fine - to me, it is not an argument point.

What I will say is that other duties and responsibilities as a husband, father, provider, Christian, do take up an incredible amount of time, and priorities are not always sex.

I will also say, that my wife and I also do plan time for sex that is mutually satisfying. Any man will tell you that they love morning sex, very quick with no time to linger - but women are not so thrilled with it. So we plan time where she can be relaxed, not rushed, and have an orgasm.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/29/2008 9:19:53 PM)

I definitely agree that it's something that shouldn't be rushed, especially for women.



Konstantinos -> RE: Cold Fish? (4/30/2008 6:57:28 AM)

of course! in the morning testosterone is higher! [sm=raisedbrows.gif]

i say do both



denbert -> RE: Cold Fish? (5/5/2008 9:35:57 PM)

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[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=funny.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]



U376977 -> RE: Cold Fish? (5/6/2008 1:37:42 PM)

Any advise for the other way around?
What is your wife has gained 50 pounds since you were married?
What if she takes out money/kids/job stresses on you and becomes short and rude?
Still has some wonderful tender moments, but you notice she is nicer to her girlfriends than to you. You call her name to tell her something and you hear, "WHAT" "I AM BUSY" You find yourself wanting spend more time at work so you don't have to be around her and her attitude. Of course you know you are not perfect, you lose it, and wonder if you are the REAL problem and not her. You still love her, but when it comes to sex it is so much more work than it is worth. With kids there has to be so much planning that you lose the thrill of just letting it happen and you know she is bored because she is buying oils and toys to try to make her interested.



Konstantinos -> RE: Cold Fish? (5/7/2008 7:03:47 AM)

then she needs to learn to respect you more.

i dont care if its pms or her dad telling her shes a princess and she deserves the best and never to respect anyone that doesnt treat her so, she must learn that.

the most successful marriages ive seen are the ones when the wife respects the husband, not just the husband loving her. as for the weight, if its because of pregnancy most girls will gain some. some of it is loseable some isnt. but in most cases the girl can lose most of it. most girls are just too whiney about it. as far as i see most of them want support.. and then more support.. and then more support.. and then they will say they got a gym membership and then they want more support and then they whine the exercizes are hard(which in fact are... way way easy compared to others) so they want more support. you get the idea.

its tiring when a girl cant control her insecurities and expects the man to make her feel secure all the time. the man should be supposed to SECURE HER not to make her feel secure. thats how i see it.



beauregarde -> RE: Cold Fish? (5/7/2008 3:24:51 PM)

quote:

its tiring when a girl cant control her insecurities and expects the man to make her feel secure all the time. the man should be supposed to SECURE HER not to make her feel secure. thats how i see it.


It is very frustrating when someone needs to move from feeling something, to knowing something.

Feelings are the caboose of a train. Facts are the engine.



chrystar -> RE: Cold Fish? (5/19/2008 11:35:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dinomax55

I'm a single guy, and I have a fear of marrying a young lady whose desire level drops off considerably.. I hear horror stories about this, but I want to know if it's a legitimate fear.. guys has this been an issue for you? and if so, what did you do about it?

I always get the impression (perhaps I'm being naive) that guys want it way more than the ladies do.



It is a legitmate fear and yes it dose happen, I'v been living that nightmare for about the last 4 years.....I years ago I was on the forums depsrately seeking advice on how to deal with it, and it still a work in progress....but I think the best advice I can give you is that you should talk about it with you gf/fiance, I think that it is important that you both know how the other approches it. That being said, people do change and that can always happen....



pberardi -> RE: Cold Fish? (6/1/2008 2:25:08 PM)

women...can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts.



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