Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (Full Version)

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rgod -> Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (3/28/2008 8:48:48 AM)

I've started to meet guys that I'm not interested in, but that are really nice people (mostly it is because I'm a Christian and they aren't). It is always difficult to reject people and I know a lot of guys hate the "let's be friends" thing - but is there a way to do this sensitively? Or is it better to just say it and get it out in the open sooner rather than later? (I hate rejecting people - especially nice guys!)



PreserveWildlife -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (3/29/2008 10:06:58 PM)

Honesty and directness is all that's needed. Something like: 'I appreciate the offer/sentiment/invitation but I'm not interested in a relationship at this time' is sufficient. It stings but it isn't vague. Being respectful is your responsibility --not how they feel afterwards.



makarizo -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (3/29/2008 10:20:28 PM)

"sensitive rejection" is an oxymoron....
stick with "honesty is the best policy" and you will build character, and learn that honesty can have tons of tact.



rgod -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (3/30/2008 3:17:33 AM)

Thanks a lot for the responses. I hate rejecting people, but I agree with you - better to do it quickly and honestly. Maybe that is the most "sensitive" thing to do if there is a sensitive way to handle these things.



John_O -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/7/2008 3:07:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife

Honesty and directness is all that's needed. Something like: 'I appreciate the offer/sentiment/invitation but I'm not interested in a relationship at this time' is sufficient. It stings but it isn't vague. Being respectful is your responsibility --not how they feel afterwards.


I have to disagree with the example given here. "Not interested in a relation ship at this time" means "Not right now but keep trying and maybe later we'll go out"

If the guy doesn't meet what you want then let him know right up front.

DO NOT do the "let's be just friends" thing. Most of us have learned it really means "Drop dead. I'll never date you" yet some of us still hang around torturing ourselves with someone we can never have.

The most sensitive rejection is one that is totally unambiguous. "You're a great guy but you are totally not my type and we will never date"

Most "kind" rejections hurt more than the brutal ones do. Which is worse, peeling a bandage off a little at a time and dragging the agony out for hours or yanking that puppy off in one swift motion? Be merciful, be swift.



trainfan -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/8/2008 12:44:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife

Honesty and directness is all that's needed. Something like: 'I appreciate the offer/sentiment/invitation but I'm not interested in a relationship at this time' is sufficient. It stings but it isn't vague. Being respectful is your responsibility --not how they feel afterwards.


I have to disagree with the example given here. "Not interested in a relation ship at this time" means "Not right now but keep trying and maybe later we'll go out"

If the guy doesn't meet what you want then let him know right up front.

DO NOT do the "let's be just friends" thing. Most of us have learned it really means "Drop dead. I'll never date you" yet some of us still hang around torturing ourselves with someone we can never have.

The most sensitive rejection is one that is totally unambiguous. "You're a great guy but you are totally not my type and we will never date"

Most "kind" rejections hurt more than the brutal ones do. Which is worse, peeling a bandage off a little at a time and dragging the agony out for hours or yanking that puppy off in one swift motion? Be merciful, be swift.


Ditto!



rgod -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/8/2008 7:46:37 PM)

Thanks everyone,

I stopped seeing him. The main reason that I had to do this was because we didn't have anything in common and more importantly, I discovered that he wasn't a "walking" Christian. We only went out a couple of times - (a bit longer than I wanted to because he lost his job on the same day he asked me out again and I felt horrible saying no at that time so I said yes) but on the other hand, I didn't want him to get emotionally invested - and it seemed like that was starting to happen. I felt horrible about it at the time because he was a really nice guy - but having a relationship with Christ is a non-negotiable. I avoided the let's be friends thing because I felt that it would be disingenuous, particularly since we didn't have anything in common - and also because I felt it would be giving him false hope. I hated having to do that, but the alternative (continuing to see him and "letting him down easy") seemed like that would be more painful in the long run.

Thanks again for your advice.


rgod



RichLP -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/8/2008 11:38:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife
Honesty and directness is all that's needed. Something like: 'I appreciate the offer/sentiment/invitation but I'm not interested in a relationship at this time' is sufficient. It stings but it isn't vague. Being respectful is your responsibility --not how they feel afterwards.


I agree 100% and will only add this.

Do not get yourself into a situation where others may think you're available if you're not.

I am not trying to be a drama queen, but not too long ago I was introduced to a Christian girl who was attractive, educated, intelligent, and who told me she valued character. I was very encouraged only to have this girl disrespect me and disappear. I was disappointed and backed off, after I got the hint - and then she later had the audacity to call to apologize for her dishonesty.

Turns out she had been seeing another man all along and rather than telling me up front that she wasn't available, she chose to leave me in the dark until the dust had settled. Needless to say, I gave her a piece of my mind.

If Christians can do this, it only reinforces my belief that perhaps lifelong singleness isn't the end of the world.



TomTurn -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/14/2008 9:16:26 AM)

quote:

Turns out she had been seeing another man all along and rather than telling me up front that she wasn't available, she chose to leave me in the dark until the dust had settled. Needless to say, I gave her a piece of my mind.


Many women will not break up with you until they have another man on the line



rgod -> RE: Rejection. How can I do it sensitively? (4/17/2008 1:17:26 PM)

quote:

Many women will not break up with you until they have another man on the line


While for some women this is true, I don't think that this is a function of gender, but rather character. If I personally see a deal breaker, I'd prefer to break up with someone (if we can't work it through) than to string them along until another man comes along. I think that is an awful thing to do to someone; better to be up front and honest than to be deceptive and hurt that person far worse in the long run.



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