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ORIGINAL: benelchi

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

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Well, the question was asked, so I don't think it's wrong in this case to make our statements and judgments concerning her parenting decision.

Okay, I'll go along with that.

I guess I just look at it as I'd rather make a statement about what I would or wouldn't do rather than say someone else is wrong for doing what they do.

To me, it's the difference between..
"I wouldn't do that"
and
"She was wrong to do that"

Does that make sense?

There I times when "I wouldn't do that" is the appropriate response, and there are times that "She was wrong to do that" is the appropriate response. In this case I would lean much more towards the latter response.

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom

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ORIGINAL: benelchi

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

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Well, the question was asked, so I don't think it's wrong in this case to make our statements and judgments concerning her parenting decision.

Okay, I'll go along with that.

I guess I just look at it as I'd rather make a statement about what I would or wouldn't do rather than say someone else is wrong for doing what they do.

To me, it's the difference between..
"I wouldn't do that"
and
"She was wrong to do that"

Does that make sense?

There I times when "I wouldn't do that" is the appropriate response, and there are times that "She was wrong to do that" is the appropriate response. In this case I would lean much more towards the latter response.

Since she has essentially written a public confession, do you think she should be prosecuted or some other action taken against her?

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
Since most kids are victimized by those they know and not creeps on a subway

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
Since she has essentially written a public confession, do you think she should be prosecuted or some other action taken against her?

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ORIGINAL: Auben

I'm coming late to the game but I'll give my 2 cents.


Any child who's not responsible enough to carry a cell phone and not lose it most of the time is usually not responsible enough to take the crosstown bus or subway. Accidents will happen on occasion but if junior or little miss can't keep track of it then I personally would take that as a sign that they are not ready to step things up to the next level. Attention to detail and keen observational skill are necessary when moving around in a big city.

I'm not known for being an overprotective mother. I'm inclined to let them be little crazy. Sometimes small injuries teach them more than me telling them something over and over. My 9 year old walks his 4 year old brother home from school every day and crosses one of the busier streets in our small town doing that. He and his buddy roam through the woods occasionally. I'm very confident in his ability to do that.

At 7/8 I was taking the public bus in Milwaukee to our Catholic school and making sure my 6 year old brother made it back and forth as well. It was at least a mile. Occasionally my brother would lose his dime and we would have to guess-walk our way home (since we couldn't count stops then or ask the bus driver). IMO we were too young for that even though I was very mature and we always made it home ok eventually.


Maybe I just grew up in a different place, but my first thought of a child alone on bus or subway is not that they will be abducted or molested but that they will be pray to immature teens. Young girls are often felt up on public transport if they are alone (small family groups or friends tend to be safer). Young boys can be the focus or severe teasing from teen boys or even pushed around a bit. Porn is sometimes pulled out to 'educate' them. Sometimes they are pressured to leave the bus before their stop or pushed out the back door at a stop.

I've seen all of those things and none of them were reported. None were noticed by the busy bus driver.

I personally would not want to leave my 9 year old alone in that. Not at that age. I agree that 9 year olds need more independence than their younger siblings but I would much prefer it be incremental. The ability to walk to a friend's house alone, bike to the corner store, or run inside Dad's work to fetch him.

At 9 most children are not prepared for the sustained harassment when they are alone and can't move away from their attackers. Not all bus drivers care or are able to notice. Saying 'if he looks confident he'll be fine' is not true in all situations.


I'm not judging the woman. Sometimes situations dictate that your child has to grow up faster in one way or the another, but if I can choose I'll always choose to let things happen incrementally and in a way which protects my child until I see that he can protect himself.

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ORIGINAL: rainbowtvp

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
Since most kids are victimized by those they know and not creeps on a subway

This is because most kids (esp those under 10) don't ride the subway alone... Most of their time is spent with people they know.

Tara P

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
but who is out there making sure that there are bars on all bedroom windows?

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I am not advocating carelessness, but rather pointing out that we tend to focus on the devil we don't know rather than the devil we do know. We don't want our kids to be victimized at school or at home or at Aunt Polly's house. It is easier to believe that they are more vulnerable 'somewhere else'.

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Stella made some good points, and so did Memaw- there are lots of kids who walk to school alone, ride buses and subways, ride bikes, etc... just as there are kids who use farm equipment, whose parents own guns, .... are parents who have a pool going to be labeled as wrong/foolish?

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom

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ORIGINAL: rainbowtvp

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ORIGINAL: Sunnymom
Since most kids are victimized by those they know and not creeps on a subway

This is because most kids (esp those under 10) don't ride the subway alone... Most of their time is spent with people they know.

Tara P

And also because predators place themselves in positions of trust and authority over children.

There are too many factors to make hard and fast rules about what kids should and should not do, because we know of at least two girls (Lunsford and Smart) who were taken out of their beds/homes, but who is out there making sure that there are bars on all bedroom windows? No one- because home is still considered reasonably safe, in spite of the fact that kids can be and are victimized in their homes.

I am not advocating carelessness, but rather pointing out that we tend to focus on the devil we don't know rather than the devil we do know. We don't want our kids to be victimized at school or at home or at Aunt Polly's house. It is easier to believe that they are more vulnerable 'somewhere else'.

Stella made some good points, and so did Memaw- there are lots of kids who walk to school alone, ride buses and subways, ride bikes, etc... just as there are kids who use farm equipment, whose parents own guns, .... are parents who have a pool going to be labeled as wrong/foolish?

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ORIGINAL: Sideways

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ORIGINAL: Kat_D

Your asking the wrong person, Sunnymom. I am the Mom who wouldn't let her girls walk to school until they were in the 7th grade, and then they had to call me the minute they got there. I am the Mom who broke her neck to get home every day to ensure that they never came home to an empty house after school until they were in high school. We also never let anyone babysit them except family...I could go on, but you get the drift.

My daughter was recently in New York and went for a run in central park. She got lost and said it was a pretty frightening experience...and she's a adult.

Yes, I was extremely overprotective...I admit it, but if the "better safe than sorry" motto ever applied in my life...it was with my children.

Do you think your over protectiveness helped to cultivate an adult daughter who was frightened when she got lost in New York? I think parents who give their children age appropriate challenges help to create confident young adults who can handle being alone, lost, etc.

I went into downtown Chicago alone when I was 22, and I did find myself alone at Grant Park about half an hour before sunset, but I got out of there and handled it fine. My grandmother was terrified and amazed that I would go into Chicago alone like that.

I don't know if I'd sent a nine year old off alone on the subway, but a child who lives in a major city had better be able to handle themselves and at a pretty early age.

I think "better safe than sorry" can have long term, negative consequences for children. Not always, some over protected children turn out just fine, but some are severely handicapped long into their adult life.

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

The thing is, we all have different limits. What I would let my kids do would turn someone else into a basket case. And what someone else would allow, would make me nuts. So who is right? Who determines the outer limit? Each parent with each individual child?

Or me?

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ORIGINAL: Kat_D

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

The thing is, we all have different limits. What I would let my kids do would turn someone else into a basket case. And what someone else would allow, would make me nuts. So who is right? Who determines the outer limit? Each parent with each individual child?

Or me?

Absolutely correct Lion, and these choices highly depend on where you live, how your were brought up, etc. Every parent just has to do the best they can and make the choices they feel comfortable with. When all is said and done, no one else but you are raising your kids and no one else but you will reap the consequences when you err. Personally, I will always err on the safer side where my kids are concerned.

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P.S. - Don't know if this has been addressed yet, but just wondering what might have happened to the Mom in the OP if the outcome wasn't as good. What if her her child had been abducted or hurt after she made the choice to set him loose in the big city without a cell phone? Do you think she could have faced some sort of child endangerment or other criminal charge?

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What if her her child had been abducted or hurt after she made the choice to set him loose in the big city without a cell phone? Do you think she could have faced some sort of child endangerment or other criminal charge?

When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming.

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ORIGINAL: Memaw.

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What if her her child had been abducted or hurt after she made the choice to set him loose in the big city without a cell phone? Do you think she could have faced some sort of child endangerment or other criminal charge?

Oh great.
Now Congress will enact a law that all children will be required to carry cell phones.

*DISCLAIMER*
That was a joke.

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ORIGINAL: pbaribeault

I think the cell phone thing is a red herring - obviously a cell phone can fall out of a boy's pocket, or he can leave a backpack behind. It is unlikely that the boy himself will fall out of his own pocket on to the sidewalk, or sit down and forget where he left himself! The cell phone is not about to get on the appropriate transportation and go home!

She never said, "I don't want him to have a cell phone in case he gets kidnapped, then I would be sad that my cell phone was lost too." She just thought that while facing a challenge in getting himself home, it would be unfair to also burden him with the responsibility of keeping track of a valuable item.

She does not care more about the loss of a cell phone than the loss of a child. It's unfair to vilify her that way. She just thinks that a child is unlikely to be kidnapped - but he is likely to loose track of what he is carrying during his adventure.

It would be just as false to say that because you don't send a cell phone to school with your child, because it is expensive, probably unnecessary and might get lost or stolen... that you care more about it than your child, who might need it if he is bullied or abducted there. It's a silly assertion.

When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming.

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ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
That's the one thing I don't get at all.

Maybe it was a company phone and not hers. I dunno. <shrugs>