A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (Full Version)

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humbleinspirit -> A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 10:25:35 AM)

Has this ever happened to you? Women in particular, but men are welcome to chime in too. You do something or show friendliness towards the opposite sex and they mistake it as you "being interested" in them for a relationship? I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on this.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 7:48:56 PM)

Yes, it happens to me a lot. I generally love people. I think people are so interesting. When I look into someone's eyes, I see so much, and I often get into very engaged conversations with people. From time to time some have construed it as interest. But still, I give them kudos, how can they know for sure unless they try?



Osano -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 7:59:14 PM)

It happens all the time in the Christian singles world. I personally do not hang out with men outside of a group unless I am interested, otherwise it can lead to misunderstandings.

What did you do for this person to lead her to think that way? If it is just a one time thing like helping someone move; I don't see that gesture as interest. However, if all you do is help her or him, you are spending alot of time with them and it could lead to someone having feelings if they were already attracted to you.



BugLady -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 8:57:32 PM)

Maybe a few times, but not often. I'm very clear in my interactions with others. If I'm interested in getting to know someone, I usually just say so. If I'm not, I don't give them mixed signals to give them the wrong impression. Some people appreciate my candid approach. Others not so much.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 9:05:08 PM)

Unfortunately no. I can't recall anyone being interested in me in a long time IRL situations. *shrug*

I'm always the girl who's "One of the Guys". [8|]



BugLady -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 9:06:46 PM)

Hey, I'll take being one of the guys any day over being the girl all the men love, but don't want to marry. [:D]



trinigirl722 -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/26/2008 9:46:43 PM)

Yes, this has happened to me. I'm very friendly and tend to smile a lot and make eye contact when I meet other people. I used to work for an organization that helped refugees, and one of the other employees had to caution me about being friendly with the foreign men who were our clients, because they saw it as flirting.

When this has happened with Americans, though, it's mostly been when someone's been interested in me but the feeling's not mutual, yet I'm still nice to him just to be polite. Some men have misinterpreted that as possible interest. And then there was one time I was simply being welcoming to a guest at a church singles event. He misinterpreted this as interest and avoided me like the plague!



humbleinspirit -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/27/2008 5:40:45 PM)

OH My Trini!



quote:

ORIGINAL: Osano

It happens all the time in the Christian singles world. I personally do not hang out with men outside of a group unless I am interested, otherwise it can lead to misunderstandings.

What did you do for this person to lead her to think that way? If it is just a one time thing like helping someone move; I don't see that gesture as interest. However, if all you do is help her or him, you are spending alot of time with them and it could lead to someone having feelings if they were already attracted to you.


I am just saying kind gestures in general can sometimes be misconstrued, but especially if it is something nice that someone else wouldn't usually do for one reason or another. Say like baking a cake for a birthday party, etc,



pruned -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/27/2008 9:11:14 PM)

I'm acquainted with a lady who sent a fellow a card, which led to a phone call... Clearly, her intent was only to cheer up the guy, yet he misunderstood. Now she's in a pickle as she tries to explain without hurting him. It's complicated, but simple kind everyday acts were definitely misconstrued.



humbleinspirit -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/27/2008 11:14:00 PM)

Hi Pruned, yes its things exactly like that I am talking about.



trinigirl722 -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/27/2008 11:59:04 PM)

Oh, OK. I see what you're saying now. You're not talking about just being friendly ... you mean doing specific nice gestures.

This recently happened with a friend of mine. On her way to church, she saw a man in her Sunday School class walking to church, so she stopped to offer him a ride. Then, their singles group ended up eating out at an announced location after church, so she felt obliged to also offer him a ride to the restaurant and then home.

From his behavior since then, she's gathered he read more into her actions than was intended. She's trying to be aloof, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message, so it's a sticky situation.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/28/2008 12:30:51 AM)

About a month after my husband died I ran into an old friend I had not seen in about 5 years and I was genuinely happy to see him. I walked up and greeted him as I always had with a smile and a hug. When I pulled back to look at him and ask how he was he had the strangest look on his face. He cut the conversation short and walked away. I stood there a moment and thought what is up with him? Then I dawned on me. He had heard about hubby and thought I was interested in him. It had only been a month...I still thought of myself as married. I laughed and walked away shaking my head. If I didn't laugh, I would have cried.[:o]



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (4/28/2008 9:19:08 AM)

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........ it happened more in the past than it does now.

I'm more cautious now.... because I've realized that we don't always know the 'season' of life the receiver may be living.

If the person is very lonely... than misunderstandings can happen very quickly.

I am learning more and more about communication this year... and I think it's important for more words to be said than less...

So if I'm hugging a brother in Christ... than I will say something to that effect.... as an out loud reminder that he is just that - a brother in Christ.

I don't think that mi-understandings should encourage us to totally back away from the opposite sex.

I think that the relationships there are very important and sometimes necessary....

Has it happened to you, Mike?



humbleinspirit -> RE: A Kind Gesture and Kindness Being Mistaken For As "Being Interested" (5/3/2008 11:06:13 AM)

It never has happened to me in particular, well except online, however I kinda consider that more apples and oranges though.

There was one situation over 10 years ago where a woman had met with me and made a confession about something that she had done. Because I had not judged her, she ended up having an attraction to me. I had an attraction to her too, however it was entirely fleshly though and I called a friend from my church for help. He supported me all the way through and nothing ever happened per say.



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