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A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/21/2008 11:21:27 PM
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besiderself
Posts: 1219
Joined: 11/8/2007
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I think I've realized something in myself. I'm wondering if others have this issue, too.
When things in my life are pressured, whether it's finances, relationships, or other stresses, it may just be the trigger to escalate the loneliness, too.
In other words, I may be looking for a hero.
Of course, God's my hero. And I do rely on him.
And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing or a wrong thing that I'm looking for a hero in those instances...as long as it turns me to God, for instance. And as long as I realize (and I do) that no mere man could solve all my problems.
What about you? When the loneliness is worst, is that when you are pressured in some other way, too?
besiderself
_____________________________
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability
Sam Keen
Besiderself's Batty Belfry
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/21/2008 11:53:44 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 762
Joined: 12/11/2007
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The way I see it, when I'm feeling lonely, my burdens seems to be heavier than it really is because I have no one to share the load with. It's not the load that's causing me to be lonely. And though God is the ultimate authority in my life, I know that there's a need that I have that God can't fulfill and that is a need for another human being. I'm sure not many will publicly agree with that statement but I'm saying it anyway. I'm not the type to date Jesus. When God created Adam, God knew that Adam needed an Eve even though Adam had a perfect communion with God. To long for another human being is part of the design of creation.
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 12:16:45 AM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1148
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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Funny, it is just the opposite for me. When I'm going through difficult stresses, I'm not too focused on Mr. Right. I think I can carry only so much on my brain at one time. And I generally do not stress of Mr. R.
I'm fully confident with wisdom and discernement I will know him; and we'll go from there. Sometimes I do want someone to save me, but generally I'm envisioning Ed McMahon or the Arc Angel Gabrielle. Dreamy! *sigh*
Although I see a husband as someone to help me, and can be my protector, I definately have no inflated ideas about the purpose of a spouse. Understanding the function of a spouse as God inteneds has helped me to have realistic expectations of Mr. R. Honestly, my Mr. R. is not going to have an "S" on his chest. Unless he'd like to get creative. 
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 12:23:53 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3116
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I know that there's a need that I have that God can't fulfill and that is a need for another human being. I'm sure not many will publicly agree with that statement but I'm saying it anyway. I'm not the type to date Jesus. When God created Adam, God knew that Adam needed an Eve even though Adam had a perfect communion with God. To long for another human being is part of the design of creation.
I agree with you Prairie When God said that it was not good for man to be alone, He was right there. Adam walked with God Shoulder to shoulder and it was not enough. Man needed another human. I need another human. I don't feel bad or unspiritual because of my need for a man.
Yes, Esther, like you, it is a bit worse for me when the load just seems too heavy, or when I am having to do alot of what my hubby would have done, if he were still here. But mostly I feel lonely when people just don't get me. He always did. My friends get me, but they are still married. I am now the proverbial third wheel and my friends would give me the third degree if they heard me say that, but it is true.
Jesus of course is my Hero, He saved my life and that is what heros do, but, I need an earthly hero too. I am just one of those women that doesn't like the idea of being independent, I may have no choice, but given the choice, I would rather have my man take care of me, and I of him.
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like every thing good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 7:50:07 AM
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besiderself
Posts: 1219
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
Since I have never been in a state other than single, I have nothing to compare it to.
I realize that God is all I have.
Gary, I don't think what I'm talking about is necessarily related to whether or not you've been married before. I do remember being single before, even though it's been a long, long time --and I had these feelings then, too. Admittedly, they weren't as educated...i.e., I didn't know everything I was missing! But I still felt it.
From what I've noticed on these forums, you seem a very stable, pretty much content single. Do you have times of loneliness? By that, I mean times when the desire for a spouse, for someone that "gets you" (to borrow Nadine's phrase) is dominant and painful?
quote:
I agree with you Prairie When God said that it was not good for man to be alone, He was right there. Adam walked with God Shoulder to shoulder and it was not enough. Man needed another human. I need another human. I don't feel bad or unspiritual because of my need for a man.
Yes, Esther, like you, it is a bit worse for me when the load just seems too heavy, or when I am having to do alot of what my hubby would have done, if he were still here. But mostly I feel lonely when people just don't get me. He always did.
Thanks Nadine and Prairie:
For reminding me of this fact. I've been hanging out a bit over in the "Single and not looking" thread and feeling a little guilty about my desire to be married again. Some people just seem to be FINE with being single. Truth is, I've been there before, too.
But I'm not now.
I don't mean that I am rebelling against the Lord's plan for my life, I accept it. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with it: it still hurts.
It also doesn't mean that I sit around moaning and groaning about it. I get on with my life and still follow God as hard as I can. After all...not only is He my God, without Whom I cannot live and Who died for me, but He is the closest I can come to both the first love of my life and the next!
I figure the closer I am to Him, the closer I am to them.
'Content' does not describe how I feel inside, though.
It makes sense that God created us that way. It helps to remember it.
A little. 
besiderself
_____________________________
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability
Sam Keen
Besiderself's Batty Belfry
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 10:03:37 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 2282
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
I think I've realized something in myself. I'm wondering if others have this issue, too.
When things in my life are pressured, whether it's finances, relationships, or other stresses, it may just be the trigger to escalate the loneliness, too.
i think that's true for myself. i don't desire to talk through my problems and situations that come up with my friends all the time, i feel that can be kind of a downer as it doesn't directly effect them. i mean i know i can if i need to and sometimes do but it's different when i know what i'm saying means everything to the person i'm speaking with and we plan together in a vested interest.
also i guess it's perhaps not right mindset, but to me having a spouse gave me more purpose & motivation to do certain things. on the plus side, i may be more likely to spend longer time in devotions rather than knowing we have something fun planned and trying to hurry thru. i also have more time/freedom to spend ministering to the teens in my youth group so i feel blessed that God has given me something productive to do with some of my extra time. and yeah there may be a need God can't meet Himself however from time to time He has reduced that need in myself and i am grateful. but anyways you aren't alone.
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 10:14:11 AM
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J3jamie
Posts: 37
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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I also find myself really lonely when I am celebrating or find something funny. I miss having someone everyday to share my ups and downs with. A 3 year just does not cut it. And turning to online friends just is not the same. (but I like my online friends LOL)
_____________________________
Jamie from NW Ohio
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 2:26:07 PM
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rgod
Posts: 349
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: online
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quote:
What about you? When the loneliness is worst, is that when you are pressured in some other way, too?
I don't feel very lonely when I am pressured, but right after that a period of busyness. In that lull period, the loneliness for a companion often comes rushing in and, if I am not careful, can overwhelm me for a while. I also tend to feel lonely at certain times of the week. Friday nights (but not anymore, because I go to church at that time) and Sunday after church are particularly tough times for me.
I used to feel very lonely when I was surrounded by couples. But recently, the Lord has put it on my heart to look at this differently. Now, when I see a couple, I immediately start to thank God for His faithfulness to them and to also thank Him for who He is going to bring into my life, at the right time. So seeing a couple is now a reminder to me of the promise that God made to me, so many years ago, that He will provide a mate for me.
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 4/22/2008 2:45:46 PM >
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 4:54:23 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1353
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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oh, besiderself...this thread really hits home for me!
i am an extremely independent person...starting way back when as an only child raised on a farm. i married young (just 2 wks after turning 18) and have rarely had any time in my adult life NOT married or at least part of an exclusive couple. but these past 4 years i've been alone...and even "aloner"! my son lives with his dad, and my daughter moved out on her own. so i was basically an 'empty-nester' before i was 40. i have no problem with the 'mechanics' of running a household on my own...but i question why do i still have to?!?! why can't i have someone to help carry the load and share in the joy? my house just feels empty now. i miss a home filled with love and laughter.
it feels like i'm going in the wrong direction. the older i get, the more i miss having someone to come home to, to share a meal with, to take a walk with, to vent to, to cry on his shoulder. i miss having that one who will always be honest, but also always comfort me and reassure me and remind me of my strengths. and i miss crawling into bed after a hard day and falling asleep in my love's arms, secure and safe.
and i miss knowing that someone wants to be with me, misses me, can't wait to share something just with me. i miss being someobody else's 'special one.' i'm not a martha stewart kinda gal, but i am extremely loving and supportive and a care-taker. i miss having someone to GIVE myself to.
i have been in an on-again/off-again relationship for almost 4 yrs now. but there have been so many obstacles in our way. and he has 3 kids...which take up a lot of his time with sports and stuff...which i can't be involved with because his ex is (quite literally) psycho. i pray and talk to God...and then pray some more...but the lonliness is becoming overwhelming. my heart hurts all the time. sometimes i wonder if it doesn't hurt more to "kinda" be with someone. every time i think i can't take any more, that i have to walk away...God seems to be telling me to be patient...to hold on....to keep praying. but i fear He severly overestimates my capacity for this lonliness.
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears With Kimberly
Prov 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 8:19:48 PM
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besiderself
Posts: 1219
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
oh, besiderself...this thread really hits home for me!
i am an extremely independent person...starting way back when as an only child raised on a farm. i married young (just 2 wks after turning 18) and have rarely had any time in my adult life NOT married or at least part of an exclusive couple. but these past 4 years i've been alone...and even "aloner"! my son lives with his dad, and my daughter moved out on her own. so i was basically an 'empty-nester' before i was 40. i have no problem with the 'mechanics' of running a household on my own...but i question why do i still have to?!?! why can't i have someone to help carry the load and share in the joy? my house just feels empty now. i miss a home filled with love and laughter.
it feels like i'm going in the wrong direction. the older i get, the more i miss having someone to come home to, to share a meal with, to take a walk with, to vent to, to cry on his shoulder. i miss having that one who will always be honest, but also always comfort me and reassure me and remind me of my strengths. and i miss crawling into bed after a hard day and falling asleep in my love's arms, secure and safe.
and i miss knowing that someone wants to be with me, misses me, can't wait to share something just with me. i miss being someobody else's 'special one.' i'm not a martha stewart kinda gal, but i am extremely loving and supportive and a care-taker. i miss having someone to GIVE myself to.
i have been in an on-again/off-again relationship for almost 4 yrs now. but there have been so many obstacles in our way. and he has 3 kids...which take up a lot of his time with sports and stuff...which i can't be involved with because his ex is (quite literally) psycho. i pray and talk to God...and then pray some more...but the lonliness is becoming overwhelming. my heart hurts all the time. sometimes i wonder if it doesn't hurt more to "kinda" be with someone. every time i think i can't take any more, that i have to walk away...God seems to be telling me to be patient...to hold on....to keep praying. but i fear He severly overestimates my capacity for this lonliness.
Kimberly;
I'm really glad you said all that. Apparently there are a lot of us experiencing this. I've mentioned it before, but I've even allowed myself at times to think about suicide at times during the last year or so because it hurts SO bad.
And I do sometimes just beg and beg God to please bring my someone.
But He still doesn't. I don't understand why. But I found out a loooonnnnggg time ago that the answers to the "why"s don't help, anyway.
Looking at my life, I have to believe God has me completely insulated from any possibility of a relationship right now for a reason. That does sometimes give me encouragement because it means God is sovereignly involved. But when it's really bad, that only makes me angry with Him. It's a good thing He can handle it.
quote:
Are you spying on me? That does sound a lot like my prayers but I "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
What else is there to do?  But one thing I've figured out is that the only way to get to "him", whoever he is, is to go forward. Looking back won't get me to him. Crawling into bed or a virtual hole and staying where I am will not. So forward it is!
And when it hurts, I just cry to Jesus. He's got to know that it hurts.
besiderself
_____________________________
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability
Sam Keen
Besiderself's Batty Belfry
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 8:31:33 PM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 13112
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
Status: offline
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quote:
Gary, I don't think what I'm talking about is necessarily related to whether or not you've been married before. I do remember being single before, even though it's been a long, long time --and I had these feelings then, too. Admittedly, they weren't as educated...i.e., I didn't know everything I was missing! But I still felt it.
From what I've noticed on these forums, you seem a very stable, pretty much content single. Do you have times of loneliness? By that, I mean times when the desire for a spouse, for someone that "gets you" (to borrow Nadine's phrase) is dominant and painful
Esther, I have pretty much resigned myself to being single, although I still get the occasional desire to be married. But I have a pretty full life. I am the kind of person that has to be doing something so that does not leave much time for setting around being lonely. Even on the days that I know I will be alone I have a list of things to be working on, either projects around the house or going out and doing some photography. And thus I keep myself occupied.
I have learned to be content with this lifestyle.
_____________________________
In the good old summer time
AKA Dr FunkyMan  Uniquely Super UF 
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 8:42:13 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 3960
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: At home and its great!
Status: online
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 WOW!
I think every one of you hit a nerve. Mainly because I've said or experienced these things before. I'm glad i'm not the only one.
Sometimes I'd just like to be able to walk through the door, into a man's arms and cry, and for him to tell me that its going to be ok, and for me to know it will.
There are just so many things I want to share with 'him'. Especially the ministry that i'm involved in.
So, I wait. I know God will provide who I need.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri "I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being." Psalm 104:33
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 9:17:38 PM
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besiderself
Posts: 1219
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: utilityfielder
quote:
Gary, I don't think what I'm talking about is necessarily related to whether or not you've been married before. I do remember being single before, even though it's been a long, long time --and I had these feelings then, too. Admittedly, they weren't as educated...i.e., I didn't know everything I was missing! But I still felt it.
From what I've noticed on these forums, you seem a very stable, pretty much content single. Do you have times of loneliness? By that, I mean times when the desire for a spouse, for someone that "gets you" (to borrow Nadine's phrase) is dominant and painful
Esther, I have pretty much resigned myself to being single, although I still get the occasional desire to be married. But I have a pretty full life. I am the kind of person that has to be doing something so that does not leave much time for setting around being lonely. Even on the days that I know I will be alone I have a list of things to be working on, either projects around the house or going out and doing some photography. And thus I keep myself occupied.
I have learned to be content with this lifestyle.
Gary;
My life is VERY full...but I still have time to be lonely. I do try not to focus on it, really I do.
And as I said before, I have been where you are. I'm just not there now.
I laughed at myself just this moment because I thought...hey, I'll ask Gary to pray for me that I will have more of his type of attitude. And then I thought...NO!!!! If I do that, and he does pray it for me, then God might get the idea that I'm ok with being single!!!
Like God ain't listenin' or somethin'.  
Have you ever had any romantic relationships at all, Gary?
besiderself
_____________________________
Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability
Sam Keen
Besiderself's Batty Belfry
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 9:53:41 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1353
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
oh, besiderself...this thread really hits home for me!
i am an extremely independent person...starting way back when as an only child raised on a farm. i married young (just 2 wks after turning 18) and have rarely had any time in my adult life NOT married or at least part of an exclusive couple. but these past 4 years i've been alone...and even "aloner"! my son lives with his dad, and my daughter moved out on her own. so i was basically an 'empty-nester' before i was 40. i have no problem with the 'mechanics' of running a household on my own...but i question why do i still have to?!?! why can't i have someone to help carry the load and share in the joy? my house just feels empty now. i miss a home filled with love and laughter.
it feels like i'm going in the wrong direction. the older i get, the more i miss having someone to come home to, to share a meal with, to take a walk with, to vent to, to cry on his shoulder. i miss having that one who will always be honest, but also always comfort me and reassure me and remind me of my strengths. and i miss crawling into bed after a hard day and falling asleep in my love's arms, secure and safe.
and i miss knowing that someone wants to be with me, misses me, can't wait to share something just with me. i miss being someobody else's 'special one.' i'm not a martha stewart kinda gal, but i am extremely loving and supportive and a care-taker. i miss having someone to GIVE myself to.
i have been in an on-again/off-again relationship for almost 4 yrs now. but there have been so many obstacles in our way. and he has 3 kids...which take up a lot of his time with sports and stuff...which i can't be involved with because his ex is (quite literally) psycho. i pray and talk to God...and then pray some more...but the lonliness is becoming overwhelming. my heart hurts all the time. sometimes i wonder if it doesn't hurt more to "kinda" be with someone. every time i think i can't take any more, that i have to walk away...God seems to be telling me to be patient...to hold on....to keep praying. but i fear He severly overestimates my capacity for this lonliness.
I've even allowed myself at times to think about suicide at times during the last year or so because it hurts SO bad.
been there, sweetie. the ONLY thing that kept me here was my babies. i was on suicide watch when i was pregnant and ex #1 walked on me (and i mean walked...came home to a cleaned-out apartment...but that was better than being beat on anymore, right?). i just couldn't make doctor understand that it was ridiculous to have me on suicide watch, cuz it was SOOOOOOO obvious to me that God had given me this baby to "save me." if i hadn't been pregant, THEN i wouldn't have had a reason to hold on.
But when it's really bad, that only makes me angry with Him. It's a good thing He can handle it.
i'm so glad you're not of the "it's a sin to be mad at God" types. i totally get mad at Him. i don't know HOW people expect to have a real relationship with God if they don't think He already expects to have to deal with the human emotions HE gave us. lol He can handle it. (and He'd know i was full of it if i pretended NOT to be mad sometimes. giggle)
besiderself
< Message edited by kj88il -- 4/22/2008 10:00:48 PM >
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears With Kimberly
Prov 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 9:57:23 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1353
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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sorry, y'all...i tried to fix that posting, but my computer keeps stalling and doing weird stuff. is it me, or this site????
_____________________________
Kimberly
Shifing Gears With Kimberly
Prov 27:19 As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
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RE: A Connection Between Severe Loneliness and... - 4/22/2008 10:00:33 PM
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besiderself
Posts: 1219
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
quote:
ORIGINAL: kj88il
oh, besiderself...this thread really hits home for me!
i am an extremely independent person...starting way back when as an only child raised on a farm. i married young (just 2 wks after turning 18) and have rarely had any time in my adult life NOT married or at least part of an exclusive couple. but these past 4 years i've been alone...and even "aloner"! my son lives with his dad, and my daughter moved out on her own. so i was basically an 'empty-nester' before i was 40. i have no problem with the 'mechanics' of running a household on my own...but i question why do i still have to?!?! why can't i have someone to help carry the load and share in the joy? my house just feels empty now. i miss a home filled with love and laughter.
it feels like i'm going in the wrong direction. the older i get, the more i miss having someone to come home to, to share a meal with, to take a walk with, to vent to, to cry on his shoulder. i miss having that one who will always be honest, but also always comfort me and reassure me and remind me of my strengths. and i miss crawling into bed after a hard day and falling asleep in my love's arms, secure and safe.
and i miss knowing that someone wants to be with me, misses me, can't wait to share something just with me. i miss being someobody else's 'special one.' i'm not a martha stewart kinda gal, but i am extremely loving and supportive and a care-taker. i miss having someone to GIVE myself to.
i have been in an on-again/off-again relationship for almost 4 yrs now. but there have been so many obstacles in our way. and he has 3 kid | | | |
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