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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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[Poll]
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Total Votes : 79
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(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 7:13:47 PM
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sjd2008
Posts: 152
Joined: 1/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous....
FWIW, when I was 19 and in bootcamp in 1971, I was required to go to church. I could pick Catholic, Protestant, or LDS services, but I had to go.
Remarkably, nobody, including me, suffered permanent trauma.
I wonder if G.I.'s are still required to attend church services. Not to mention Zedd isn't in bootcamp, he's at home.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 7:55:23 PM
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Qtman
Posts: 11215
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sjd2008
quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous....
FWIW, when I was 19 and in bootcamp in 1971, I was required to go to church. I could pick Catholic, Protestant, or LDS services, but I had to go.
Remarkably, nobody, including me, suffered permanent trauma.
I wonder if G.I.'s are still required to attend church services. Not to mention Zedd isn't in bootcamp, he's at home.
I don't know but it would not hurt them and it won't hurt Zedd either.
_____________________________
Please Remember our Military Past and Present. ALL gave some, SOME gave all.
Qtman's Musings
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 8:03:20 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4225
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sjd2008
quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: relady
Zedd, I agree with you -- I think REQUIRING a 19year old adult to go to church is ridiculous....
FWIW, when I was 19 and in bootcamp in 1971, I was required to go to church. I could pick Catholic, Protestant, or LDS services, but I had to go.
Remarkably, nobody, including me, suffered permanent trauma.
I wonder if G.I.'s are still required to attend church services. Not to mention Zedd isn't in bootcamp, he's at home.
LOL! I always tell my kids that this IS bootcamp. I am training them for life.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 8:06:39 PM
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relady
Posts: 966
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
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quote:
I wonder if G.I.'s are still required to attend church services. I do not believe so. I know my son was not required to go when he was in Naval bootcamp at Great Lakes. IMO, if they are old enough to enlist in the military, they are most certainly old enough to decide whether or not to attend services.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:00:40 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 2938
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Zedd,
For the record your parents are acting biblically unlawful… You opened the door for them to make going to church a requirement prior so they have no biblical grounds to change the arrangement they made with you prior and they are wrong to enforce even something that is beneficial to your overall well being. In sense you entered into a contract (covenant) with your parents and biblically they are required to be faithful to what was agreed upon, and it's wrong for them to change the agreement after the fact. Their desire for you to go to church doesn't allow them to act in such a manner.
On the flip side you are commanded to honor your mother and father (and there is no age limit on that command) but since it appears you're not a believer it's really a moot point at this level. Of course God holds everyone to His law, but I that's for another thread...
John
Matthew 5:37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 9:01:00 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2805
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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I don't think this is so much about going to church or not, I think this is about changing ones mind and word.
The Mom agreed she would not make him go to church before he moved in, yet now she is putting the ultimatum to him.
How can one be convinced Christianity is the right way to go when they are seeing that a "Christians'" word can not be trusted?
_____________________________
~Kimmie
 When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 10:05:50 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11675
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
I don't think this is so much about going to church or not, I think this is about changing ones mind and word.
The Mom agreed she would not make him go to church before he moved in, yet now she is putting the ultimatum to him.
How can one be convinced Christianity is the right way to go when they are seeing that a "Christians'" word can not be trusted?
Clearly, something changed to make her change her mind. She would not pull this out of her nose.
Perhaps the OP can enlighten us.
As for me, my opinion has not changed--either stay and follow their house rules or get your own place.
Is there something preventing your moving out on your own?
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 10:35:57 PM
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GeorgiaNerd
Posts: 244
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: UGA... GO DAWGS!
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My parents have the same rules for me when I go home for the summers. I comply because it is their house and they get to make the rules, even though I'm 22. It's really not all that bad, and there is an outstanding music program at the church I attend. I usually just doodle or read the hymnal during the sermons, and the time passes quickly. Do they make you go to their church? Mine don't, and everyone in my family attends different churches.
Is it ideal? No. I enjoy church music and traditions but would rather sleep in on Sundays.
Did your mom just find out that you aren't Christian or have a shift in beliefs? My parents didn't make me go to church until I told them that I'm ex-Christian.
Anyways, it seems to me like your mom is being harsh and dishonest. She isn't helping to promote her faith, either.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 11:00:13 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2805
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Clearly, something changed to make her change her mind. She would not pull this out of her nose.
You have such a way with words..LOL
Just my thinking here, but maybe she thought once he got on her "turf" (for lack of better word), she would be able to talk him into it and now sees she can't so she is giving him ultimatums?
Either way, IMO it is wrong, because if this is the case, you have:
1. She went back on her word
and
2. She manipulated him.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 11:11:22 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11675
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
Clearly, something changed to make her change her mind. She would not pull this out of her nose.
You have such a way with words..LOL
Just my thinking here, but maybe she thought once he got on her "turf" (for lack of better word), she would be able to talk him into it and now sees she can't so she is giving him ultimatums?
Either way, IMO it is wrong, because if this is the case, you have:
1. She went back on her word
and
2. She manipulated him.
It's so hard to disagree with you, Kimmie
*If* she changed her mind--and we only have the OP's side of the story here--that is her perogative.
We change our house rules to suit the occaision--not just frivolously, but they do change when needed.
Zedd is old enough to enter into a rental agreement, so there is no one forcing him to do anything--he is not a prisoner and is free to leave.
I think it would be good for him to leave, IMO (not trying to give unwelcome counsel here, just stating my feelings, mind you.) Then he can make his own house rules and not worray about anything.
I recall about 25 or so years ago, getting a middle of the might phone call from a younger acquaintance with *exactly* the same problem: his parents aid that if he wanted to keep living in their house, he had to go to church with them. He was *frantic*. (I don't think the OP is frantic, but this guy was.) I asked him what the big deal was and how long their church service lasted. He said he didn't want to go and that it was an hour.
I told him he had a choice--either leave, or suck it up for an hour a week and go to church with them. He sort of stopped and thought about it. He was not paying rent, was getting food and other amenities, and he decided it was worth dressing up and going with them in order to keep the sweet deal he had going 
(BTW, this would not be an issue in our house. Himself is from the Northeast, where you are out the door at eighteen  .)
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 11:25:04 PM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 2938
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ps103
quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
I don't think this is so much about going to church or not, I think this is about changing ones mind and word.
The Mom agreed she would not make him go to church before he moved in, yet now she is putting the ultimatum to him.
How can one be convinced Christianity is the right way to go when they are seeing that a "Christians'" word can not be trusted?
Clearly, something changed to make her change her mind. She would not pull this out of her nose.
Perhaps the OP can enlighten us.
As for me, my opinion has not changed--either stay and follow their house rules or get your own place.
Is there something preventing your moving out on your own?
What biblical right do the parents have to change the agreement? If they can change this agreement could they not renege on other agreements?
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 11:32:45 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2805
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Ps,
I agree with you in that he should get his own place (no TOS violation here either ) as he then could set his own rules.
However, that may not be a reality for him, and if not, then what happens?
Can a loving Mother kick her son out on the street simply because he won't go to church?
I think if I were in his position, I would go just to keep the peace (as I suggested in Post #8) but I am not in his place, I don't know what reasons he has for not going, what belief system he has, or anything like that.
I do know this from experience with my kids, never lock a door that you may want to open again.
Tough love is great, and I do recommend it in certain circumstances, but be very careful that you don't "tough love them" completely away from you.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:01:28 AM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 2938
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ps103
*If* she changed her mind--and we only have the OP's side of the story here--that is her perogative.
Where does this perogative end? What agreements are ok to go back on? Just little ones? Could she tell the bank to take a hike and stop making the house payment?
quote:
We change our house rules to suit the occaision--not just frivolously, but they do change when needed.
This would have some weight had they not talked about going to church prior...
quote:
Zedd is old enough to enter into a rental agreement, so there is no one forcing him to do anything--he is not a prisoner and is free to leave.
Zedd entered into a agreement with his parents and they are changing the agreement... On what ground do they stand on to go back on their word? Given the example of his parents Zedd could change the agreement at his perogative right? That is what the parents are teaching him... Bad example...
quote:
I think it would be good for him to leave, IMO (not trying to give unwelcome counsel here, just stating my feelings, mind you.) Then he can make his own house rules and not worray about anything.
I agree he should get his own place, but that doesn't grant relief to the parents...
quote:
I recall about 25 or so years ago, getting a middle of the might phone call from a younger acquaintance with *exactly* the same problem: his parents aid that if he wanted to keep living in their house, he had to go to church with them. He was *frantic*. (I don't think the OP is frantic, but this guy was.) I asked him what the big deal was and how long their church service lasted. He said he didn't want to go and that it was an hour.
Not the same... The above example has the child already in the house and Zedd spoke of the issue prior... Clear distinctions...
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:03:48 AM
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Ps103
Posts: 11675
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quote:
Can a loving Mother kick her son out on the street simply because he won't go to church?
Oh, honey--I come from a part of the country where loving mothers keep their babies close to their breasts till they are 75, so I am a bad one to ask I have had to be retrained about the whole thing, and I have learned my lessons well
But, to my mind, if this causes such a rift that a child would never again speak to his mother, the problem goes much deeper than what the OP has described.
When I lived at home while going to college, I was also required to go to church--but I did not go to the same church as my parents. Still, it was a house rule that one went to church, and I did. When I wanted to especially please my mother (like on Mother's Day) I would go to their church and sit with them, and she just about blew a gasket from pride.
I did not then, nor do I now, agree with their church's doctrines, but I loved my mother and it was a small price to pay to make her that happy. It did not change my views in any way, but I do have fond memories of those mornings. In fact, I would give anything I owned to be able to do it just one more time.
So I guess that is the basis for my belief that it is not going to harelip the OP to go and make his momma happy.
There may be hills to die on, I just don't see this as being of of them.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:09:42 AM
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Ps103
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quote:
Not the same... The above example has the child already in the house and Zedd spoke of the issue prior... Clear distinctions...
Indeed, I hope it was not the same, John, but the "child" was in his twenties and quite festive, if your get my drift. He was not in the house before--he pretty much was a boomerang baby. His mother and father thought it would do him some good. I doubt that it did, but he went and it certainly didn't hurt him.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:10:33 AM
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Ps103
Posts: 11675
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quote:
Where does this perogative end?
In my house, it does not end.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:15:26 AM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 2938
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ps103
quote:
Where does this perogative end?
In my house, it does not end.
So agreements you enter in to can be broken as you see fit?
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:20:27 AM
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Ps103
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If circumstances change to warrant it, yes.
I do not see this as lying, I see it as adapting.
I am firmly convinced that something changed in the OP's initial "agreement" with his mother and step-father that he is not telling us. I wish his mother would come on and post.
_____________________________
Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:31:03 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2805
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
Still, it was a house rule that one went to church, and I did.
Ps, Of course if it is a house rule, then by all means follow that rule.
The problem is that the "house rules" did not include going to church when Zedd agreed to them.
I too wish his Mother would come on here and post, I would like to hear her take on it.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 12:37:31 AM
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SovereignIsHe
Posts: 2938
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ps103
If circumstances change to warrant it, yes.
I do not see this as lying, I see it as adapting.
I am firmly convinced that something changed in the OP's initial "agreement" with his mother and step-father that he is not telling us. I wish his mother would come on and post.
Staying with the realm of the OP what biblical grounds do Zedd's parents have to change their agreement... The bible is pretty clear that the word of a Christian is very important... I recall a case where Israel was told to keep their end of an agreement even when the other side didn't because it was important they kept their word because of who they represented...
What could have changed? I am sure you have an example on your mind... They spoke of him going to church prior... If she changed her mind that's fine, but what grants her the right to change what she agreed to? She claims to be a Christian so it's fair to hold her to her word and she is bound to act in a lawful manner according to the world of God. Her prerogative, even in her own home doesn't trump God's word.
From what we know, she said NO, you don't have to go to church to live her, and now she is saying YES you must go to church to live here... Given that, what could have change? I believe it's regret, but that's not just cause to break the agreement...
The bible says let your YES be yes and your No be no just for the very reason... Now she is in conflict with the Word by going back on her word and it's so apparent that even someone who doesn't believe can see it...
John
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 2:23:59 AM
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DenimDiva
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I thought I read that the mom had talked to the (step?) father and then told Zedd that he'd have to go to church. .... maybe I'm confusing threads.
If that's the case, she may be following her husband's authority.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 2:27:38 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5678
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Zedd- I really don't think church will hurt you all that much. You seem to have an outright hatred towards the church but you haven't said why.
Why not go to church so that you can know for a fact why you hate it so ...... you know ...... "know thy enemy."
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/17/2008 7:06:49 AM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
I thought I read that the mom had talked to the (step?) father and then told Zedd that he'd have to go to church. .... maybe I'm confusing threads.
If that's the case, she may be following her husband's authority.
Incorrect. In fact it's the opposite. My step-father wants me to goto church only because my mother wants me to goto church.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
Zedd- I really don't think church will hurt you all that much. You seem to have an outright hatred towards the church but you haven't said why.
Why not go to church so that you can know for a fact why you hate it so ...... you know ...... "know thy enemy."
Physically? No. Hurt? Maybe not. Conflicting? Yes. I've already made up my mind spiritually and mentally. Evangelical Christianity/going to church is not included in my beliefs, what they preach contradicts what I hold to be true. And for the record I don't hate anything.
And if you are interested enough to talk about my beliefs, PM me.
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