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RE: Different treatment of grandkids - 4/26/2008 9:00:17 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
You assumed that I've been talking to my daughter about how my parents have mistreated me, when you couldn't be further from the truth.
In your original post you said "I don't know what to tell her. "
That is where I got the idea of a conversation because I thought "telling" equates conversation.
I understand you don't agree with my response...and that is fine . I also noticed you said your daughter "has no idea why you distant yourself from your parent's." I still stand by what I said if you choose that boundary with your parents for yourself and for your daughter that is fine...but you can also choose to model Christ and pray for your parents with your daughter regardless of how hurtful they have been in your eyes. I believe that is part of praying for our enemies as Jesus commanded. If people were not going to do unkind hurtful things to us why would Jesus have told us to pray for our enemies?
I understand advising people to pray for someone who has hurt them and esp if their child is hurt brings offense sometimes, but it is still the biblical model Christ put in place for us and it is true for all of us.
Not sure where you got the idea I am a counselor, but I am not..my degree and career is elsewhere. Have a blessed day and I am praying for your daughter, grandparent's and for you.
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RE: Different treatment of grandkids - 4/27/2008 3:53:00 PM
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sen10tious
Posts: 355
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Is your daughter tough enough to put her questions her grandmother directly? That would probably be the ideal; but she is fairly young and only a handful of 11 year-olds could confront the issue on their own.
Still, since it has been her decision to continue playing with her cousins, she obviously has some spunk. If your daughter asks you why her cousins get gifts and she does not, you could try answering her honestly, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask grandma.”
Your job as a parent is to figure out where that boundary goes; how much protection she needs versus how well she handles it herself. A lot of the advice I’ve read so far is stuff I could readily agree with if she were still eight or nine. You are the parent and it is your call on how much maturity she is capable of.
Praying for enemies is scriptural, but in conjunction with that you can be praying for your daughter’s use of wisdom and strength of character. That side of your prayer may get faster results because God can honor your parental authority; whereas He won’t force someone else to behave kindly against their will.
Today is Sunday; what did you do?
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RE: Different treatment of grandkids - 4/27/2008 10:26:57 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2120
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sen10tious
Is your daughter tough enough to put her questions her grandmother directly? That would probably be the ideal; but she is fairly young and only a handful of 11 year-olds could confront the issue on their own.
Still, since it has been her decision to continue playing with her cousins, she obviously has some spunk. If your daughter asks you why her cousins get gifts and she does not, you could try answering her honestly, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask grandma.”
Your job as a parent is to figure out where that boundary goes; how much protection she needs versus how well she handles it herself. A lot of the advice I’ve read so far is stuff I could readily agree with if she were still eight or nine. You are the parent and it is your call on how much maturity she is capable of.
Praying for enemies is scriptural, but in conjunction with that you can be praying for your daughter’s use of wisdom and strength of character. That side of your prayer may get faster results because God can honor your parental authority; whereas He won’t force someone else to behave kindly against their will.
Today is Sunday; what did you do?
quote:
Today is Sunday; what did you do?
She went to her cousin's house (a different cousin).
She's a quiet girl. Very much a thinker, and very contemplative. Very mature for her age, but also very sensitive. So far, we haven't talked about the present. I know it took her awhile to ask why she didn't get any present from Granma. But I guess she was mulling it over and trying to figure things out for herself.
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RE: Different treatment of grandkids - 5/4/2008 8:40:30 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2120
Joined: 12/11/2007
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So I dropped my daughter at my mom's today. Then, she went to a shopping mall with her cousins. WHen I picked her up, she had purchased a book. I asked her where she got the money. She said that her grandparents and all her aunts gave her some money for her birthday because they all gave her other cousin a birthday present who had her birthday last week. My daughter's birthday was last Feb.
I think my sister in law mentioned to my family how upset my daughter was (and me too) about how her son bragged about his present a few weeks ago. And I think she gave them a warning that if they were going to give presents to the rest of the cousins (there's almost a birthday every month), that they shouldn't do it in front of my daughter as she gets upset.
I honestly don't know how to feel about the pity gift. It's like they had to be told to do it. On the other hand, it is a nice gesture that they did because now my kid feels like she's treated like the rest of the cousins.
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RE: Different treatment of grandkids - 5/4/2008 9:33:20 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 539
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline
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Yeah sister in law, see there is another sane person in the family, you're the other one.
Just keep a close eye on things and maybe your sister in law will keep their feet to the fire.
I still can't believe that grown (thats the key word) people would do this to a child. I also can't believe its an accident or that they aren't doing it on purpose. What a good way to get back at you?
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