Must Christians actively seek a partner? (Full Version)

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JefferyT -> Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 1:46:21 AM)

I am a single Catholic male age 44. A Christian friend of mine thinks I should be married by now. My feeling has always been to let nature take its course. If I happen to find the right woman to spend my life with, that would be great. Or if I do not happen to meet the right woman through my normal daily encounters, that is OK too. But my friend thinks the bible teaches Christians to actively seek a partner, not just wait for it to happen. What do all of you think? Do you have any bible scripture to support one view or the other?



dinomax55 -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 7:21:10 AM)

Prov 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord."

Now there are a few who are given a gift of singleness, but for most of us, being yoked with someone is the preferred condition.
That said, there should be some effort involved.. Like anything else, you have to sow in order to reap.



benelchi -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 9:54:29 AM)

quote:

But my friend thinks the bible teaches Christians to actively seek a partner, not just wait for it to happen. What do all of you think? Do you have any bible scripture to support one view or the other?


I can find scriptures to support both views. Paul seems even to indicate that not getting married at all is the best choice. I think the biggest issue is what is the desire God has laid on your heart, and why are you not looking. If not looking is simply a way of avoiding rejection then it is likely the wrong choice because we are not called live in fear (even fear of rejection); however, if it is simple because you are truly content in your singleness and your only motive for seeking is to please your friends, then that is wrong choice too.



gaylel1 -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 11:09:30 AM)

Or if people are finding a partner for the wrong reasons, that should be taken in conserderation also. I think the problem is that if you don't find a partner by a certian age, you are sinning against God, be ashamed of yourself because of your singleness and God will not bless you because of your status.

That kind of teaching is just right silly and it discourages those singles who has not found a husband or wife that they are not a part of the family of God.

Sometimes we do have to wait and seek his kingdom because we get wrong partners in desparation or other things that would not be right at all.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 1:42:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JefferyT

I am a single Catholic male age 44. A Christian friend of mine thinks I should be married by now. My feeling has always been to let nature take its course. If I happen to find the right woman to spend my life with, that would be great. Or if I do not happen to meet the right woman through my normal daily encounters, that is OK too. But my friend thinks the bible teaches Christians to actively seek a partner, not just wait for it to happen. What do all of you think? Do you have any bible scripture to support one view or the other?
I think people need to learn to mind their own business.

BTW, I very much agree with your reasonings you've given in the OP.


I'll also just ditto Benelchi's post so as not to be repetitive.


Blessings,
Sharon-Marie



p.s. Welcome to Faith Community Network!



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 1:48:48 PM)

Additionally,

You're still alive, aren't you?

I don't agree with the mindset that people must be married, and I certainly don't agree that people must actively be seeking a spouse.

However, if I were to believe either one of those philosophies, then where in the Bible would I find any guidelines as to by what age a person should so illustriously be wed?


Again, people just need to mind their own business.



ladioffaith -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 2:43:56 PM)

What they said.

HOWEVER .... Once upon a time I was taught that HE who finds a WIFE has found a good thing, so the guy is supposed to do the finding.

But 39 years of not exactly actively seeking hasn't done much for me. So I agree now that if you expect God to bring the mate to your door, then ya better be happy marrying the mailman or fed-ex guy or pizza delivery guy.

While I agree that people need to stay out of your business ... you may want to ask yourself if you're just not actively looking, or if some kind of unresolved fear or pain is keeping you from looking. If so, then God may want you to deal with your hurt and pain, because he loves you so much.



humbleinspirit -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 8:10:27 PM)

Hi Jeffrey, you might want to check out a similar thread that I have more or less started on the topic as well.

Single And Not Looking



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 8:22:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladioffaith

What they said.

HOWEVER .... Once upon a time I was taught that HE who finds a WIFE has found a good thing, so the guy is supposed to do the finding.

But 39 years of not exactly actively seeking hasn't done much for me. So I agree now that if you expect God to bring the mate to your door, then ya better be happy marrying the mailman or fed-ex guy or pizza delivery guy.
Di - you gave me a craving for pizza! [:D]

Now . . .

. . . With the exception of a very brief period many years ago, I have never actively searched for a spouse (nor have I actively put myself in the paths of men who were actively searching). I always figured that whomever I married (if I married) would show up in my everyday life. And that's exactly what happened with CS and me. We met at a coffee shop; just an ordinary everyday kinda of thing.

Should I ever get married again, I would hope it happens the same way . . . just going about my everyday life.


And this thing about age . . . just because there's some unwritten rule out there that a person should be married by a certain age doesn't necessarily make it true.

I can think of 2 3 moderators right off the bat (and a few other people as well) who didn't get married until they were over 40. I've known people who have gotten married (for the first time) even older than that.

[sm=flower.gif]



edited: because I remembered another over-40 first marriage moderator.



ladioffaith -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/20/2008 11:32:36 PM)

I can think of a couple of moderators who married after 40 ... but at least one of the ones I'm thinking of WAS married before ...although she had been single many years before Mr. Really Right came along!



jlp1 -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:03:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings


quote:

I always figured that whomever I married (if I married) would show up in my everyday life. And that's exactly what happened with CS and me. We met at a coffee shop; just an ordinary everyday kinda of thing.


Wow, Im just reading, cause I'm in the same boat do you actively look or do you wait. Now I meet a lot of people in my everyday life so would that be considered showing up? Or do i make a choice on the one I think fits me best? at church you meet a lot of people that show up so how do you tell the difference, as to which one to choose, cause I know a lot of people came into that coffee shop.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:24:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings


quote:

I always figured that whomever I married (if I married) would show up in my everyday life. And that's exactly what happened with CS and me. We met at a coffee shop; just an ordinary everyday kinda of thing.


Wow, Im just reading, cause I'm in the same boat do you actively look or do you wait. Now I meet a lot of people in my everyday life so would that be considered showing up? Or do i make a choice on the one I think fits me best? at church you meet a lot of people that show up so how do you tell the difference, as to which one to choose, cause I know a lot of people came into that coffee shop.


Hi JLP1 and Welcome,

In order to understand your post completely and respond, I would need to know if you are a man or a woman.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:26:16 PM)

(click on profile)



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:29:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

(click on profile)

Great idea Lisa! I um...should have thought of that.(oh and you are quick btw)

Sorry jlp1![:)]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:42:49 PM)

Jori, I'm not sure if I'm the best one to answer your questions. [:)]

When I met CS, I was neither "looking" nor "waiting". I was just "being" . . . I was simply going about my every day life.

For me, it wasn't (and isn't) a matter of "waiting" for the right one to come along.

Marriage is just something that I don't give a lot of thought to. It's not something that I consider to be a goal that I need or want to attain. If it hapens, fine; if it doesn't happen, that's fine too.

I married CS because of him; not because of wanting a husband.

Does that make sense?




A couple of weeks ago, I actually made a few blog entries about how I met CS and how we decided to delve deeper into our relationship than that of just coffee shop friends.

If anyone is interested, perhaps reading those entries might better clarify what I'm trying to say here in this thread and the other similar thread in Singles.

> Meeting CS <

> The Beginning of the Beginning <

> Our First Date <

> CS? <


The links are actual in consecutive order with each other, so if you want to read all of them, you'll only need to click on the first link.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 12:51:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladioffaith

I can think of a couple of moderators who married after 40 ... but at least one of the ones I'm thinking of WAS married before ...although she had been single many years before Mr. Really Right came along!
You're right. And she is actually who I thought of last (and then after I had modified the post, I remembered that she had previously been married).

Regarding being single many years before Mr. Really Right came along, I was single for 19 years from the time of my divorce from my first husband until the time CS and I started an exclusive relationship; 21 years until I remarried.

"Mr. Really Right"
I like that. [:D]



jlp1 -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 6:59:14 PM)

wow, 21 years, he is Mr. Really right, that's great and thanks!!



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 7:22:12 PM)

You're very welcomed. [:)]



jlp1 -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 7:57:15 PM)

I had a talk with my mom the other day and I asked her if a mate is someone we chose or God sent and she said pretty much it's a choice. I said so me sitting at home on the weekends and donig nothing is not enough, wouldn't I run into him at the grocery store or at the movies? Maybe, but I would have to interact with the type of people who are like me (same interest, ect...). SO, if marrige is somthing you want, I (just my resent opinion) now think it's something you prepare yourself for, like a job you want. A job you have to prepare yourself and look. All are blessings from God, pray about it and look.



John_O -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 10:27:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlp1

I had a talk with my mom the other day and i asked her if a mate is someone we chose or God sent and she said pretty much it's a choice. I said so me sitting at home on the weekends and donig nothing is not enough wouldn't I run into him at the grocery store or at the movies? Maybe, but I would have to interact with the type of people who are like me (same interest, ect...). SO, if marrige is somthing you want I (just my resent opinion) now think it's something you prepare yourself for like a job you want a job you have to prepare yourself and look. All are blessings from God, pray about it and look.



Exactly right. Seek, ask , knock. It doesn't say sit, wait, wish.



Prairiehiker -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/21/2008 11:56:52 PM)

We were created with a purpose, freedom, and boundaries. We have the freedom to do anything within the boundaries as given in the revealed will of God through the bible.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/22/2008 12:10:09 AM)

JefferyT,

You don't have to do anything. Paul teaches that being single we can serve the Lord better, without any "distractions."

You certainly don't have to go "a-looking" but, do not be surprised if you don't find her either (if you do want a wife). Finding other godly people is real work, takes discernment, wisdom, and patience. Truly godly people who have a heart for God and really obey His commandments are far and few. Hense the narrow road. But then, don't be surprised if she does just show up on your door-step, anything can happen.

Nothing wrong with not looking.

Nothing wrong with looking.



vikingfan -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/22/2008 12:15:50 AM)

I think this can vary a bit depending on gender.

I know that as a young marriageable guy, I feel like I should be looking to a certain extent. Currently, I feel led to simply cultivate solid relationships with girls and God will show me the right one, whether that's right now or 5 years from now.

But since most people agree that the guy should be the leader, I think it's better for the girl to be wide open to whatever guy God has for her, but still living her life exactly as she would before, and continually praying that God would guide her future husband to her. She does not avoid the company of guys, but neither is she boy-crazy.

Thoughts? Does gender play a role in answering this question?



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/22/2008 12:40:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vikingfan

I think this can vary a bit depending on gender.

I know that as a young marriageable guy, I feel like I should be looking to a certain extent. Currently, I feel led to simply cultivate solid relationships with girls and God will show me the right one, whether that's right now or 5 years from now.

But since most people agree that the guy should be the leader, I think it's better for the girl to be wide open to whatever guy God has for her, but still living her life exactly as she would before, and continually praying that God would guide her future husband to her. She does not avoid the company of guys, but neither is she boy-crazy.

Thoughts? Does gender play a role in answering this question?


I believe it does VF, although you will hear differing opinions here.
I will look, but I will not seek. I do not feel that is my role. If I do come across someone, that I would like to seek me, I may put myself in a position where I am easier to find, but that is all. The rest is up to God.
Just my personal opinion though.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Must Christians actively seek a partner? (4/22/2008 9:21:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam

Nothing wrong with not looking.

Nothing wrong with looking.
Yep,yep.



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